Wedding Etiquette Forum

1 of 8 bridesmaids doesn't like gown! Help! XP

Hi everyone,

At my bridesmaids request, we are in the process of picking out their gowns. My wedding isnt until next May but they want to make their purchases before the holidays (they can each purchase them whenever they want before deadline). We have our 1st appt in 2 weeks when my MOH will be in town (5 of 8 BM's will be going).

Of course I have asked them all for their budgets and preferable dress style.  All of my BM's picked the same gown as their #1 favorite, ( emailed pics) which ironically is my favorite (I did not indicate my preferences).  Problem: I have one BM who doesnt like the favorite. As a matter of fact, she doesnt like any of the gowns that the others like (of 9 gowns they all like 7 of them-she likes none). Her reasons are always the same per dress: It will show her " fat bulges" and doesnt show enough "cleavage" which she says "distracts" from her "bulges."

I'm anticipating a big headache. One BM already told her that "no dress is going to hide those bulges...if your so concerned go on a diet." She responded with, " I don't want to lose my boobs." So be it. Its her choice. I certainly can't dictate to anyone that they need to lose weight!  Of course I want them all to be comfortable in what they wear and purchase but I dont think its fair to the 7 others if I have to choose a gown to compliment only her body (3 of my BM's have respectfully expressed the same thought). I know I could have all of them pick their own gowns/style in the color of my choosing but they all favor this same one, again, my favorite.

 I honestly think that she won't be happy unless her "puppies" are up & out, but that's not happening! :/ Anyone go through something like this? Should I just stand ground on this?

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Re: 1 of 8 bridesmaids doesn't like gown! Help! XP

  • rkborkbo member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    You could always let the ladies choose their own dresses. If 5 of them like the same dress, they could get it in different shades or colors. I've seen a wedding that had like 3 or 4 different shades of purple. It looked really pretty. 
  • I really like the idea of each lady choosing her own dress, within limits of style and color. That way each can be comfortable and feel they look their best.
  • KDM323KDM323 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Good luck getting 8 women to all like one dress. Let them pick their own dresses. You choose a color and length and then let them each choose something they like.
    *** Fairy Tales Do Come True *** Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    LAM2228 said:
    Hi everyone,

    At my bridesmaids request, we are in the process of picking out their gowns. My wedding isnt until next May but they want to make their purchases before the holidays (they can each purchase them whenever they want before deadline). We have our 1st appt in 2 weeks when my MOH will be in town (5 of 8 BM's will be going).

    Of course I have asked them all for their budgets and preferable dress style.  All of my BM's picked the same gown as their #1 favorite, ( emailed pics) which ironically is my favorite (I did not indicate my preferences).  Problem: I have one BM who doesnt like the favorite. As a matter of fact, she doesnt like any of the gowns that the others like (of 9 gowns they all like 7 of them-she likes none). Her reasons are always the same per dress: It will show her " fat bulges" and doesnt show enough "cleavage" which she says "distracts" from her "bulges."

    I'm anticipating a big headache. One BM already told her that "no dress is going to hide those bulges...if your so concerned go on a diet." She responded with, " I don't want to lose my boobs." So be it. Its her choice. I certainly can't dictate to anyone that they need to lose weight!  Of course I want them all to be comfortable in what they wear and purchase but I dont think its fair to the 7 others if I have to choose a gown to compliment only her body (3 of my BM's have respectfully expressed the same thought). I know I could have all of them pick their own gowns/style in the color of my choosing but they all favor this same one, again, my favorite.

     I honestly think that she won't be happy unless her "puppies" are up & out, but that's not happening! :/ Anyone go through something like this? Should I just stand ground on this?
    I'm too busy being aghast at what your other BM said to respond.
    I know! I sat there waiting for an explosion! It wasn't said with attitude and it was received well. Probably because the one that said is also over weight and on a weight loss plan so she wasnt judging. Yeah...I held my breath for a minute! Just hoping thats not a preview of whats to come! Truthfully, the boob comment is her truth and she really has no desire to lose them or lose weight.

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  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @meggiemo...I love what you said..."boobie show>" :) They havent tried anything on yet so Im not sure how it will look at any of them. I tend to think, because she hasnt tried it on or any of the other gowns, shes being difficult! Boobs are modestly covered in all of the ones I picked.

    sxyktn812 said:
    One word. Spanx.
    Yay spanx!! Will have to invest in them myself! :)
    Good luck getting 8 women to all like one dress. Let them pick their own dresses. You choose a color and length and then let them each choose something they like.
    I think its a miracle that 7 of them picked the same favorite!! Thats exciting!

    tinkerbell gif photo: Tinkerbell stuck in keyhole animated gif Peterpan2_coince9e.gif
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    rhawndas said:
    You could always let the ladies choose their own dresses. If 5 of them like the same dress, they could get it in different shades or colors. I've seen a wedding that had like 3 or 4 different shades of purple. It looked really pretty. 
    I love this! I can never get enough colors of purple!

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  • We need a pic of the popular dress. There are some dresses that I don't care how many other girls like it, there's no way in hell I would.  Then there are dresses that might not be the most flattering on me, but if it's what everyone else likes and it's not ridiculous I'd suck it up and buy.

