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What Your Guests Really Think of Your Honeymoon Registry...

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Re: What Your Guests Really Think of Your Honeymoon Registry...

  • to act outraged if it a honeymoon website or crate and barrell is ridiculous. I don't like not having gifts at a shower because that is the fun of it but most people now request you bring your gift in clear wrap and don't open them anyway so let's not get crazy over this registry. i think it's a great idea as do most new brides that have been cohabitating and have everything they get on the typical registry
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I responded here after reading through several of the same cry babying from people who are so outraged and offended as if people have showers and do not expect gifts, I know exactly what the registry is I just signed up my daughter and it is a better option than not putting anything on her invitation and have people buy her garbage. Every invitation to a shower comes with a bunch of registry cards because people are asking for gifts I think at this point that is a given to everyone except this group

    The point of a shower is to actually buy gifts for the bride to be so, yeah, people expect gifts at a shower.

    But a HM registry is not about getting gifts.  It is asking for money.  You don't get the excursion or dinner you get a check minus whatever fee the website takes.  So what people are buying you is not what you are getting.  Which is deceiving.  But if someone buys you a blender or toaster then they at least know that you are getting you what they wanted to give you.

    to act outraged if it a honeymoon website or crate and barrell is ridiculous. I don't like not having gifts at a shower because that is the fun of it but most people now request you bring your gift in clear wrap and don't open them anyway so let's not get crazy over this registry. i think it's a great idea as do most new brides that have been cohabitating and have everything they get on the typical registry
    Not necessarily.  And even so you don't think people may want to upgrade their things?  I know I wanted better silverware then the 25 year old set that I was given from my Mom when they moved to Florida.  I also wanted a new set of dishes that weren't all chipped and scratched.  New towels because the ones I had were old as well as new sheets for the brand new king size bed my H and I just bought.  So to assume that couples who have been living together don't need anything is pretty ridiculous.
    GlitterWitch22PrettyGirlLosthuskypuppy14
  • Not necessarily.  And even so you don't think people may want to upgrade their things?  I know I wanted better silverware then the 25 year old set that I was given from my Mom when they moved to Florida.  I also wanted a new set of dishes that weren't all chipped and scratched.  New towels because the ones I had were old as well as new sheets for the brand new king size bed my H and I just bought.  So to assume that couples who have been living together don't need anything is pretty ridiculous.

    Strongly agree.  FI and i have lived together for almost 8 years now and just about everything we currently have is either (1) from college or (2) a hand me down.  Our crowd typically gives cash as wedding gifts, but i was very easily able to set up large enough physical gift registries to cover the shower.  Honestly i could have signed up for more, but we wanted people to buy us stuff we really needed (new plates, towels, sheets, glassware, silverware) instead of stuff that i would eventually maybe like to have (fine china, crystalware).  I did throw in a few appliances that FI thought were over-the-top, but i've always wanted a belgian waffle maker, so it's staying on there!

     

    Additionally, on the "honeymoon" page of my wedding website, i did lay out the details of our trip...FI's family occassionally does things like find out where we're going on vacation and get us a gift card to a good restaurant there.  So if anyone really wants to get us something for our honeymoon, they have our itinerary and the name of our resorts.  They can feel free to do that if they so choose.

  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2014
    you ladies are ridiculous. I am setting up a honey moon fund for my daughter's shower and i think it is just fine. As if putting a registry is not asking for gifts any less because it is a department store. Or acting like it is a guideline not a request for gifts. Sure . Or better yet suggesting that you register and return the gifts afterword is a better option because that is not deceiving. You guys crack me up. A honeymoon registry is completely acceptable and I would rather know as a gift giver that my gift is something that is needed and wanted and not another dumb blender that they will regift. As long as they have all different amounts optioned ...it's fine
    Did people advocate returning gifts?  The only time I'd think that was acceptable is if you receive a duplicate (that you really can't use).  I think it's sad that you are encouraging your daughter to be rude.  People will judge her.

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I responded here after reading through several of the same cry babying from people who are so outraged and offended as if people have showers and do not expect gifts, I know exactly what the registry is I just signed up my daughter and it is a better option than not putting anything on her invitation and have people buy her garbage. Every invitation to a shower comes with a bunch of registry cards because people are asking for gifts I think at this point that is a given to everyone except this group

    ladydi1844 daughter who isn't capable of setting up her own registry, let alone following proper etiquette. Hope the punch and tacky company was worth that 5-10% fee you paid, that you didn't even know about.

    image

    We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 
    Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion. 

