getting married on the DL?

Meg1036 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:2ecdba91-35d2-4db1-b99b-69e470b37b1f">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not making a blanket statement about all catholics everywhere....I am talking about MY parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles ect...... We would be shunned if we didn't get married in a church...not by the church, but by my family.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]

You are right, not only about your family, but the church in general. And the Catholic church will not marry you if you are already married, even if your family considers you unmarried. You really do need to look into this aspect of it.

laurenpm · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:2ecdba91-35d2-4db1-b99b-69e470b37b1f">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not making a blanket statement about all catholics everywhere....I am talking about MY parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles ect...... We would be shunned if we didn't get married in a church...not by the church, but by my family.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]
I get what your saying but wouldn't your family be more upset that you got married in a court house and lied to everyone about it?

Stackeye210 · May 2011

I like how you care about what your family thinks about a Catholic wedding but you just said they never talk to you unless you have mail. That's interesting.

I think you're really confused and just want to have sex.

Meg1036 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:ea0a4672-efd1-46d3-9a1b-4f988dcfca49">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]Meg, you are partially right, but it really depends on the priest. I have known a couple of priests in my time working for the church (have had a few different bosses) and some priests just think that it is better to let someone have a full-fledged fake wedding for their convalidation, so long as they're getting their marriage blessed and are coming back to the church. Because in their eyes, the couple was never really "married" in the Catholic sense. BUT. I know they pretty much universally frown on lying about it.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Baystate - agreed. I was more giving policy, and some priests will deviate from that. But I think its dangerous for the OP to assume she can get a full-fledged church wedding when many (and probably most) won't do it, when it seems very important to her. And yes, will take issue with lying about it.

waltzingmatilda13 · May 2011

I don't understand why OP hasn't run off to look at the insurance TR suggested if she's so worried about getting insurance that's she's willing to lie to her friends and family about getting married.

OP, just admit that you were looking for validation because you clearly aren't taking our suggestions seriously.

hlq2011 · May 2011

It's great and all that you don't consider yourself married unless it's in a church but, as Meg said, the church DOES - from a legal perspective, at least.

Your priest will sign your marriage certificate. Just how are you planning to GET a marriage certificate for him to sign, if you are already married?

Don't do this. We're not the only ones who think it's a shiity idea. Your family will not thank you, and they WILL find out.

laurenpm · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:3137c616-db63-4f80-8777-4edb8c7bf765">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I like how you care about what your family thinks about a Catholic wedding but you just said they never talk to you unless you have mail. That's interesting. <strong> I think you're really confused and just want to have sex. </strong>
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]
That was awesome.

SoonToBeMrsH0309 · May 2011

I am gettting your point of veiw. Thank you. We will look into domestic partnership stuff. Thank you FutureMrsTR for the suggestion of another provider to look into, I haden't seen that one yet.
I am new to this website and with everyones jumping on me and calling me a liar and a theif, I will be staying far the hell away from here.

baystateapple · May 2011

Oh, absolutely, Meg. Assuming that you (you as in OP) can just go to a priest and say "we JOP'd it a year ago so that I could get on H's insurance and now we want to get married in the church, but we didn't tell our family and friends" is a HUGE gamble.

Not to mention it will make their PMI (premarital investigation) one huge clusterfuck.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

I know a girl who did this because she had a doctor's appointment she needed to go to. Her new husband's insuranced ended up not covering her and her family found out from the public records section of the paper. Baaaddd idea.

You can't escape the public records section people!!!

I also resent anyone who thinks my wedding won't be "real" because I'm not getting married in a church.

jessicabessica · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:ba49f57d-b661-4111-998d-dd8f674fd2d8">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]Have you looked into Catastrophic insurance? It doesn't pay for thing like prescriptions, or strepthroat tests, but it would pay for breaking an arm or hospital stay. It is a less expensive option and a good choice for people who are healthy and not on expensive medications (my brother gets this when he is in the US for a month or two at a time). This type of plan wouldn't cover BC... but I'm sure since you are Catholic and won't be married in the church for some time, it's a moot point since you obviously would not be on BC.
Posted by Wiscisbliss[/QUOTE]

I was going to suggest this--I've gotten catastrophic health insurance from ehealthinsurance.com a couple of times for ~$50/month. Might not be an option if you have preexisting conditions, but if you don't, it's a good option. The plans I had generally would have kicked in after about $2000 of medical bills. And ditto the PPs that mentioned that your FI's health insurance might not be any more affordable than your school insurance. I pay $36 biweekly, it'll go up to $196 once I add my FI when we get married.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

I'm confused by this entire post. OP do you have a medical condition that means you have to have health insurance? Are you looking for other jobs that will give you health insurance? I mean, can it wait a few months to see if you obtain a job with health insurance? There are other options rather than doing a quickie wedding.

