Domestic Discipline?

shellydiane820 · August 2010

i have never heard of this. But i feel dirty reading it. ewww.

betrothed123 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_domestic-discipline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:22679d35-db22-4430-9b90-d496a16ab78fPost:ea1b68ce-bc60-46d5-96fc-a2cb2e8ccf64">Re: Domestic Discipline?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is stupid on so many levels, not the least of which is that punishment does not change behavior. We know this, hence the use of rewards when shaping behavior.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

I think that blog illustrates this very well, considering every time she's "punished" it's because she "didn't think before she acted," and according to her that's the only way to fix her problems.

shellydiane820 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_domestic-discipline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:22679d35-db22-4430-9b90-d496a16ab78fPost:ce5dbcd0-7e4e-4302-9c9a-abf9243b3354">Re: Domestic Discipline?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Domestic Discipline? : I think that blog illustrates this very well, considering every time she's "punished" it's because she<strong> "didn't think before she acted," and according to her that's the only way to fix her problems.</strong>
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I think the next time I leave my shoes out, I'm going to just pull down my pants in hopes that Nick will correct my problem. He'll probably just laugh at my bare ass.</div>

MarriedInAFever · August 2010

This is really disturbing.

betrothed123 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_domestic-discipline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:22679d35-db22-4430-9b90-d496a16ab78fPost:5d0ef9fc-522a-4de8-b3de-6b9ccb279611">Re: Domestic Discipline?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Domestic Discipline? : I think the next time I leave my shoes out, I'm going to just pull down my pants in hopes that Nick will correct my problem. He'll probably just laugh at my bare ass.
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

My H would totally goose me and then run away giggling like a 4 year old.

betrothed123 · August 2010

I followed the links to BabyMan (apparently he's a pastor) and SugarAnne's blogs. They're even more screwed up:

[QUOTE]The last instruction was the most important. I usually find that whatever I can or cannot accomplish during the day, this is the one that takes top billing:

“I want you to girl up. When I walk in that door, you’re to be in a skirt.”

I nodded.

We’re going to see <em>The Other Guys</em> tonight.”

I pouted again. “I don’t want to see that movie, it sounds stupid.”

“That’s okay,<em> I</em> want to see it, and you’re going to accompany me. Do you understand?”

I nodded again. This was clearly one of those <a href="http://serenesubmission.blogspot.com/2010/08/yes-sir.html?zx=288cf1155356be71"><u><font color="#6699cc">“Yes Sir”</font></u></a> moments that Serenity posted about recently, but I couldn’t say the words. I was angry, I felt helpless and pushed around. Submission and obedience don’t come easy for me, especially when the voices of the feminists who influenced me in the 70’s keep screaming in my ear.[/QUOTE]

Starmusica · August 2010

UGH this is SO upsetting and so so ugh! There are no words. There is so much wrong with this blog and what they are doing. What he is doing to her is so disturbing and demeaning and abusive on botha physical and emotional level.

I just showed this to H and he was similarly appaled. I am so sad for this woman.

Lenore2010 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_domestic-discipline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:22679d35-db22-4430-9b90-d496a16ab78fPost:9174d24c-9dbd-4987-bcbf-5912d6b9ed9e">Re: Domestic Discipline?</a>:
[QUOTE]I followed the links to BabyMan (apparently he's a pastor) and SugarAnne's blogs. They're even more screwed up:
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>I think this is priceless:</div><div>
</div><div><strong>"I </strong><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><strong> nodded again. This was clearly one of those </strong><a style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;text-decoration:none;color:#1f1f1f;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" href="http://serenesubmission.blogspot.com/2010/08/yes-sir.html?zx=288cf1155356be71"><u style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;"><font style="border-style:initial;border-color:initial;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;font-size:12px;vertical-align:baseline;background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" color="#6699cc"><strong>“Yes Sir”</strong></font></u></a><strong>moments that Serenity posted about recently, but I couldn’t say the words. I was angry, I felt helpless and pushed around. Submission and obedience don’t come easy for me, especially when the voices of the feminists who influenced me in the 70’s keep screaming in my ear."</strong></span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">Gee, does she meet those terrible voices telling her that this is bull and she is being abused? She feels pushed around because she IS being pushed around, she feels helpless because he abuser has done his best to make her feel helpless.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">I feel bad for these women, and (a little TMI here) I feel bad that this "DD" crap helps to give kink a bad name because we are kinky-as in involved in our local kink community for years kinky. I take this "Domestic Discipline" thing kind of personally as a result. Abusive idiots. My H just said most of these guys ought to be arrested, and I agree.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span">
</span></div><div>
</div>

MarriedInAFever · August 2010

WTF, B? I'm just completely appalled.

Starmusica · August 2010

ok there aren't a LOT of posts here but obviously she is taking a lot of crap for this. Read this post.- http://ourutahlife.blogspot.com/2010/08/taking-some-time-away.html

she totally flips out about it all. I would say she has some doubts as to whether this is abuse or not.

brookelynpaisley · August 2010

Not to diminish the topic of the blog, I think it's funny that their second entry says they started a blog and then went on vacation, and said, "Our apologies, but we're back now!" Like people were waitng on bated breath for their next entry. Snort.

And also, I'm peeved that her blog background is/was (I haven't fixed it since CBOTB went down) the same as mine.

betrothed123 · August 2010

SO am I, MILF, but I can't stop reading. This SugarAnne describes sitting there in terror while he snaps a leather leash he picked up to spank her with, and agreeing to anything he says just to get out of the spanking. That is NOT how someone who is a willing participant acts.

Lenore,

I understand what you mean. I'm not into the kinky stuff, but I can see how something like this would give that all a bad name.

