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Bridesmaid drama!!!! So over it!

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Re: Bridesmaid drama!!!! So over it!

  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    My point with posting that was everybody jumped my ass when it is clearly written in multiple places that these are common expectations of a BP. The way you people talk to others is just appalling. I would never talk to people I know in this way, much less someone I don't know. The use of GIFs to belittle and shame someone is ridiculous. I work with teenagers who are less vicious than you adults are to each other. I have lurked on other areas of this place and I just smh at how "snarky" you are and you just call it "stating your opinion." Where I'm from, we don't talk to people that way. I thought this was a place to get ideas and share ideas about wedding planning. Boy, was I wrong. Apparently if you do something different than the way the majority feels is the "right way" then you're unacceptable. Get over yourselves! This is like a virtual episode of "Mean Girls."

    By the way, if I see "could of" or "should of" one more time I will scream. The grammatically correct way to spell what you're attempting to say is "should've" or "could've." It is a contraction of "should have" or "could have." There is no such thing as "should of" or "could of." See, everybody makes mistakes :)
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    My point in posting is to try to show you the other side. I am sad that I lost friendships over weddings, but I see why it happened, how I was taken advantage of, and I won't go back there. Other people need to know that this can happen.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    Oh I agree, some people can lose friendships over weddings... I wouldn't do something like that. Maybe I came across differently, but I would never stop being someone's friend over something like that, nor would I expect someone to do something they didn't want to do. This post started out as a vent that I felt disappointed. I got it out on here, but I did NOT once say anything to either MOH because I would never want either one of them to feel pressure. If one can't come, then don't come. Doesn't mean I won't be disappointed or upset. If the other doesn't want to do shit for me, then don't. I have some pretty awesome friends and family who will do it. Doesn't mean I won't be disappointed that she wasn't as excited as the others.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    Musikalizzie said:
    I

    JUST 


    CAN'T
    Then don't. Nobody asked you.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    acove2006 said:
    Oh Katie you were doing so well for a second.

    The internet is full of false stuff. There are site that tell you how to be bulimic and anorexic. Are you going to put your fingers down your throat after reading that? I mean, it's written down so it must be good info!

    TheKnot.com (separate from the message boards) is part of the wedding industry. The wedding industry wants to make money. The list you read does contain items that are usually taken care of by the bridal party, yes. But it is not a requirement. They are not, and should not, be expected to do any of those things other than buying a dress and showing up for the wedding. Anything else they offer to do is awesome. But someone offering to do something doesn't give you the right to be up their ass about it and suddenly expect it. By making brides think they *need* to require their bridesmaids to do everything on that list, theknot.com and others involved in the wedding industry make money. Because if the BP *must* plan parties, they'll have to spend money. and look! theknot.com has lots of things you can spend money on! Coincidence? I think not.

    Look, asking someone to be your MOH or BM is an honor. You ask them because they are such a good friend of yours. You ask them because you want them standing next to you, in support of your marriage, on your wedding day. You don't ask them because you want them to plan parties and do things for you. That's what wedding planners are for. And you should NOT be involved in the planning of any parties (showers, bachelorettes, engagement parties, etc). You should give a possible guest list and available dates if asked, and that's about it. Being involved in any or all of those makes you appear super gift grabby and attention seeking.

    These girls are your friends. Please take another step back and think about that. Don't treat them like hired help.

    As for your friend with the drug issues, I do understand. I had a bad addiction issue myself and lost several great friends because of it. They all tried to help at some point or another but I didn't care. One usually has to hit rock bottom and unfortunately by that point most friends are long gone. I hope that's not how it happens for your friend, but don't enable her (which is doesn't sound like you're doing any longer). Just pray that she stays safe and remind her that you'll be there for her whenever she needs you. Good luck!
    So if you're not fans of TK, why are you here?


    And I don't plan to enable her, but any time she needs me for anything when she wants to get help, I'm here, any time of day.

    As for the rest of you with your bitchy comments, well.. I just won't lower myself to even tell you what I really want to say.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    FURTHERMORE, I have had people message me to tell me they agree with me, but they didn't want to say anything because of your attitudes. My gosh, wtf is going on here? I have never and will never be pressured to think or do certain things because some women on a message board do.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    Dreamergirl8812 said:
    I stopped at "worker bee." Are you fucking kidding me?
    No. I didn't write it... I did bold it because it was a major point. I chose to bold that particular point because it showed my point that the MOH doesn't just "show up and smile in pictures." Who the fuck does that? Who, when they get asked to be MOH, "Oh yay, I just have to show up on wedding day?" GTFOH!!!!
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    Musikalizzie said:
    She's an angry elf!
    I have a name. I'm not angry, but I do stand up for myself. I'm not like these other girls who get their asses jumped and they go run off in a corner somewhere.
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  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    katieg520 said:
    acove2006 said:
    Oh Katie you were doing so well for a second.

    The internet is full of false stuff. There are site that tell you how to be bulimic and anorexic. Are you going to put your fingers down your throat after reading that? I mean, it's written down so it must be good info!

    TheKnot.com (separate from the message boards) is part of the wedding industry. The wedding industry wants to make money. The list you read does contain items that are usually taken care of by the bridal party, yes. But it is not a requirement. They are not, and should not, be expected to do any of those things other than buying a dress and showing up for the wedding. Anything else they offer to do is awesome. But someone offering to do something doesn't give you the right to be up their ass about it and suddenly expect it. By making brides think they *need* to require their bridesmaids to do everything on that list, theknot.com and others involved in the wedding industry make money. Because if the BP *must* plan parties, they'll have to spend money. and look! theknot.com has lots of things you can spend money on! Coincidence? I think not.

    Look, asking someone to be your MOH or BM is an honor. You ask them because they are such a good friend of yours. You ask them because you want them standing next to you, in support of your marriage, on your wedding day. You don't ask them because you want them to plan parties and do things for you. That's what wedding planners are for. And you should NOT be involved in the planning of any parties (showers, bachelorettes, engagement parties, etc). You should give a possible guest list and available dates if asked, and that's about it. Being involved in any or all of those makes you appear super gift grabby and attention seeking.

    These girls are your friends. Please take another step back and think about that. Don't treat them like hired help.

    As for your friend with the drug issues, I do understand. I had a bad addiction issue myself and lost several great friends because of it. They all tried to help at some point or another but I didn't care. One usually has to hit rock bottom and unfortunately by that point most friends are long gone. I hope that's not how it happens for your friend, but don't enable her (which is doesn't sound like you're doing any longer). Just pray that she stays safe and remind her that you'll be there for her whenever she needs you. Good luck!
    So if you're not fans of TK, why are you here?


    And I don't plan to enable her, but any time she needs me for anything when she wants to get help, I'm here, any time of day.

    As for the rest of you with your bitchy comments, well.. I just won't lower myself to even tell you what I really want to say.
    As she said, the forums are separate from the rest of TK.  The rest of TK is a part of the wedding industry, doing what they do to make brides spend more so their own pockets get fat.  It's capitalism and you really can't blame them for it.  The forums (and especially Etiquette) are full of people who just like weddings and like to help brides find the best way to throw the wedding of their dreams without making their friends and families hate the bride for the rest of her life because she did something that makes them feel used like a piggybank rather than a cherished friend/family member.

    If your bridesmaids choose to throw you a party of their own free will, feel free to enjoy it.  It's just kinda rude to expect them to perform like show ponies.  You can go ahead and try to force them if they don't want to, we're just warning you they might not respond so favorably.  Even if they once said they wanted to throw parties and all have matching shoes and shell out tons of money on makeup, a designer dress and hair styling, they have free will.  They can change their mind.  Unless you made them sign a legally binding contract, you can't really hold that over their heads, you know.
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Everything else aside, I don't get why brides ask people to be MOHs based on how they can help.  My little sister chose our youngest sister to be her MOH.  My youngest sister is 14.  She lives 1100 miles away from the bride, me and our older sister.  My older sister and me are BMs.  My older sister and me will be planning a bachelorette party, possibly a bridal shower or helping with a shower, and doing much more to help out than our youngest sister, the MOH.

    MOH is JUST a title.  It has nothing to do with someone helping out.  Just because someone is a MOH rather than "just" a BM doesn't mean they have to help more.  I don't get why brides think that.
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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Maybe instead of spending your time whining on here you should sit back and think about why your BMs may be pulling away from you. Are you really about to let some arbitrary list come between you and your friends?

