afraid PPDs more common than we even think

Simply Fated

GypsyBridetobe said:

Just saYing if so many people on this forum are against frivolous big princess weddings why on Earth did you choose the knot forum to hang out on?. Its like the mecca for over the top trendy , pretty princess day weddings. Like the target audience of TK wants a big fat reception for all their friends and family.

Actually, the reason I like TK, as opposed to other sites is because people here seem more grounded than those at other sites.
The forums I mean, not the site as a whole. I don't go onto the site much, as I'm not planning my wedding. I do, however, like talking to people and these particular forums drew me in. The forums are not like the rest of the site. At least for now.


I think @niki&rob didn't mean she's only having a wedding to have everyone together. She said "big wedding," so I think she's just telling us why she's having a big wedding, as opposed to a JOP in a courthouse with two people present, for instance.
I'm only guessing because that's why I want a big wedding. No, not big. Under 100 people. Just that I want my friends and family there. Not because I think they are DYING to celebrate with me, but because I would like them there with me.


@moonraffe I have NO problems with sentimental dates, just the crazy things some brides do to have those dates. I think what you're doing is what people SHOULD do who want special dates.


@thisismynickname No one should be coercing you into having a wedding you can't afford, at any point in your life.

crunchymamaof2

GypsyBridetobe said:

Just saYing if so many people on this forum are against frivolous big princess weddings why on Earth did you choose the knot forum to hang out on?. Its like the mecca for over the top trendy , pretty princess day weddings. Like the target audience of TK wants a big fat reception for all their friends and family.

Regardless of the audience the Knot tries to draw in somehow lots of levelheaded, honest, considerate women found their way here. People here may be blunt (or rude and mean and bitches as the pretty princess newbs like to call them) but they actually give a damn about you having a great wedding and treating your guests graciously. WW and WB are full of self centered entitled brides to be who will tell you its your day and you can treat people like crap.

Though with all the recent events TK seems to be heading in the direction.....(though I hope not!)

jlhart76

I don't have a problem with PPDs, but I do have a problem with lying about it. If its such a great thing for you, why do you feel the need to lie? Usually, the need to deceive others indicates the wrongness of what you're doing. But when it comes to having a JP wedding before the. big reception, its ok to be less than honest. Thats where I get stuck. At least have the common decency to own up to the fact.

My parents had two couple friends, Mr. & Mrs. A, & Mr. & Mrs. B. Mr. A died, and Mr. B filed for divorce. Mr. B and Mrs. A then got married in Arkansas since the waiting period is shorter, then when it was "legal" to get married in Oklahoma they had a second wedding. Everyone knew it and didn't have a problem. Aside from all the wrong ness with their relationship, at least they respected their guests enough to be honest.

TerriHugg

Well I know no one is going to like this answer, but since it was asked so many times, I'll answer. I know of two PPD - one of which I attended. The one in which I attended (and later found out they were already married) celebrates their anniversary on the day people were there. And no, I did not feel the need to ask the reason for their PPD because I didn't feel it was my business; especially if it was related to chronic medical condition or another personal reason. I don't think I need to know the reason. So that's the one couple.

I know of another one, but I was not invited to it. This couple, viewed marriage as a three steps. Their personal belief was that you are not truly marriad unless you complete the religious ceremony, legal vows, and personal vows. So this couple in particular had three different ceremonies, two of which were private. Once again, I know most people here will think this is ridiculous, but different strokes for different folks. I believe the first ceremony they had was private in park with an officiant in which they recited their personal vows to each other. The next one was legally performed, I'm not sure if it was in a courthouse or not. . The second legal ceremony was also private or their immediate families may have been at this but I can't remember. The last ceremony was done in a place of worship with a priest and that's the one where all the family/friends were present. From what I hear, it was a very religious heavy ceremony. 

Now, I know the couple used to do something special on all three "parts" of their ceremony anniversaries and one big thing on the anniversary of the one in which everyone was present. However, I know they don't celebrate the  big one more because that's when they "played dress up" and had cake, etc. They do something bigger that day, because that's when they feel all the requirements (personal vows, legal vows, and religious vows) were all fulfilled and were officially married according to their personal belief. Was it wrong? Maybe. But Im not one to judge what they think was right for them because it's not my business. 

