1 of 8 bridesmaids doesn't like gown! Help! XP

LAM524

I wouldnt have regrets! You did the right thing...as a friend. Im sorry she was such drama but Im sure your day was beautiful..and that is what matters!

Tmom1134

Yes it was beautiful. We rescheduled my bachelorette three and ended up stuck with a weekend during the time my friends were studying for a very important exam that she did not take. She did not come and many others were unable because we tried to accommodate her. I wish I had more friends there. It did out a damper on things.

aurianna

Tmom1134 said:

@lam2228 thanks for your condolences. I think my one friend was jealous for many reasons. She was raised very materialistic and I think she was jealous of my financial situation w my wedding vs hers... She also had money to go on several unnecessary trips and spend money on other big ticket unnecessary expenses so I do not believe affording the $120 dress was truly an issue

Errrrm.... did you ASK her what she could afford on a dress before you picked one out? If not, she is not in the wrong here. What she chooses to spend her money on is her business so you can't assume that she can drop $120 (plus alteration fees) without asking her first.
Trips can be special life events that you should not begrudge her of, and who knows; maybe she used FF miles. Maybe someone else paid. etc.
You definitely can't judge which of her expenses are "unnecessary." Not your place. AND, if she did make those big purchase then it's totally possible she doesn't have money for the dress.
AND I assume you're insinuating that her wedding was a lot more modest that yours. This would indicate to me that she really does have less money than you. $100 is a lot to some people.

Now............. if she already told you her budget was at least $120 and then she balked on the price only after some big purchases I could see being hurt. But other things could have come up too that you don't know about.
If the wedding hasn't happened yet either pay for the dress for her if you want her in the wedding party, or let her be a guest if she ends up not getting the dress.

But really... I wouldn't let this spoil your opinion of her too much. She didn't want to buy a dress she'd never wear again because she viewed it as a financial hardship. While I realize you think she would have had the money if she hadn't spent her money differently than you seem to think fit, if she does in fact not have the money for the dress, as friend, would you really want her to spend money she doesn't have for a dress she'll only wear once? I know I wouldn't want one of my friends having to do that. So be hurt... but it's something to think about.

ETA:
So... a BM that already told you she was having financial problems went through the trouble to make you a present... and you're taking it from a third party and speculation that she somehow did this to be rude? What...

And you're upset because your BM chose to study for something important instead of going to a party... the hosts did not have to accommodate her... you can't put that mess 100% on her.

LAM524

It all worked out as it was meant to be! I still think you were a good friend in trying to accommodate her.

Tmom1134

Aurianna there is a whole slew of things that she did if you read my other posts. She told me how much one of the three trips costed her and no ff miles were used. Two trips were vacations and the third was to go to some persons wedding I never heard of who she barely new and was not close to (she just felt like going to Chicago). She thought her sister bm dresses were reasonable and they were the same price. I also told her to pick anything in that color material and length.b my girls were not limited to one particular dress

monkeysip

Just as a note, as someone with a tummy, ruching did NOT look good on me, but rather just makes me look bulkier.  I just think it's one of those things where you really have to try things on.  She and you are not going to be able to figure out what looks good until then.

LAM524

@monkeysip...oh boy..thats disappointing. I agree with you...she/they will have to try them on. Thanks!

crunchymamaof2

@monkeysip I have to agree with you on the ruching. I'm always puzzled when they say ruching is universally flattering. On some yes, but ruching (at least from the waist down) just adds bulk to many IMO. Something that fits well is almost always more flattering than extra fabric, at least I think so. But then again I thought that tiered organza dress would have looked beautiful on almost any shape so who knows!

@LAM2228 I really don't like that first dress TBH and can't imagine it flattering on anyone with the slightest of hips. I loved the dress next to it that you liked for your daughters- does she like that one? If she has a tummy I would think a natural waist with an A-line or some type of sash at the waist would look best. I have a belly and anything with a dropped waist or nothing to define the waist just made me look pregnant. I think you're best bet is to give them a color (or have 4 in eggplant 4 in black) fabric, and length, and let them all choose their own dress. But ultimately if that one dress looks good on all of them and is in their budget, you can choose it. I have a feeling she may be difficult regardless but I hope not!

aurianna

I have a tummy too and ruching tends to work. But everyone is definitely different.