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    AddieL73 said:
    OP, you need to relax. I suggest sex, masturbation, or margaritas.
    Or a combination of all three. Just sayin'.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Anniversary 
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    katieg520 said:
    My point with posting that was everybody jumped my ass when it is clearly written in multiple places that these are common expectations of a BP. The way you people talk to others is just appalling. I would never talk to people I know in this way, much less someone I don't know. The use of GIFs to belittle and shame someone is ridiculous. I work with teenagers who are less vicious than you adults are to each other. I have lurked on other areas of this place and I just smh at how "snarky" you are and you just call it "stating your opinion." Where I'm from, we don't talk to people that way. I thought this was a place to get ideas and share ideas about wedding planning. Boy, was I wrong. Apparently if you do something different than the way the majority feels is the "right way" then you're unacceptable. Get over yourselves! This is like a virtual episode of "Mean Girls."

    By the way, if I see "could of" or "should of" one more time I will scream. The grammatically correct way to spell what you're attempting to say is "should've" or "could've." It is a contraction of "should have" or "could have." There is no such thing as "should of" or "could of." See, everybody makes mistakes :)
    You, who wrote "hindered on calling me a bitch", are giving lessons in grammar?



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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    katieg520 said:
    Dreamergirl8812 said:
    I stopped at "worker bee." Are you fucking kidding me?
    No. I didn't write it... I did bold it because it was a major point. I chose to bold that particular point because it showed my point that the MOH doesn't just "show up and smile in pictures." Who the fuck does that? Who, when they get asked to be MOH, "Oh yay, I just have to show up on wedding day?" GTFOH!!!!
    The kind of person whose life doesn't revolve around someone else's party, and who realizes that the point of being asked to be MOH is that the bride is honoring you for being her closest friend, not best source of slave labor.



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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    I've been a bridesmaid. FI has been a groomsman more times than I can count. We *always* had small assignments of some type, within reason. I suspect most people who sign on as part of a wedding party do know they're more likely to find themselves helping out with last-minute prep and such--to a point anyway--and factor that in when deciding whether or not to get involved. But even so, it isn't nice to take advantage of their willingness to help you.

    Setting that part of the debate aside, here, I am really confused. Why, if you felt your MOH was supposed to be your right-hand woman through everything, would you choose somebody for the job that you knew was unstable, in a fragile mental and emotional state, and who had a drug problem?
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    kitty8403 said:
    I've been a bridesmaid. FI has been a groomsman more times than I can count. We *always* had small assignments of some type, within reason. I suspect most people who sign on as part of a wedding party do know they're more likely to find themselves helping out with last-minute prep and such--to a point anyway--and factor that in when deciding whether or not to get involved. But even so, it isn't nice to take advantage of their willingness to help you. Setting that part of the debate aside, here, I am really confused. Why, if you felt your MOH was supposed to be your right-hand woman through everything, would you choose somebody for the job that you knew was unstable, in a fragile mental and emotional state, and who had a drug problem?
    Well, I guess I didn't realize how bad it had gotten. We used to spend a LOT of time together, but in the past few months since she has been seeing this guy, we haven't. I had just chalked it up to the fact that she was in a new relationship. I just figured that's what happens when you get in a relationship. But her other friends messaged me on facebook and we all discovered holes in things she has told us and we all were ... I don't know the word... flabbergasted (???) at the conclusions that she must be way worse off than anybody had known.
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  • JustNickiJustNicki member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    katieg520 said:
    I do live in Louisiana. Her H wont go there because of their own marriage issues. She told him it wasn't wise to buy a boat at this time, so he retaliated by saying that he won't be allowing her to pay for travel or buying a dress, etc to be in the wedding or come to it. So no, she won't be at any wedding festivities or the wedding itself.
    And I don't have issues with all my maids. I have a problem with the one whose boyfriend is a drug addict. She, consequently, has no friends left because she has isolated herself, lied, etc to all of us.
    Given the bolded statement, I'm curious as to why you asked her to be your MOH in the first place. I fear that it's only because she "is local and can help participate and plan."  

    It sounds like you had already written her off as a friend before you asked her to be your MOH just because she is struggling to sever an unhealthy relationship.  Then you went and asked her to be in your wedding out of convenience to yourself.  You don't sound very nice.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    JustNicki said:
    katieg520 said:
    I do live in Louisiana. Her H wont go there because of their own marriage issues. She told him it wasn't wise to buy a boat at this time, so he retaliated by saying that he won't be allowing her to pay for travel or buying a dress, etc to be in the wedding or come to it. So no, she won't be at any wedding festivities or the wedding itself.
    And I don't have issues with all my maids. I have a problem with the one whose boyfriend is a drug addict. She, consequently, has no friends left because she has isolated herself, lied, etc to all of us.
    Given the bolded statement, I'm curious as to why you asked her to be your MOH in the first place. I fear that it's only because she "is local and can help participate and plan."  