Now I can't comment on why they chose to fulfill each part on separate days or what their culture/background is and whether or not it played into this decision. I'm just relaying what I heard since so many people have asked about the anniversary thing. 

NYCBruin

GypsyBridetobe said:

Just saYing if so many people on this forum are against frivolous big princess weddings why on Earth did you choose the knot forum to hang out on?. Its like the mecca for over the top trendy , pretty princess day weddings. Like the target audience of TK wants a big fat reception for all their friends and family.

I'm not against big weddings, so long as the couple actually gets married.  I go to see the couple wed, not for the open bar and free food.

Jessa617

@gypsybridetobe is there a reason you can't obtain a marriage certificate? I know it's none of my business and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I am just genuinely curious. 

GypsyWife_

Jessa617 said:

@gypsybridetobe is there a reason you can't obtain a marriage certificate? I know it's none of my business and you don't have to answer if you don't want to. I am just genuinely curious. 

My husband is against getting legally married because of his traditions and customs in his culture. He is Romani.
To clarify... we are husband and wife already In His culture and have been for 8 years.

Simply Fated

TerriHugg said:

Well I know no one is going to like this answer, but since it was asked so many times, I'll answer. I know of two PPD - one of which I attended. The one in which I attended (and later found out they were already married) celebrates their anniversary on the day people were there. And no, I did not feel the need to ask the reason for their PPD because I didn't feel it was my business; especially if it was related to chronic medical condition or another personal reason. I don't think I need to know the reason. So that's the one couple.

I know of another one, but I was not invited to it. This couple, viewed marriage as a three steps. Their personal belief was that you are not truly marriad unless you complete the religious ceremony, legal vows, and personal vows. So this couple in particular had three different ceremonies, two of which were private. Once again, I know most people here will think this is ridiculous, but different strokes for different folks. I believe the first ceremony they had was private in park with an officiant in which they recited their personal vows to each other. The next one was legally performed, I'm not sure if it was in a courthouse or not. . The second legal ceremony was also private or their immediate families may have been at this but I can't remember. The last ceremony was done in a place of worship with a priest and that's the one where all the family/friends were present. From what I hear, it was a very religious heavy ceremony. 

Now, I know the couple used to do something special on all three "parts" of their ceremony anniversaries and one big thing on the anniversary of the one in which everyone was present. However, I know they don't celebrate the  big one more because that's when they "played dress up" and had cake, etc. They do something bigger that day, because that's when they feel all the requirements (personal vows, legal vows, and religious vows) were all fulfilled and were officially married according to their personal belief. Was it wrong? Maybe. But Im not one to judge what they think was right for them because it's not my business. 

Now I can't comment on why they chose to fulfill each part on separate days or what their culture/background is and whether or not it played into this decision. I'm just relaying what I heard since so many people have asked about the anniversary thing. 

To the bolded parts... There can only be one legal ceremony.
A convalidation (sp?) ceremony is fine. Anything like that is fine.


I just am not understanding why, instead of three ceremonies there could have been one big one. I know it's their choice to just keep on having ceremonies, but I would love to hear the reasoning behind it other than something like, "It's what they wanted." There are a lot of things I want, but that doesn't mean I should get everything I want. Do you understand what I mean?

I really just don't think people understand what  marriage is. I really don't. It's legal. It's religious. It's a personal choice. but I don't understand why it needs to be all three at three different times. Other than wanting to drag out being a bride for as long as possible, I do not see any logical reasons for so many multiple ceremonies.


GypsyBridetobe So, it's not that you can't be legally married it's that he doesn't want to? What if, heaven forbid something happens to him? What are the legal ramifications? How does his culture handle these things?

