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September 2012 Weddings
jacquiroxx
member
Advice for September 2013 Brides
Since we're all starting to get married, I thought it would be a good time to start this thread. At the end of the month (or maybe partway into October so those of us at the end of the month have a chance to post), someone can post it over on the 2013 board.
We all remember how much the 2011 brides' post meant to us. Let's make sure we all give great advice to next year's brides!!
We all remember how much the 2011 brides' post meant to us. Let's make sure we all give great advice to next year's brides!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Advice for September 2013 Brides
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Keep your wedding party size as small as possible. I only have my 2 sisters and it's the best decision I've made. I've had ups and downs with even my best friends over the last year and I never had to worry how it would impact the wedding. There has been zero drama with my sisters.
Smile and nod when people give you advice but ultimately, it's your decision and (assuming you're paying for it) you can do what you want to do. You'll never make everyone happy so don't try.
Take your FI's advice when he gives it. My FI didn't have too much input so when he wanted something or had an idea we did it. Remember it's his wedding too...not just yours.
Enjoy being engaged! The time flies by so quickly...
[QUOTE]Keep your wedding party size as small as possible. I only have my 2 sisters and it's the best decision I've made.
Posted by LoriG41[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>THIS. We each have 8 attendants on our sides. It's a long and complicated story, but we had to include everyone for various reasons. But keep it small absolutely if at all possible. Fortunately, it's going okay for me and we had the funds to buy gifts, limo, rehearsal dinner, and flowers for everyone but not everyone thinks of these extra costs ahead of time. It's also a lot of people to coordinate!
</div>
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Plan and prepare. Hire good people, tell them what you want, and then let them do their jobs. If you do that, it will make it easy to let it go the day of the wedding. I stressed for literally not a single second from the minute I checked into our B&B for the weekend before the rehearsal dinner. I just enjoyed myself with friends and family. My unofficial motto that I kept saying was, "I don't care." It wasn't that I didn't care about my wedding - oh boy did I! But I didn't care about the details that went wrong - and there were plenty. I just didn't let any of it take away from the pure joy of the day, and I didn't spend a second stressing about something that I could have spent enjoying.
Remember that sometimes the details don't matter as much you fear. If it's going to stretch the budget, it probably isn't worth it. I stressed for weeks about whether to pay for the nicer chairs (even posted a poll on here) for the ceremony. In the end, I didn't see one single damned chair - I just had laser focus on my husband. It was an incredible ceremony, and those chairs would have been a waste of money better spent with my husband on something delicious.
Keep you guest list to those you truly want. The people you feel like you should invite probably don't need to get invited. Family politics aside, do your best to keep your guest list small. We ended up with just over 100 guests, and I feel like that was the upper limit for me to be able to truly see and talk to everyone for more than 20 seconds.
Keep things in perspective. Yes, I wanted more photos, but we really wanted to enjoy our party and not just spend it as a photo shoot. I don't think I'll ever regret giving up the gorgeous artsy shots by the lighthouse in exchange for more dancing time with my grandfathers. Those candids are worth hundreds of posed photos to me.
[QUOTE] Hire good people, tell them what you want, and then let them do their jobs. If you do that, it will make it easy to let it go the day of the wedding.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
<div>This, this, 100x this. I was in my first (and only in-person) meeting w/ my florist- I'd sent her a link to the site of a friend who is a florist in another state whose style really clicks with mine before the meeting, so it gave her an idea of the vocabulary I was going for. I gave her a color swatch I'd worked up on design-seeds.com and we talked about the overall feel of the wedding & venue. I told her what kind of flowers I loved and a few things I don't like (i.e. stargazer lilies, while pretty, have a scent that I find overwhelming). I partially chose our wedding date based on my love for dahlias, and expressed that. And then I just told her, I like what you do, you know flowers, here's my budget, get creative! She appreciated not being micro-managed. Ifn fact, a bride called while I was in the shop, for what I gathered was the umpteenth time, to discuss the exact shade of roses for her wedding that was still 4 months away- the florist was a pro with her and all, but I'd rather not be the person having to stress and call the florist every other week because my vision was so rigid.</div>
The more love you pour out to your wedding party, the better your life will be. I tried my hardest to be flexible with my maids and with all those offering help. The maids chose their dresses (from the same color/fabric), shoes, jewelry, hairstyle, everything and it made them so much more comfortable and excited to celebrate with me because I appreciated each of them for their own style and personality. I chose my wedding party extremely wisely - those were the true friends in my life, and they all ended up saving the day in one way or another (minor disasters averted thanks to them).