Or just having a quickie like stacks said.

Birdie1483 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:cc8ddf93-ea5f-4954-84d1-500f9138c067">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]If your not Greek, you wouldn't get it.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]

Also, this is really lame. I'm greek and I still don't get it. That's the kind of ish I said when I was a pledge.

laurenpm · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:e4c03356-0656-4fbd-9fa6-a0b7496a384a">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know a girl who did this because she had a doctor's appointment she needed to go to. Her new husband's insuranced ended up not covering her and her family found out from the public records section of the paper. Baaaddd idea. You can't escape the public records section people!!!<strong> I also resent anyone who thinks my wedding won't be "real" because I'm not getting married in a church.</strong>
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]
Yep. I'm getting married in front of a big ol tree and I consider it real as fvck! :)

ggirl2001 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:4313b324-74bb-4d8f-b2ac-695669a3709a">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am gettting your point of veiw. Thank you. We will look into domestic partnership stuff. Thank you FutureMrsTR for the suggestion of another provider to look into, I haden't seen that one yet. I am new to this website and with everyones jumping on me and calling me a liar and a theif, I will be staying far the hell away from here.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]

Actually we said you would be a liar if you DID go through with your plan. Nobody said you are a liar now. You also posted on a public message board and got answers. did you not want people to respond?

laurenpm · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:4313b324-74bb-4d8f-b2ac-695669a3709a">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am gettting your point of veiw. Thank you. We will look into domestic partnership stuff. Thank you FutureMrsTR for the suggestion of another provider to look into, I haden't seen that one yet. I am new to this website and with everyones jumping on me and calling me a liar and a theif, <strong>I will be staying far the hell away from here. </strong>
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]
Sigh. Another one bites the dust.

lyndausvi · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:e4c03356-0656-4fbd-9fa6-a0b7496a384a">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know a girl who did this because she had a doctor's appointment she needed to go to. Her new husband's insuranced ended up not covering her and her family found out from the public records section of the paper. Baaaddd idea<strong>. You can't escape the public records section people!!! </strong>I also resent anyone who thinks my wedding won't be "real" because I'm not getting married in a church.
Posted by Birdie1483[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My mom and her whole family reads the public records section of the newspaper EVERY DAY. They know who applied for marriage licenses, who paid what for their home and who got arrested. Nothing gets by my family.

</div>

baystateapple · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:88480d1b-db92-43b0-bc26-474bd5cd6da1">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : Sigh. Another one bites the dust.
Posted by laurenpm[/QUOTE]

Now I have Queen stuck in my head. :)

SoonToBeMrsH0309 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:5ad2837e-d484-40ff-a431-33aecb1671c3">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : Actually we said you would be a liar if you DID go through with your plan. Nobody said you are a liar now. You also posted on a public message board and got answers.<strong> did you not want people to respond?</strong>
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

Nope, I was hoping I would get a responce. I was just thinking that I would have gotten more of the helpful suggestions and less of the 'bitchy only read the parts that you can argue about' responces.

I am appricatative of the helpful ones.

SoonToBeMrsH0309 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:3137c616-db63-4f80-8777-4edb8c7bf765">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]I like how you care about what your family thinks about a Catholic wedding but you just said they never talk to you unless you have mail. That's interesting. I think you're really confused and just want to have sex.
Posted by Stackeye210[/QUOTE]

Nope, we are not confussed nor are we justing getting married to have sex. I think you missed the part in my origanl post when I stated that we don't even live together. If we wanted to have sex...we wouldn't be getting married just to do it.

baystateapple · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:a74c6a6f-5ba5-44f1-9f85-4163090ce0e2">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : Nope, I was hoping I would get a responce. I was just thinking that I would have gotten more of the helpful suggestions and less of the 'bitchy only read the parts that you can argue about' responces. I am appricatative of the helpful ones.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]

FFS. You got a LOT of good advice and helpful suggestions. Don't lie to your parents, here are some other ideas for cheap insurance. Etc. etc. etc. I'm sorry if it wasn't the advice you were looking for. But nobody got truly sarcastic with you until you wrote a nasty response on page one.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:a74c6a6f-5ba5-44f1-9f85-4163090ce0e2">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : Nope, I was hoping I would get a responce. I was just thinking that I would have gotten more of the helpful suggestions and less of the 'bitchy only read the parts that you can argue about' responces. I am appricatative of the helpful ones.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]

You did get helpful suggestions. You were given advice on the domestic partnership and to not lie to your family and friends. How is that not helpful?