[Deleted User]

I know the magical feeling I had on my wedding day when I saw my husband at the end of the isle. To know that he was about to be the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with. To make that commitment to him in front of our loved ones. I couldn't imagine doing a quickie wedding & then a fake ceremony in front of family & friends and losing that feeling and I would feel like I'm starting my marriage and life with my new family (in laws) with a big lie. That seems so deciteful to your family and friends

NYCBruin

Simply Fated said:

To the bolded parts... There can only be one legal ceremony.
A convalidation (sp?) ceremony is fine. Anything like that is fine.


I just am not understanding why, instead of three ceremonies there could have been one big one. I know it's their choice to just keep on having ceremonies, but I would love to hear the reasoning behind it other than something like, "It's what they wanted." There are a lot of things I want, but that doesn't mean I should get everything I want. Do you understand what I mean?

I really just don't think people understand what  marriage is. I really don't. It's legal. It's religious. It's a personal choice. but I don't understand why it needs to be all three at three different times. Other than wanting to drag out being a bride for as long as possible, I do not see any logical reasons for so many multiple ceremonies.

I agree.  At least in the US there is nothing stopping you from having the legal, religious, and personal ceremony at the same time.  The only reason I can think of having them separately is so that you can have three days to celebrate you.  Which I think is lame.

TerriHugg

Simply Fated said:

TerriHugg said:

Well I know no one is going to like this answer, but since it was asked so many times, I'll answer. I know of two PPD - one of which I attended. The one in which I attended (and later found out they were already married) celebrates their anniversary on the day people were there. And no, I did not feel the need to ask the reason for their PPD because I didn't feel it was my business; especially if it was related to chronic medical condition or another personal reason. I don't think I need to know the reason. So that's the one couple.

I know of another one, but I was not invited to it. This couple, viewed marriage as a three steps. Their personal belief was that you are not truly marriad unless you complete the religious ceremony, legal vows, and personal vows. So this couple in particular had three different ceremonies, two of which were private. Once again, I know most people here will think this is ridiculous, but different strokes for different folks. I believe the first ceremony they had was private in park with an officiant in which they recited their personal vows to each other. The next one was legally performed, I'm not sure if it was in a courthouse or not. . The second legal ceremony was also private or their immediate families may have been at this but I can't remember. The last ceremony was done in a place of worship with a priest and that's the one where all the family/friends were present. From what I hear, it was a very religious heavy ceremony. 

Now, I know the couple used to do something special on all three "parts" of their ceremony anniversaries and one big thing on the anniversary of the one in which everyone was present. However, I know they don't celebrate the  big one more because that's when they "played dress up" and had cake, etc. They do something bigger that day, because that's when they feel all the requirements (personal vows, legal vows, and religious vows) were all fulfilled and were officially married according to their personal belief. Was it wrong? Maybe. But Im not one to judge what they think was right for them because it's not my business. 

Now I can't comment on why they chose to fulfill each part on separate days or what their culture/background is and whether or not it played into this decision. I'm just relaying what I heard since so many people have asked about the anniversary thing. 

To the bolded parts... There can only be one legal ceremony.
A convalidation (sp?) ceremony is fine. Anything like that is fine.


I just am not understanding why, instead of three ceremonies there could have been one big one. I know it's their choice to just keep on having ceremonies, but I would love to hear the reasoning behind it other than something like, "It's what they wanted." There are a lot of things I want, but that doesn't mean I should get everything I want. Do you understand what I mean?

I really just don't think people understand what  marriage is. I really don't. It's legal. It's religious. It's a personal choice. but I don't understand why it needs to be all three at three different times. Other than wanting to drag out being a bride for as long as possible, I do not see any logical reasons for so many multiple ceremonies.


GypsyBridetobe So, it's not that you can't be legally married it's that he doesn't want to? What if, heaven forbid something happens to him? What are the legal ramifications? How does his culture handle these things?

You are correct that there can only be one legal ceremony. It was a typo. I meant to say the second ceremony was the legal one. And again you are correct that they probably could have had all three parts in one day, but for some reason they chose not to. There may not be a logical reason, but perhaps there was an emotional reason. After all, weddings and marriages are an emotional thing in my opinion. A lot of things pertaining to weddings aren't logical at all, but are  things that are practiced and widely accepted. And for some reason, I don't think it had any thing to do with her wanting to drag out the bride feeling. From what I do know of her, she's really not a "center of attention/bridey" type of person.

