Bridesmaid drama!!!! So over it!

katieg520

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that." She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed.  So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events.

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't.

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

climbingsingle

Your bridesmaids are not your servants. They're not required to plan your engagement party. 

Maggie0829

katieg520 said:

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that." She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed.  So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events.

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't.

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

Seriously?

You asked someone to be your MOH solely because she is local and can help plan?  Wow, no wonder she doesn't want to help.

And then you aren't inviting her boyfriend because you don't like that he does drugs?  Um, not a good enough reason.  They should be invited together whether you like him or not.  Splitting up a social unit is a no-no.

Look, you and your FI plan your wedding.  Your wedding party doesn't have to do anything but show up on your wedding day in the appropriate attire ready to smile for some pictures.

As for your OOT MOH, it sucks that she won't be able to make up but shit happens.

manateehugger

katieg520 said:

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that." She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed.  So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events.

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't.

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

It's not their job to be your bridal bitches. They don't have a single responsibility to plan anything - it's your wedding after all, not theirs. You're demanding her time and money for yourself - that's not very friend-like. Good for her for standing up to you. 

And as for her boyfriend - is there a reason you aren't expressing your concerns to her as her friend and not as a bride saying she can't bring her significant other to an event? That's a deeper issue than your wedding. 

You other friend sounds like she has weird husband issues. What's up with that? And asking them to step down is a friendship-ending move. 

delujm0

"I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times about things that need to be planned"

 

Please tell me you aren't instructing people to plan parties for you.  I would have dropped out of your bridal party too.  Your BMs are under no obligation to do anything but buy a dress and show up sober on the day of your wedding.  Clearly you don't care much about them based on the way you're talking about them, and the way they're being treated.

 

Take a step back and realize that it's just a wedding.  it's the most important thing in YOUR life right now, but to your BMs it's just a day with a fun event planned.  If you want to be a bridezilla, expect to lose some friendships.

msdds51

What did you think your MOH's reaction was going to be when you didn't invite her bf?  They're adults.  You have to trust that he'll be good at your wedding and if he's not he can be escorted out.  Your BMs don't need to do ANYTHING for you.  They don't give a crap about your wedding.  It's not their party, it's yours.

The Matron of Honor part, I don't really understand. I'm assuming you live in Louisiana?  Why won't her H go there?  Are you saying she won't be at the wedding at all?

I just get very suspicious of brides who are having issues with all their maids.  If people suddenly can't show up for your wedding or your parties.... I tend to think it's because of you being a 'zilla.

katieg520

PDKH said:

katieg520 said:

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that." She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed.  So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events.

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't.

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

It's not their job to be your bridal bitches. They don't have a single responsibility to plan anything - it's your wedding after all, not theirs. You're demanding her time and money for yourself - that's not very friend-like. Good for her for standing up to you. 

And as for her boyfriend - is there a reason you aren't expressing your concerns to her as her friend and not as a bride saying she can't bring her significant other to an event? That's a deeper issue than your wedding. 

You other friend sounds like she has weird husband issues. What's up with that? And asking them to step down is a friendship-ending move. 

Oh, I have definitely tried talking to her because I believe she is also getting into drugs as a result... well, also because of her lack of personal dignity.
And yes, the other friend does have weird husband issues.

Also, to other responses, I thought that was the point of having a bridal party was to plan the shower, bachelorette party, and engagement party. Have I been misled?

katieg520

kss20 said:

What did you think your MOH's reaction was going to be when you didn't invite her bf?  They're adults.  You have to trust that he'll be good at your wedding and if he's not he can be escorted out.  Your BMs don't need to do ANYTHING for you.  They don't give a crap about your wedding.  It's not their party, it's yours.

The Matron of Honor part, I don't really understand. I'm assuming you live in Louisiana?  Why won't her H go there?  Are you saying she won't be at the wedding at all?

I just get very suspicious of brides who are having issues with all their maids.  If people suddenly can't show up for your wedding or your parties.... I tend to think it's because of you being a 'zilla.

I do live in Louisiana. Her H wont go there because of their own marriage issues. She told him it wasn't wise to buy a boat at this time, so he retaliated by saying that he won't be allowing her to pay for travel or buying a dress, etc to be in the wedding or come to it. So no, she won't be at any wedding festivities or the wedding itself.
And I don't have issues with all my maids. I have a problem with the one whose boyfriend is a drug addict. She, consequently, has no friends left because she has isolated herself, lied, etc to all of us.

FutureMrsN3312

@katieg520...

You need to lurk around here a little more.  Contrary to what you might believe "Bridesmaids" are not actually the Brides Maids.  They are required to buy a dress that they can afford, show up sober, and attempt to smile in pictures.  If you don't chill out you'll wind up standing alone.

As far so the boyfriend you don't like because of the drug thing, there's nothing you can do but invite him.

katieg520

Well, I doubt they'll even be together by then... let's hope not anyway lol....

TeddiD34

Also, to other responses, I thought that was the point of having a bridal party was to plan the shower, bachelorette party, and engagement party. Have I been misled?

Yes.

manateehugger

katieg520 said:

PDKH said:

katieg520 said:

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that." She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed.  So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events.

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't.

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

It's not their job to be your bridal bitches. They don't have a single responsibility to plan anything - it's your wedding after all, not theirs. You're demanding her time and money for yourself - that's not very friend-like. Good for her for standing up to you. 

And as for her boyfriend - is there a reason you aren't expressing your concerns to her as her friend and not as a bride saying she can't bring her significant other to an event? That's a deeper issue than your wedding. 

You other friend sounds like she has weird husband issues. What's up with that? And asking them to step down is a friendship-ending move. 

Oh, I have definitely tried talking to her because I believe she is also getting into drugs as a result... well, also because of her lack of personal dignity.
And yes, the other friend does have weird husband issues.

Also, to other responses, I thought that was the point of having a bridal party was to plan the shower, bachelorette party, and engagement party. Have I been misled?

Dude, read that again. Do you know how that sounds? 

You might as well say, "I thought the point to having a husband was to have someone ohh and ahh over me, buy me presents, do the yardwork, and listen to me bitch all the time."

Why should ANYONE spend hundreds, potentially thousands, of dollars on you?

The point to a bridal party is that you'd like to have your nearest and dearest next to you on the day you get married. You honor your appreciation of them and friendship with them by setting them apart from your other guests. You honor them, not the other way around. 

katieg520

I haven't asked them to spend any money, actually.

I've been in weddings before and it was my job to help with planning the shower, host it, etc.

Also, this particular MOH was all gung-ho about planning the shower and bachelorette party just a couple months ago. Now she doesn't even entertain talk of it.

manateehugger

katieg520 said:

I haven't asked them to spend any money, actually.

I've been in weddings before and it was my job to help with planning the shower, host it, etc.

Also, this particular MOH was all gung-ho about planning the shower and bachelorette party just a couple months ago. Now she doesn't even entertain talk of it.

Asking them to plan a party for you IS asking them for money. Unless you think they're going to get corporate sponsors for your shower, someone has to pay for it. 

That's fine that you've done it for another bride - that was gracious of you. However, it was not your job to plan parties, and it's not your bridesmaids' job to plan parties. Any bride who demands her friends plan parties for her is being a bridezilla and incredibly rude to her closest friends. It wasn't your job. 

Have you thought that maybe they aren't as excited because you disinvited/dislike their significant others and started making demands of them at the same time?

Dude, I'm sorry, there's no way you're in the right for this scenario. I'm sorry. 

KeptInStitches

If you cut your expectations (can't find a better word) for your bridal party back to getting the dress (within their budgets), showing up for the pictures (on time and sober), and smiling, you'll be a lot happier. They can offer to do things above that, but they are not required to.

katieg520

Not when it's my mom's and my money, they're just helping her and me make calls, set up, etc.

