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Bridesmaids With Tattoos

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Re: Bridesmaids With Tattoos

  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    cmelliott I have a couple of questions to see just how extreme your views are:

    1) What if a guest showed up with visible tattoos? Would you ask them to leave?
    2) What if a family member (who would be in photos) showed up with a visible tattoo? For the sake of argument, let's say you didn't know they had a tattoo until they showed up baring it at the wedding. Would you ask them to stand out of the photos?
    3) What if one of your BMs had a visible piercing (e.g. gauges, nose ring, eye brow)? Would you ask them to take it out or is this ok with your "vision"?
    4) What if one of your BMs showed up to the wedding and had gotten her haircut very short or shaved her head? Would you allow her to stand up in the wedding and be in photos?
    5) What if one f your BMs showed up to the wedding with her hair dyed a color that you didn't like? Do you have certain colors that are ok and certain colors that aren't ok? Would you allow her to be in photos if it was a color you didn't like? Would you allow her to stand up with you during the ceremony?
    6) What exactly is your "vision"? Be specific. 
    7) Does your groom share this "vision"? 
    8) Why do you value your "vision" over risking offending someone you consider a friend by asking them to alter their chosen appearance? 
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
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    southernbelle0915 said:
    cmelliott I have a couple of questions to see just how extreme your views are:

    1) What if a guest showed up with visible tattoos? Would you ask them to leave?
    2) What if a family member (who would be in photos) showed up with a visible tattoo? For the sake of argument, let's say you didn't know they had a tattoo until they showed up baring it at the wedding. Would you ask them to stand out of the photos?
    3) What if one of your BMs had a visible piercing (e.g. gauges, nose ring, eye brow)? Would you ask them to take it out or is this ok with your "vision"?
    4) What if one of your BMs showed up to the wedding and had gotten her haircut very short or shaved her head? Would you allow her to stand up in the wedding and be in photos?
    5) What if one f your BMs showed up to the wedding with her hair dyed a color that you didn't like? Do you have certain colors that are ok and certain colors that aren't ok? Would you allow her to be in photos if it was a color you didn't like? Would you allow her to stand up with you during the ceremony?
    6) What exactly is your "vision"? Be specific. 
    7) Does your groom share this "vision"? 
    8) Why do you value your "vision" over risking offending someone you consider a friend by asking them to alter their chosen appearance? 
    1) no
    2) no, but inside i probably wouldn't like it
    3) same girl has large gauges and she has flesh colored gauges that i asked her to use for the day
    4) same girl has very short hair so her hair will not match the others but since she is transgendered and is luckily still choosing to be in the wedding with a dress, then that doesn't bother me
    5) that's a good question. i don't want unnatural colors but i suppose if it was the day of and she did something like that i'd have to accept it cause there's nothing i could do
    6) my vision is classic and elegant
    7) he doesn't give a shit lol
    8) i don't value my vision over my friend but i know we have a good enough relationship that talking to her about covering up a tattoo wouldn't affect us.
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Four pages later and neither "side" has changed their mind...shall we go another 5 or 6 and see if it makes a difference? :-p *Here's hoping the OP got what she needed out of the thread*
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    photokitty said:
    Four pages later and neither "side" has changed their mind...shall we go another 5 or 6 and see if it makes a difference? :-p *Here's hoping the OP got what she needed out of the thread*
    agree. that's all i intended to do in the beginning, hopefully she takes both sides and makes her decision wisely.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    cmelliott said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    cmelliott I have a couple of questions to see just how extreme your views are:

    1) What if a guest showed up with visible tattoos? Would you ask them to leave?
    2) What if a family member (who would be in photos) showed up with a visible tattoo? For the sake of argument, let's say you didn't know they had a tattoo until they showed up baring it at the wedding. Would you ask them to stand out of the photos?
    3) What if one of your BMs had a visible piercing (e.g. gauges, nose ring, eye brow)? Would you ask them to take it out or is this ok with your "vision"?
    4) What if one of your BMs showed up to the wedding and had gotten her haircut very short or shaved her head? Would you allow her to stand up in the wedding and be in photos?
    5) What if one f your BMs showed up to the wedding with her hair dyed a color that you didn't like? Do you have certain colors that are ok and certain colors that aren't ok? Would you allow her to be in photos if it was a color you didn't like? Would you allow her to stand up with you during the ceremony?
    6) What exactly is your "vision"? Be specific. 
    7) Does your groom share this "vision"? 
    8) Why do you value your "vision" over risking offending someone you consider a friend by asking them to alter their chosen appearance? 
    1) no
    2) no, but inside i probably wouldn't like it Judgy pants, much? It doesn't affect you at all.
    3) same girl has large gauges and she has flesh colored gauges that i asked her to use for the day Why do you care what color her gauges are? Any kind of gauge doesn't seem like it fits your "classic and elegant" vision....
    4) same girl has very short hair so her hair will not match the others but since she is transgendered and is luckily still choosing to be in the wedding with a dress, then that doesn't bother me If she wasn't transgendered would her short hair bother you? Are you making all your BMs wear the same hair style? 
    5) that's a good question. i don't want unnatural colors but i suppose if it was the day of and she did something like that i'd have to accept it cause there's nothing i could do
    6) my vision is classic and elegant This isn't specific. What do you mean? Obviously no tattoos, but what else? 
    7) he doesn't give a shit lol
    8) i don't value my vision over my friend but i know we have a good enough relationship that talking to her about covering up a tattoo wouldn't affect us. If you don't value your vision over possibly offending her, then why are you asking her to do this? Especially if you're saying that it ultimately wouldn't matter and you'd be fine with it. Why ask and risk offending her? Why make her put up a fight to defend her chosen appearance?
    This person obviously doesn't fit your vision of "classic and elegant", so why are you even asking her to be in your wedding? Why aren't you satisfied with incorporating your vision in your own outfit, your decorations, your venue, your ceremony, etc? Why do you feel the need to have your BMs be classic and elegant props?
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  • daveANDkristendaveANDkristen member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    photokitty said:
    Four pages later and neither "side" has changed their mind...shall we go another 5 or 6 and see if it makes a difference? :-p *Here's hoping the OP got what she needed out of the thread*


    Shall we just not worry about threads that we aren't interested in?  Threads with more posts get more traffic, and I hope lots of eyes will end up on it.  I hope the opinions presented here will help other brides who are thinking about making such a request think twice.

    I do hope OP got what she needed out of the thread.  I do hope that if she is going for a conservative look, she will choose a conservative style that is appropriate for all of her BMs, and not single one out for her appearance..  

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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    daveANDkristen said:
    photokitty said:
    Four pages later and neither "side" has changed their mind...shall we go another 5 or 6 and see if it makes a difference? :-p *Here's hoping the OP got what she needed out of the thread*


    Shall we just not worry about threads that we aren't interested in?  Threads with more posts get more traffic, and I hope lots of eyes will end up on it.  I hope the opinions presented here will help other brides who are thinking about making such a request think twice.

    I do hope OP got what she needed out of the thread.  I do hope that if she is going for a conservative look, she will choose a conservative style that is appropriate for all of her BMs, and not single one out for her appearance..  

    Threads with pages a rants get traffic by people who want to watch the drama. Other brides aren't going to read 4 pages - they will either read a few and agree or decide they are going to do what they want.

    I agree with the bold and said the same thing in my post on page one.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • ceceibsonceceibson member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    If a "friend" asked me to cover my tattoos for her wedding, I would decline.  I would decline to cover myself and I would decline to be in the wedding and nothing the bride said thereafter would change my mind.

    OP, the point other posters are trying to make is that there simply is no gentle or tactful way to make such a request.  Of anyone.  For any reason.  Same with things like dress codes for guests, suggesting what the MOB or MOG should wear, telling guests to turn of their phones/not take pictures/not upload to social media.

    Stop with this business of telling grown-ass women and men what they can and can't do.  Your special day isn't any more important than any day of the year is for any person on the face of the planet.  It just isn't.
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I didn't have the time to read through 4 pages of responses so I apologize if I am repeating others. If this church is so conservative I feel that strapless dresses will not be appropriate and a pashmina or sweater would be a good idea for everyone....
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    @cruffino and @smalfrie this is when you've crossed the line. i will use names to make this easier. i asked miranda to be in my wedding and then in january i bought all their bridesmaids dresses. then in march, miranda decided she wanted to be marc. because i'm an amazing friend, i asked if marc still wanted to be in the wedding since i had already bought the dress and did they still want to wear the dress. marc said yes to both because marc loves me and i love marc and we're amazing friends. please don't you even dare to judge me on something that you don't know. you all can call me a terrible person because i asked miranda if she was okay with covering up the tattoo but i love my friend, whether they want to be miranda or marc and you all have no idea what you're talking about.
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  • Pepper6Pepper6 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    cmelliott said:
    @cruffino and @smalfrie this is when you've crossed the line. i will use names to make this easier. i asked miranda to be in my wedding and then in january i bought all their bridesmaids dresses. then in march, miranda decided she wanted to be marc. because i'm an amazing friend, i asked if marc still wanted to be in the wedding since i had already bought the dress and did they still want to wear the dress. marc said yes to both because marc loves me and i love marc and we're amazing friends. please don't you even dare to judge me on something that you don't know. you all can call me a terrible person because i asked miranda if she was okay with covering up the tattoo but i love my friend, whether they want to be miranda or marc and you all have no idea what you're talking about.
    If Marc said he still wanted to be in your wedding, but wanted to wear a tux, would you have been okay with that?