Like many people told me, take at least one minute to be in your new husband's arms and just breathe in the day. We were so lucky to be surrounded by such loving guests, family and friends, and though the day wasn't "perfect", it was perfect for us. Enjoy and best wishes!
· Best thing anyone said to me throughout planning was, “I forget you are planning a wedding!” This was important to me because I wanted to maintain my relationship with FI, friends, family and not always talk about the wedding.
· As soon as we got engaged, I made a year and half worth of “dates” that FI and I opened on the first of each month (our engagement was a year and a half long). This goes to the first point to continue to date each other even though your engagement and marriage. As we were saving for a wedding, they were home dates or free things to do around Chicago.
· I agree with other knotties that Google Docs literally saved my life. Everyone is able to have access and see what is happening.
· I learned to stand up for myself more. I began to feel that as “the nice bride” vendors started to put me on the back burner. So I started to speak up anytime things were not responded to in a timely manner. I ended up getting additional discounts because of this.
· Your bridesmaids are your friends and not your employees. I never asked them to do anything. Not one thing. They offered at times and I accepted, but they aren’t my work horses, they are my friends. Maintaining our relationship was forefront to me.
· Look at the knot checklist and others online. Then break out into months. I like to check things off lists, so I had a notebook and each page had a new month. That way I wasn’t overwhelmed with how big planning a wedding was; I focused on one month at a time.
· My time is important so I scrapped any DIY projects and made Etsy my best friend. I did a lot of research into Etsy vendors and reviews before placing any orders.
· Ask FI what he is interested in and make sure to always include him in the decision making process. My FI wanted a say in venue, food, bar, music, & surprisingly flowers & color choices. I am a big planner so what worked for us was I narrowed each thing down to 3 and then FI chose. We did this for everything – invites, honeymoon, venue, photographer, etc. That way I knew I always liked the choices and he picked the winner. It made wedding planning fun for us.
· Pick you vendors early! FI and I were together 5 years before being engaged. I am an event planner in Chicago so already had ideas who I wanted to book. However, my first choice florist and photographer were both already booked a year and half in advance for my date. Always get recommendations from your top choice vendor s on who to go with. We ended up booking with very similar vendors as our first choice through these recommendations.
· Decide what to book first based on what is important to you. Once we found the perfect venue we picked a date that was open in the month we wanted. We then booked the rest of the vendors.
· Have fun floating through your day!
September 2012 August Siggy Challenge ~ Wedding Preview
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[QUOTE]--Strike the word "perfect" from your vocabulary. There is no perfect wedding, perfect husband, perfect marriage, perfect day. There are wonderful, lovely, heartfelt, funny, just-right-for-you versions of all of them, and all of them will possess imperfections that make them REAL. You will be happier for it.
<div>
</div><div>As a Sept 2013 bride this is the BEST piece of advice i've heard so far. I'm so hell bent on having a "perfect" day that i'm going to drive myself nuts. Thank you all so much for this thread! Can't wait to pay it forward next year!! :) </div>
[QUOTE]Ask FI what he is interested in and make sure to always include him in the decision making process. My FI wanted a say in venue, food, bar, music, & surprisingly flowers & color choices. I am a big planner so what worked for us was I narrowed each thing down to 3 and then FI chose. We did this for everything – invites, honeymoon, venue, photographer, etc. That way I knew I always liked the choices and he picked the winner. It made wedding planning fun for us.<div>Posted by ZenInMotion[/QUOTE]
</div><div>I was going to suggest this as well. Please please please do NOT shut your FI out of wedding planning. This isn't just YOUR day, it's his day too. Even if he doesn't seem the least bit interested, ask his opinion about things anyway. You never know when he'll suddenly have a passionate opinion about the most seemingly trivial detail. FI went with me to every vendor appointment except the florist, and his opinion was worth just as much as mine. If your FI is happy with all of the decisions you've made (together) for the wedding, YOU will be that much more happy and relaxed. I promise.</div>
Keep your FI involved. The best thing I did was let FI do the chosing of the men's attire. Afterall, I wasn't the one wearing it! I went with him to the tux place, but we agreed before going in that as long as he stuck to the colour scheme we discussed he had free reign and I would only speak up if it was horrible and needed veto'd. I didn't have to speak up once, he had great choices! He was also involved in some of my DIY projects. We would poor ourselves drinks and enjoy a night in working on things together!
Make GOOD use of your Knottie friends as your sounding board. If you start running to the people in your life about every litttle thought/concern/question about the wedding now they are going to be so beyond tired of wedding talk come next September they might even go as far as to avoid your calls!!! The ladies on these boards love talking weddings, and its a good way of getting it all out without driving the people in your life outside of TK insane.
On the note of the people in your life outside TK, set reasonable expectations. Don't expect a lot. Don't get your hearts on some big grandioso bachelorette party and showers, only a specific way, with bridesmaids who will help with every project you so much as look at.... because its not going to happen perfectly across the board! The other people in your life have lives too, and they don't stop for your wedding. If you set huge expectations now, you'll only be disappointed. Keep reasonable expectations and let them surprise you and blow you out of the water
Becareful who you let into your planning. Everyone is going to have an opinion about everything. In some cases its a valid one, but a lot of the times its just their taste vs yours. Just because your MIL thinks that blue is the perfect wedding colour for example, that doesn't mean your grey and yellow wedding isn't going to be gorgeous! The less you tell people, the less they can find things to criticize and pick apart! Also, on the plus side, the more surprised they will be come the big day!
You're going to hear time and time again that its 'YOUR BIG DAY'. Don't buy into the wedding industry! The wedding industry is here to make money off you for one day, and drop you on your butt as soon as the clock hits midnight! This is a day about the coming together of friends and family to celebrate you and your FI in your choice to commit yourselves to each other. That means it involves EVERYONE! Make sure when you're making your choices you take your guests into consideration!
That's it for now.... I still have a couple weeks before the big day so I'm sure there will be more to add
Congratulations and enjoy this!!! Have fun with it
That's right, I blog! - The Domestic Soldier
*** September 2013 Signature Challenge: Hair Inspiration! ***
Splurge on one thing that means the most to you. Our photographer is as much as our food but we love her and will have these pictures forever and we didn't want to regret it.
When looking for dress....DO NOT freak out if it's not perfect or how you imagined it. Take it off and move on. The worst thing you can do is to dwell on it. (I think consultants were shocked at how cool I was when things didn't work and it made for a more relaxed experience)
Definitely keep FI involved. They care about more than you may think and it's their wedding too (I think a lot of girls think guys don't care and make it all what they want). I had NO say in his ring or what flavor grooms cake he did. Those were his things to have. (I suggested he try a slim suit, which he loved, lol, but that was my only real contribution to clothes)
Take non-wedding days and do stuff together. Otherwise you'll get burnt out and angry with one another and forget why you're together in the first place.
Lastly, I 100% agree to learn to stand up for yourself. At the beginning my girls picked a dress that I hated and ended up crying in the salon because I just wouldn't tell them no. Eventually they got different dresses (the first ones were not bought). Get what you want, without being a b#tch to everyone. Take SOME opinions into account because they may work but don't let anyone push their way into doing it their way because you don't want to be mean.
ENJOY every second together because it's over before you know it. Congrats ladies!
[QUOTE]Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Seeing all this "REAL" advice is so extremely helpful. Initially when I read it the first time yesterday I started tearing up. Knowing that at one time all of you were in the place we are now.. and now all of your hard work, your dreams, your anxiety have come to fruition and your dream of marrying your best friends came/or is getting ready to come true. (Crap, I teared up again!)
Posted by GoofyAssChick[/QUOTE]
The tears only come more freely the closer you get from my experience lol This last month I've been crying at the drop of a hat hahaha
That's right, I blog! - The Domestic Soldier
2. When wedding dress shopping, go in with an open mind. On the hanger is one thing. On your body, it could be the One. Or vice versa. Try lots of styles on.
3. Pick your WP wisely. This is HUGE.
4. Expect lots of different emotions throughout this process. At two weeks out, I got really emotional. At 5 days out, I got really nervous. Learn this is normal. And you are not alone.
5. Lean on FI as much as you can. He will do his best to help.
6. Speak up for yourself. Don't get railroaded by any vendors or MOH's or FMILs. This is YOUR wedding. Tell them what YOU want.
7. Pictures - you get what you pay for. This is the most important part of the day, imo. We spent more for that.
8. Listen to your FI when/if he has a request.
9. Realize that you will get opinions from your family, his family, etc.
10. When you get stressed, think about why you're doing this. Keep the important stuff in mind: all you need is a groom, a license and an officiant.
11. Find something that does relax you, and do it at least once a month. Maybe more so the closer you get.
12. If you're like me and HATED this whole process with a passion, keep a HM countdown going or keep thinking of the day after.
Good luck and congrats!