Stackeye210 · May 2011

The only suggestions you think are going to be helpful are the ones that tell you it's ok to lie to people about getting married. You, yourself made that very clear when you tried to be all, "But my family is totally like that, even though we're not telling them" You sound like you're kicking and screaming to get your way at this point. Please remember that THIS is an etiquette board and if the ideas you are presenting are not etiquette friendly, well then we're going to tell you that things are not correct.

Not one person was rude until you started justifying why you had no intentions of listening to advice.

Stackeye210 · May 2011

Don't ask for opinions if you don't want to know what people really think.

I'm so, so, so sorry I tried to save you from doing something that would end up ruining relationships if you were found out. My bad.

I'll wait a few months and then I'll be happy to hear you say, "you were right Stacks, I should have totally listened to you". Don't worry. I'll only tell you I told you so like once or twice.

redheadfsu · May 2011

OP, I think you are missing the point, the Catholic Church will not marry you again after you get married. It is a completely different ceremony (convalidation). Your priest will know because he has to see the marriage license (which you can't if you are already married). So your parents will find out.

SoonToBeMrsH0309 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:3042e610-60f6-43fb-8c12-ceefb98929b3">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : You did get helpful suggestions. You were given advice on the domestic partnership and to not lie to your family and friends. How is that not helpful?
Posted by ggirl2001[/QUOTE]

no, it was helpful. There was just a lot of people being rude about the situation. Everyone was just jumping on the bandwagon of I was intentional trying to decieve my family which wasen't the case. Which goes back to us not considering a JOP wedding to be 'real' FOR OUR FAMILY. I don't flipping care if you get married in front of a tree. If thats how you would like to get married, thats fantastic. I am sure it will be beautiful and be meaningful TO YOU.
We weren't even going to live together as husbend and wife until after the catholic wedding (which I know my church would do because they have in the past). So, the only benifit of a JOP would be CHEAP health insurence. It was going to cost like $25 out of his bi-weekly paycheck.

jerseydevil · May 2011

Not cool.

baystateapple · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:6eee8b04-759a-423b-99f1-7840f3ba9bff">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : no, it was helpful. There was just a lot of people being rude about the situation. Everyone was just jumping on the bandwagon of I was intentional trying to decieve my family which wasen't the case. <strong>Which goes back to us not considering a JOP wedding to be 'real' FOR OUR FAMILY. I don't flipping care if you get married in front of a tree. If thats how you would like to get married, thats fantastic. I am sure it will be beautiful and be meaningful TO YOU. </strong>We weren't even going to live together as husbend and wife until after the catholic wedding (which I know my church would do because they have in the past). So, the only benifit of a JOP would be CHEAP health insurence. It was going to cost like $25 out of his bi-weekly paycheck.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]

You couldn't make yourself sound more condescending if you tried.

OP, just go do it. Lie to your friends and family (and it IS intentional, because you know you're doing it), have your JOP, then have your big fake wedding. You're going to do it anyway, regardless of what we've said, and even if it's against etiquette. So just do it.

SoonToBeMrsH0309 · May 2011

I will be talking with him tonight when he calls and we will discuss this. Thanks again for the helpful suggestions.

redheadfsu · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_getting-married-dl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:574b8386-c155-405e-b155-83f732a532b5Post:6eee8b04-759a-423b-99f1-7840f3ba9bff">Re: getting married on the DL?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: getting married on the DL? : no, it was helpful. There was just a lot of people being rude about the situation. Everyone was just jumping on the bandwagon of I was intentional trying to decieve my family which wasen't the case. Which goes back to us not considering a JOP wedding to be 'real' FOR OUR FAMILY. I don't flipping care if you get married in front of a tree. If thats how you would like to get married, thats fantastic. I am sure it will be beautiful and be meaningful TO YOU. We weren't even going to live together as husbend and wife until after the catholic wedding (which I know my church would do because they have in the past). So, the only benifit of a JOP would be CHEAP health insurence. It was going to cost like $25 out of his bi-weekly paycheck.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsH0309[/QUOTE]

But lying to your family is not the right thing to do. We are telling you it is wrong, because it is. Really wrong & people may be hurt when they find out (they will find out). Is cheap insurance worth that risk? When there are other options, like your parents insurance. If so, I do not think you are mature enough to get married.

getting married on the DL?

Re: getting married on the DL?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards