Getting married young

kpwedkk · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:1953fee1-5d6e-4706-8308-d45559b6134a">Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]With the right guy, would it have been for you? Or maybe not with the right guy.... maybe you would have been ready anyway. Whatever the case is pre college graduate marriage for you?? Me? Absolutely not. I can only have my own experience on this but I can not seriously understand how the comprehension level of 'forever' and 'committed' work in people under 20.This is my experience.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Absolutely not. But if you did have your high school sweetie, and had a college education, and still loved each other, then and only then, I would suggest getting married.

MeaghanandMichael · July 2010

Petra, wow I am soso sorry. I am so glad for you it sound like you are happy and healthy now after all that.

ExpatPumpkin · July 2010

No, getting married young wasn't for me. I had way too much to do and see and marriage would have held me back.

PetraStonegirl · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:64d743bc-3221-4b2e-b975-67336267c96f">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't like talking about it but I was married at 19. Lasted a year,a year of abuse and rape, I hope no one ever has a year like I did. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.
Posted by tonyscutieest09[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm so sorry that evil touched you. I'm glad that you have moved on and are in a healthy relationship now! I would never, ever judge a repeat knottie. Sometimes you have to experience the wrong, in order to understand the right.</div>

pooh8402 · July 2010

hell no. like Expat, I had too much I wanted to do before I tied myself down to someone. besides, I had very little experience with males in my teen years--college was when I came into my own. I changed so much in those 4 years that had I been married younger, we probably would have divorced during that time.

PetraStonegirl · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:356e0fa5-ba3f-474f-a122-340ad083ae41">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]Petra, wow I am soso sorry. I am so glad for you it sound like you are happy and healthy now after all that.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you! I'll admit, I did have to travel a long ways to get where I am. I spent 10 years as a professional ski bum, and even lived in the wilderness to a year. But, I found peace and the knowledge that no matter what comes, I can find happiness on the other side. </div><div>
</div><div>As a side note, my parents felt something really off with him. They have now learned that if they bring a reservation to me, it won't run off and do the opposite just to spite them! They never said a word, so I just blundered ahead with the marriage. If they'd have said something, I'd have slowed down and taken another look. There were signs, but I didn't notice them. Thankfully, they are in love with FI. Full steam ahead!</div><div><img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-wink.gif" border="0" alt="Wink" title="Wink" /></div>

maratea · July 2010

I definitely would not have been able to get married at 19/20, mostly because I thought I was never going to get married. I was so against it, but after I met H, I knew I wanted to marry him. I was a completely different person when I was in college and I wouldn't have made a very good wife, I'm sure.
That said, I have no problem with people getting married young. Only the two people in the relationship really know what's going on, and only those two can make the decision. My parents were married at 18, and 32 years later, are still married.

kd.joseph · July 2010

I was married at 18, my ex was 29. We were married for 3 abusive years before I walked out. Took me a year to get the money for a divorce. But I never looked back.

gottahavashorti · July 2010

We started dating in HS and got engaged toward the end of my senior year of college, his junior year. Our engagement was delayed due to him adding a 5th year. So no, I wasn't willing to get married until we both had at least a bachelor's in hand.

tonyscutieest09 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:ecdb3b8d-65ef-4de9-9988-222325040cfc">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]I was married at 18, my ex was 29. We were married for 3 abusive years before I walked out. Took me a year to get the money for a divorce. But I never looked back.
Posted by kd.joseph[/QUOTE]

Amen. *hug*

Blueyed228 · July 2010

Im late to this but my answer is no.

I thought I wanted to marry my college sweetheart. I was young and naive. Thank GOD I didnt. He was a scumbag.

Im not saying its a bad thing, just not for me.

I had way too much fun in my 20's, particularly my early 20's. The things I did would not have been possible or appropriate for a married woman.

K Byte · July 2010

A lot of people I know got married between 20-22, so I guess that's college age. MOST of them are still married and we're all about 26 now. I think it can work for some people as long as both partners have the right mindset. I definitely didn't meet any guys worth marrying when I was in high school or college though.

sucrets4 · July 2010

I was dating a GREAT guy during my last 2 years of college. All I could see was where it was heading, and it honestly freaked me out, so I ran.