    Is there any reason why you can't pick a color and designer and allow them to get whichever style they want?
  • As a girl who is considered plus-sized (and has DD breasts)... cleavage does not distract from "bulges" (believe me!). Also, having a lot of cleavage can make you appear larger (cleavage makes your breasts look larger, which in-turn makes your bust line look larger, which makes your body look larger). Sometimes it can make you look more proportionate if one area of your body is much smaller than the other. But if she already has large breasts and bulges elsewhere - she probably is already somewhat proportionate. And I am saying this from personal experience as more of an apple-shape than an hourglass.

    I'd suggest your BM get her hands on a good set of spanx. Also, I'm curious - what kind of dress are we talking about? Do you have pictures or a link?

    I think you should definitely consider her comfort. If she wouldn't be comfortable in the dress then I think it needs to be discussed. But truly - there are many different ways of feeling more comfortable in any kind of dress. As long as it's not a super body-hugging crazy kind of dress. 
  • I'm saying this in good humor--- sit that BM down and make her watch a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaids. She'll see it's all about the bride and even if not that, majority rules!
    ________________________________


  • Eight bridesmaids will make choosing a dress difficult. Let her try on the dress before you choose one. If the dress is within her budget and it looks fine on her, just go for it.

    Or you can let each girl choose her own style in a predetermined color.

    And I would disregard her desire for mountainous cleavage. No one needs to see that. 
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2013
    Thanks ladies....hoping these link works. The ceremony is at 7pm. Would prefer a formal dress...

    1). There are 3 choices here....can change color to eggplant. 7 out 8 of like the one with the corset laced torso on the right. I have 3 teenagers (13, 16 & 17) also. I'm thinking of putting them in the center one and altering them knee length.


    http://www.alexiadesigns.com/Bridesmaids/Alexia-Bridesmaids/Short-A-line-Strapless-Sweep-train-Style-2808/

    2) This ruffled tiered in Lapis or black:

    http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Tiered-Organza-Ball-Gown-F14196


    3) In Violet or black

    http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/bridesmaids/7242/?pg=1

    4) Black or Violet: Believe it or not this is the one she did like!

    http://www.alfredangelo.com/collections/bridesmaids/514/?pg=2

    5) Black or purple

    http://www.alexiadesigns.com/Bridesmaids/Alexia-Bridesmaids/Short-A-line-Ruching-Strapless-Style-2946/





    edited to add last link

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  • I love that dress in eggplant (the one that most girls like).

    I think it's safe to insist on that one if that many of the girls like it.  If that manufacturer has other things in the eggplant color, it might make you and the dissenter feel better to let her pick whatever dress she wants in that color from that designer.

    You could ask her to wear a black lace bolero or shrug or wrap to tie her into the other girls.
  • An A line dress with a scoop front. then say too bad,it is my wedding in a nice manner.they need support you and your day.

  • besides...can we say...1980s....we wore it, we survived it..they will too
  • I wouldn't object to any of the dresses based on looks (I don't particularly like the first one, but I'd wear it).

    My problem would be the fact that they're all strapless.  I'd have to pay to add straps or something.  But it doesn't sound like that's what this girl's problem is.

    SaveSave
  • edited July 2013
    As somebody who struggled with her weight, strapless things can be very uncomfortable when you don't have the beautifully sculpted arms/shoulders that these models have. The dress with the tiered ruffles is gorgeous, but all of that material adds extra "weight." The Alfred Angelo one she likes makes sense, because the wrap style brings the waist in and creates smooth curves from otherwise unflattering bulges.

    My personal favorite is the first one with the lace corset, but if she likes that Alfred Angelo one, I would pick that for the girls if the others will agree. That style is truly flattering on most body types, and would look beautiful for an evening wedding. At any rate, I agree with PPs and perhaps let the bridesmaids pick from a handful of designers/styles with a similar color. They don't all NEED to match, but their comfort as they participate in your big day should be more important.

    Edited to fix typo
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Thanks ladies!! I do like the corset one. I wonder how it (the corset) will "sit" on the hip area! We did talk about possibly adding straps to a strapless gown but I wonder how a strap would look with the corset.

    @Nolabridealmost...I particularly like the eggplant (its classy)-the tux vendor has matching attire for the men. Im really liking the black with purple for ladies to compliment the men's tuxes. :) You'd probably think Im nuts if I tell you Im thinking about black flowered bouquets with purple brooches! (brooch bouquets) Just a though...what do you think?

    @Jellybean52513...one other BM does like that one..in black. I would like it in black if they could make the flowers that deep purple instead of the same black. :)

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  • Hmm I agree, the little flowers will probably disappear on an all-black dress if they are black, too. Would you consider springing for some minor alterations, such as a purple sash around the waist or even some purple rhinestones/bedazzling on the flowers to make them stand out, if it meant your BMs looking AND feeling amazing?
  • Tmom1134Tmom1134 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2013
    I tried to accommodate one bridesmaid who was incredibly difficult. She ended up saying she could not afford to participate in anything or buy the dress because of finances. My advise is not to bend over backwards necause theres a chance nothing you do will be good enough. It's your day, and you choose the dress and she shouldn't make such a big deal as long as your request is reasonable.
  • I would definitely wait until they try on the dresses. Dresses always look different on the person than they do on photoshopped models.
    image
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @Jellybean52513..OMgosh!! Of course! Great idea! I love bedazzling the flowers!!! Thanks!!!!