    But I have good news :) 
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 
     A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I love how this woman has decided to speak for the masses of new brides who have been cohabitating and have everything they need by saying most of them think it's a good idea. Really? How many of them have you polled worldwide to reach this conclusion, lady?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    grumbledoreGlitterWitch22PrettyGirlLostTeddiD34
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    I set up a small-print "or if you prefer, donate to our honeymoon fund" with a Paypal "donate" button on our wedding website below where we put where we were registered. Many of my relatives usually give cash for holidays and birthdays etc and have been very thankful for the donate button. Some did also give physical cash which I've been storing in a cigar box for our trip. They know traveling on a teacher's and artist's earnings is tough.  Also my college friends who I know are cash-poor have been able to donate a little bit and know it will be enjoyed. Paypal keeps tabs on who donated what and I've been keeping the thank-you cards rolling for donations ranging from $5 and a hand-silkscreened t-shirt from my old college roomie to $500 from the owner of the company my dad works for. I've seen asking for cash done well and I've seen it done badly. I hope nobody is talking about me behind my back 0_0 I figured if everyone hated it, they wouldn't be using it. I tried to make sure everyone knew it was just an option if they preferred to do things that way. I looked into Honeyfund, but they take quite a cut!

    Am I terribly tacky? Seriously, though. If everyone here thinks I'm tacky, I'll feel so insecure I'll probably take the button off the site here and now!
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited March 2014


    Am I terribly tacky? Seriously, though. If everyone here thinks I'm tacky, I'll feel so insecure I'll probably take the button off the site here and now!
    You'd better start hitting the delete button. There is NO polite way to ask for money. None whatsoever.
    grumbledorepinkshorts27TeddiD34
  • But asking for stuff isn't... got it. I honestly think all forms of asking for gifts is pretty tacky.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    you ladies are ridiculous. I am setting up a honey moon fund for my daughter's shower and i think it is just fine. As if putting a registry is not asking for gifts any less because it is a department store. Or acting like it is a guideline not a request for gifts. Sure . Or better yet suggesting that you register and return the gifts afterword is a better option because that is not deceiving. You guys crack me up. A honeymoon registry is completely acceptable and I would rather know as a gift giver that my gift is something that is needed and wanted and not another dumb blender that they will regift. As long as they have all different amounts optioned ...it's fine
    It is not fine. It's rude. There is no polite way to ask people for money. A gift registry is not a gift requisition form. No one is required to purchase anything off that either. It's simply a guideline for those who want to give a gift and want a better idea of what the couple needs and what their style preferences are. Silverware is a need. Dinner on the beach is not a need. Honeyfund and the like are nothing more than fee-based electronic panhandling devices. If my mother took it upon herself to do something like this for me, I would be utterly humiliated and it would negatively affect our relationship for a long, long time. But then, my mother wouldn't do this, because she isn't rude.

    If you want her to have a honeymoon so badly, and don't want her to adult up and pay for it, then why aren't you paying for it yourself? If your daughter is old enough to get married without your permission, then she's old enough to handle her own registries and either pay for her own honeymoon, or understand why she has to forego having one.
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    But asking for stuff isn't... got it. I honestly think all forms of asking for gifts is pretty tacky.
    A registry isn't asking for anything. It's just there, and if people choose to buy something off of it, that's up to them. No one is shoving it in their face and demanding gifts (at least they shouldn't be, that would be rude too). You could argue that the Honeyfund is that way too, but most people here agree that making a list of things you'd like to have someday is fine, but people already know that cash makes a good gift and don't need to be told how to give it. "Where are you registered" is a big difference from "What amount should I make the check out for". Not to mention that no one is required to register, no one is required to attend a shower, and no one is required to give any wedding gift at all. Registries aren't broadcast, and you don't mention them unless asked directly about them. There's a difference. But if you don't like the idea of a registry, then you don't need to have one.
    PrettyGirlLostTeddiD34
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    Okay, since everyone thinks my paypal button is horrendously tacky, I took it down. Though I did write thank-you notes for every donation made there, and nobody seemed bothered by it.


    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • Okay, since everyone thinks my paypal button is horrendously tacky, I took it down. Though I did write thank-you notes for every donation made there, and nobody seemed bothered by it.

    You really need to delete the link to your site. It has some personal information on there that you probably don't want the world to have access to. 
    pinkshorts27
  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    @mrshutzler Completely unrelated, but I love your website design. The blue and orange with the bird is so pretty! I wish mine looked like that!

    image   image   image

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    @mrshutzler Completely unrelated, but I love your website design. The blue and orange with the bird is so pretty! I wish mine looked like that!
    And unless you are inviting everyone to the shower, I wouldn't have shower information on the website (unless this is only a site for your shower). Can people that are not invited to the shower see that information? That would be rude.
  • Okay, since everyone thinks my paypal button is horrendously tacky, I took it down. Though I did write thank-you notes for every donation made there, and nobody seemed bothered by it.

    You really need to delete the link to your site. It has some personal information on there that you probably don't want the world to have access to. 
    Didn't realize that. Thanks!
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    @mrshutzler Completely unrelated, but I love your website design. The blue and orange with the bird is so pretty! I wish mine looked like that!
    And unless you are inviting everyone to the shower, I wouldn't have shower information on the website (unless this is only a site for your shower). Can people that are not invited to the shower see that information? That would be rude.
    Everyone WAS invited to the shower. All the ladies were, anyway. Obv folks from out of town didn't make it (and I did not send cards to people I knew couldn't come to avoid looking gift-grabby), but we did not exclude anyone. This wedding is a big deal to everyone and I want to be as inclusive as possible. There were loads of people there! Thankfully I've been on top of thank- yous and I'm proud to say that I mailed out 30 thank-you cards in one day! Whew! I just sent off for more stationery. I didn't think I'd run out so fast!