So, no, I wasn't ready.

I do feel bad, because he was an awesome, wonderful person. And then I dated pricks for the next 8 years before meeting DH, so I guess it all evened out.

orangecrayon · July 2010

I don't see the big issue with getting married young. I will be 21 when i get married to my future husband. We met when i was 15 and he was 20, and we've been together ever since. 2 years of long distance relationship and 2 years together, we knew it was meant to be.

I wasn't pressured into making this decision and I know what i'm getting myself into. I believe that getting married at this age and marrying someone 5 years older than me helped me mature even more. I feel that I will make a great wife, and learning all of the things i need to know from my background (we're both Lebanese)... i'm actually getting married at the right age.

Most girls in Lebanon / Middle east tend to get married between the age of 18 to 22. We've all learned how to do the household chores, cook, and work...and I know that my relationship with my Future Husband will be an amazing one.

missy68 · July 2010

Meg, my parents both graduated from college in May of 66, and got married in June of 66. I came along in Feb of 68. They are still married, and will celebrate 50 years together in 6 years. My mother's parents were married when my grandmother was 19 I think (mom is the middle child of 3) and grandfather was 21/22. They were married for 60 years, until Granddaddy died. My dad's parents were married similarly, except my grandmother was a couple of years older (dad's the oldest of 3). They were together until Poppa died in 1987. Besides me and one trainwreck of a cousin, there's only 1 other divorce in the entire family. That's why I fought for 4 1/2 years, when I should have left after 6 months.

You want to know the craziest thing? I kept looking at a wedding sampler my mom worked to get finished and framed in time for my first marriage. I kept saying to myself, "I can't let all that work be in vain. This has to work out - he can't really be like this." But he was, and it didn't, and the sampler is in a closet at their house.

PS - My family LOVES John. My brother called to tell me something the other day, and I was on speaker phone with my nephew Andy (5 - like Ben). He said "Hi Emmie! I want to speak to Johnny! Where's Johnny?"

Word vomit. Nighttime meds have kicked in. I still believe in marriage, but I don't think the other person completes another individual - that damn line in Jerry Maguire is utter BS. I think the two complement each other and make the partnership work kind of like a well-oiled machine. You can bring out the best in each other, but if you need someone to complete you, then you need to work on yourself.

I will read this in the morning and go whatthefuck???????

RodeoRed · July 2010

Over all I think getting married young is usually not a great idea. Obviously there are exceptions to that but I think it really depends on the couple. Every one I know from high school that got married at 18 or 19 are already divorced.

I suppose I fall into the younger category on here ( I will have just turned 22, he will be 26 when we are married) but at the same time I think that we are just as ready as couples ten years older. We both have undergraduate degrees in two rather intensive majors and are currently both in graduate school. My mom told me that I was "old" when I was ten and my FI grew up really fast after his parents divorced. I can look at my friends my age and see that they are not ready however.

My parents married when my mom was 20 and my dad was 27 and they are still going strong 30 years later so obviously you can make it work even if you marry young, I just think that it really depends on the situation itself and how determined you are to make it work!

PetraStonegirl · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:6e7a55a1-88dd-4466-94e4-5ac9b1775190">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]<em>Shortened for space</em>::: Besides me and one trainwreck of a cousin, there's only 1 other divorce in the entire family. That's why I fought for 4 1/2 years, when I should have left after 6 months. ::: I will read this in the morning and go whatthefuck???????
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

<div>Same here! I was with him longer (7 years), but after several years I gave up on the marriage and focused on raising his kids. My folks are still passionately in love with each other after 50+ years. It's a hell of a standard to hold yourself to. </div><div>
</div><div>So, Missy. It'll be morning soon. Still thinking wtf?</div>

jemmini6 · July 2010

surprisingly, for where i grew up, i'll be old when i get married (24-ish). just about everyone i know from high school has been married (and most divorced) with at LEAST 2 kids. when i went to one of their baby showers, her in-laws were shocked that i was already 21 (at the time) and didn't have any kids. and even more shocked that i was actually a college graduate too.

