Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding

skeb76 · July 2010

I had a very small wedding, only inviting immediate family and a few guests. One guest apparently pulled the photographer aside to take personal photos of her and her husband both inside and outside the reception. I only realized this after I received the wedding photos and saw several posed photos of them. (Our photographers did not take any posed photos except a few of the wedding party, we did not even take group photos of our own family members). I don't want to post the photos because I know every family member will assume I told them they could use the photographer and why weren't they allowed to ask for the same type of family portraits? But the guest has now called the photographer to ask why the photographs are not visible on the site. What do I do?

AmoroAgain · July 2010

Um, that's ridiculous. Tell them that if they wanted professional photos, they should use their own dime to get them done. Secondly, I'd completely ream the photographer for doing that in the first place.

baystateapple · July 2010

That was really rude of your guest. I'm surprised that the photographer allowed someone to just utilize his services for free, since I'm sure that he wasn't cheap.

What does your photographer have to say about all this?

salt78 · July 2010

That is SO RUDE. I agree with Amoro. And I hope the guest never gets hold of those pictures.

danieliza1127 · July 2010

The photographer should just tell them that since you weren't aware they had those pictures done, and no other guests had that opportunity, you didn't feel that they should be on the photographer's website. Then he/she should tell them that if they want to see or buy the photos, they can do that through the photographer directly.

ETA: All of that to say, YOU shouldn't do anything. Your photographer should handle this.

FutureMrsTR · July 2010

Ditto Amoro and I'm actually planning on warning my photographer that this could come up with my dad's family because I really wouldn't put it past them to try to save a few bucks by getting family portraits done at my wedding.

pirategal03 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:c6c6d093-1e14-4ba4-82c8-bf4cf360c470">Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I had a very small wedding, only inviting immediate family and a few guests. One guest apparently pulled the photographer aside to take personal photos of her and her husband both inside and outside the reception. I only realized this after I received the wedding photos and saw several posed photos of them. (Our photographers did not take any posed photos except a few of the wedding party, we did not even take group photos of our own family members). I don't want to post the photos because I know every family member will assume I told them they could use the photographer and why weren't they allowed to ask for the same type of family portraits? But the guest has now called the photographer to ask why the photographs are not visible on the site. <strong> What do I do? </strong>
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]

You tell the photographer that you feel like it was inapproprate for him/her to take the posed photos at your guests request while working for you. Also that you're dissappointed in his/her professionalism in that regard and will include that in your reviews of his/her service.

It's the photographer's problem to deal with the guest calling about the photos. Don't post them if you don't want to.

baystateapple · July 2010

Yeah, the photographer got himself into this mess; it's his problem to deal with it.

And I agree with Salt -- I hope your cheapskate guest never gets those pictures.

skeb76 · July 2010

I am sure the photographer assumed that she asked me if it was ok. She had an assistant so I don't know which one of them took these pictures, only know they had to be asked to do them as the theme for our photographers was candid. I wanted to believe that they did not think it was inappropriate..but it upset me that she called the photographer, rather than me, when looking for them. I sent her an email saying that we made several of the photos "private" as we planned to give them as gifts (which is true), and there would be no way to know which ones people had purchased if we had left them up on the site. Now I feel I am in a can't win situation unless I purchase them and send them to her, I don't want to post them.

baystateapple · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:0158ef23-887b-4a32-aeb9-e09555b98bad">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure the photographer assumed that she asked me if it was ok. She had an assistant so I don't know which one of them took these pictures, only know they had to be asked to do them as the theme for our photographers was candid. I wanted to believe that they did not think it was inappropriate..but it upset me that she called the photographer, rather than me, when looking for them. I sent her an email saying that we made several of the photos "private" as we planned to give them as gifts (which is true), and there would be no way to know which ones people had purchased if we had left them up on the site. Now I feel I am in a can't win situation unless I purchase them and send them to her, I don't want to post them.
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]

Is this a relative of yours or your husband? A friend?