    It sounds like you had already written her off as a friend before you asked her to be your MOH just because she is struggling to sever an unhealthy relationship.  Then you went and asked her to be in your wedding out of convenience to yourself.  You don't sound very nice.
    Honestly, the reason I asked her is because she and I USED to be very close. I was hoping that when I asked her to be MOH, she would be excited and restore things to the way they used to be. Idk if that was the right thing to do or not, but I do miss the old "J(fill in name here)." She used to be such a happy person and I miss that. I know how I came across, but I promise I love her so much and I just miss the way we used to be.
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  • JustNickiJustNicki member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    katieg520 said:
    Honestly, the reason I asked her is because she and I USED to be very close. I was hoping that when I asked her to be MOH, she would be excited and restore things to the way they used to be. Idk if that was the right thing to do or not, but I do miss the old "J(fill in name here)." She used to be such a happy person and I miss that. I know how I came across, but I promise I love her so much and I just miss the way we used to be.
    I think part of the problem here is that your idea probably wasn't the best way to get close with J again.  Asking someone to be MOH is indeed a way to show someone how greatly you care for her, but you are losing your chance of restoring things to how they were by getting on her case about her so-called "bridesmaid duties."  I understand that she offered to help; but, like PPs said, you have to leave it at that.  I hope that after the wedding you two will be able to spend quality time together as friends, without the burden of (unfairly) expected duties between you.
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  • katieg520katieg520 member
    500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its First Answer
    JustNicki said:
    katieg520 said:
    Honestly, the reason I asked her is because she and I USED to be very close. I was hoping that when I asked her to be MOH, she would be excited and restore things to the way they used to be. Idk if that was the right thing to do or not, but I do miss the old "J(fill in name here)." She used to be such a happy person and I miss that. I know how I came across, but I promise I love her so much and I just miss the way we used to be.
    I think part of the problem here is that your idea probably wasn't the best way to get close with J again.  Asking someone to be MOH is indeed a way to show someone how greatly you care for her, but you are losing your chance of restoring things to how they were by getting on her case about her so-called "bridesmaid duties."  I understand that she offered to help; but, like PPs said, you have to leave it at that.  I hope that after the wedding you two will be able to spend quality time together as friends, without the burden of (unfairly) expected duties between you.


    I've never even said a thing about expecting her to do anything. I did vent on here, but never said anything to her. I hope we can spend quality time together BEFORE the wedding, lol.

     

    @shaylagirl Oh definitely no cash bar!!!!! We can only afford wells and unlimited beer and wine, but there will be complimentary alcohol, lol.

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  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    katieg520 said:
    JustNicki said:
    katieg520 said:
    I do live in Louisiana. Her H wont go there because of their own marriage issues. She told him it wasn't wise to buy a boat at this time, so he retaliated by saying that he won't be allowing her to pay for travel or buying a dress, etc to be in the wedding or come to it. So no, she won't be at any wedding festivities or the wedding itself.
    And I don't have issues with all my maids. I have a problem with the one whose boyfriend is a drug addict. She, consequently, has no friends left because she has isolated herself, lied, etc to all of us.
    Given the bolded statement, I'm curious as to why you asked her to be your MOH in the first place. I fear that it's only because she "is local and can help participate and plan."  

    It sounds like you had already written her off as a friend before you asked her to be your MOH just because she is struggling to sever an unhealthy relationship.  Then you went and asked her to be in your wedding out of convenience to yourself.  You don't sound very nice.
    Honestly, the reason I asked her is because she and I USED to be very close. I was hoping that when I asked her to be MOH, she would be excited and restore things to the way they used to be. Idk if that was the right thing to do or not, but I do miss the old "J(fill in name here)." She used to be such a happy person and I miss that. I know how I came across, but I promise I love her so much and I just miss the way we used to be.
    I understand the place you are coming from. However, a wedding is not a good time or a good reason to restore a friendship. I know that in my own case, I am spread completely thin between working, going to school full time, and of course, the planning.  I admit that I spent the first few days of the engagement day-dreaming about my gals and I spending quality time, but after only a month in I am finding myself thankful for the close relationships I already have with them.  You should try to rebuild the relationship if that's what you want, but you shouldn't have to stress about it in relation to your wedding, you don't need the added stress! Enjoy your day! :)
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