Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Elope now, ceremony/reception later?

So, I've been perusing the boards both here and elsewhere and have come to the conclusion that there is a lot of hostility towards eloping and having a ceremony and reception at a later date. My first question is, why?

 

My second question is more personal. My fiance and I have been together for almost two years, and engaged for a year this April. Due to personal and financial reasons (we weren't sure if we were actually ready to tie the knot and we weren't 100% secure about our budget) we pushed our wedding back from April 2012 to December 2012, which actually works better for everyone, including our families (his has to fly in from AK and WA).

 

We have recently decided that we are definitely ready and we've been discussing eloping in a week or two. It isn't for financial reasons (we've been living together for over a year and we both have really good jobs), we just love each other and want to get married. Still, we're planning on our wedding in December. I'm not sure that we'll tell everyone that we've eloped because both our families might decide not to come. We don't expect gifts and all that, and we're funding the ceremony and reception ourselves, so it won't be a financial inconvenience for anyone other than plane travel for his family. Opinions?

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Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?

  • You don't think you'll feel a bit stupid in December acting like a bride, putting on your dress, walking down the aisle to your "fiance" knowing full well that you're already married?

    Seriously.  C'mon now.

    If you want to run away and get married - go.  If you want a wedding with all your family and friends, then wait.  But you can't do both.

    You can, however, elope, tell your family, and have a rocking party in December.
    [Deleted User]Mann2Be
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:534e2129-8843-4ee6-bcc3-31c4d1efe623">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You don't think you'll feel a bit stupid in December acting like a bride, putting on your dress, walking down the aisle to your "fiance" knowing full well that you're already married? Seriously.  C'mon now. If you want to run away and get married - go.  If you want a wedding with all your family and friends, then wait.  But you can't do both. You can, however, elope, tell your family, and have a rocking party in December.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>Well, actually, I can do both, considering I'm paying for it. And no, I won't feel stupid walking down the aisle since I didn't do it to begin with. Both our families would be furious if we failed to have a "traditional" wedding. But we really want it to be about us. In all honesty, isn't a wedding for the guests more than it is for the bride and groom? </div>
    blizardlove14bhigs09
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:7bf91de7-9b68-4615-879b-3df6dc5065b8">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Well, actually, I can do both, considering I'm paying for it. And no, I won't feel stupid walking down the aisle since I didn't do it to begin with. Both our families would be furious if we failed to have a "traditional" wedding. But we really want it to be about us. In all honesty, isn't a wedding for the guests more than it is for the bride and groom? 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    ...wow
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    [Deleted User]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:7bf91de7-9b68-4615-879b-3df6dc5065b8">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Well, actually, I can do both, considering I'm paying for it. And no, I won't feel stupid walking down the aisle since I didn't do it to begin with. Both our families would be furious if we failed to have a "traditional" wedding. But we really want it to be about us. In all honesty, isn't a wedding for the guests more than it is for the bride and groom? 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    <div>Seriously?  You can't see that <em>lying to your family and friends about the fact that you are already married and they are watching you play-act a fake wedding so you can dress up and have a party and get gifts</em> is a bad idea?  Wow.  Just wow.</div>
    image my to-read shelf:
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    [Deleted User]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:e755eb65-0f74-494b-ad92-d68f3d67af0a">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Seriously?  You can't see that lying to your family and friends about the fact that you are already married and they are watching you play-act a fake wedding so you can dress up and have a party and get gifts  is a bad idea?  Wow.  Just wow.
    Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