    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • @mrshutzler Completely unrelated, but I love your website design. The blue and orange with the bird is so pretty! I wish mine looked like that!
    thanks re the web design! My STDates were done in the same design. It all came together pretty quickly. I'm an illustrator, so I wanted to leave my mark somewhere.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • @ Maggie0829 totally agree. I remember when I found out how honeyfunds really worked...I felt like an idiot for spending so much time trying to decide between "airline credits" or "a Maori tribe tour," etc. for a friend's wedding gift. I only found out by asking my friend what they did with all the honeyfund purchases because they never actually went on their honeymoon! UGH! That's when she told me that they just got a check with a percentage taken out. This was five years ago, but I can tell you that most people - especially the older crowd - still think they're getting you the vineyard excursion or the dolphin experience. It's really not right.
    grumbledoreNYCBruin
  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited March 2014
    But asking for stuff isn't... got it. I honestly think all forms of asking for gifts is pretty tacky.
    A traditional registry isn't "asking for stuff."  It's a list of things a couple could use if people want to buy them gifts but aren't sure what to buy.  It's to help a potential gift-giver, not to demand a list of gifts.  Asking for gifts is just rude in general.  Remember, showers, at which most physical wedding related gifts are given, are not hosted by the bride and groom, so the suggestion that people buy them gifts is actually made by the host/ess.

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  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Setting asisde how tacky a HM registry is, I still dont understand why a mom would register for her daughter's sexfest?
    InkdancerrajahmdRebeccaB88grumbledore
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Apologies for slightly going off topic, but who are these couples that have absolutely everything they need/want and can find nothing worthwhile to register for in the home department? I see this constantly. "We went with a honeymoon registry because we have everything we need and just want contributions to our honeymoon." If you have every single thing you could ever want for your home, then why don't you have any money? I realize that some might be saving for a down payment or to pay off things, but I just find it hard to believe that you're completely set, that there's not one thing you can think of in terms of upgrades, etc. My FI and I have been living together for a year and have good jobs, and of course we could always use money for a larger down payment, getting rid of our student loans, etc., but we also look forward to receiving special things for our home from guests. Things we could buy for ourselves, but just wouldn't necessarily - like a fancy carving set, super nice cookware, high thread count towels, etc. We also live in the city in a one bedroom apartment...so it's not like we're swimming in extra space. Anyway, my point is: why not just admit that you don't care about getting things for your home or keepsakes and that you would rather ask your guests to pay for your honeymoon instead? Just be honest about it. The whole honeymoon registry thing really screams dishonest to me.

    I'm not registering anything - no housewares, no upgrades, and definitely not a honeymoon. FI and I have lived together for over 10 years, so we actually do have all the things we "need" - a full service for 8 Lenox china set, service for 16 Gorham china set, service for 16 silverware, plenty of fancy pots/pans, fancy knives, and all the fancy appliances and gizmos we can fit on our countertops and in our cabinets. We rent a fairly small apartment, so we actually don't have space to put more stuff - we actually need to look into getting a storage unit to put our Christmas decorations in because we don't have anywhere to put them anymore. We also aren't registering for a honeymoon because, if we even had time to take one, we'd be able to pay for it on our own. We are actually hoping our guests don't give us anything other than the joy of spending our wedding day with them - but since we can't say that, we're kind of stuck either not registering for anything or registering for things we can't even store. So yea, there's more reasons for not registering than only wanting money.
    ~*~*~*~*~

    offthemarket915
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2014
    My aunt got me a Kitchenaid mixer in a great pistachio ice cream color. Personally, I prefer the random gifts that people think up on their own than the things from the list. One of my friends got me Miss Piggy and Kermit replica puppets (we used to joke that me and the fiance are Kermit and Piggy because we have similar personalities). Obv I did not register for that but they are AMAZING. I like to make them have absurd arguments.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    offthemarket915grumbledore
  • Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 at the corner of Wine Ave. and Margarita Ln. member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I responded here after reading through several of the same cry babying from people who are so outraged and offended as if people have showers and do not expect gifts, I know exactly what the registry is I just signed up my daughter and it is a better option than not putting anything on her invitation and have people buy her garbage. Every invitation to a shower comes with a bunch of registry cards because people are asking for gifts I think at this point that is a given to everyone except this group


    Gosh, and to think DH and I registered for some nice china, extra towels and linens, and a few picture frames....got some of that, but the majority of folks opted to give us cash and checks of their own accord.

     No shower, no registry cards, just a link to the registry on our website.

     Hint, hint, it's up to them to decide what to get you, not for you to demand cash. My brother did a honeyfund, and everyone talked about it. not in a good way.

    For the record, we did get two items that were not on the registry: A framed wall art spelling our last name from BIL and FSIL, and a set of personalized champagne glasses from a friend- we used those glasses at our reception, and have a photo of her with us and the glasses all dolled up.

     

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