I only dislike ONE person's significant other... and I have never liked him. I have told her since the first time we did a double date with him and he drooled on himself in my backseat and then passed out mid-convo at the restaurant that I will not go anywhere with him or associate myself with him bc I will not entertain her dependency on someone who has an addiction. Our circle of friends is in agreement with this and they don't associate with him either. We will be HER friend, but we will not support her relationship to this guy.

NYCMercedes

katieg520 said:

I haven't asked them to spend any money, actually.

I've been in weddings before and it was my job to help with planning the shower, host it, etc.

Also, this particular MOH was all gung-ho about planning the shower and bachelorette party just a couple months ago. Now she doesn't even entertain talk of it.

Your maids have absolutely no responsibility to throw you any parties. You should table any discussion of that and treat your friend like a friend.

manateehugger

Musikalizzie said:

I agree with most of the folks here; however, can I just say she did say she was venting... I know when I vent, I sound insane. Maybe she needed this portal to vent off steam.

Given that, unless your bridal party underwent an interview process and signed a wage contract - no one is obliged to plan anything for you. You will realize stressful moments will subside when you stop micromanaging humans.

The good thing is all these folks you are stressed about are alive and healthy. life is short and stuff like this will not matter in the long run. 

Good luck and breath! 

I understand she was venting. However, when she's been treating her friends like crap and then upset because they don't want to hang out with her anymore, she quickly loses my sympathy. 

katieg520

That's the thing, they have all OFFERED. I have taken them up on OFFERS and this ONE girl has just taken a total 180.

And I really don't care what anybody thinks, that dude is NOT invited to my wedding. We cut 75 other friends and family that I'd rather fill his $50 spot. Not gonna happen. I can't even stand the sight of him... and if she isn't paying for my wedding, then she doesn't get a say in who is invited. Period. Especially when she knows how I feel about him. If that makes me a bridezilla, so be it. I don't give a shit. I know I'm not a bridezilla. I have been very easy-going. I haven't made not one demand (other than I am NOT getting married in my FI's sister's backyard, lol). Otherwise, I haven't given a shit about much....

katieg520

PDKH said:

Musikalizzie said:

I agree with most of the folks here; however, can I just say she did say she was venting... I know when I vent, I sound insane. Maybe she needed this portal to vent off steam.

Given that, unless your bridal party underwent an interview process and signed a wage contract - no one is obliged to plan anything for you. You will realize stressful moments will subside when you stop micromanaging humans.

The good thing is all these folks you are stressed about are alive and healthy. life is short and stuff like this will not matter in the long run. 

Good luck and breath! 

I understand she was venting. However, when she's been treating her friends like crap and then upset because they don't want to hang out with her anymore, she quickly loses my sympathy. 

No one has stopped hanging out with me. In fact, we had a bridesmaid lunch last weekend, and my engagement party is this weekend.

katieg520

I mean, I haven't asked one person to do anything they haven't offered to do. And the ones who are doing things for me, I tell them I have it covered. They respond with "absolutely not!"

FutureMrsN3312

katieg520 said:

That's the thing, they have all OFFERED. I have taken them up on OFFERS and this ONE girl has just taken a total 180.

And I really don't care what anybody thinks, that dude is NOT invited to my wedding. We cut 75 other friends and family that I'd rather fill his $50 spot. Not gonna happen. I can't even stand the sight of him... and if she isn't paying for my wedding, then she doesn't get a say in who is invited. Period. Especially when she knows how I feel about him. If that makes me a bridezilla, so be it. I don't give a shit. I know I'm not a bridezilla. I have been very easy-going. I haven't made not one demand (other than I am NOT getting married in my FI's sister's backyard, lol). Otherwise, I haven't given a shit about much....

Another case of SSFS!!!!!
(SpecialSnowFlakeSyndrome)

katieg520

FutureMrsN3312 said:

katieg520 said:

That's the thing, they have all OFFERED. I have taken them up on OFFERS and this ONE girl has just taken a total 180.