    <div style="text-align:-webkit-auto;">I wouldn't even have an actual wedding if my maid of honor's mother as well as my other bridesmaid's mother (read: mother-in-law) hadn't already informed me that they will be pissed if their daughters don't get to wear their dresses.<font face="arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif" size="2" color="#333333"><span style="line-height:16px;"> In fact, when we pushed back our wedding, we had originally planned to scrap the ceremony altogether, but my mom and my future MIL were livid and all they could think about was what would the bridesmaids do if they couldn't wear their dresses?!?!?! So, in our case, the big wedding really is just for the family. </span></font></div>
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:7bf91de7-9b68-4615-879b-3df6dc5065b8">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? :<strong> Well, actually, I can do both</strong>, considering I'm paying for it. And no, I won't feel stupid walking down the aisle since I didn't do it to begin with. Both our families would be furious if we failed to have a "traditional" wedding. But we really want it to be about us. In all honesty, isn't a wedding for the guests more than it is for the bride and groom? 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually, you can't.  You can pretend to do both, but the event in December will not be a wedding.  You can pretend it is a wedding, but in your heart you will know that is a lie.  </div><div>
    </div><div>You're the ones who would have to live with knowing that you lied about something so huge to all of your family and friends.  Most people would eventually be eaten up by the guilt of such a huge lie to such important people.  </div>
  • The reason I have a problem with people eloping then having a ceremony & reception is because a) I feel as though it's fake (they are already married), b) I wasn't good enough to be invited to the actual unity/marriage ceremony, and/or c) the B & G were extremely impatient. December is in 10 months! You guys can wait, trust me. There were some times when DH and I were BEYOND ready to get married but having a ceremony and reception was very important to me, so we waited. Glad we did, the wedding rocked! I understand that this is not about gifts and your not really into this eeddig stuff, that your just doing it for family but keep that in mind...for family. Don't lie to them about it, it will hurt some feelings. Maybe not to the point where they won't talk to you but enough to make it worth while to wait another 10 months! :o)
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
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  • So wait, your parents want you to have a traditional wedding and they won't even be present at the GD wedding?  Why on earth would you think they won't be mad at this.  They will.  They might not talk to you for weeks, months or years because of it.  It wouldn't be the first time it happened. 


    If I were invited to a reception after the couple had been married, and they wanted to play dress up, I would just think they like to play dress up and wanted one more day in this world to be all about them.  I wouldn't think they are including me in their special day - because, guess what, they're not.  Don't act like you're doing anyone a favor by trying to include them when truth of the matter is that you're putting on a show. 
  • May I also ask?  Are you not going to love each other in December?  Undying love isn't a reason to get married tomorrow.  If you're that serious about each other, you could get married ten years from now.  If it's just about love.  But I'm guessing it's not. 
    [Deleted User]
  • I wanted to add a couple things as well..

    I had a friend where they got married in a rush (he was being deployed) so they had a 'wedding' a year later.  She kept posting all these pictures leading up to the wedding of her dress fitting and all that.  It was titled "I can't believe this is acutally happening".  What I was confused about was...what can't she believe, that she is having a wedding or that she is getting married...because she already is married.

    Which brings me to the point of ideas like this (elope then have a 'wedding') just is another problem we have in our society with the view of a wedding.  Weddings have become so materialistic.  "It's all about the dress, the cake, the flowers, how well you entertain your guests" etc etc.  This is SO far beyond what a wedding really is suppose to be and represent.

    So whether its you or your family...getting married in a couple weeks then having a 'wedding' later just shows that a wedding is materialistic. 

    If you two can't wait then you should discuss with your families that you will not cave into the materialistic side of weddings.
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
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  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:7bf91de7-9b68-4615-879b-3df6dc5065b8">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Well, actually, I can do both, considering I'm paying for it. And no, I won't feel stupid walking down the aisle since I didn't do it to begin with. Both our families would be furious if we failed to have a "traditional" wedding. But we really want it to be about us. In all honesty, isn't a wedding for the guests more than it is for the bride and groom? 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, you can do both.  You can do whatever you want.  But, the second "wedding" that is oh so important your parents will be a lie.  I could never hurt my parents like that.  It's not about the white dress - it's about the entire event.  By getting married before the event, you are taking away a very important of it and you are failing to have a traditional wedding.  Are you purposely being dense about this?  I think you have to be to not understand.