I really do get what you mean about not always getting what you want, etc. But I really do feel like this was harmless. And if people didn't like it, they didn't need to attend - the same with any other wedding. If I had to guess, I would say maybe they did it to allow those closest to them that special moment of intimacy. For example, maybe they viewed the vows as an extremely private and intimate thing so they did that privately. Then when it comes to the legal one, maybe they wanted the support of their closest relatives and to share the private moment with them so they just invited their parents. And then for the religious one, they wanted the blessing of god and their religious community so they had those who thought would help fulfill the religious part of the ceremony. Again, these are just guesses and I'm not saying agree with it. I'm just throwing a possible scenario out there whether or not it makes sense. 

 Whatever the reason was for their three part wedding, I don't know and can't really ask because I don't know the couple well enough. I really don't think I have a place to judge them because you really never know what the reasons are. Just because everyone doesn't get it doesn't mean it's wrong and vice versa. Regardless, I do respect their decision because they thought it was right for them and it is their marriage. 

GypsyWife_

Simply Fated said:

TerriHugg said:

Well I know no one is going to like this answer, but since it was asked so many times, I'll answer. I know of two PPD - one of which I attended. The one in which I attended (and later found out they were already married) celebrates their anniversary on the day people were there. And no, I did not feel the need to ask the reason for their PPD because I didn't feel it was my business; especially if it was related to chronic medical condition or another personal reason. I don't think I need to know the reason. So that's the one couple.

I know of another one, but I was not invited to it. This couple, viewed marriage as a three steps. Their personal belief was that you are not truly marriad unless you complete the religious ceremony, legal vows, and personal vows. So this couple in particular had three different ceremonies, two of which were private. Once again, I know most people here will think this is ridiculous, but different strokes for different folks. I believe the first ceremony they had was private in park with an officiant in which they recited their personal vows to each other. The next one was legally performed, I'm not sure if it was in a courthouse or not. . The second legal ceremony was also private or their immediate families may have been at this but I can't remember. The last ceremony was done in a place of worship with a priest and that's the one where all the family/friends were present. From what I hear, it was a very religious heavy ceremony. 

Now, I know the couple used to do something special on all three "parts" of their ceremony anniversaries and one big thing on the anniversary of the one in which everyone was present. However, I know they don't celebrate the  big one more because that's when they "played dress up" and had cake, etc. They do something bigger that day, because that's when they feel all the requirements (personal vows, legal vows, and religious vows) were all fulfilled and were officially married according to their personal belief. Was it wrong? Maybe. But Im not one to judge what they think was right for them because it's not my business. 

Now I can't comment on why they chose to fulfill each part on separate days or what their culture/background is and whether or not it played into this decision. I'm just relaying what I heard since so many people have asked about the anniversary thing. 

To the bolded parts... There can only be one legal ceremony.
A convalidation (sp?) ceremony is fine. Anything like that is fine.


I just am not understanding why, instead of three ceremonies there could have been one big one. I know it's their choice to just keep on having ceremonies, but I would love to hear the reasoning behind it other than something like, "It's what they wanted." There are a lot of things I want, but that doesn't mean I should get everything I want. Do you understand what I mean?

I really just don't think people understand what  marriage is. I really don't. It's legal. It's religious. It's a personal choice. but I don't understand why it needs to be all three at three different times. Other than wanting to drag out being a bride for as long as possible, I do not see any logical reasons for so many multiple ceremonies.


GypsyBridetobe So, it's not that you can't be legally married it's that he doesn't want to? What if, heaven forbid something happens to him? What are the legal ramifications? How does his culture handle these things?


What legal ramifications? Ask and I'll answer you need to be more specific so I know what you're asking

Simply Fated

For instance, if you end up in the hospital and only family can visit, are you okay with that? I am using the term "family" here in reference to blood family. I'm in NO WAY suggesting that you and he are not a family. However, the government doesn't agree.