And the above advices are awesome and more informative about 2013 brides...
http://www.indianweddingsaree.com/
http://www.indianweddingcard.com/
-You will not be able to make everyone happy. So, just make yourself happy, and on your wedding day, everyone will be happy and excited for YOU. It's really a ton of fun when everyone is so nice to you.
-If you can, arrange with your reception hall to drop everything off a few days beforehand. Having the hard deadline was really great because it meant that the last few days I literally couldn't work on anything and I was able to spend more time with everyone who was in town.
-This is a personal preference, but if you haven't picked out a reception hall yet, I highly suggest looking for something attached to a hotel. It made everything so easy because no one had to drive home, and if anyone forgot anything or wanted to change or whatever, they could just run upstairs. Also, my dad rented out a suite and had a between (ceremony and reception) and after party going on in the room. If you have a big family that lives far apart, this is really a great way for them to all catch up and spend the whole day together.
The Whimsical Wifey
Remember that there's not one "thing" that makes your day special or unique. It's special because it's your wedding. Do what you love, and don't worry about anything else. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to "personalize" my wedding. I didn't want it to be generic. I'm not a DIY girl, so I wasn't going to make any little personalized touches. I'm not into monograms. I don't have many family heirlooms to include (except the ring I gave my husband) and we didn't have a song with special significance already for our first dance. But, you know what? I still felt that the whole day was uniqe, special, and completely unforgettable.
Lastly, delegate! Don't try to do everything yourself! But make sure you know who you to delegate to! My mom and my fiance were happy to help out, and by the last two months, had basically taken over for me (a blessing, since I was starting a new job and had a lot on my plate). However, don't just assign tasks to your bridesmaids. It bugs me when people just assume their bridesmaids are there to serve them. Unless they offer, leave them alone and don't ask anything of them except their presence on your big day!
Love, peace, blessings and enjoy your wonderful special day 2013 Sept Knotties!!!!!!
[QUOTE]· Ask FI what he is interested in and make sure to always include him in the decision making process. My FI wanted a say in venue, food, bar, music, & surprisingly flowers & color choices. I am a big planner so what worked for us was I narrowed each thing down to 3 and then FI chose. We did this for everything – invites, honeymoon, venue, photographer, etc. That way I knew I always liked the choices and he picked the winner. It made wedding planning fun for us.[/QUOTE]
<div>I Love this! Im so happy that my fiance has had a say in everything. It has really helped in finding out what his tastes are and what he visions our wedding to be like. He has helped me design the invites, pick out the venue, dj, florist etc.... and he wanted a cigar bar for cocktail hour so of course Im gonna include it. I want the wedding to represent us not just me.</div>
1) I second the google docs. They are awesome.
2) Rewards programs! Think about getting a credit card with airline miles. We have funneled most of our wedding costs through it and have earned enough for two domestic tickets. Also, if you are having your reception at a hotel chain, make sure to sign up for the rewards program. Our reception is at the Marriot and they give us points for up to $10K of the reception and points for every room under our room block. We already paid for the honeymoon but we are looking forward to booking our first anniversary trip.
3) Keep expectations of people low. I had a bigger bridal party than I should have and expected my friends to come through with a lot and they didn't. I just figured I would do this stuff for a friend but apparently my friends don't feel that way. Remember that your wedding is important but other's don't see it as important as you do.
4) Make sure to get enough sleep!
BEFORE
1. How long did it really take you and your bridesmaids to finish getting ready?
We got to the salon at 10:45 and left at 1:15, there were 5 of us getting hair/make up done. Then it was probably another hour in the hotel room? I didn't have a watch at that point.
2. Did your wedding party follow your timeline pretty well, or did your group end up falling behind?
We followed it pretty closely over the course of the day. I didn't pay too much attention to the time, and went by the photographer telling me where to go, and my planner telling me when to be where.
3. What’s something you spent too much/too little money on?
I probably spent too much on the planner (she was the highest priced of the 4 I interviewed) but it was the best money I could have spent. When first planning, I gave her my calendar and she set all appointments up, just telling me where to go when. Midway and towards the end of the planning she was my buffer with all the vendors. Any issues that came up, she dealt with. The day of, I couldn't have enjoyed my day like I did without her. I was truly a guest at my own wedding.
4. What is one detail that you sort of overlooked that you wish you had paid more attention to? What is something that you put tons of effort into that ended up being mostly unnoticed?
I forgot to have the photographer take a picture of our rings. So, maybe paid more attention to some of those lists out there of "must have photos"?