    The point of all this though, is that if you love your friend, you love them exactly as they are and wouldn't ask them to cover a part of themselves just so they fit in a neat little box you call your "vision" for one day.  A tattoo is part of who that person is and it's hurtful to ask them to cover it simply because of your personal preferences.  It doesn't matter if they appear to be okay with it and are willing to do it because they love you, you shouldn't have to ask them to do it in the first place.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    If your friend is going by Marc, why not refer to him as "he?" Or hasn't he given a pronoun preference? It's really rude to refer to him as female if that's not what he prefers. And, to be honest, it's confusing me a little right now.
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'm not going to debate my transgendered friend. Marc wants to be called Marc, anything before they came out I refer them to Miranda cause that's what they went by. They haven't fully transitioned and we're working through everything so it's not clear cut so we just try to be understanding and communicative. and @pepper6 I wouldn't have asked if they still wanted to wear the dress if I was going to make them wear the dress. and I do love them as they are, however for 30 minutes I want a very large tattooed concealed. I didn't ask them to cut or grow their hair, to get a nose job, to lose weight, or cut off their arm. I know you guys love to judge without knowing the whole story but when I asked if they could cover it up, I didn't demand. I openly asked if it's something they would be okay with and they said yes so that's what's happening now.
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  • Pepper6Pepper6 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    @cmelliot, you are still missing the point, you should never have asked if he could cover up his tattoo in the first place.  It's the exact same thing as asking to cut their hair...even if he agreed to it, you still asked him to physically change his appearance just for your wedding, which isn't cool.  However, the point is moot since you did ask, and he agreed.  It's great that in your situation he wasn't offended, but the point of bringing this up in this thread is for other brides who may be considering this and they very well may have BMs, like myself, who would be offended.  
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Pepper6 said:
    @cmelliot, you are still missing the point, you should never have asked if he could cover up his tattoo in the first place.  It's the exact same thing as asking to cut their hair...even if he agreed to it, you still asked him to physically change his appearance just for your wedding, which isn't cool.  However, the point is moot since you did ask, and he agreed.  It's great that in your situation he wasn't offended, but the point of bringing this up in this thread is for other brides who may be considering this and they very well may have BMs, like myself, who would be offended.  
    yes, and this is why, as posters above have stated, we should let this debate go and just let the OP see both sides and make their decision.
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  • PandPMeant2BPandPMeant2B member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    grumbledore said:
    If your friend is going by Marc, why not refer to him as "he?" Or hasn't he given a pronoun preference? It's really rude to refer to him as female if that's not what he prefers. And, to be honest, it's confusing me a little right now.
    This. My brother is transgendered and it will be a cold fucking day in hell when I refer to him as "she/her" in any medium.
    You could choose not to commit either way and refer to him as "they" as in " They haven't fully transitioned...I wouldn't have asked if they still wanted to wear the dress if I was going to make them wear the dress... I do love them as they are.... I didn't ask them to cut or grow their hair...or cut off their arm....when I asked if they could cover it up, I didn't demand. I openly asked if it's something they would be okay with and they said yes."  That probably makes your friend feel like an "it." How supportive of you.
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    PandPMeant2B first of all, this is not the thread to debate transgender, second of all if we are going to talk about this instead of the relevant topic, then i will say i already explained that it's not a clear cut situation. they want to be called marc but there has been no clear explanation of pronouns. as anyone should know, sometimes it's a delicate situation and not everything is clear. third, i refer to them as "they" because you do not know "them" and also i've been trying to keep everything as simple as possible without laying everything out on the internet. but that's hard to do when you guys take everything and twist it around and blow it up. lol
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
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    PandPMeant2B said:
    cmelliott said:
    PandPMeant2B first of all, this is not the thread to debate transgender, second of all if we are going to talk about this instead of the relevant topic, then i will say i already explained that it's not a clear cut situation. they want to be called marc but there has been no clear explanation of pronouns. third, i refer to them as "they" because you do not know who "they" are.
    First of all, I'm not debating anything with you. Second of all, not clear cut? If your friend expressed that he wants to be called Marc (a male name), wouldn't it be a logical assumption that he would prefer male pronouns? Third, that whole paragraph was clearly about Marc. No, I don't know who HE is, but I know enough to refer to him as HIM, not THEY.  