SarahPLiz · August 2010

This actually led to a little argument between FI and I. I showed it to him. He thought it was so outlandish it was ok to joke about. I think that any domestic abuse is not ok to joke about. I know its part of his sense of humor. He was not actually suggesting it was ok. I told him in no uncertain terms that I was not going to joke about it at all. Its not funny. Then he saw my point.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

I didn't read the blog, just comments here, because reading stuff like that usually depresses me. But yeah, the things people put up with, especially those that are willing to blog about it like it's normal or acceptable, are appalling. Hopefully the girl wakes up soon and gets the help she needs.

And if I ever blogged about that and my mother read it, she'd be breaking down the door while my stepdad held a shotgun to H's head. No way would my family ever let me live in a situation like that.

MarriedInAFever · August 2010

I'm reading the BabyMan blog now.

Lenore, I can't even put DD and kink in the same ballpark.

betrothed123 · August 2010

I agree, Ses. If my H did that to me and my parents knew about it, I can't even imagine what they would do to him.

I'm sorry it led to an argument, Sarah. I agree with you completely in that DA issues are not okay to joke about... at all.

Steph0871 · August 2010

I'm just reading this, and I'm literally sick to my stomach. It makes me so sad that women get brainwashed like this.

She 'confesses' that it's her fault she's being beaten because she acted out like a child? Well yeah. That's bound to happen when you're treated like a child.

For some reason, I feel like the spankedarmywife is more acceptable though? Maybe because her posts are more mature sounding? This all just makes me incredibly sad.

ricksang · August 2010

I am sorry but that is fucking sick. He's feeding on her low self esteem and she's letting him. He get's some sick pleasure from hitting her. What a piece of sh!t.

MarriedInAFever · August 2010

Ick. I can't read this sh1t anymore.

ricksang · August 2010

I seriously want to take a big branch and wack this dipshit upside the head.

Steph0871 · August 2010

ohhh FI and I just talked about this... he found something else interesting: http://www.christiandd.com/

betrothed123 · August 2010

Me too, Ricks. Me too. As I continue to read the blogs it just makes me angrier and angrier that anyone would put themselves in this position.

J&K10910 · August 2010

I feel like that FAQ is written about a dog or a kid. When I first started reading the entry, I wondered a couple times if it was writted by a kid. That's disgusting.

MarriedInAFever · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_domestic-discipline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:22679d35-db22-4430-9b90-d496a16ab78fPost:81ec0507-330c-4a68-9249-bc1e6bf81927">Re: Domestic Discipline?</a>:
[QUOTE]ohhh FI and I just talked about this... he found something else interesting: <a href="http://www.christiandd.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.christiandd.com/</a>
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]

Oh, FFS.

SarahPLiz · August 2010

In one of their AUgust entries, they asked for questions to be added to their FAQ. I doubt they will actually answer them, but I created a new email address and sent them these:

What happens if Parker does something wrong, like lying or not calling when he is out? Does Brinlee get to say what time she prefers him to be home, and what behaviors are unacceptable to her? Why is it assumed that Parker (the husband) is the ultimate judge of the wife, that his judgement is infalliable? Why are his needs and wants the only ones that appear to be satisfied by this arrangement?

ricksang · August 2010

I mean a little bondage and such is one thing, but to treat your spouse as a subhuman is another.

ricksang · August 2010

OMG is she a lawyer?

Lenore2010 · August 2010

I posted links to a local Yahoo kink board I am on to some of this stuff ( the Sugar ones being first!) and asked about the differences between this and what we call "WIIWD" (What it is we do). A riot broke out on the board about how butt-awful this stuff is in about 90 seconds. A few people mentioned that some of these folks may well be kinky people hiding behind "Christian Principles", and I agree that sometimes that is likely the case but I think the vast majority of this stuff is just ritualized/ institutionalized abuse.

It is interesting because reading this stuff gives some insight I think on how women in general come to be in abusive relationships. This whole I am bad-I need to be a good wife-he is good and right-I deserved to be punished thinking is pretty classic in at least the early and middle stages of plain old, unjustified domestic violence situations. Finally, the whole this then often morphs into her wanting to get out and being fearful he will kill her if she does. I have a close friend, an six figure executive who was in an abusive marriage. At the end it was so bad she actually packed her bags while he watched and he pulled a gun on her. She told him he really needed to pull that trigger if he was serious, because she would far rather be dead then spend one more day with him-or running away from him the rest of her life. He let her leave, amazingly enough.

mocha beans · August 2010

That's just fuucked up. They really need to see a real marital counselor.

And his rules, those are what my parents gave me, when I was 14. I do most of that stuff anyway in our household, but I sure as hell don't get beat for not telling him I'm spending over $100.

I know that if Scott ever tried to pull anything remotely like that, his ass would hurt way more than mine would, that's for sure.

Steph0871 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_domestic-discipline?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:22679d35-db22-4430-9b90-d496a16ab78fPost:06eb3548-b7d0-4009-9b29-82a04ebef86f">Re: Domestic Discipline?</a>:
[QUOTE]I mean a little bondage and such is one thing, but to treat your spouse as a subhuman is another.
Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]

<div>exactly. Like someone else said... either it's thinly-veiled BDSM or it's abuse. Either she likes it or she doesn't. Considering her post about being truly terrified of him, I'd say it's abuse. Also the way he talks about her is insanely demeaning and condescending:</div><div>
</div><div><span style="color:#6fa8dc;font-family:Verdana, sans-serif;line-height:20px;font-size:small;" class="Apple-style-span">Brinlee and I started out incorporating domestic discipline into our marriage without a rule list (a formal rule list). But, we found out that it was basically confusing my wife (she says she "<strong>couldn't remember everything" even though there really wasn't all that much to begin with</strong>) and so we decided to make one. Our rules (o<strong>r, the things I would punish her for) </strong></span></div>

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