Can you or he call her up and say "What you did was extremely underhanded and sneaky, and I didn't appreciate you hijacking our photographer or his assistant to take your pictures for free."

MISSCOURTNEY20 · July 2010

Purchase them?? Why can't they purchase them themselves?

FutureMrsTR · July 2010

Just don't purchase them and don't post them. I wouldn't worry about being rude to her, she was rude first. But I'm a vindictive biitch like that sometimes.

beatlesgirl25 · July 2010

How utterly rude and forward of them. You should tell them that they are welcome to pay for the pictures they had taken, directly to the photographer that is, and that the pics were not authorized photos of your wedding and therefore won't be up for display on the website. They probably thought they could have their friends log into the site and look at their pro pics for free. So tacky.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:0158ef23-887b-4a32-aeb9-e09555b98bad">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure the photographer assumed that she asked me if it was ok. She had an assistant so I don't know which one of them took these pictures, only know they had to be asked to do them as the theme for our photographers was candid. I wanted to believe that they did not think it was inappropriate..but it upset me that she called the photographer, rather than me, when looking for them. I sent her an email saying that we made several of the photos "private" as we planned to give them as gifts (which is true), and there would be no way to know which ones people had purchased if we had left them up on the site. <strong>Now I feel I am in a can't win situation unless I purchase them and send them to her</strong>, I don't want to post them.
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]<div>OMG, don't you dare!! Those guests had no right to do what they did. You tell them straight up to pay for their own photos and if they don't like it, they can suck it. What jerks.

</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:28b14c82-44e7-4fef-b007-7c5a0434327f">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Um, that's ridiculous. Tell them that if they wanted professional photos, they should use their own dime to get them done. <strong>Secondly, I'd completely ream the photographer for doing that in the first place.</strong>
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Yeah, completely unprofessional. Depending on the number of pics, I might go so far as to request a partial refund. Every minute the photographer spent taking random family pictures was a minute not spent documenting your wedding - which is what you were paying for. I've heard of people requesting this before and any professional should be able to deflect these requests.

akhensley81 · July 2010

No matter what the photographer assumed, she should have double checked with you before taking these photos. This is absolutely rediculous. No, you don't have to post them. OR purchase them.

And personally - if this were me - I would break down the cost of the photographer by the hour and send a bill to this chick who "borrowed" her.

Simply Fated · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:0158ef23-887b-4a32-aeb9-e09555b98bad">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sure the photographer assumed that she asked me if it was ok. She had an assistant so I don't know which one of them took these pictures, only know they had to be asked to do them as the theme for our photographers was candid. I wanted to believe that they did not think it was inappropriate..but it upset me that she called the photographer, rather than me, when looking for them. I sent her an email saying that we made several of the photos "private" as we planned to give them as gifts (which is true), and there would be no way to know which ones people had purchased if we had left them up on the site. Now I feel I am in a can't win situation unless I purchase them and send them to her, I don't want to post them.
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]

From the looks of it, the photographer probably just thought these peole had permission to do this or you told them to. He probably was just caught in an awkward positon, "Excuse me, man holding the camera, could you please take our picture?" He probably gets these requests all the time from friends and family of the bride and groom.

They are your pictures. You are paying the photographer, not them. You get to choose what goes online from his stash, not them.
They have nerve calling the photographer up and asking for their pictures.
I would simply say to them, "Husband and I went through our pictures that our photgrapher took and decided which ones to post up and which ones not to."
And I would contact the photographer and request those pictures, or any of them, be released without your permission.

skeb76 · July 2010

I have never heard of anyone doing this..we briefly had the same problem with my new MIL asking for a group photo of her 4 sons on the steps right after our few wedding party shots were taken there. But that took just a few minutes and while we both thought that was a little nervy, we let it go. Tthen when we saw the photos, we realized my Mom would have loved a picture of HER children together as well, so we should have rounded them up after we let his mom have her way.