for many people, i think it's a HUGE mistake. everyone in their late teens thinks that they know everything (even i did) and that they will be the exception. i'm not saying that some people won't be, but in this day and age of helicpoter parents where most people are 100% supported by their parents well into the 20's, i don't think a lot of young people have the slightest idea of how to live on their own, let alone with a spouse. i just think the days of (successful) young marriages have long gone.

aprovencher21 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:1953fee1-5d6e-4706-8308-d45559b6134a">Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]With the right guy, would it have been for you? Or maybe not with the right guy.... maybe you would have been ready anyway. Whatever the case is pre college graduate marriage for you?? Me? Absolutely not. I can only have my own experience on this but I can not seriously understand how the comprehension level of 'forever' and 'committed' work in people under 20.This is my experience.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

Nope. I needed time to become mature on my own. I started dating FI at 18. I truly knew I wanted to marry him at 19 but I also knew that marrying that early is not that great idea (for most people).

At 18, 19, and 20 while I loved and was committed to my FI we hadn't really undergone any significant "struggles" that tested our commitment to one another. Its a very different story when you're an "adult" and out on your own. I also tend to somewhat give the side eye and think that at that age its more about the wedding versus the marriage.

As my mom told me when "Weddings are perfect and romantic. Marriage is not."

aprovencher21 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:4fb6f22a-a4b5-41da-a52c-43ab272ee2f7">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married young : Thanks Cew. That's why I get mad at people who diss 2nd time Knotties. It's not my fault he treated me like that, and I deserve to have a nice wedding.
Posted by tonyscutieest09[/QUOTE]

Of course you do. So sorry that happened to you.

JessAndTrav · July 2010

Absolutely not.

H and I have been together for almost 7.5 years. We started dating right before our senior prom.

We EASILY could have gotten married quickly. We knew almost immediately that we wanted to get married someday.

Instead, we waited 6 years and 8 months (almost to the day) to get married.

But having time to grow up was really important to us individually. He wanted to go to college, work and save money and I wanted to go to college. I absolutely did not want to repeat my parents' marriage, since that didn't last.

While some people's parents married much younger, (H's parents were 20 and they're still together) and have remained together, I feel that teenagers 30 years ago were MUCH more mature than teenagers today. Parents didn't coddle their children like they do now. Look at some of the crazies on The Bump. Imagine how infantile some of their children may end up being some day.

Sorry, this is a soapbox topic for me.

vegasgroom · July 2010

I've been in serveral multi-year relationships from 18 through 30 and I'm glad none of them ever progressed to a proposal because what felt right at the time ended up so obviously wrong in hindsight. I went back to enjoying the bachelor life for a few years and then next thing you know I meet FI and we see each other every day for the first eight or nine weeks we knew each other; it felt completely different than all the others right from the start, I never really thought about the single life anymore and a year later we're engaged. I know girls mature a lot sooner in many cases, as a guy I can't imagine having gotten married in my 20's.

jasmineh7777 · July 2010

Well, I'm 21 and married, so obviously I think I'm ready for marriage.
I did all of my partying in high school, so that is really out of my system. (Which is for the best, because I'm really lucky I'm not dead.)

I have two more semesters of undergrad. I could have finished early, but I added a second major. H has 3 more semesters. Then grad school.

We did 6 months of pre-marital counseling with my priest. We've talked about all of the major issues-children, finances, religion, etc. We are paying off our first house, and both work while going to school. Being married now is really no different than when were were dating, because we were already sharing all of these responsibilities. We have friends that we see together, and both have close friends that we hang out with individually.

Also, in MT at least, I'm not considered that young in regards to marriage. Many of our friends are married with children.

aprovencher21 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:37755548-6ed1-4385-8191-cfd29404a005">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]Absolutely not. H and I have been together for almost 7.5 years. We started dating right before our senior prom. We EASILY could have gotten married quickly. We knew almost immediately that we wanted to get married someday. Instead, we waited 6 years and 8 months (almost to the day) to get married. But having time to grow up was really important to us individually. He wanted to go to college, work and save money and I wanted to go to college. I absolutely did not want to repeat my parents' marriage, since that didn't last. While some people's parents married much younger, (H's parents were 20 and they're still together) and have remained together, I feel that teenagers 30 years ago were MUCH more mature than teenagers today. <font color="#ff00ff">Parents didn't coddle their children like they do now. Look at some of the crazies on The Bump. Imagine how infantile some of their children may end up being some day.</font> Sorry, this is a soapbox topic for me.
Posted by JessAndTrav[/QUOTE]

Too true. It scares me to death. I hope to god I can be a sane and rational mom.

