Snarky Brides

How do you feel about...

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Re: How do you feel about...

  • Eh, I think to each their own as long as the couple isn't rude about it.  We've gone back and forth with doing with/without because we're limited on space and budget...blah blah, you get the picture.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:99760f76-064a-40e0-bb1c-bbcea55e980d">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you feel about... : 1. You really don't know everyone on your guest list's financial situation. I wouldn't expect anyone to keep my child for free. I would rather them bring their kids and be able to come than not have them there because they don't have the money for a sitter. 2. I don't know about where you live, but around here kids are less than half the price of an adult plate. I would rather cut people I'm not that close with than have my neice and nephew not there for my wedding.
    Posted by MissDuke2012[/QUOTE]

    This may be improper etiquette, but personally I don't see it as wrong to invite my own neices and nephews, but then to draw the line there. As in, not inviting a family friend's kids whom I've met once or twice.
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  • merivale87merivale87 member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Our reception is adult-only. Mostly because there aren't any children in our family except my 3 month old nephew, who my sister doesn't want to bring to the wedding because he would cry for her while she is at the front of the church (this is her choice, I would actually prefer if he were there tbh).

    And also, it worked out well that way because our venue charges the same price for everybody, including children. They told me "Most children eat just as much as adults, there is no reason why they can't finish an adult plate at the same price."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:e9037b4d-d11e-470b-bda1-ba08c698157e">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you feel about... : 1) Really? No babysitter for one night? 2) Adult-only receptions are not to avoid "children ruining everything". Have you ever considered the fact that they cost as much as adults per head? If everyone brought their kids, the guest list would explode. 3) You're right - parents SHOULD know, but they dont.
    Posted by arthomas82[/QUOTE]

    I agree with all of this. Sometimes it's not just about the cost, but about the space and seating. My venue is pretty small . If I started inviting everyone's kids, then it'd be standing room only.
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  • DO IT!!!

    My friend even wrote on the invitation "Adult Reception" and it was a blast not to have screaming brats running around.  Plus it made for a more interesting reception as the adults could indulge more in the bubbly and relax.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:196e4319-a826-4769-bd4e-ec721d06b804">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I have no problem with them, as long as it does not say "adults only" on the invite. The other thing too is if I had a newborn, I'd prefer to use my own discretion on that matter. I do kind of see both sides though...<font color="#800000"><strong> Sometimes having children limits you from doing things, thats part of being a parent.</strong></font>
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]


    Thank you.
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  • I think it depends on the formality of a wedding- ie; would you take your child to a fairly nice brunch, maybe after church? Sure you would! Would you take your child to a $150/plate dinner after, say, the opera? My guess is HELL NO.

    I never went to a wedding as a child. When I married my late husband we did not have kids because it was very small and very formal celebration lasting almost 12 hours with an open bar and a moat. This time we are not having them because we simply cannot afford them- they almost triple our guest list. I was worried, but all my friends have told me not to- they prefer a night out anyhow, so I'm no longer worried about it.

    A large portion of our guests are OOT, so I'm hiring the babysitters of local friends to have on hand.

    News flash though- not EVERY event is appropriate for children! And it does not mean the couple does not love said children very much.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:e5e14613-edde-476f-8ae5-12cbf079556f">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]DO IT!!! My friend even wrote on the invitation "Adult Reception" and it was a blast not to have screaming brats running around.  Plus it made for a more interesting reception as the adults could indulge more in the bubbly and relax.
    Posted by elizabethb3511[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, that's rude. Invitations are for inviting people, not for telling people who's not invited.

    Besides, I'm all for people having kid-free weddings if they want, but it's ridiculous to think that kids are going to run around screaming and ruin everything. The kids at our wedding were perfectly behaved all night.
  • Sometimes having children limits you from doing things, thats part of being a parent.
    Posted by nda_roxybabe

    A-freaking-men. I love my sil dearly, but she's going to Liberia for 3 weeks in August, and London for 2 weeks in late September. Her husband is stationed overseas in Liberia. So she is leaving her 4 year old daughter in the care of her 65 year old disabled mother who can't drive very well or lift anything over 10 pounds.

    Also I would not expect anyone to invite my kid just because I had one. The only time I would ask if I could bring along a kid is if it were a new born at the time of the event. I would just sit at the back of the ceremony area and leave if the baby started crying to eliminate crying baby syndrome.  If the reception were adult (like Vegas) I would just not go to the reception.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:82239980-2dc5-4e1f-bcc4-fa697fe6dc09">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it depends on the formality of a wedding- ie; would you take your child to a fairly nice brunch, maybe after church? Sure you would! Would you take your child to a $150/plate dinner after, say, the opera? My guess is HELL NO. I never went to a wedding as a child. When I married my late husband we did not have kids because it was very small and very formal celebration lasting almost 12 hours with an open bar and a moat. This time we are not having them because we simply cannot afford them- they almost triple our guest list. I was worried, but all my friends have told me not to- they prefer a night out anyhow, so I'm no longer worried about it. A large portion of our guests are OOT, <strong><em>so I'm hiring the babysitters of local friends to have on hand.</em></strong> <font color="#ff0000">News flash though- not EVERY event is appropriate for children! And it does not mean the couple does not love said children very much.
    </font>Posted by Knittibell[/QUOTE]

    Something like this makes a lot more sense to me. You're helping with childcare. This to me, is a lot nice of a gesture than telling someone to go find a babysitter.

    I completely agree. I just don't agree with not having some sort of childcare. Financial situations are different for every person.
  • The only kids invited to my wedding are the flower girls and ring bearer.

    I dont feel bad about it either.  If that means some people wont come, then oh well.  I wont hold it against them. 

    But I will also assume that it means you take your kids everywhere with you and will feel bad that you dont have much of an adult social life.   
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  • I did Vegas, too, and had my 5 year old nephew there, and one of John's 13-15 year old cousins there.

    Now, we did our own version of a reception, since it was mostly family, but it was an open bar (in my parents' suite), and we drank at dinner with everyone, and then went back to the suite and drank some more (and Andy shortly thereafter went to bed in the adjoining room). We had a smaller cast of characters, but some memorable ones, but none inappropriate.

    Besides, I wouldn't have missed this face for the world (he's waiting for his name to be called to bring us our rings):




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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you feel about... : Something like this makes a lot more sense to me. You're helping with childcare. This to me, is a lot nice of a gesture than telling someone to go find a babysitter. I completely agree. <strong>I just don't agree with not having some sort of childcare. Financial situations are different for every person.
    </strong>Posted by MissDuke2012[/QUOTE]

    I still disagree with this as a general premise, though.  Why not take that into consideration for everything?  Some people can't afford the gas in their cars to drive to your wedding - why not provide a gas card for everyone?  Some people can't afford to fly to your wedding - why not pay everyone's airfare? 

    If people can't afford an evening of babysitting, then they can't go.  Again, that's part of what you choose by becoming a parent.  You don't cover other costs for guests who are not parents, so why is it rude to you if you don't provide babysitting? 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:77a891d9-f640-475e-b0b4-8e05f6437f47">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you feel about... : Something like this makes a lot more sense to me. You're helping with childcare. This to me, is a lot nice of a gesture than telling someone to go find a babysitter. I completely agree. I just don't agree with not having some sort of childcare. Financial situations are different for every person.
    Posted by MissDuke2012[/QUOTE]

    I completely disagree. As a parent, it is YOUR responsibility to find a babysitter. Not the bride and groom.

    Also, I would not leave my child with a stranger that the bride and groom hired. I don't know anything about them.
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you feel about... :<strong> I still disagree with this as a general premise, though.  Why not take that into consideration for everything?  Some people can't afford the gas in their cars to drive to your wedding - why not provide a gas card for everyone?  Some people can't afford to fly to your wedding - why not pay everyone's airfare?</strong>  If people can't afford an evening of babysitting, then they can't go.  Again, that's part of what you choose by becoming a parent.  You don't cover other costs for guests who are not parents, so why is it rude to you if you don't provide babysitting? 
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

    This.This.This. The bridge and groom cannot appease every single guest's financial situation. They just can't. and they would go crazy trying.
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    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: How do you feel about... : I still disagree with this as a general premise, though.  Why not take that into consideration for everything?  Some people can't afford the gas in their cars to drive to your wedding - why not provide a gas card for everyone?  Some people can't afford to fly to your wedding - why not pay everyone's airfare?  If people can't afford an evening of babysitting, then they can't go.  Again, that's part of what you choose by becoming a parent.  You don't cover other costs for guests who are not parents, so why is it rude to you if you don't provide babysitting? 
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

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  • If your wedding requires traveling and you are not inviting their kids, then you really need to prepare for them not to come.  It is hard to find someone to watch your kids for a whole weekend... or if they bring the kids and have to find a sitter in the city they aren't familiar with, which isnm't really cool either. 

    I love kids. 

    I hate it when brides say they don't want the kids stealing the attention away from them.  Uh, hello...  You're the one in the big white dress. 

    I also don't like the excuse: but we don't even know their kids.  If you like the parents enough to invite them to your wedding, you can probably invest some time getting to know their kids. 
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  • edited July 2010
    I don't have a problem with adult-only receptions, as long as the couple are not rude about it--don't tell me it's "adult-only," I'm smart enough to figure it out.  I don't have children yet (but I want them), and I understand they will not be welcome everywhere, and that sometimes that will limit what I, as the parent, am able to do.  That's just what comes with the responsibility of having a child. 

    FWIW, I wanted an adult-only reception, because FI has a million children in his family and that equals a lot of money in food.  However, because he has a million children in his family, he vetoed the idea because it would also mean a large portion of his family would not come.  As of right now, we will be including kids, and I'm sure it will work out just fine. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:31fb04a4-747d-49d7-ba0b-c320fc976c58">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]If your wedding requires traveling and you are not inviting their kids, then you really need to prepare for them not to come.  It is hard to find someone to watch your kids for a whole weekend... or if they bring the kids and have to find a sitter in the city they aren't familiar with, which isnm't really cool either.  I love kids.  <strong>I hate it when brides say they don't want the kids stealing the attention away from them.  Uh, hello...  You're the one in the big white dress.</strong>  I also don't like the excuse: but we don't even know their kids.  If you like the parents enough to invite them to your wedding, you can probably invest some time getting to know their kids. 
    Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]

    Who says this?
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  • I dont understand why people get so upset if their kids are not invited to weddings.  Do you get just as upset if your kids are not invited to a work holiday party?  Or a New Years Eve party?

    I agree that the bride and groom should be polite about it though.
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  • Yeah, if all our guests were more or less local, I would not be providing child care. But we have people travelling from the UK (about half our guests), Spain and then another 20%+ including a lot of the BMs are from Out of State-and have kids. It's one thing to find a sitter for a night- it's another for a week/long weekend. So that's why I'll have sitters on hand the night of- and I am hiring regular sitters friends use, so they're not random/unknown strangers. AND I am also only looking at venues that are an Inn/Hotel, so they can be babysat on site. Newborns will be welcome.

    Where I live you're still looking at $35 min. for a kid's plate. Not to mention that our 110 person wedding is now almost 300 people and that's a hard venue to find, price wise.
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    [QUOTE]I don't have a problem with adult-only receptions, as long as the couple are not rude about it--don't tell me it's "adult-only," I'm smart enough to figure it out.  I don't have children yet (but I want them), and I understand they will not be welcome everywhere, and that sometimes that will limit what I, as the parent, am able to do.  That's just what comes with the responsibility of having a child. <strong> </strong>FWIW, I wanted an adult-only reception, because FI has a million children in his family and that equals a lot of money in food<strong>.  However, because he has a million children in his family, he vetoed the idea because it would also mean a large portion of his family would not come.  As of right now, we will be including kids, and I'm sure it will work out just fine.</strong> 
    Posted by saxy414[/QUOTE]

    This. I would hate someone not coming because they couldn't bring kids.
  • I don't take Camden anywhere there will be drinking or smoking. I don't like her in that environment. So I would hire a sitter whether it was "Adult Only" or not. But in the event of an "adult only" reception I would hope there would be an option for childcare. Sitters cancel last minute all the time. Then you're left with no other option but not to go.