    I wore my dress again for our AHR.  I felt like a fool since it wasn't my wedding day.  Random people said congratulations; I cringed and wanted to explain.  I didn't think I'd feel weird until that day.  Odd how that happens.
  • If I am understanding correctly, your desire is to have a secret wedding ceremony in a week or so & then you are going to have another actual wedding ceremony again in December? And your guests in Dec will think this is your actual "wedding date"? I have heard of/know people eloping & then having a reception a year or so later (for various reasons). The whole shebang, with wedding dress, wedding party, flowers, cake, etc. BUT these people did not have another ceremony prior to this reception. Nor did they keep their marriage hidden or a secret. I don't see anything wrong with this. However, if I am understanding you correctly, the parts I have an issue with are the deceiving your families & friends, & also have ANOTHER actual wedding ceremony. I could kind of understand if it was just a reception/party, but another ceremony, IDK. Like PPs said, you can wait another 10 mths. My fiancé & I have been together for 13 yrs (finally got engaged last Sept) & we are getting married August 2012. If I can wait that long, I am sure you can wait a measly 10 months.
  • 1.What you are planning demeans JOPs (and marriage) 2. Lying is bad

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  • As a MOB I can tell you that if one of our 4 girls had a secret wedding and then had another "show" wedding where we thought we were witnessing their actual wedding - and we found out they lied to us - it would change our relationship and damage it in a very real way.  I am tremendously close to my girls.

    If I were your mom and you did this to me, why would I ever trust a word that came out of your mouth?  You secretly get married and lead everyone on because you know they will most likely not attend the sham wedding.  Why do you feel you have the right to lie to people and get them to spends hundreds/thousands of dollars to attend something that is a lie?

    If I spent the money to fly out to a wedding and later found out it was a sham and I was lied to just so I would show up - we would be through.

    Do you seriously not see why this is wrong?  People do NOT want to see a sham wedding and they will be livid when it comes out (and it will) that you were already married.  As a parent I would be devastated that you took something so very special away from me AND you tried to lie about it.

    Please, just do not do this.
    noahark1
  • Ok, even if you chose to go through with this (horrible horrible awful very bad) idea, I'm wondering if you could find an officiant to go through with it. I'd imagine most religious officiants would be extremely unlikely to carry on that sort of charade. Now, if you wanted to get married and then have a religious blessing, then I think you might could get one on board, but that would also probably require you to come clean with your family and friends; very few world religions you could get an officiant from condone lying to those close to you to have a big party.

    If you tried to get an government official, I don't think they could do it either, because it would be some sort of double dipping thing. 

    So I don't know who you'd get to perform this fake ceremony like it was real.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:4ebf767e-4bdd-4393-a9bc-4622bf02544b">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wanted to add a couple things as well.. I had a friend where they got married in a rush (he was being deployed) so they had a 'wedding' a year later.  She kept posting all these pictures leading up to the wedding of her dress fitting and all that.  It was titled "I can't believe this is acutally happening".  What I was confused about was...what can't she believe, that she is having a wedding or that she is getting married...because she already is married. Which brings me to the point of ideas like this (elope then have a 'wedding') just is another problem we have in our society with the view of a wedding.  <strong>Weddings have become so materialistic.  "It's all about the dress, the cake, the flowers, how well you entertain your guests" etc etc. </strong> This is SO far beyond what a wedding really is suppose to be and represent. So whether its you or your family...getting married in a couple weeks then having a 'wedding' later just shows that a wedding is materialistic.  If you two can't wait then you should discuss with your families that you will not cave into the materialistic side of weddings.
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Just in response to this... I can tell by your pictures that you had no concern about the dress, the cake, or the flowers. </div><div>
    </div><div>Okay, now that that's out of the way, you women are so judgmental! First of all, I've already spoken to my mother about this and she said it would be fine with her. No, we wouldn't be able to tell the rest of the family because they just wouldn't show up even though (for my family) it's a 30 minute drive down the road. </div><div>
    </div><div>And for those of you who just think I want a PPD, I thought I had said this here, but perhaps I didn't. I wanted to call off the entire wedding and just elope and have a reception down the road, but my mom, my MOH's mom, and my bridesmaids and their moms were all devastated that they wouldn't get to wear their dresses! They were all extremely upset and didn't know what they would do if they were unable to wear the bridesmaids dresses. </div><div>
    </div><div>So yes, I do still want to get married now, but to save myself from eternal whining about how no one got to wear their dresses, I still have to have a big wedding. </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, those of you who think it's like, illegal or something for an officiant to perform a second ceremony, you seriously need to do your research. I was married very young in Alaska when I was a month over 19. A year later, we had our big wedding in which our pastor performed the ceremony which was worded identically to our first wedding. So yes, it's completely doable and it's in no way illegal. Needless to say, that marriage didn't work out and I've been divorced since I was 20. </div><div>
    </div><div>Four years later, I've found my soulmate and I would like to marry him on time. Like I think I've said (and if not, I'm clearing it up now), we were originally set to be married in April. 