Most everything I did got comments, so I can't say there's anything I put too much effort into. Though, no one commented on my bathroom baskets... but it was very interesting to see what was used in the men's vs woman's!
DURING
5. What was a small detail from you wedding that really had guests "oohing and ahhing"?
Our cake. It was covered in fondant, three layers, with each layer a different cityscape... London (where hubby is from), Minneapolis (where I'm from) and Paris (where he proposed.)
6. Did you or your FI drink too much/too little/just right/not at all?
I didn't drink much at all, but I'm not a drinker. He drank a fair amount, but not to the point of being drunk. His mum and dad joined all the other Brits and went to a nearby pub after the reception and closed the place down. They were a bit hungover the next day!
7. Was there a piece of music that surprised you as a hit at the reception? What were the guest favorites?
I honestly don't remember the music, even though I helped pick it out! I know the DJ played it, as well as requests, but I was so busy talking with all my guests I missed a lot of the songs. We did end the night with "I've had the time of my life" (cheesy, I know!) and that was popular with the remaining guests
8. Best compliment you got from a guest?
People kept saying how much fun they were having. That was our goal... get married and then party. We accomplished it.
9. If you didn't have a DOC, did you have much to worry about that day?
I had a planner for the whole process. Wouldn't have done it without her.
AFTER
10. What was the best part about your big day?
Seeing all of our friends and family celebrating there with us. Some I haven't seen for years, and others traveled thousands of miles. Just for us. It was heartwarming.
11. What was something you were really stressing out about but turned out to be not a big deal/totally fine? What is something that ended up being a waste of time or money?
Hubs was totally stressed about standing up in front of everyone. I think doing the first look prior helped with his nerves.
Can't say there was anything that was a waste of time or money.
12. What time did you end up leaving the reception?
At the end... 12:30? 12:45? I can't recall. There were about 15 people left, mostly out of towners who then went to the local bar.
13. What is the most important/first thing you did/needed to do once all of the wedding craziness subsided?
His parents were with us for 5 days after the wedding, so I include that in the craziness. This first weekend with just us was purposely planned with nothing going on. It's just nice to be alone together.
14. Who was your favorite vendor now that the wedding is done
Hard to say. Toss up between the photographers and DJ
15. What was one highlight from the big day that will remain in your memory every time you think back on your wedding day?
I had the flower girl deliver a note to FI that said "I can't wait to kiss you" when she walked down the aisle. At the end of the ceremony Hub's was excited to end things and he leaned in to kiss me, but I told him no, we hadn't gotten permission yet! (Audience got a chuckle out of that). Later his mum said to me "I guess you could wait to kiss him!" LOL!
BONUS
16. Where did you go for your wedding night?
The hotel we got married at comp'd our room.
17. How long did it take you or your FI to get all of the pins out of your hair on the wedding night?
Not applicable, I didn't have any
18. What is one piece of advice you would offer to a bride on her wedding day?
Be sure to stop and reflect throughout the day. It took so long to get there, but it flies by so quickly. Periodically just stand there, take a breath and absorb it all.
19. Favorite picture from the day? (extra credit for PIP!)
Still waiting on the professional pics, but my cousin snapped this one of the kiss when I finally let him:
and this one is during a friends toast that had us in stitches at the end of the night::
Also, I'm probably the oddball here, but I didn't have a hair OR makeup trial. I saved a lot of money, but honestly if I could do it over again, I'd at least have the makeup trial. I loved the way my hair turned out on the day-of, but I thought the eye makeup the girl put on me was way too dark. I wanted to wash it all off and do it myself, but I didn't have time. Actually if I did it again, I'd probably just practice doing my own makeup, and do it myself.
We haven't gotten our pics back yet, so I'm really hoping the crazy dark makeup looks okay in them!
Try to keep it all in perspective. I know it is a monumental day, but if you let it become a huge all-important thing in your head, you can set yourself up for major stress and disappointment when things go wrong. The build-up is intense, and when it is over, there is a bit of a let-down. Try to plan something fun to look forward to during the month after your wedding. When we got back from our amazing honeymoon, the reality of going back to work was pretty depressing. It was so helpful to have such a great group of Sept. brides on here to talk to! They understood exactly how I felt when nobody in my "real life" could.
Relax and enjoy the planning process!! It flies by, as does the actual wedding day!! Take mental pictures here and there so you can clearly remember everything. I also recommend writing a wedding day recap! I did this at the beach when we were on our honeymoon. It was fun to think back to the details of the day, and I wanted to write them down before I forgot them.
Good luck to all of you!!!!