8 days to go and first real clash...

Junsui · May 2012

For the most part, planning has been stress free. Got the vendors all nailed down 8 months ahead of time, slowly diy-ing all my decor for the past five months, no real clashes between mom (footing the bill) and I. Now, she wants a seating chart for the reception and FI does NOT. Honestly I could go either way... My parents are very introverted and FI and I are both extroverted. We like the idea of letting guests choose their own seats, mom is worried that when the seats are not assigned, they will all come to her and ask where to sit.

We have 80 people coming and over 100 seats available in the room
There will be a sit down buffet dinner
The tables are all round 8-seaters
We are having a sweetheart table for FI and I, no head table

I'm really just looking for some more perspectives. I want everything to go smoothly, and I want both mom and FI to be happy. Any thoughts?

KrisKenny · May 2012

Personally, I'd prefer to be told where to sit at a wedding reception.

tamezie · May 2012

let people sit where they want to. they are going to anyway. people just move the little labels to where they want to sit. just mho.
I know the seating chart and the little escort cards are fun and cute and cool but if you are making everything else, do yourself a favor and skipit! esp. if FI wants it that way.

rasp.berry · May 2012

We weren't going to have a seating chart, but when I got to thinking about the small implications that this would cause (a need formore tables/chairs/table decor/people not sitting with who they wanted/I could go on), I figured it would just be so much easier to create at least table assignments. This way, we don't need to worry about half empty tables or people being stuck sitting with people they don't get along with (yea, we have some drama in our families). It also lets us make sure that our VIPS will at least be seated closest to our table an that my 90 year old grammie doesn't end up sitting with one of FI's crude (although hilarious) friends.

Would your FI perhaps be more accepting of the idea of just assigning tables?

futuremrsbecerra · May 2012

I like to choose my own seat. I hate being forced to seat with people i potentially don't know and prob. will never see again. BUT IT IS YOU AND YOUR FI'S WEDDING... YOUGUYS CHOOSE!!!

PS: plus it is more for you to have to do before the wedding. Let yourself enjoy the little time left without having to do any major projects

Junsui · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:070c4403-c71c-4102-92cd-c0eedc056d26">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]Would your FI perhaps be more accepting of the idea of just assigning tables?
Posted by rasp.berry[/QUOTE]

I suggested that, he didn't seem to think it was much different. Just suggested having reserved tables for the close family/wp that will all be taking photos while the rest of the guests claim their seats. Haven't heard his opinion on that yet (texted him).

brittneyh4 · May 2012

I've been to one wedding where I was told where to sit, and I absolutely hated it. We were close with the groom, but not as close to the bride, and we got stuck with people we couldn't stand (and bride knew it).

If you do assigned seating, please be mindful of who you're pairing people with at a table. I personally prefer to let people sit where they want, I see more mingling that way.

I can't imagine a ton of people coming to your mom asking her where to sit..I've never asked the MOB where can I sit, with 100 seats available.

littleluckypenny · May 2012

Think first day of high school lunch period. I don't like that feeling of scanning the tables looking for someone to sit with or getting to a table and someone tells you it's saved for someone else.

I prefer assigned tables.

Plus, you said mom is footing the bill? She gets a say.

tyleet87 · May 2012

My reception sounds almost exactly like yours. I'm not doing any kind of seating chart bc that is just extra stress on me and no fun at all! I know my friends and family all talk to each other and why would I waste my time doing a seating chart when they will just move around and table hop all night. No point. FMIL wanted one because her brother does not speak to their dad. Well I'm sorry but he needs to put his big boy pants on and deal with the fact that he's going to be there. Doesn't matter if he sits 10 inches or 10 feet from him, he'll still be there. That's something I put my foot down on.

Danidawn20 · May 2012

personally, I would prefer an assigned table, not an assigned seat. I have been to bothna dmuch perfer being tol where to sit.

MoonlightSilver · May 2012

We're definitely doing assigned tables. I hate the idea of my guests being confused and not knowing where to sit- we have a shorter reception, so we don't have time for people to take 30+ minutes to decide on chairs. Plus we don't want to pay for extra tables/chairs/centerpeices/etc.

In the long run, how long are they going to be sitting and eating? Not long, then they get up and dance. If my guests don't like their table mates, that just means they can eat then go find someone they do like (though I intend to try to sit everyone with people they know and like!).

tamezie · May 2012

I guess I'm not understanding why you would need extra tables/chair/centerpieces.
If you have the right head count... does it really matter where people sit?