    </div>
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:9ac50737-286e-4329-8a62-01f16c6bfff9">Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]So, I've been perusing the boards both here and elsewhere and have come to the conclusion that <strong>there is a lot of hostility towards eloping and having a ceremony and reception at a later date. My first question is, why?</strong>   <strong><font color="#0000ff">My second question is more personal.</font></strong> My fiance and I have been together for almost two years, and engaged for a year this April. Due to personal and financial reasons (we weren't sure if we were actually ready to tie the knot and we weren't 100% secure about our budget) we pushed our wedding back from April 2012 to December 2012, which actually works better for everyone, including our families (his has to fly in from AK and WA).   We have recently decided that we are definitely ready and we've been discussing eloping in a week or two. It isn't for financial reasons (we've been living together for over a year and we both have really good jobs), we just love each other and want to get married. Still, we're planning on our wedding in December. I'm not sure that we'll tell everyone that we've eloped because both our families might decide not to come. We don't expect gifts and all that, and we're funding the ceremony and reception ourselves, so it won't be a financial inconvenience for anyone other than plane travel for his family. Opinions?
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    First question ... Why are people on the boards hostile toward eloping with a ceremony later? I think you already know the answer. It's the whole part about guests being duped. Lies leave a bad taste in most people's mouths.

    Second question ... Opinions?  That's the only other question I could find in your post, so here goes.  My opinion, as one who attended a fake wedding and reception years ago, is that I felt I missed out on something -- that moment my friend actually got married. Call me a misty-eyed romantic, but hell! I would like to have witnessed the actual ceremony, not a farce with an actor playing the role of officiant.

    Justify it any way you'd like to, but if you choose to elope now, at least be grown up to notify the guests for your December party that the actual wedding has already taken place.  Let them decide if they want to attend. Accept the consequences of your actions. That is my opinion.
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:07a10f5d-863a-47de-bb2a-14e2f87739fb">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Just in response to this... I can tell by your pictures that you had no concern about the dress, the cake, or the flowers.  Okay, now that that's out of the way, you women are so judgmental! First of all, I've already spoken to my mother about this and she said it would be fine with her. No, we wouldn't be able to tell the rest of the family because they just wouldn't show up even though (for my family) it's a 30 minute drive down the road.  And for those of you who just think I want a PPD, I thought I had said this here, but perhaps I didn't. I wanted to call off the entire wedding and just elope and have a reception down the road, but my mom, my MOH's mom, and my bridesmaids and their moms were all devastated that they wouldn't get to wear their dresses! They were all extremely upset and didn't know what they would do if they were unable to wear the bridesmaids dresses.  So yes, I do still want to get married now, but to save myself from eternal whining about how no one got to wear their dresses, I still have to have a big wedding.  Also, those of you who think it's like, illegal or something for an officiant to perform a second ceremony, you seriously need to do your research. I was married very young in Alaska when I was a month over 19. A year later, we had our big wedding in which our pastor performed the ceremony which was worded identically to our first wedding. So yes, it's completely doable and it's in no way illegal. Needless to say, that marriage didn't work out and I've been divorced since I was 20.  Four years later, I've found my soulmate and I would like to marry him on time. Like I think I've said (and if not, I'm clearing it up now), we were originally set to be married in April. 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    Good luck, OP.  Clearly your mind is made up. I don't buy your arguments anymore since you flat out said that you did this EXACT SCENARIO for your first wedding.  This isn't about your parents wanting to see a wedding or your friends wearing their dresses (you did that already with your first wedding!).  It's about attention.  I get it now.
    noahark1MadHops21
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:83d84e08-5d03-4b36-9c5d-c4f60fe8dd9e">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Good luck, OP.  Clearly your mind is made up. I don't buy your arguments anymore since you flat out said that you did this EXACT SCENARIO for your first wedding.  This isn't about your parents wanting to see a wedding or your friends wearing their dresses (you did that already with your first wedding!).  It's about attention.  I get it now.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>Actually, I did it the first time because we lived in Alaska and we didn't have a way to have a wedding in which everyone could be there. My dad was there and his mom and dad were there. After our wedding, my mom announced that her and my dad would be throwing us another ceremony and reception because my mom wanted to be involved. So no, that one was about her too. As a matter of fact, I hate being the center of attention. I have an anxiety disorder and my entire body shakes when I have to talk in front of people. Think what you'd like, and just to clear the air, we talked about it more and decided we'll wait. But regardless, if I chose to get married now and have a ceremony and reception later, that would be okay. </div>
  • Wow. 