And I really don't care what anybody thinks, that dude is NOT invited to my wedding. We cut 75 other friends and family that I'd rather fill his $50 spot. Not gonna happen. I can't even stand the sight of him... and if she isn't paying for my wedding, then she doesn't get a say in who is invited. Period. Especially when she knows how I feel about him. If that makes me a bridezilla, so be it. I don't give a shit. I know I'm not a bridezilla. I have been very easy-going. I haven't made not one demand (other than I am NOT getting married in my FI's sister's backyard, lol). Otherwise, I haven't given a shit about much....

Another case of SSFS!!!!!
(SpecialSnowFlakeSyndrome)

Ack! The acronyms... what the heck is Special Snow Flake Syndrome??? I guess I should go google that....

southernbelle0915

katieg520 said:

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. This reason sucks. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! Probably because the stuff you want her to do is ridiculous and outside her "job description" of showing up in the dress you choose (in her budget) to the ceremony on time. My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times It's rude to ask your BMs to plan parties, plan the wedding and do stuff for you. The title of BM/MOH is for YOU to honor THEM. Not the other way around. about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that."  She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. It's rude to exclude SOs.  Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. Are you sure it wasn't something you said? I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed. Well heaven forbid YOU'RE embarrassed by something so extremely sad and tragic. So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events. She's probably relieved. I would be and definitely use it as excuse to end the "friendship" or whatever you call it...

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't. Dropping like flies, huh? Gosh I wonder why....

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

I think it would be a good exercise for you to reflect on how you've treated these people. It's no wonder they're not willing to help you and/or refusing to attend. If one of my "friends" treated me like shit, I won't waste any time or money on her either.

katieg520

FutureMrsN3312 said:

katieg520 said:

That's the thing, they have all OFFERED. I have taken them up on OFFERS and this ONE girl has just taken a total 180.

And I really don't care what anybody thinks, that dude is NOT invited to my wedding. We cut 75 other friends and family that I'd rather fill his $50 spot. Not gonna happen. I can't even stand the sight of him... and if she isn't paying for my wedding, then she doesn't get a say in who is invited. Period. Especially when she knows how I feel about him. If that makes me a bridezilla, so be it. I don't give a shit. I know I'm not a bridezilla. I have been very easy-going. I haven't made not one demand (other than I am NOT getting married in my FI's sister's backyard, lol). Otherwise, I haven't given a shit about much....

Another case of SSFS!!!!!
(SpecialSnowFlakeSyndrome)

Ok, I went to look it up and literally laughed out loud...... So not me!!! ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

katieg520

southernbelle0915 said:

katieg520 said:

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. This reason sucks. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! Probably because the stuff you want her to do is ridiculous and outside her "job description" of showing up in the dress you choose (in her budget) to the ceremony on time. My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times It's rude to ask your BMs to plan parties, plan the wedding and do stuff for you. The title of BM/MOH is for YOU to honor THEM. Not the other way around. about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that."  She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. It's rude to exclude SOs.  Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. Are you sure it wasn't something you said? I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed. Well heaven forbid YOU'RE embarrassed by something so extremely sad and tragic. So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events. She's probably relieved. I would be and definitely use it as excuse to end the "friendship" or whatever you call it...

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't. Dropping like flies, huh? Gosh I wonder why....

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

I think it would be a good exercise for you to reflect on how you've treated these people. It's no wonder they're not willing to help you and/or refusing to attend. If one of my "friends" treated me like shit, I won't waste any time or money on her either.

Have you read the above responses????

katieg520

southernbelle0915 said:

katieg520 said:

Ok, so in my wedding I have a Matron of Honor (who lives 10 hours away in Florida) and I have a Maid of Honor (lives locally). The reason for having two is because one is local and can participate and help plan. This reason sucks. The one who lives in Florida is truly my very best friend and the one I am so close to. Well.... let's just say they're both being lame.

