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Can we break etiquette on this?

M&R7111M&R7111
500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I'm well aware if someone is in a relationship you need to invite the SO.

FI's cousins divorced after about 30 years of marriage.  Everyone in the family, including myself, were very close to both people.  It was decided by FI and me that we would invite both to the wedding still; of course after approval from both sides that they are OK with this.    The divorce was quick with no "drama"...

Until now..

The ex husband, in his mid 50s, is dating a "20" year old girl (according to her FB she's 19).  Actually, he has moved to a different state with her and they live together now.  Now, I know I don't have the right to judge, but myself and the rest of the family are judging anyway.   It can't be helped. 

FI does not want this "girl" to attend our wedding as ex-husband's "guest".  But, I am aware of etiquette rules and from the looks of things, she's invited if we invite this man. 

 FI is very close to the ex-hubby and would really like him there.  FI says "screw etiquette".  I'm assuming we might offend this guy if we leave his new "love" off the invite.  The wife is dating again and if she is serious with a man we would be including him on the invite.  Then again, I ask  "would it be the same if she was with a 19 year old boy?"

I am now thinking about not inviting him; mainly for the feelings of the ex wife, who is FI's cousin by blood.  She's pretty upset about her ex's new choice of mate, and they've only been divorced a few months.  Their kids, who are in their mid 30's are pretty upset about this relationship too.  I think I would be pissed if my dad divorced my mom and started dating a girl more than a decade younger than myself!

So - do we send him an invite w/o this young fling or none at all?  Also, I'm hearing through the "grapevine" (i.e. FB and FMIL) about this SO of his - so maybe send an invite w/o her and see if he calls and asks?  Claim ignorance about her since the relationship is so new and they live in a different state from us?
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Re: Can we break etiquette on this?

  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    I'm not even reading this, because I can not believe you're back here.  You thrive on negative attention, don't you?  THAT IS WEIRD.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    The usual answer to "Can we break etiquette on this?" is well, you can, but you shouldn't.

    Btw, M&R, how's your FI's dog?  Still alive?
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  • mandysmearmandysmear member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary

    Tiki, I need cliff's notes.  Who is this?


    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:f111cde4-f489-41e5-9771-c9fd121a45a7">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm not even reading this, because I can not believe you're back here.  You thrive on negative attention, don't you?  THAT IS WEIRD.
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

    I haven't gone anywhere - been around for a while.

    I just post when I have a legit question, is all.  Thanks for not reading.
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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:224ea63f-99d3-425f-9268-7c729e076de0">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tiki, I need cliff's notes.  Who is this?
    Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

    This is the dumbitch who wanted to kill her FI's dog.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:224ea63f-99d3-425f-9268-7c729e076de0">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tiki, I need cliff's notes.  Who is this?
    Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]


    I'm someone who made a post about really not wanting my FI's dog around anymore because it can't be trained. 

    Now whenever I post a question I have a following of people who like to haze me about it.
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  • mandysmearmandysmear member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    Oh right.  Why again?  Cause he peed or something?

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Because I'm procrastinating:
    http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_stinks-here-need-let-this-out
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  • mandysmearmandysmear member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    ::pees all over this thread::

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    Yeah, I'm following you.  To the board I post on every day.

    And way to spin it there- more like you were having violent thoughts about a dog that is untrained because you and your FI are lazy assholes.
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  • jessienjeremyjessienjeremy
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:ba4a7f7d-c0b3-4624-b0b2-1a0f2031a2be">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]::pees all over this thread::
    Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

    Be sure to get it on the wood floor.. oh and the upstairs carpet..


    I know that was mean...
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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    You better not Mandy, or she'll throw you outside all night and wish for you to get a disease and die.
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  • jessienjeremyjessienjeremy
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:e1c1c3e9-2fda-4ea0-856c-e8f0ea7eeba3">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You better not Mandy, or she'll throw you outside all night and wish for you to get a disease and die.
    Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

    Ok I laughed so hard at this.. my drink went up my nose...
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  • krayzeechick05krayzeechick05 member
    10 Comments
    I don't know which makes me more angry, the fact she wishes harm on an innocent animal, or that she hates screaming kids and can't tolerate it but yet wants children.
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  • mandysmearmandysmear member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary
    edited December 2010

    I wish that I had a dog to pee all over my floors and carpet. 

    Crying emoticon
     

    "It's shart week." -georgiabride
    "This post is seriously retarded." -Stackeye210
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    Miss
    Mrs & ZOMG we built a howse!
    being healthy. blog.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:21519c5e-af17-4b85-aeec-cd7c6b667dd6">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You seem to hate a lot of things (dogs, kids, this guys choice of girlfriend). Maybe they won't be together when it is time to send out invites.  If they still are, you need to invite her.
    Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
     
    It's not that I hate her, I've never met her!

    But the family is really up in arms about her and I find it creepy myself.  Trying to get around FI's desire to have him at his wedding and having this young new SO around - which seems to be the gossip of choice in his family right now.
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  • andy71781andy71781 member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    I am totally shocked that you are even asking us questions. 
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:492c0e79-9205-44fe-9b54-2498a37883bb">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am totally shocked that you are even asking us questions. 
    Posted by andy71781[/QUOTE]

    This is a board for etiquette questions - so I'm asking etiquette questions.
    Not so shocking there.