    @lobster1987...more frustrated then worried. Just wanted to check in with you guys to get my bearings. :) Seems that this is the 1st place I come lately to gauge my thoughts/approach with things. Unbiased and straight forward advice is always valuable. <<did I spell that right? It looks weird! :)
    I too love the multiple dress look. I was even thinking that Alexia 2806 has 3 looks and one seems like an empire..thought she would like that one. :/

    Ive actually asked her to send me some pics of what she did favor. We shall see! Shes actually looking on line now.

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  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2013
    My what I would be thinking about that first dress if it were me:
    Not gonna lie, but without even trying it on I'd guess that I would NOT look good in the first one as I am very hippy. With a long, straight skirt like that, my hips would bulge out in the center, only for the skirt to taper back in (think how a python might look after it's eaten an alligator).
    It would likely cost me more to alter too because I'd need it bigger in the skirt area to accommodate my hips, so not only would they need to hem it but they might also need to change that seam where it flutes out. Also, as my hips are my biggest part and I'd need to order this dress bigger and they'd have to take in the top too... and I have to wonder if the lace would make that more expensive.
    Also, you said corset... is it a pretty structured bodice? It's hard to tell; the picture makes it look it's soft, which would indeed show a little more stomach bulge.

    No clue what your BM is shaped like... but for a hippy girl, A-line is king, IMO.

    Both Alfred Angelos are gorgeous IMO. I really like 7242 because of the a-line and the ruching at the waste.
    514 is also really nice because it looks very structured (A very good way for bigger girls to accentuate the smallest part of their waste. And that cross-over pattern is very flattering.

    Not trying to rain on your parade. That's just what I think as a 5'7", size 16 (on a good day), hippy gal.

    Now............. is it possible that she could make some alterations to the favorite dress (if she wanted). Maybe they could put straps on hers... modify the skirt a little so it flares out more if she has issues with her hips... put some darts in the bodice... if her dress is just a little different from everyone's would it bother you? (though, that would get expensive... so I don't know).


    But anyway, those are all very pretty. I'd also see what the organza looks like on her. It will really depend out how it falls. The a-line flare and ruching is good... but the extra poof could be catastrophic.

    The last one could be hit or miss on certain body types. I'd need to see it in person.

    But I can't see #3 looking bad on anyone.

    ETA:
    I take too long to post. Glad it's working out.
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @Tmom1134...Im so sorry that happened. I wouldnt be surprised if this same BM drops because of the same reason your BM gave. I wonder if this is why she is being "difficult."

    She is a very petite woman. Everything is tiny on her but her tummy....arms...legs...face...very thin. Her boobs appear larger & lifted because of a wonderful super bra> I must find out who makes it! :) I actually think anyone of these dresses will look great on her.

    @Simply Fated...agree! Just pre-selecting to save some time during the appt. For all I know we may end up back at zero after they try on the pre-selected ones. I just wanted to rule out the absolute "nots."

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  • Tmom1134Tmom1134 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2013
    @lam2228 thanks for your condolences. I think my one friend was jealous for many reasons. She was raised very materialistic and I think she was jealous of my financial situation w my wedding vs hers... She also had money to go on several unnecessary trips and spend money on other big ticket unnecessary expenses so I do not believe affording the $120 dress was truly an issue
  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @aurianna...Thanks! The 514 really is my 2nd fav. Would love the black if they could do the flowers purple...or like Jellybean suggested...rhinestone the flowers! I agree with every point you made. My cousin is hippy (self proclaimed) and one other BM is also (she likes to refer to herself as a "sista with a drunkster"...shes a trip for sure...so I do wonder how the corset will rest (it does look soft).

    The BM I wrote about is not hippy but does have a tummy.  Everything Ive heard/read says the rouching is great for any waist! So I am def. gonna ask them all to try this one one. No...It wouldnt bother me if her dress was a little different if it doesnt bother here.

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  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @Tmom1134...did you get married yet? Will she be at your wedding (was she)? I posted about this same BM & finances recently. One thing I took to heart is that someone doesnt change because of anothers wedding. Has she let you down before?

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  • She came to the wedding. She kept talking a out my sister who is estranged from pretty much everyone. She even went to my mother and started taking about her, I think to upset her. She also pointed out a good friend who dated my sister and identified him as a recent ex boyfriend to my mother (note that friend and not me is a racist and the ex happens to be black). The more I think about it the more she intended to ruin things by upsetting my mom. She also gave me a picture frame she intended to throw away and did some DIY craft project. Based on a convo with another friend it seems like she gave a "cheap" gift on purpose to be rude (she's materialistic so to her that was a way to be rude). I regret trying to accommodate her.
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