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Customs and Traditions

I think it's not a problem...but after reading some posts I am not too sure...

Okie dokie ladies...here it goes. Lately I have been browsing the forum to see what other brides are experiencing during their engagement and everything leading up to the actual wedding day. It is nice to see you're not alone and to get kind words of encouragement which ALL the ladies have been very kind to me who have responded to my issues.
Well I have been reading on all these women who are eloping and/or already married and having a wedding/reception later on and other women are PISSED about it lol and saying its a fake wedding...which I agree.
My fiance and I aren't doing that, we think its weird and I, personally, am for tradition. However, my question is...We are getting married and having a reception in one state (where his family lives) and then the next weekend after we return home from our honeymoon we are having a small reception in the state we live in for all my family and our friends. I have been asked if I was going to wear my dress but I am not sure on that part yet. Is having a second reception falling into the category of having a "fake" wedding?
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Re: I think it's not a problem...but after reading some posts I am not too sure...

  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Having another party is fine, but I would find any wedding components to be weird. I wouldn't wear the dress, do any dances, cut any cake, anything like that. Have a great party with great food and an open bar and have some wedding pictures laid out for people to look at if they want. Personally, I wouldn't even so a slide-show or anything that "showey" (for lack of a better term). 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    SarahWinsPrettyGirlLost
  • Okie dokie ladies...here it goes. Lately I have been browsing the forum to see what other brides are experiencing during their engagement and everything leading up to the actual wedding day. It is nice to see you're not alone and to get kind words of encouragement which ALL the ladies have been very kind to me who have responded to my issues.
    Well I have been reading on all these women who are eloping and/or already married and having a wedding/reception later on and other women are PISSED about it lol and saying its a fake wedding...which I agree.
    My fiance and I aren't doing that, we think its weird and I, personally, am for tradition. However, my question is...We are getting married and having a reception in one state (where his family lives) and then the next weekend after we return home from our honeymoon we are having a small reception in the state we live in for all my family and our friends. I have been asked if I was going to wear my dress but I am not sure on that part yet. Is having a second reception falling into the category of having a "fake" wedding?

    Having an "at home reception" is not the same as a PPD (pretty princess day), as long as you don't turn it into a re-do.    That means, don't have a re-do ceremony for theatrics, skip the "firsts".  You can certainly have a cake, but I would skip making a cake-cutting a big deal.  Don't do the bouquet toss, etc. All of that will have already happened at your actual reception.  This is just a big party celebrating your recent marriage.
    SarahWinsMadHops21PrettyGirlLost
  • I agree with PP's. As long as you make it simply a celebration of your marriage (minus the "weddingy" stuff like a first dance, bouquet toss) with good music, food, and drink, I think you're just fine! Give each other some great toasts and have a blast. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • I'd skip the dress too, but otherwise I agree with PPs. 
  • I agree with Stage. I've been to several of these, and I don't mind them. I don't even mind if the bride wears her dress again -- I like seeing wedding dresses in person. But as long as I know what I'm being invited to, I'm happy to attend (or not attend) as the case may be.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    fre3domsKittyKaty20PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    As long as you make clear that this second reception is not your "wedding reception" you can do pretty much as you see fit.  By way of avoiding confusion, I'd suggest not wearing your dress again, cutting a wedding cake, having attendants, etc.  But outside of that, have a blast!
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Second receptions aren't the same as a mockery of a wedding ceremony. People like to party, so throw a kickass party.  Just don't try to make it a wedding day 're-do'.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

    PrettyGirlLost
  • I think that's sweet having two receptions so as to include everyone.
    Wear your dress again if you want. I agree with the idea of maybe bringing a second dress in case you want to change.
    Just think---you'll get to celebrate your wedding twice. Sounds like fun to me.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    BangBangs39hannahkate86PrettyGirlLostWedReMix13
  • Ditto @QueerFemme and @daria24:

    I love cake. And I don't care who cuts it. And in my family, the guest of honor always gets to cut the cake. Unless he's still a toddler, like my nephew, in which case, no knives for you!
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    PrettyGirlLostMadHops21KittyKaty20Angusaur
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    lemclane said:
    Ditto @QueerFemme and @daria24:

    I love cake. And I don't care who cuts it. And in my family, the guest of honor always gets to cut the cake. Unless he's still a toddler, like my nephew, in which case, no knives for you!
    If this were the norm for the family, then I would definitely not side-eye cake cutting at a post-wedding party. This is not a tradition in my family and I never really thought of that. Grandma always cuts our cakes, lol. But most of my point was that there should be very little to nothing wedding related about the second wedding "reception". It should feel more like an anniversary party, graduation party or really nice birthday party.
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    The second reception is fine, as long as your guests understand you're already married and you're not staging a fake ceremony. I don't like it when someone has a legal wedding and claims that a second, grander ceremony is their 'real wedding.' 