If any of the husbands/significant others in his culture passes away, what is the set protocol? Because without it being legal, you will have no legal say in his estate. In general, if everything is in his name (is it?) and you guys decide to split, you'll lose everything.


I'm just honestly very curious about why he doesn't want to make it legal and what will happen if, well, something happens.

As a disclaimer, I'm not advocating that you should get married. I'm honestly just curious because these are things I worry about with my bf and why I want to get married. I want to hear from another pov and you seem like you're in the perfect situation to fill me in lol.

crunchymamaof2

@gypsybridetobe- If he were to pass, would you have any legal safety net? Would you be left with anything? What about your kids? Without legally being married you don't have a leg to stand on in most situations. You couldn't make medical decisions for him for example. His parents would likely have more rights than you. Simply Fated can elaborate on what she specifically meant but that's what came to my mind.

Also curious- why is legal marriage so frowned upon? Why is it so bad?

Simply Fated

acove2006 said:

@gypsybridetobe- If he were to pass, would you have any legal safety net? Would you be left with anything? What about your kids? Without legally being married you don't have a leg to stand on in most situations. You couldn't make medical decisions for him for example. His parents would likely have more rights than you. Simply Fated can elaborate on what she specifically meant but that's what came to my mind.

Also curious- why is legal marriage so frowned upon? Why is it so bad?

We're on the same wavelength.



And, yeah, I'm also curious as to why it's frowned upon. I mean, I understand why people might not want to get married, but I feel like that's a decision the couple should make together and not something that they should just accept.

GypsyWife_

Typically we just get life insurance policys. We don't have property since we move around a around a lot
And since we are married in his culture no one can say I'm not his wife because that goes against their beliefs.
I dont know if its frowned upon or just a very uncommon practice to get legally married. I dont know why either. I'm speculating its because we don't like other cultures interfering and fraternizing with us.

Its either I accept not getting g legally married or I leave him. I understand his reasonings and the way he feels And I still love him. I'm not going to give an ultimatum to him and make him marry me.
I am more understanding than that. As long as he is wanting to have a more of a traditional wedding and vocally say vows and is excited about it that's all I need from him. He is on my kids birth certificate as the father so naturally they are the only heirs. Not me.

Jessa617

IMO Gypsy's situation is the only one that I've seen where I wouldn't side eye it since there won't be a legal marriage before or after. 

Simply Fated

Jessa617 said:

IMO Gypsy's situation is the only one that I've seen where I wouldn't side eye it since there won't be a legal marriage before or after. 

I still side-eye it because she did have what they call a wedding (not a legal one, but a cultural one). They call each other husband and wife. They are having a literal PPD. At least they're not lying about it, though.


@Gypsy, I would look into the reason more. Again, I'm not saying you should get legally married, but it is an option that you and he have, so it's worth at least considering, no? Definitely don't give ultimatums, omigosh. I agree with you there. Those rarely work out well lol. I am just curious as to what the reasons are that they're so against legal marriage. I mean, it even protects the children, should something happen to you.

southernbelle0915

GypsyBridetobe said:

Typically we just get life insurance policys. We don't have property since we move around a around a lot 

And since we are married in his culture no one can say I'm not his wife because that goes against their beliefs. I can tell you that legally, this could present a  host of problems for you two. Custody, estate planning, medical care, etc.

 I dont know if its frowned upon or just a very uncommon practice to get legally married. I dont know why either. I'm speculating its because we don't like other cultures interfering and fraternizing with us. How do you not know this? When he said "we are legally married in my culture," weren't you curious? 

 Its either I accept not getting g legally married or I leave him. Why is it his way or the highway?  I understand his reasonings and the way he feels And I still love him. I'm not going to give an ultimatum to him and make him marry me. Sounds like he gave you one. I am more understanding than that. Is he? As long as he is wanting to have a more of a traditional wedding and vocally say vows and is excited about it that's all I need from him. He is on my kids birth certificate as the father so naturally they are the only heirs. Not me.