It is hard to think of everything when you are caught up in a surprising moment. I guess we should have planned better. I blame myself for not communicating better with the photographer, I just let them "do their thing" other than telling them about speciific shots I wanted. The guest issue disappointed me. This same person did not understand why I wanted to pick the dress and shoes for her as a bridesmaid and became so persistent and difficult about it that I had to ask her to not be in the wedding party. So I want to just assume she is a bit cluless about wedding etiquette??

AmoroAgain · July 2010

I wasn't a bridezilla in the least, but this was totally uncalled for. The photographer would get an earful, and the family member would get an earful. grr.

AmandaK2010 · July 2010

Here is the thing:

You didn't even notice that the photography was MIA until you saw the pictures online. Nothing was missed. The photographer didn't miss the cake being cut, the first dance, s/he just took a few pictures.

While I understand that you aren't impressed with either your relatives or the photographer, it is NOT that big of a deal.

Is it worth causing family drama over a few pictures? Take that into consideration before taking action.

AmoroAgain · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:008bf4c4-d9cc-4b34-a008-9f30c7097d8c">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I have never heard of anyone doing this..we briefly had the same problem with my new MIL asking for a group photo of her 4 sons on the steps right after our few wedding party shots were taken there. But that took just a few minutes and while we both thought that was a little nervy, we let it go. Tthen when we saw the photos, we realized my Mom would have loved a picture of HER children together as well, so we should have rounded them up after we let his mom have her way. It is hard to think of everything when you are caught up in a surprising moment. <strong>I guess we should have planned better. I blame myself for not communicating better with the photographer, I just let them "do their thing" other than telling them about speciific shots I wanted. The guest issue disappointed me. </strong> This same person did not understand why I wanted to pick the dress and shoes for her as a bridesmaid and became so persistent and difficult about it that I had to ask her to not be in the wedding party. So I want to just assume she is a bit cluless about wedding etiquette??
Posted by skeb76[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>NO. This was in no way YOUR fault. The photographer should have known better, and the person should have known better. If she's close enough to you, that you asked her to be in your BP, then she's close enough for you to tell her to stop being a suckass.

</div>

baystateapple · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:29468a2c-ebaf-40da-9e28-28414bbca7bb">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is the thing: You didn't even notice that the photography was MIA until you saw the pictures online. Nothing was missed. The photographer didn't miss the cake being cut, the first dance, s/he just took a few pictures. While I understand that you aren't impressed with either your relatives or the photographer, it is NOT that big of a deal. Is it worth causing family drama over a few pictures? Take that into consideration before taking action.
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

See, I disagree. Yes, nothing was missed, but that's not the point.

Photographers charge sitting fees for clients to get portraits done. Those sitting feets can go up to over $100. It's disrespectful to both the bride and the photographer to try to weasel out of a sitting fee, and that's why I'm surprised the photographer even did it. The bride and groom have literally paid the sitting fee for this woman and her family, and that's the part I think that's underhanded.

beatlesgirl25 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:29468a2c-ebaf-40da-9e28-28414bbca7bb">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Here is the thing: You didn't even notice that the photography was MIA until you saw the pictures online. <strong>Nothing was missed. The photographer didn't miss the cake being cut, the first dance, s/he just took a few pictures. </strong>While I understand that you aren't impressed with either your relatives or the photographer, it is NOT that big of a deal. Is it worth causing family drama over a few pictures? Take that into consideration before taking action.
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

How do you know this though? There are tons of little moments all throughout a wedding day that are worth capturing, not just the big "events." Who knows what else might have been immortalized on film if not for these selfish guests' behavior?

Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I didn't notice much of anything besides getting married on my wedding day. It doesn't mean that significant shitt did not still go awry, which I found out later. It still mattered, I just was blissfully unaware at the time.

Stackeye210 · July 2010

If the photographer went off on their own and took the pictures, and the family member went off on her own to reach out to the photographer about the pictures, then I'd continue to not make them available on your end. If the photographer wants a sale that bad with the proofs of the photos then let the photographer send them to the rude guest on their own.

