No bridal shower, no bachelorette party

junebride0000 · February 2011

My MOH hasn't done anything for a bridal shower for me. I'm getting married in less than a month. She asked a while ago about a bachelorette party, but I'm not into the stripper thing and just told her that. Meanwhile, though only 1 of 4 bridesmaids are local, NO ONE has asked about hosting a bridal shower or even doing a bridal party spa day or lunch. I'm so depressed and disappointed by this. I feelike I picked the wrong ladies to be in my wedding but it's now too late.

Has anyone experienced this?

SuMmErKuTiE · February 2011

I understand that it would be upsetting not to receive a bridal shower or bachelorette party before the wedding, but none of those parties are required or necessary. And another huge point is that the MOH nor the bridal party are required to host them for you. Anyone can host these parties including your mom, your FMIL, your grandma, your aunt, a close friend, a friend of the family, a cousin, etc... the responsibility does not rest solely on the shoulders of the MOH and BM's.
My mom threw my shower with the help of my MOH and BM's, but there was no way my bridal party could have afforded to throw me a shower on their own, but they helped out with the details.

Also, maybe they're throwing you a surprise shower? Concentrate on planning your wedding and stop stressing about something you can't control. And don't ever think you chose the wrong BP. You chose the girls you are closest to and want to stand up with you on your wedding day, that's what's most important not whether or not they shell out a ton of money and plan these parties for you. It's very expensive to be an MOH or a BM in a wedding. You have to buy a dress, shoes, jewelery, possibly pay for hair and make up, possible travel to the wedding, and throwing a bridal shower and bachelorette on top of all that is completely of the cards for most young 20 something girls who are new in their career. Nevermind gifts to the shower and the wedding.. it adds up quick!

junebride0000 · February 2011

You're right. I know all of that. You're right. That is the bottom line.

...please allow me to vent....None of my bridemaids are in their 20s. We are all established women over 30 (I'm getting married a little later than most). I guess all I wanted was a discussion about the showers or lack thereof. You know? Just someone saying, "hey, we're not going to be able to do this for you because of x, y,and z" (basically all of the expenses you listed). But they've said NOTHING. I even had to follow up 2-3 times with 3 of the BMs for the RSVP to the wedding.. I needed the entree count for the caterer. I guess they were all too busy to return the RSVP cards on time. I just feel like they're in their own world (and I know I am too). Just this one time in my life....just this one time.... I wanted to feel special by them. I wanted them to be a little more sensitive to my questions or needs. I'm not a bridezilla at all. In fact, I'm just going to sit back and do what I need to do and just see them at the wedding. If they need me, they know where I am.

I just feel like this special time in MYlife is just any old time to them. I've hardly heard from my sister who's my MOH#1 (which is typical), and my other BM is MIA unless I e-mail her and follow up with a text. She responds to the text only.

They'll be there at the wedding all dolled up (I'm buying their accessories and hair appts), but I feel like I will be the one dotting the "i"s and crossing the "t"s because they will drop the ball or don't even know how to carry it.

3 of my BMs have been married before and they had special celebrations, which I flew down to attend and participate in. So, they know what it's like to feel special and have a celebration just for them.

I know. I'll got back to it: What you've said is true and that's all there is to it. I just wish it were different. ..........I know I can't control that. So, I'll just suck it up like I always do.

PS. My fiance has been wonderful, supportive and somewhat disappointed in the girls too. But, he's putting a positive spin on us and how we are going to live happily ever after together. So, ultimately, it is good.

rknox88 · February 2011

It is understandable you are disappointed by this but don't question the choice you made in asking these women to be in your BP. I am sure you said that our of frustration. While having a friend or family member offer to throw a party gives us a great feeling don't dwell on it. If you would like to spend time with your girls just let them know you are going to the spa for a pedicure and see if they want to join. Or do lunch together.

I would be disappointed too and you aren't wrong for feeling that way. Just make sure you are focused on the important things like marrying FI and sharing that day with your loved ones

trix1223 · February 2011

Did you ask them because you love them and want them to stand with you on a very important moment in your life, or did you ask them because you wanted them to throw you some parties?

Because that's really the only question that needs to be asked here.

[Deleted User] · February 2011

I would be disappointed too. But at the same time I'd remind myself that all I can do is be happy they will stand by me at my wedding, after all, that's what they were asked to do and agreed to do in the first place.

I agree that they may be planning a surprise shower for you. I've seen quite a few surprise ones, including my cousin's that was only a week before her wedding. I'm sure she thought she wasn't going to have one.

When your friend asked about the bachelorette party maybe you should've said something like, "yeah I'd love a party, just with no strippers". Maybe she took your answer as a "no, I don't want a bachelorette party". So if anyone asks again, just make it clear you would enjoy it, but it's not something you're expecting.

megandmike2011 · February 2011

I would be incredibly disappointed and am always surprised when people say you shouldn't expect a shower or anything other than the WP to show up to the wedding. They are in your wedding party, not just an invited guest--your expectations are going to be different.

I would be especially annoyed if I had been in their weddings and planned/hosted/paid for their showers & Bachelorette parties when it was their time.

I am not suggesting a bride should expect a really fancy and expensive shower--or an extravagant bachelorette party, but it is pretty standard in most social circles to assume that the bridesmaids (or family if the BMs do not take the initiative) will plan a shower in the bride's honor. So, I completely understand your venting---unfortunately none of us can offer much advice because there is little you can do about the situation.

Like previous posters have said, try to focus on the happiness of your wedding day and be thankful your fiance is being supportive

vintage610 · February 2011

Awww, I completely understand where you're coming from. I haven't had any celebrations yet either. It's hard to not compare yourself to other brides on the forums who are having all these nice showers and parties thrown for them...you feel kind of left out after a while

GJMLucky · February 2011

That is sad! No one is ENTITLED to a shower or b party, but if you are having a wedding that is not just close family then you would think someone would want to shower you with gifts?! Your friends are not putting much thought into this! Since my friends all threw me a beautiful shower and fun bach party, no matter how busy I am later in life I will always make time for their wedding festivities! I feel like a surprise shower must be on its way for you!

junebride0000 · February 2011

Hi Ladies,

Thank you so much for your empathy. Your responses that you know how I feel makes me feel better. I'm not looking for an extravagant anything at all. Just thought that it would've been nice to have a little something.

I'm keeping my eye on the prize: my wonderful fiance, supportive parents & brother, and a beautiful wedding ceremony & reception.

Thanks Ladies..

sjersey86 · February 2011

I'm not having a bridal shower either... my sister (MOH) has already told me due to me asking so I would know if I needed to give her a "guest list" but I never really cared for one. If anything I would hope for a batchlorette party which for me would hopefully be haning with the girls (window shopping, having dinner, movie, maybe a club type stuff).

No bridal shower, no bachelorette party

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