I would be asking a TON of questions about his culture and why things are the way they are. I'd also expect that the two of you could compromise together. You can still respect his culture, yet take steps that would lessen all the legal red tape that you're bound to run into. 

Taking a stand against "interfering and fraternizing cultures" it going to mean very little to you if something terrible happens and you don't have rights. 

Jen4948

southernbelle0915 said:

GypsyBridetobe said:

Typically we just get life insurance policys. We don't have property since we move around a around a lot 

And since we are married in his culture no one can say I'm not his wife because that goes against their beliefs. I can tell you that legally, this could present a  host of problems for you two. Custody, estate planning, medical care, etc.

 I dont know if its frowned upon or just a very uncommon practice to get legally married. I dont know why either. I'm speculating its because we don't like other cultures interfering and fraternizing with us. How do you not know this? When he said "we are legally married in my culture," weren't you curious? 

 Its either I accept not getting g legally married or I leave him. Why is it his way or the highway?  I understand his reasonings and the way he feels And I still love him. I'm not going to give an ultimatum to him and make him marry me. Sounds like he gave you one. I am more understanding than that. Is he? As long as he is wanting to have a more of a traditional wedding and vocally say vows and is excited about it that's all I need from him. He is on my kids birth certificate as the father so naturally they are the only heirs. Not me.

I would be asking a TON of questions about his culture and why things are the way they are. I'd also expect that the two of you could compromise together. You can still respect his culture, yet take steps that would lessen all the legal red tape that you're bound to run into. 

Taking a stand against "interfering and fraternizing cultures" it going to mean very little to you if something terrible happens and you don't have rights. 

This bothers me too.  You won't inherit from him, you won't be able to exercise any rights if he ends up in the hospital or has another emergency, and it doesn't sound like he's willing to compromise.  So what do you get in exchange for all this?

NYCBruin

I agree with everything southenbelle said.

You say that you trust his family not to cut you out or anything, but that won't matter in some cases. For example, if he was in the hospital, the hospital might not let you visit because you aren't family.

Also what does your family think of all this. Because your parents are still your next of kin. If something happened to you, their wishes would take precedence over your husbands. They could cut him out. They could battle for custody of your children if something bad happened to you and might win.

GypsyWife_

Simply Fated said:

Jessa617 said:

IMO Gypsy's situation is the only one that I've seen where I wouldn't side eye it since there won't be a legal marriage before or after. 

I still side-eye it because she did have what they call a wedding (not a legal one, but a cultural one). They call each other husband and wife. They are having a literal PPD. At least they're not lying about it, though.


@Gypsy, I would look into the reason more. Again, I'm not saying you should get legally married, but it is an option that you and he have, so it's worth at least considering, no? Definitely don't give ultimatums, omigosh. I agree with you there. Those rarely work out well lol. I am just curious as to what the reasons are that they're so against legal marriage. I mean, it even protects the children, should something happen to you.


No no no I've never had any kind of wedding or ceremony . If I did I would not feel the need to have wedding .

GypsyWife_

southernbelle0915 said:

GypsyBridetobe said:

Typically we just get life insurance policys. We don't have property since we move around a around a lot 

And since we are married in his culture no one can say I'm not his wife because that goes against their beliefs. I can tell you that legally, this could present a  host of problems for you two. Custody, estate planning, medical care, etc.

 I dont know if its frowned upon or just a very uncommon practice to get legally married. I dont know why either. I'm speculating its because we don't like other cultures interfering and fraternizing with us. How do you not know this? When he said "we are legally married in my culture," weren't you curious? 

 Its either I accept not getting g legally married or I leave him. Why is it his way or the highway?  I understand his reasonings and the way he feels And I still love him. I'm not going to give an ultimatum to him and make him marry me. Sounds like he gave you one. I am more understanding than that. Is he? As long as he is wanting to have a more of a traditional wedding and vocally say vows and is excited about it that's all I need from him. He is on my kids birth certificate as the father so naturally they are the only heirs. Not me.