    i edited my post to make it better understandable. but by making another response, you are debating. no, it is not logical because you don't know the whole situation and you wouldn't because you don't know them. as i stated in my edited post, i'm trying to make everything simple without laying it all out on the internet. but you guys make it hard when you dig and you take everything and twist it around and blow it up.
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  • cmelliottcmelliott member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    grumbledore said:
    PandPMeant2B said:
    grumbledore said:
    If your friend is going by Marc, why not refer to him as "he?" Or hasn't he given a pronoun preference? It's really rude to refer to him as female if that's not what he prefers. And, to be honest, it's confusing me a little right now.
    This. My brother is transgendered and it will be a cold fucking day in hell when I refer to him as "she/her" in any medium.
    You could choose not to commit either way and refer to him as "they" as in " They haven't fully transitioned...I wouldn't have asked if they still wanted to wear the dress if I was going to make them wear the dress... I do love them as they are.... I didn't ask them to cut or grow their hair...or cut off their arm....when I asked if they could cover it up, I didn't demand. I openly asked if it's something they would be okay with and they said yes."  That probably makes your friend feel like an "it." How supportive of you.
    Marc was a "she" in this thread until the poster was called out on it.  They is appropriate if Marc hasn't specified or doesn't know - if Marc is identifying as male, then "he" is appropriate.
    yes, i said she to make it simple because marc used to be miranda and i wasn't about to start every post about BM with "hey one of my BM is transgender" lol. and also, it is not a clear gender identification. to be honest, it never has been. but like i said, i'm really trying not to put everything out on the internet but it's hard when i'm having defend myself from everyone's attacks on these boards.
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  • PandPMeant2BPandPMeant2B member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    cmelliott said:
    PandPMeant2B said:
    cmelliott said:
    PandPMeant2B first of all, this is not the thread to debate transgender, second of all if we are going to talk about this instead of the relevant topic, then i will say i already explained that it's not a clear cut situation. they want to be called marc but there has been no clear explanation of pronouns. third, i refer to them as "they" because you do not know who "they" are.
    First of all, I'm not debating anything with you. Second of all, not clear cut? If your friend expressed that he wants to be called Marc (a male name), wouldn't it be a logical assumption that he would prefer male pronouns? Third, that whole paragraph was clearly about Marc. No, I don't know who HE is, but I know enough to refer to him as HIM, not THEY.  
    i edited my post to make it better understandable. but by making another response, you are debating. no, it is not logical because you don't know the whole situation and you wouldn't because you don't know them. as i stated in my edited post, i'm trying to make everything simple without laying it all out on the internet. but you guys make it hard when you dig and you take everything and twist it around and blow it up.
    I thought it was pretty understandable to start with; wrong, but understandable.  I'm sorry, but I don't see where you cleared anything up.  No, I don't know the whole situation. I am an internet stranger. The problem when you only tell parts of the story (no matter WHY you are only sharing certain parts) is that we can only go by what you tell us. Please tell me how assuming Marc would want to use male pronouns ISN'T logical, regardless of whether I know the whole situation. And please show me where I "dug," "took everything and twisted it around," or "blew it up."  I'm sure you're very sensitive to this whole situation and you care very much for your friend. That doesn't mean what you did/are doing wasn't/isn't rude. 
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  • cruffinocruffino member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    @cruffino and @smalfrie this is when you've crossed the line. i will use names to make this easier. i asked miranda to be in my wedding and then in january i bought all their bridesmaids dresses. then in march, miranda decided she wanted to be marc. because i'm an amazing friend, i asked if marc still wanted to be in the wedding since i had already bought the dress and did they still want to wear the dress. marc said yes to both because marc loves me and i love marc and we're amazing friends. please don't you even dare to judge me on something that you don't know. you all can call me a terrible person because i asked miranda if she was okay with covering up the tattoo but i love my friend, whether they want to be miranda or marc and you all have no idea what you're talking about.
    I'm stuck in the box. 
    anyway, i don't doubt your love for your friend, otherwise you wouldn't have asked Marc to be in your wedding. i'm saying that this is obviously a tough time for Marc, identity-wise, and your wedding vision shouldn't overshadow what Marc is going through. i think his comfort and preferences should come before yours. but as you say, if you and Marc have talked about it, then its between the two of you. i only hope Marc hasn't been offended.
    i want to add, that on a message board, the only thing one can judge is the message. you're right, i don't know you, only the messages you've posted here. you've sent the message that your wedding pictures are more important than your wedding party. you may not actually feel that way, but obviously that's the way you came across judging by the shitstorm of responses you've received.
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