It's not your problem to handle. If anything let the photographer know that they've put you in a tight spot because noone else received photos like that, and that's not what you were paying them for anyhow. This is not your problem to deal with or to fix.

AmandaK2010 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:8e438179-e10e-48d6-90f8-d4dbe2eea2de">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : See, I disagree. Yes, nothing was missed, but that's not the point. Photographers charge sitting fees for clients to get portraits done. Those sitting feets can go up to over $100. It's disrespectful to both the bride and the photographer to try to weasel out of a sitting fee, and that's why I'm surprised the photographer even did it. <strong>The bride and groom have literally paid the sitting fee for this woman and her family, and that's the part I think that's underhanded.
</strong>Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

No one paid for anything. The bride and groom were not charged anything in addition. While they did manage to weasel out of paying a sitting fee, that is the photographer's lost revenue.

skeb76 · July 2010

They can purchase them off the pictage site, but only if the photos are not kept private. I don't want them to pay the photographer for them directly because I think they really should not have been taken on our dime. Maybe they thought it was a good idea, that we wouldn't mind..they surely didn't think I would be reluctant to post them.

This is a woman I have been friends with for many years. I really think it was just bad manners and don't know that it is worth ending a friendship over.

arbolita · July 2010

I agree with the others - you have absolutely no obligation to make these pictures available to your family member, or to pay for them so that she gets a copy. I would stay out of it as much as possible and let the two of them deal with it.

lharri12 · July 2010

Yikes. I assume, since this was a very small wedding, that the guest who hijacked the photographer was either an immediate family member or close friend. Although it was incredibly tacky and rude of the guest to try to get away with having pro pics taken on your dime, if I were you, I wouldn't want to be a biitch to this family member or close friend (I hate to contribue to any drama). I place the blame mostly on the photographer for lack of professionalism for agreeing to it, and I'd let the photog know that you will be posting this info in reviews. I'd say that if the guest wants to contact the photographer directly to see the pics and buy some if they want, that's their prerogative, but you shouldn't post them on your site, and you CERTAINLY shouldn't buy any of those pictures and further reward this guest's unflattering behavior.

beatlesgirl25 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:a4bc7ece-4020-42b7-bdfc-60cc447f4366">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : No one paid for anything. The bride and groom were not charged anything in addition. While they did manage to weasel out of paying a sitting fee, that is the photographer's lost revenue.
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

I don't think you're getting it. The bride and groom basically paid the photographer to point his camera in the B&G's general direction for X amount of hours. They did NOT pay the photographer to point his camera at this random family for however many minutes. The money paid was the photographer's fee, and the guest family usurped some of that paid-for time.

EDIT: Oops, too slow. Ditto MilkDuds.

baystateapple · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:a4bc7ece-4020-42b7-bdfc-60cc447f4366">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : No one paid for anything. The bride and groom were not charged anything in addition. While they did manage to weasel out of paying a sitting fee, that is the photographer's lost revenue.
Posted by AmandaK2010[/QUOTE]

Exactly, which is why the bride is under no obligation to her entitled guest.

It would still grind my gears, as the bride, if one of my guests had the gall to use my photographer, on my dime, to take her personal pictures. Yes, I'm not being charged anything extra, but as PP have said, every picture the photographer was taking for someone else, was one picture that they weren't taking of what they were paid to document.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-borrowed-photographer-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ae87484f-43aa-468b-9232-4d8e590191c3Post:e021e652-7a7a-4f68-b54a-bd44282f3174">Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest "borrowed" photographer at wedding : How do you know this though? There are tons of little moments all throughout a wedding day that are worth capturing, not just the big "events." Who knows what else might have been immortalized on film if not for these selfish guests' behavior? Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I didn't notice much of anything besides getting married on my wedding day. It doesn't mean that significant shitt did not still go awry, which I found out later. It still mattered, I just was blissfully unaware at the time.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

Yes. And in fact, I've heard that, ideally, you don't really notice the photography snapping away throughout the wedding. So if he was doing his <em>job </em>they wouldn't have noticed he was missing.

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