    And my dog post wasn't even on this board, which I find odd.
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  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Families gossip. 

    This guy likes the 20 year old enough to move in with her.  It's a serious relationship.  If you want to invite him, you should invite her, for the sake of etiquette.

    Or you could just hope she gets a disease and dies in her sleep.
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  • kikibabykikibaby member
    5000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:10bcc3b1-0b47-46a6-abaa-1b7b9d58255d">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we break etiquette on this? : This is a board for etiquette questions - so I'm asking etiquette questions. Not so shocking there. And my dog post wasn't even on this board, which I find odd.
    Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

    Almost everyone lurks on Chit Chat, and it made it's way around because it was SO FUCKING CRAZY.  Like you.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:fbae0057-7b5e-43b8-870d-013716a7f694">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Families gossip.  This guy likes the 20 year old enough to move in with her.  It's a serious relationship.  If you want to invite him, you should invite her, for the sake of etiquette. <strong>Or you could just hope she gets a disease and dies in her sleep.</strong>
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

    Well, now that would just be the easy way out!
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    There's all sorts of awesomeness going on in this thread (except for Mandy not having a dog to pee on her floors, still sorry about that Mandy).

    M&R you should have known we have long knot memories. Especially when it comes to abusing/not treating your animals right. If I were you I would have moved on or tried posting this on a board where people don't remember you.

    If they are in a serious relationship you have to invite him WITH her, not without. Although, given the way your FI treats his dog it's no surprise he would want to treat another human poorly.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:5ec1bd3a-7128-46d9-84c5-e3372f0d3171">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we break etiquette on this? : I'm going with SO NOT TRUE on this one.  I'm going out on a limb here and saying the only thing serious is this relationship is how much he likes a  20 yr old piece of ###
    Posted by aMrsin09[/QUOTE]

    Yep, that's basically what everyone in the family is saying. 

    I don't know - sometimes things don't always go by the book.   I don't care either way if she comes, but it's going to be a huge issue with FI's family if she does.
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  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2010
    Nala scratched the hell out of my car last night because, stupid me, I gave her access to the backyard through the garage while we work on getting a doggie door installed.  I don't know what inspired her to try to climb on my car and I'm pretty freaking annoyed...  at myself.  Not at her.  Because she's a dog. 

    More to the point: I think it's ridiculous that you're considering inviting the aunt with her new beau but not the uncle with his.  So what the girlfriend is just shy of 20?  She's still over the age of consent.  It's not your place to pass judgment on the appropriateness of everyone's choice of partners via your wedding invitations.

    eta -- If you're worried that people will think you're condoning the relationship when you invite the girlfriend, just invite the uncle or whatever he is with an unnamed +1.  He can take responsibility for his own choice in guests.
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  • Rosie109Rosie109
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    OOOOOh let me answer this.

    NO you can not. No more justifications or reasons. You can't. 
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  • aleighk1aleighk1
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:6c1bb2a9-04c8-4062-8a1d-7640eed5779a">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wish that I had a dog to pee all over my floors and carpet.   
    Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm sure M&R would give you hers...if he's still alive.</div><div>
    </div><div>Edit: That was mean, I'm sorry.</div>
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:0f11f0bd-b90a-4308-9a3b-b45a598df78c">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Nala scratched the hell out of my car last night because, stupid me, I gave her access to the backyard through the garage while we work on getting a doggie door installed.  I don't know what inspired her to try to climb on my car and I'm pretty freaking annoyed...  at myself.  Not at her.  Because she's a dog.   More to the point: I think it's ridiculous that you're considering inviting the aunt with her new beau but not the uncle with his.  <strong>So what the girlfriend is just shy of 20?  She's still over the age of consent.  It's not your place to pass judgment on the appropriateness of everyone's choice of partners via your wedding invitations.</strong> eta -- If you're worried that people will think you're condoning the relationship when you invite the girlfriend, just invite the uncle or whatever he is with an unnamed +1.  He can take responsibility for his own choice in guests.
    Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]


    I agree - like I mentioned earlier, I don't care if she comes (but I do pass judgement on my own about their relationship) and I don't care that people will think I'm condoning the relationship - I'm worried about the feeling of his ex-wife.  PLUS, FI is 10000% adamant on inviting him w/o her.  So I feel like I'm being dragged into this etiquette fu pax b/c I can't get him to budge.
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  • M&R7111M&R7111
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-break-etiquette-this?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:dda26097-3e0a-4986-84fd-5ca8aa29d7d5Post:7eb57784-0469-450f-8a3b-11e768885054">Re: Can we break etiquette on this?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we break etiquette on this? : I'm sure M&R would give you hers...if he's still alive. Edit: That was mean, I'm sorry.
    Posted by aleighk1[/QUOTE]


    Well, he's not mine to give, he's FI's.  I'll have to ask him about it.
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  • Rosie109Rosie109
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    IT IS FAUX PAS NOT FU PAX

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  • krayzeechick05krayzeechick05 member
    10 Comments
    I might be getting puppies for Christmas. I'll gladly save one for you Mandy. Then you'll have one to pee all over you floors, walls, shoes, and whatever else it finds.
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