I hadn't thought about the second dress in the first picture. That could potentially work better.

As far as the drop wasted Aflred Angelo, a friend of mine got married and her tummy is definitely her problem area, but she wore a wedding dress in almost the exact same style and she looked fabulous.

You really will need to get her out there and actually try some things on (though will she be mentally prepared for everything to be in like a 6? The sample dresses never fit anyone right until they tie or pin or whatever from behind)

LAM524

@Liatris2010...heres the link> http://www.alexiadesigns.com/Bridesmaids/Alexia-Bridesmaids/Short-A-line-Strapless-Sweep-train-Style-2808/

Ladies the more I look at the "favorite" one,  the more I doubt it will suit everyone. I stopped in a bridal store today and that "corset" is a "mock" corset. Its just lace overlay...kinda flimsy!  I really think it wouldnt be flattering on anyone that has a tummy, hips or a butt!

btw...I received her emails with her dress preferences! I don't know whether to vomit, laugh or go crazy! Actually, Im a bit pissed!!

LAM524

Really?? I dont have any words!


1) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Jovani/6395JO.html

2) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14560.html

3) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Sherri_Hill/2463.html

4) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14541.html

5) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Terani/E1761.html

vineheart137

LAM2228 said:

Really?? I dont have any words!


1) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Jovani/6395JO.html

2) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14560.html

3) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Sherri_Hill/2463.html

4) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14541.html

5) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Terani/E1761.html

Whoa. You weren't exaggerating. Yuck.

aurianna

Heh... not gonna lie. I kind of dig #2 and #3. But way too flamboyant for a wedding IMO.
Yeah... assuming one of the dresses the rest of you picked out looks good on her and is in her budget... I would not feel guilty about saying, "this is the dress. you have till XYZ to buy it."

[Deleted User]

LAM2228 said:

Really?? I dont have any words!


1) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Jovani/6395JO.html

2) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14560.html

3) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Sherri_Hill/2463.html

4) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14541.html

5) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Terani/E1761.html

are you 100% sure she isn't trolling you??

this can't be real life... can it?

LAM524

She has not answered my texts, calls or email or fb message today. I think she has gone frekkin batty! She met some guy 2 weeks ago. She's gotten 2 huge tattoos (1 last week & 1 today) and is posting crude things on fb today...many disgusting things. He has multiple felonies and is "recovering" from a cocaine habit. Not like her at all to bring someone like this into her children's lives...or hers. Very worried.

kipnus

If the bride has picked a dress within the BM's budget, the BM should suck it up and wear it for a day, IMO. Isn't that what we always say is one of the BM's two responsibilities? Buy the dress and show up on time, sober?

CheleLyn

NiTro1110 said:

LAM2228 said:

Really?? I dont have any words!


1) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Jovani/6395JO.html

2) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14560.html

3) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Sherri_Hill/2463.html

4) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Panoply/14541.html

5) http://www.newyorkdress.com/Terani/E1761.html

are you 100% sure she isn't trolling you??

this can't be real life... can it?

That was my first thought!

LAM524

who is trolling who?

edited:spelling

Viczaesar

kipnus said:

If the bride has picked a dress within the BM's budget, the BM should suck it up and wear it for a day, IMO. Isn't that what we always say is one of the BM's two responsibilities? Buy the dress and show up on time, sober?

Well, I always say that the dress should be chosen with the bridesmaid's budget and comfort in mind.  I don't agree that the bridesmaid should wear whatever the bride picks as long as it's within her budget.  Comfort is just as important IMO. 

gpeeples

Viczaesar said:

kipnus said:

If the bride has picked a dress within the BM's budget, the BM should suck it up and wear it for a day, IMO. Isn't that what we always say is one of the BM's two responsibilities? Buy the dress and show up on time, sober?