ShandaK · July 2010

I have been with my FI for 5 years and I am turning 21 next month we are in the works of planning our wedding. I know iam young but i am mature for my age (I have 2 children). I dont see anything wrong with getting married young if your ready for it. We did have a short break where we dated other people and that helped us know for sure. We love eachother and were getting married!!!

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I never planned on getting married at all, let alone with the word "teen" still in my age. When DH and I got really serious, I told him I wouldn't get married until I graduated with my MA. Looking back on it, I wish I had taken my friends' advice and went out with him sooner, would have saved me a horrible experience with a frat boy piece of sh!t, but I couldn't have known that at the time.

ETA--petrastone and tonyscutie, so sorry to hear about your experiences. I know how much that sucks. I didn't marry the guy (was only a kid the first time), but I do know how hard it is to overcome so I'm glad you now have great guys to treat you like queens.

Lenore2010 · July 2010

Before the 1970's, being married before age 21 was so common it was almost a norm. I think at one point the average age of marriage for a woman in this country was 20. People and expectations have changed so much since then. I do not think we are less mature then our moms and grandmothers were, just in a very different head space.

As virtually everyone has said here, I could never have gotten married at that age and if I had it would have been a terrible mistake.However, if a 19 year old came to me and was hell bound for marriage, much as I would encourage waiting another part of me would have to reserve judgement. I think 99.5% of the time, it is a terrible idea but then again there is always that .5%. I knew a girl in high school who married one week after graduation-from high school that is! They both went to the same collage together and lived in an apartment off campus gratis student loans and night jobs, she had her first baby a few days before collage graduation. In June they celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary. My friend said her only regret was ending up with all those student loans because her parents were furious about the marriage and would not pay for her collage (her husband's parents still paid for his). I think she also missed out on a lot of the young single fun stuff, but who I am to judge? She got a good and stable marriage.

Still, they are very, very much the exception that proves the rule and I am sure if I had a kid who was hell bound to marry at 18 I would be frantic.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:5d4f2674-7e1e-49d7-bd4f-5e7e3ae2bc0a">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]Before the 1970's, being married before age 21 was so common it was almost a norm. I think at one point the average age of marriage for a woman in this country was 20. People and expectations have changed so much since then. I do not think we are less mature then our moms and grandmothers were, just in a very different head space. Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

I disagree, I think people are less mature these days, because they don't have to be. At 20, my grandfather was raising his 6 little brothers and sisters because their parents had no money, while my grandmother had been working since she was 10. No way in hell was I more mature than them at 20 or even near the same level.

Like PP said, there is too much coddling going on nowadays. Teenagers aren't as mature as those "back then," but they certainly do seem to feel more entitled.

Lenore2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_getting-married-young?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2b342410-37c5-4721-9163-70d79094550bPost:99f68723-d195-4568-b074-a9715b99d656">Re: Getting married young</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married young : I disagree, I think people are less mature these days, because they don't have to be. At 20, my grandfather was raising his 6 little brothers and sisters because their parents had no money, while my grandmother had been working since she was 10. No way in hell was I more mature than them at 20 or even near the same level. Like PP said, there is too much coddling going on nowadays. Teenagers aren't as mature as those "back then," but they certainly do seem to feel more entitled.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>It is true that when I look at the way some of my friends have raised and are raising their kids it scares me. There are many years between me and a modern teenager, and I have seen a disturbing number of 15 year olds who act like they are 12. I will reserve judgement on child rearing for the most part because I have no kids, but yes something is going wrong I think.

</div>

kristen8040 · July 2010

In North Jersey, and mainly around people I know, I'm considered young to be getting married (I'll be 25.) Only two or three people I graduated with are married, though plenty have kids lol.

Getting married young

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