I would be asking a TON of questions about his culture and why things are the way they are. I'd also expect that the two of you could compromise together. You can still respect his culture, yet take steps that would lessen all the legal red tape that you're bound to run into. 

Taking a stand against "interfering and fraternizing cultures" it going to mean very little to you if something terrible happens and you don't have rights. 

There is no estate . I have custody. I don't have insurance and neither does he is we will do it like we have for years nothing will change. I have sole custody so that won't change.
He always said when you bring a girl home it means you're married in my culture.
Well I figured well to me it doesn't mean that because I wasn't brought up that way. It felt like my b,/f. But his family started calling me his wife. It caught me off guard since he never called me that. It after a while thats how he introduced me to people as his wife. I wanted to marry him one day so I didn't mind. And 8 years later here we are I finally got an engagement ring. And a compromise. Wedding yes papers no. I'm good with it I'm happy I'm having a wedding to finally celebrate our Union.

crunchymamaof2

NYCBruin said:

I agree with everything southenbelle said. You say that you trust his family not to cut you out or anything, but that won't matter in some cases. For example, if he was in the hospital, the hospital might not let you visit because you aren't family. Also what does your family think of all this. Because your parents are still your next of kin. If something happened to you, their wishes would take precedence over your husbands. They could cut him out. They could battle for custody of your children if something bad happened to you and might win.

bingo. this is the most impt. thing IMO

GypsyWife_

He never gave me an ultimatum. He never brought up a wedding at all until I Told him how important it was to me. He wants just a big party which is cool but I would like to wear a wedding dress.

GypsyWife_

acove2006 said:

NYCBru

I agree with everything southenbelle said.

You say that you trust his family not to cut you out or anything, but that won't matter in some cases. For example, if he was in the hospital, the hospital might not let you visit because you aren't family.

Also what does your family think of all this. Because your parents are still your next of kin. If something happened to you, their wishes would take precedence over your husbands. They could cut him out. They could battle for custody of your children if something bad happened to you and might win.

bingo. this is the most impt. thing IMO

Hospitals don't check for marriage licenses. I know from expierence. Roma dont do custody with the Court. We have a Kris. Its a gypsy only court and is not enforceable by law . In my situation I.. Not worried at all about his parents. I do everything for his parents. They rely on me for everyday needs so no way they would do that. It would be too hard for them. They wouldn't know what to do.

GypsyWife_

As you can tell im not very articulate but I'm rare in the gypdy cultur I'm very educated and cultured. Most gypsies can't read or write. I know a lot more about the system then they do. I have many advantages if some thing were to go wrong.

GypsyWife_

Sorry for all the mistakes I have acrylic nails on. And I'm on my phone. I hope by you getting to know me and my situation you can have a better understanding and tolerance. You don't have to agree.

NYCBruin

GypsyBridetobe said:

acove2006 said:

NYCBru

I agree with everything southenbelle said.

You say that you trust his family not to cut you out or anything, but that won't matter in some cases. For example, if he was in the hospital, the hospital might not let you visit because you aren't family.

Also what does your family think of all this. Because your parents are still your next of kin. If something happened to you, their wishes would take precedence over your husbands. They could cut him out. They could battle for custody of your children if something bad happened to you and might win.

bingo. this is the most impt. thing IMO

Hospitals don't check for marriage licenses. I know from expierence. Roma dont do custody with the Court. We have a Kris. Its a gypsy only court and is not enforceable by law . In my situation I.. Not worried at all about his parents. I do everything for his parents. They rely on me for everyday needs so no way they would do that. It would be too hard for them. They wouldn't know what to do.

Right but what about YOUR parents/siblings. They could step in and prevent a hospital from letting your husband visit you or fight him for custody if something happened to you. And they might win in court. Then the police could remove your children from your husbands care.

GypsyWife_

Oh ya well that's an excellent point I'll bring to his attention. Its up to him if he's willing to risk it or not. I should write something about him having gaudarianship but I dont know if that will holdup . In court.