Well, I always say that the dress should be chosen with the bridesmaid's budget and comfort in mind.  I don't agree that the bridesmaid should wear whatever the bride picks as long as it's within her budget.  Comfort is just as important IMO. 

I think if it's within the BM's budget and is considerate of her comfort and body type (example: don't pick a low-back dress for a BM with a DD bra size, she needs to wear a bra!), she should wear the dress.  Not having enough cleavage is the worst reason to not want to wear a dress to someone's wedding. 

Thankfully, my bridesmaids were understanding about this.  One of my bridesmaid has a somewhat gothic look, and with the exception of my wedding, I have never seen her in a color that wasn't black, grey, dark purple, or navy.  She had absolutely no complaints about wearing a bright turquoise dress for my wedding, and I really appreciate that.  I'm not saying that brides should be inconsiderate of their bridesmaids at all, but if the bride really likes the dress, I think a good friend will wear it and not complain.

Calypso1977

ive lost nearly 30 pounds.  my boobs are still a D-cup and never shrank although band size went down.

NYCBruin

LAM2228 said:

who is trolling who?

edited:spelling

I think your BM might be trolling you.  I can't imagine anyone seriously thinking those were appropriate for a wedding.  My response was "what the what"

harper0813

I'm just not buying it...

LAM524

Thanks ladies. I def. do want everyone to be comfortable!

Calypso1977 said:

ive lost nearly 30 pounds.  my boobs are still a D-cup and never shrank although band size went down.

I thought I was cursed! I too have just lost 30 lbs and not a bloody ounce in my boobs! I also havent lost in band size! Im a DDD...I have 60 lbs to go and Im seriously hoping to get to a nice B (like I was pre babies). I'd love to sleep on my stomach WITHOUT shifting! I do fear though that the "girls" will look like used deflated balloons! Seriously...really am worried about the great big "reveal" on our wedding night!

NYCBruin said:

LAM2228 said:

who is trolling who?

edited:spelling

I think your BM might be trolling you.  I can't imagine anyone seriously thinking those were appropriate for a wedding.  My response was "what the what"

I thought I knew what trolling was. Guess I dont...thought it was "strangers" who trolled. I would never imagine this BM would "favor" those styles she sent me. Ive known her for years and only see her in her uniform or jeans and a t-shirt so I guess this is how she likes to play dress up.

zobird said:

I'm just not buying it...

zobird...do you think she is just messing around with me? I still havent heard from her since she sent me the emails so I don't know.

MrsH86

remind her also that she can get alterations done! alterations work wonders!

margaretskye

I'm really impressed that 7 out of 8 women all agree on one dress! Sounds like you just need to sit down with the odd one out and explain that you're uncomfortable with her flaunting her assets at your wedding, and that you think the dress looks lovely on her, and that you hope she'll agree to wear it. It is your wedding, after all. I would say that they could each pick their own dress in the same color, but if all but one like the same dress (and that one wants to pick a dress with an inappropriate amount of cleavage) I think it would just look kind of strange.

It would also probably be helpful to your case to get the other ladies to avoid being insufferably rude.

LAM524

Yahooo! Problem solved!! You guys arent gonna believe this! I found another gown today, after hrs searching online, and 8 out of 8 BM's LOVE it!!! I spoke with a local boutique owner and she said this gown is 1 of 15 in Davinci's new line and in her opinion the most beautiful! She also said that this gown is very "forgiving' in the tummy, hip trouble areas! I love it and it comes in my eggplant color and under budget! One BM already went into a dealer in GA and she said it def. hides the "uglies."

They are going to add either spaghetti straps or cap sleeves. What do you think?

http://www.bestbridalprices.com/images/davinci/f2013/large/60141.html

CarolinaHeart

Very pretty.

[Deleted User]

NYCBruin said:

LAM2228 said:

who is trolling who?

edited:spelling

I think your BM might be trolling you.  I can't imagine anyone seriously thinking those were appropriate for a wedding.  My response was "what the what"

NYC had it right, that's what I meant.

And the new dress-- very cute, and I believe it would be flattering for lots of different body types!!

Best of luck!

LAM524

Thanks ladies! Def. think it will be flattering on all body types!