The one who lives locally hasn't done a damn thing! Probably because the stuff you want her to do is ridiculous and outside her "job description" of showing up in the dress you choose (in her budget) to the ceremony on time. My mom has planned the engagement party all by herself. I have tried to talk to this MOH multiple times It's rude to ask your BMs to plan parties, plan the wedding and do stuff for you. The title of BM/MOH is for YOU to honor THEM. Not the other way around. about things that need to be planned only to get either no response or told that I am freaking out over nothing and that if I want to "stress myself out then go right ahead" but "she's not about to do that."  She also stopped talking to me for a period of time because her boyfriend is not invited to the wedding. It's rude to exclude SOs.  Her boyfriend is a known drug dealer and user and has passed out in public on more than one occasion due to the drugs he takes. Are you sure it wasn't something you said? I told her I'm sorry but I would not be inviting him because 1. the guest list has to be kept short and we had already cut like 75 or more friends and relatives, and 2. because she knows how I feel about him and there will be police there, so if he passes out at a table, I would be so embarrassed. Well heaven forbid YOU'RE embarrassed by something so extremely sad and tragic. So yesterday I had planned to ask her to step down as MOH and just let someone else take over because it's obvious that she has no time to participate and contribute to planning events. She's probably relieved. I would be and definitely use it as excuse to end the "friendship" or whatever you call it...

Well, before I could approach her, the Matron of Honor that lives in Florida texted me to tell me that her husband has said they will not travel to Louisiana for any reason. So she won't come alone because she says she can't handle her three kids by herself. I could go on and on about that in itself, but I won't. Dropping like flies, huh? Gosh I wonder why....

I am so pissed at both of them....

Ok, just had to vent.

I think it would be a good exercise for you to reflect on how you've treated these people. It's no wonder they're not willing to help you and/or refusing to attend. If one of my "friends" treated me like shit, I won't waste any time or money on her either.

Have you read the above responses????

Maggie0829

katieg520 said:

Not when it's my mom's and my money, they're just helping her and me make calls, set up, etc.

I only dislike ONE person's significant other... and I have never liked him. I have told her since the first time we did a double date with him and he drooled on himself in my backseat and then passed out mid-convo at the restaurant that I will not go anywhere with him or associate myself with him bc I will not entertain her dependency on someone who has an addiction. Our circle of friends is in agreement with this and they don't associate with him either. We will be HER friend, but we will not support her relationship to this guy.

So you are throwing your own engagement party?  Klassy.

katieg520 said:

That's the thing, they have all OFFERED. I have taken them up on OFFERS and this ONE girl has just taken a total 180.

And I really don't care what anybody thinks, that dude is NOT invited to my wedding. We cut 75 other friends and family that I'd rather fill his $50 spot. Not gonna happen. I can't even stand the sight of him... and if she isn't paying for my wedding, then she doesn't get a say in who is invited. Period. Especially when she knows how I feel about him. If that makes me a bridezilla, so be it. I don't give a shit. I know I'm not a bridezilla. I have been very easy-going. I haven't made not one demand (other than I am NOT getting married in my FI's sister's backyard, lol). Otherwise, I haven't given a shit about much....

And you certainly haven't sounded like you have been easy going.  You sound very demanding and entitled.  And yes you have made demands by trying to force your BMs to help plan a party that you and your Mom are throwing.

katieg520

No, my mom and dad are throwing the engagement party. I was referring to the shower.

Did you miss the part where I said they offered???

Maggie0829

katieg520 said:

No, my mom and dad are throwing the engagement party. I was referring to the shower.

Did you miss the part where I said they offered???

So you are throwing your own shower?

Ok so they offered.  Well they can always un-offer.  And honestly, I would not be all gung ho to plan a party that I had no say over.  You are basically using them as your personal assistants.

katieg520

You said, I would not be gung-ho to plan a party that I had no say over.... isn't that where helping to plan things and making decisions comes in?