I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic at all. Since i'm not doing a seating chart
i'm sincerely interested in learning why you would need extra stuff.

kelsey+brandon · May 2012

I definitely prefer assigned tables at weddings. It makes it so much less stressful. It's not just who you sit with, but where you sit in the reception. You don't want to be in the back, but you also don't want to be too close to the bride and groom in case other more important people want to sit there. It's just way too much. On top of the fact that you need more chairs than people because it might not work out perfectly that everyone can be 10 to a table and get to sit with who they want.

littleluckypenny · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:40f80fc0-cb1f-48fc-85df-e603da8152ba">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm not understanding why you would need extra tables/chair/centerpieces. If you have the right head count... does it really matter where people sit? I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic at all. Since i'm not doing a seating chart i'm sincerely interested in learning why you would need extra stuff.
Posted by tamezie[/QUOTE]

You would need extra settings and tables because it helps eliminate people taking chairs from another table and trying to fit 12 chairs insead of 8 at a table, leaving poor Uncle Charlie alone at another table like he has the plague. Or splitting up couples because there are no more adjacent seats because Bill and Mary got there later than everyone else.

rasp.berry · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:40f80fc0-cb1f-48fc-85df-e603da8152ba">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I'm not understanding why you would need extra tables/chair/centerpieces. If you have the right head count... does it really matter where people sit? I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic at all. Since i'm not doing a seating chart i'm sincerely interested in learning why you would need extra stuff.
Posted by tamezie[/QUOTE]

The reason being is that people will naturally leave gaps at a table. A table for 8 could turn into only a table of 5 because there's no groups of 3 who arrive afterwards or the groups of 2 who come aren't comfortable sitting with the family of 5 who've already sat down.

It's human nature not to fill every.single.seat. If 60 people come to my wedding, and I only provide a total of 60 seats, what about the last few couples/families to arrive? They probably won't get to sit together because there may not be any gaps of 2-4 lefts at any of the tables. It's wayyyy worse to sit without your SO/family than being seated down the table from someone you don't talk to all that much.

Rule of thumb= have at least 20% extra seating if you're doing open seating, which for my smallish wedding, would equate to 2 extra tables. For a larger wedding, it would cost significantly more.

cathy92708 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:b74f02f0-6a1e-4559-bcb5-9cbcf94e2843">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely prefer assigned tables at weddings. It makes it so much less stressful. It's not just who you sit with, but where you sit in the reception. You don't want to be in the back, but you also don't want to be too close to the bride and groom in case other more important people want to sit there. It's just way too much. On top of the fact that you need more chairs than people because it might not work out perfectly that everyone can be 10 to a table and get to sit with who they want.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]
Planning a seating chart can be a REAL chore.What we reluctantly decided to do was to assign tables and not seats. We put for example cousins who had not seen on another in a while at the same table, our church friends who might or might not have known each other before together, a few guests who also happened to be in the same general line of business together, etc, etc. Everyone said that they enjoyed their tablemates maybe even made a new friend.. No-one was left standing at the hall entrance looking for a couple of open seats and wondering where they should sit.

jfellows82 · May 2012

I would definitely do assigned tables. That avoids awkwardness and confusion for your guests. People are probably only going to be sitting while they're eating anyway.

littleluckypenny · May 2012

Assigning tables isn't that hard. A simple way is to just group people:

Put all your work friends at one table, college friends at another.
Church friends at one table, close-knit cousins at another.
Parent's friends at one table, older relatives at another.

Just make sure there aren't any ongoing feuds so you can avoid seating those certain people together.

tgerl · May 2012

It's way too stressful to find your own seat at a wedding in my opinion. Assigned tables is the way to go.

kimiandgary · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:5d2ecbd3-1f95-4509-aa00-96cdc8180ac8">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]Think first day of high school lunch period. I don't like that feeling of scanning the tables looking for someone to sit with or getting to a table and someone tells you it's saved for someone else. I prefer assigned tables. Plus, you said mom is footing the bill? She gets a say.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

Ditto

Junsui · May 2012

Thanks for the input ladies, gives FI and I something to think about!

brittneyh4 · May 2012

I really have never associated stress with finding a place to sit. lol. We went to a hectic, crowded wedding (where the defintiely did not have enough tables/chairs, by half) but we just rolled with it. I've never seen any issue otherwise.. this is totally foreign to me lol

BluIvory82 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:5d2ecbd3-1f95-4509-aa00-96cdc8180ac8">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]Think first day of high school lunch period. I don't like that feeling of scanning the tables looking for someone to sit with or getting to a table and someone tells you it's saved for someone else. I prefer assigned tables. Plus, you said mom is footing the bill? She gets a say.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

I couldn't have said this any better. I agree.

Shelly527IN · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddingchannel.com/main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:20238bef-833e-4b18-812b-e92b275b71a8">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]I <strong>like to choose my own seat. I hate being forced to seat with people i potentially don't know and prob. will never see again.</strong> BUT IT IS YOU AND YOUR FI'S WEDDING... YOUGUYS CHOOSE!!! PS: plus it is more for you to have to do before the wedding. Let yourself enjoy the little time left without having to do any major projects
Posted by futuremrsbecerra[/QUOTE]

I am making my seating chart to elliminate this problem. I'm putting my co-workers (who do like each other) together and people from church together and so on. I don't like walking into a reception and not knowing where to sit. It's like middle school again!

MiksChick23 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:5d2ecbd3-1f95-4509-aa00-96cdc8180ac8">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]Think first day of high school lunch period. I don't like that feeling of scanning the tables looking for someone to sit with or getting to a table and someone tells you it's saved for someone else. I prefer assigned tables. Plus, you said mom is footing the bill? She gets a say.
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

This.

I hate wandering from table to table asking if seats are taken. If you have more spots than needed you could also run into having people who don't know anyone sitting alone (happened to me!) If you mom wants it, I say cave. It can be a bit of a pain to make the chart, but I'm in the camp where I prefer assigned tables.

travistanya · May 2012

We are doing assigned tables. Some of FI's family needs to stay separated as best as possible. There are less tables needed this way, therefore, less centerpieces, etc. I hate not knowing where to sit or having to sit with someone I don't know because there aren't any seats left at the tables with people I know. I want our VIPs close to us. We are having a served plated dinner so it would make it a little hard without one, though do-able. I am pairing families and people I know would have at least something in common with one another. It really isn't all that hard to put one together. I went to Joann's and bought escort cards for about $5 for 60 and am printing them out myself. Good luck.

MMRoberts11 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:b74f02f0-6a1e-4559-bcb5-9cbcf94e2843">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]I definitely prefer assigned tables at weddings. It makes it so much less stressful. It's not just who you sit with, but where you sit in the reception. You don't want to be in the back, but you also don't want to be too close to the bride and groom in case other more important people want to sit there. It's just way too much. On top of the fact that you need more chairs than people because it might not work out perfectly that everyone can be 10 to a table and get to sit with who they want.
Posted by kelsey+brandon[/QUOTE]

All of this.

2012FutureMrsB · May 2012

I'm definitely doing assigned tables, especially since we have very limited floor space. We might have room for one extra table, but that will be for vendors who need a break to sit and eat their dinner or for unexpected "extras" who might show up (unfortunately, this is a possibility in our case - ugh). Anyway, the rest of the tables will be filled up so we will assign tables and nobody gets left out.

Also, I went to a wedding last summer that had somewhere between 300 and 400 people. They had lots of extra tables set up and open seating. At first, it was no big deal b/c FI and I found two tables side by side with my co-workers and found seats at one of the tables. However, while we were in line for our food, some late-comers showed up and took half our table!! Um hello, did you not notice people's drinks and their stuff on the table? How rude of them. FI and I decided to be stubborn and we squeezed into our seats next to these people and took up as much space as possible to get their attention that these seats were taken. A few of my co-workers didn't want to ask the strangers to leave our table, so they just grabbed their stuff and found another table. I was so irritated that these people could be so rude and then not even have a clue of what they did. It wasn't totally the bride and groom's fault, but this could all have been avoided if there were assigned tables.

michellep1 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:0f5931b5-f2c8-45cb-a904-5a616eea9fbe">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]let people sit where they want to.<strong> they are going to anyway. people just move the little labels to where they want to sit. </strong> just mho. I know the seating chart and the little escort cards are fun and cute and cool but if you are making everything else, do yourself a favor and skipit! esp. if FI wants it that way.
Posted by tamezie[/QUOTE]

I've never seen anyone do this, how rude! I've also only been to one wedding that didn't have assigned tables and it was really awkward. If you're not friends with any other people at the wedding, its really uncomfortable. That's the last thing you want your guests to feel!

Danidawn20 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_8-days-to-go-and-first-real-clash?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:114fe38d-7629-40a3-942c-1867c79240b9Post:0f5931b5-f2c8-45cb-a904-5a616eea9fbe">Re: 8 days to go and first real clash...</a>:
[QUOTE]let people sit where they want to. they are going to anyway. people just move the little labels to where they want to sit. just mho. I know the seating chart and the little escort cards are fun and cute and cool but if you are making everything else, do yourself a favor and skipit! esp. if FI wants it that way.
Posted by tamezie[/QUOTE]
I have never heard of this. I think people will know that they are set at that table. I know for my venue, if the peopl emove, it will mess up the kitchen. We gave them alist og how many Chickens are at that table, and howmany porks. If some moves, it messes the kitchen up.

rachellola77 · May 2012

Most of the weddings I have been to it's been open seating. Generally this works out but at the last wedding we had a full table of people but were not able to find an open table. Our party ended up getting split up and it was a little disappointing because I was looking forward to catching up with some of the ppl that I don't normally see.

I was all about have open seating at our wedding but since numbers are tight and I'd like to eliminate the need for extra seating, tables & centerpieces we're going to do assigned tables. Plus my Mom is all for it (she's paying for most of it). As my rsvps are coming in I've been grouping ppl by potential tables so hopefully when I need to finalize, it will be easier to do.

8 days to go and first real clash...

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