  • tidetraveltidetravel member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited July 2010
    There are two different views on weddings, and they're generally at the core of the no-kids disagreement.

    1)  Weddings are family affairs, so children should be welcomed

    2)  Weddings are formal events, and are not appropriate for children.

    If you choose to have a no-kids wedding because you see it as a formal event, it's probably not going to sit well with those that were raised to believe that weddings were family functions.  Neither one is right nor wrong.

    As far as parents being offended; if you are someone who believes weddings are family affairs, and those within your social circle have always had kid-friendly weddings, then I imagine that it would be a bit of a shock to be invited to a wedding without your kids.  Not knowing the particulars, I could see how someone might be hurt that their kids weren't allowed to come.  That doesn't excuse them from being nasty about it, however.

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    [QUOTE]I don't take Camden anywhere there will be drinking or smoking. I don't like her in that environment. So I would hire a sitter whether it was "Adult Only" or not. But in the event of an "adult only" reception I would hope there would be an option for childcare.<font color="#800000"><strong> Sitters cancel last minute all the time. Then you're left with no other option but not to go.</strong></font>
    Posted by MissDuke2012[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, but that's part of being a parent. Shiit happens.
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    [QUOTE]I don't take Camden anywhere there will be drinking or smoking. I don't like her in that environment. So I would hire a sitter whether it was "Adult Only" or not.<strong> But in the event of an "adult only" reception I would hope there would be an option for childcare. Sitters cancel last minute all the time. Then you're left with no other option but not to go.</strong>
    Posted by MissDuke2012[/QUOTE]
    I see what you're saying, but I still don't understand how that would be the responsibility of the B&G.  For example, my car punked out today and I was supposed to go to the NJ Knottie GTG.  Now, I can't go.  I'm not expecting the host to come pick me up--this is my situation.

    Like I said earlier, though, no one needs to be rude about it.  I'm not "uninviting" kids or telling people their kids are monsters, nor would I expect my guests to get mad at me for having an adult reception.
  • To each his own. Save money where you see fit. If its cutting kids, so be it. Just be ready to have guests not show because of it.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:52f1dd1e-2425-4266-890c-9e81a64cb07bPost:298d108d-09e6-4120-b10a-c52a78a577ed">Re: How do you feel about...</a>:
    [QUOTE]There are two different views on weddings, and they're generally at the core of the no-kids disagreement<u><strong>. 1)  Weddings are family affairs, so children should be welcomed</strong></u> 2)  Weddings are formal events, and are not appropriate for children. If you choose to have a no-kids wedding because you see it as a formal event, it's probably not going to sit well with those that were raised to believe that weddings were family functions.  Neither one is right nor wrong. As far as parents being offended; <u><strong>if you are someone who believes weddings are family affairs, and those within your social circle have always had kid-friendly weddings, then I imagine that it would be a bit of a shock to be invited to a wedding without your kids</strong></u>.  Not knowing the particulars, I could see how someone might be hurt that their kids weren't allowed to come.  That doesn't excuse them from being nasty about it, however.
    Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

    I know this is just your explanation and not necessarily your view, but just to play devils advocate for a second:

    Does this mean that if someone is married with 4 kids, that they assume all 6 of them should and will be invited to every single event that happens within their family?

    Basically, if I want to invite <em>you</em> to something, I should plan on your entire pack showing up?
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    [QUOTE]I don't take Camden anywhere there will be drinking or smoking. I don't like her in that environment. So I would hire a sitter whether it was "Adult Only" or not. But in the event of an "adult only" reception I would hope there would be an option for childcare. Sitters cancel last minute all the time. Then you're left with no other option but not to go.
    Posted by MissDuke2012[/QUOTE]

    That sucks if the sitter cancesl, but your child is still solely your responsibility, not the B&G's.
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  • I prefer no kids at a wedding. Our wedding was almost kid free.
    image
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