    If you want to wear your wedding dress twice, why not? There will probably be guests at the second party that want to see it.  I'd be disappointed if you didn't have cake. 
                       
    PrettyGirlLostPhoneCardLady
  • We are doing the same thing for our wedding - I am not wearing my official dress again. Not because I don't want to but because of the weather .

    I went to Macy's and found a pretty cocktail dress - dressier than what I would wear to a bar but not a gown by any means - and I am going to wear that instead. I found it on clearance and had a coupon - so I didnt break the bank or my budget.

    A few of my girlfriends from our area wanted to take me to get my nails/toes done and all of us wanted to get our hair done special. But that is a complete preference - we all have kids so it is a treat to go get our hair blown out and professionally styled.

    My FI and I did hire a photographer for our second "reception" (for lack of a better word) - just because we want to include those memories on our wedding album. Oh and we are having cake too. Everyone loves cake.

    Good luck

     

    harper0813Kauris
  • AiletaAileta member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    i had a military friend  get married before leave. her husband was going to be deployed overseas into war zones so she got married in cali on base in her dress and him in his dress uniform. then when he came back they came back to ohio and got married with friends and family all over again.  the big church wedding the whole 9 yards.  i don't think when you are doing it because of distance issues, family separation,  military leave, that a redo  or a reception  after the wedding  date is a bad idea.  now in the case of my friend she had every right to get the wedding of her dreams.  she shouldn't have to be rushed and get it over with no family or friends miles beyond miles away from home.

    in your case since its right after the honeymoon and if your family  that is at this second reception was not at the ceremony then YES wear your dress.  get pictures have cake  and dance.  you don't have to go as out as reception number one but you want them to be apart of celebrating your wedding as family should.  i dont think that is cheesey one bit.  but to do it all over again....im torn on that. 
  • Aileta said:
    i had a military friend  get married before leave. her husband was going to be deployed overseas into war zones so she got married in cali on base in her dress and him in his dress uniform. then when he came back they came back to ohio and got married with friends and family all over again.  the big church wedding the whole 9 yards.  i don't think when you are doing it because of distance issues, family separation,  military leave, that a redo  or a reception  after the wedding  date is a bad idea.  now in the case of my friend she had every right to get the wedding of her dreams.  she shouldn't have to be rushed and get it over with no family or friends miles beyond miles away from home.

    in your case since its right after the honeymoon and if your family  that is at this second reception was not at the ceremony then YES wear your dress.  get pictures have cake  and dance.  you don't have to go as out as reception number one but you want them to be apart of celebrating your wedding as family should.  i dont think that is cheesey one bit.  but to do it all over again....im torn on that. 

    No one has the "right" to a wedding of their dreams.  People WANT the wedding of their dreams. there is a huge, dramatic difference.
    mimiphinTomandlesleyPrettyGirlLostVivandiere8
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    As long as you don't redo a ceremony, I think it should be okay.  However, it is completely up to you.  Don't let some ranting and raving brides and wanna-be-brides on the internet change what you are going to do.
    image
  • scribe95 said:

    So are these people at the second reception invited to the wedding? Why aren't any of them coming?

     I don't have an etiquette problem with your plan but overall I don't get this new trend of having seperate parties for families. Isn't the whole point of a wedding is the merging of two families? It seems like lately if anyone has to travel the answer is to have another reception. .


    I don't get it either. I mean, not everyone is going to be able to make it to a wedding. If there are some people that you absolutely MUST have attend, make sure you plan your wedding on a date/time/location that they can make it to. This trend of having multiple "receptions" so everyone and their mother gets to see you in your dress and celebrate is downright ridiculous.

     

    @Aileta your friend did not have special circumstances. They are both adults and made a choice. They could have waited to have their dream wedding but instead they chose a courthouse wedding. If the benefits of being married were so important then they need to accept that they don't get a traditional wedding but celebrate that they are married and the type of wedding they did get. They need to own their choices. Now, throwing a big party to celebrate is perfectly fine. But skip the fake re-do ceremony.

    No one has the right to a traditional, frou-frou wedding.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

    SKPMPrettyGirlLostAcire888
  • scribe95 said:

    So are these people at the second reception invited to the wedding? Why aren't any of them coming?

     I don't have an etiquette problem with your plan but overall I don't get this new trend of having seperate parties for families. Isn't the whole point of a wedding is the merging of two families? It seems like lately if anyone has to travel the answer is to have another reception. .


    I don't get it either. I mean, not everyone is going to be able to make it to a wedding. If there are some people that you absolutely MUST have attend, make sure you plan your wedding on a date/time/location that they can make it to. This trend of having multiple "receptions" so everyone and their mother gets to see you in your dress and celebrate is downright ridiculous.

     

    @Aileta your friend did not have special circumstances. They are both adults and made a choice. They could have waited to have their dream wedding but instead they chose a courthouse wedding. If the benefits of being married were so important then they need to accept that they don't get a traditional wedding but celebrate that they are married and the type of wedding they did get. They need to own their choices. Now, throwing a big party to celebrate is perfectly fine. But skip the fake re-do ceremony.

    No one has the right to a traditional, frou-frou wedding.

    Unless you know, per their religion their marriage needs to be blessed in a church or whichever house of god before God...
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I honestly don't understand people ranting about a "fake wedding" with a second reception or ceremony. I see no issue with you re-wearing your dress, cutting the cake, doing the toss and all those others things you'd do at your first reception.

    This second reception seems to be for guests would couldn't travel to the first reception. I would personally be bummed out that I didn't getting to see the bride in her gown and have all those other festivities you did in the first reception just because I happened to be on the second. It's not "fake" to re-do it. This is a party to celebrate your wedding with people who couldn't be there the first time around, and there's nothing wrong with that.

    That said, you should do what you want to do. Don't back out of something just because of what some people who you will never meet in real life said on some forum. Think about what your family would like and what you would like to do and go with that.
    It is "fake" to re-do it while pretending that the first ceremony didn't happen or that the re-do is the actual marriage.  It's not.
    southernbelle0915doeydoMyNameIsNot
  • You don't have to pretend, people can know it's not the first time. But I see nothing wrong with it. It's about celebrating with people you love who couldn't be there before, and that's important. That does not make it fake or a pointless rehashing. That's my opinion, anyway. Personally, I think if it's what you want to do, and your family has no problem with it, then there's no reason you shouldn't do it. People on here can say it's tacky, but if you and family have no issue, then there's no reason not to.
    CrazyDiamond129JediLeiajmeehan1182
  • You don't have to pretend, people can know it's not the first time. But I see nothing wrong with it. It's about celebrating with people you love who couldn't be there before, and that's important. That does not make it fake or a pointless rehashing. That's my opinion, anyway. Personally, I think if it's what you want to do, and your family has no problem with it, then there's no reason you shouldn't do it. People on here can say it's tacky, but if you and family have no issue, then there's no reason not to.

    The problem is that friends and family are often unlikely to give their true opinions on these types of things. Not everyone is going to say "that's a terrible idea" when a bride shares a terrible idea because they don't want to hurt the bride's feelings. That doesn't mean the guest doesn't think something is wrong. You see posts on here of people venting about rude behavior at weddings they attend. These posters almost never actually say anything TO the couple about this. I personally wouldn't want any of my guests secretly thinking I was rude or tacky. If a bunch of Internet strangers say something is rude or tacky, chances are at least one person (if not many more) will also think it was rude.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    doeydoSKPMPrettyGirlLost
  • Even if a bunch of internet strangers say it's tacky, you know your friends and family best. If I was a family member, I would want to see you as you had been in the first ceremony, and I would want to do the activities you did in the first ceremony. I'd feel like a second class citizen otherwise. That said, I'm not a family member, and your friends and family might feel differently. I'd think about what your family would like and what you would like and go from there. 
    JediLeiaWedReMix13
  • Even if a bunch of internet strangers say it's tacky, you know your friends and family best. If I was a family member, I would want to see you as you had been in the first ceremony, and I would want to do the activities you did in the first ceremony. I'd feel like a second class citizen otherwise. That said, I'm not a family member, and your friends and family might feel differently. I'd think about what your family would like and what you would like and go from there. 
    Ugh. No. Even if the wife dresses up like a bride and pretends to be one while her husband pretends to be a groom and they pretend like they're getting married again, you ARE witnessing a fake ceremony. Spoiler alert - they're already married! And....spoiler alert - they didn't invite you to the ceremony when they actually became husband and wife.

    No one cares if husbands and wives want to throw awesome parties to celebrate their marriage with people that didn't get to attend the ceremony. The fake ceremony is not ok.
    *********************************************************************************

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    NYCMercedesSKPMPrettyGirlLost
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have no issue with another reception, though I agree, no fake second ceremony.

    I wouldn't even have an issue with the bride wearing her dress again, and I would absolutely expect cake! 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Since everybody is saying not to re-wear ur wedding dress, how about using it as a hanging decoration at the 2nd venue. I love seeing the bride's in their dresses, its 1 of my favorite parts (and eating cake).
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