    OP, you have yet to provide one satisfactory answer for why you can't just wait until December.  It's not the end of the world to continue to live together unmarried until your planned wedding date.   It doesn't mean you love each other any less. Are you worried he's going to back out or change his mind if you don't get it done soon?   I'm all about eloping; it's a great choice when you don't also feel the need to do the big white wedding.  But you clearly do feel the need to do the big white wedding--even if the need is just because you want to appease your FMIL and mom. 

    You talk the talk saying you "just want to be married."  If that's true, then it's time to walk the walk: elope, tell your families, and pay back the girls for their BM dresses (that's the polite thing to do when the wedding is not going to happen as planned). If any part of that sounds too hard for you then just wait and get legally married in December. Seriously.


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:3cbc44c8-a265-4725-9198-8e2e69507f76">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Actually, I did it the first time because we lived in Alaska and we didn't have a way to have a wedding in which everyone could be there. My dad was there and his mom and dad were there. After our wedding, my mom announced that her and my dad would be throwing us another ceremony and reception because my mom wanted to be involved. So no, that one was about her too. As a matter of fact, I hate being the center of attention. I have an anxiety disorder and my entire body shakes when I have to talk in front of people. Think what you'd like, and just to clear the air, we talked about it more and decided we'll wait. But regardless, if I chose to get married now and have a ceremony and reception later, that would be okay. 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    Way to completely miss my point.
  • If it makes you feel any better I am totally not seeing the big deal. I would probably skip the formal ceremony and tell your peeps that they can wear their formalwear at the reception but at the end of the day I can see how you would want your wedding to be small and private and then follow it up with a more public celebration. I was trying to convince the man person to do something simular but was voted down :-)
  • Oh FFS.  OP, do whatever the hell you want, I just sincerely hope that your family finds out and they disown you for it.  Lying to people is NEVER okay, and it's a major asshole move on your part to even consider it.
    Anniversary
    blueobsidian
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:69b9b63f-0d2b-4fbc-990e-f95f3f25755a">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]If it makes you feel any better I am totally not seeing the big deal. I would probably skip the formal ceremony and tell your peeps that they can wear their formalwear at the reception but at the end of the day I can see how you would want your wedding to be small and private and then follow it up with a more public celebration. I was trying to convince the man person to do something simular but was voted down :-)
    Posted by avensong[/QUOTE]

    This is totally fine!  In fact, my husband and I had an immediate family-only ceremony and larger party after the fact.  If you read back, this was the first thing I suggested to do.

    The problem is that doing over the entire ceremony (complete with bridal party, wedding dress, etc) for the entertainment of your guests is wrong.  OP says herself that most people won't come if they know it's not the real deal.

    I was even willing to give her the benefit of the doubt about her parents wanting to see her get married because it's a big deal to parents.  They want to walk their little girl down the aisle or see them in a wedding gown.  Sure.  But, then the OP admitted that she had already had a wedding previous to this marriage.  Her parents already saw their little girl do this so that argument is completely out the window. 

    She's down to just wanting to get dressed up and having people fawn over her.  That's the only reason I can see as to why you need to have a private ceremony and then a public re-enactment.  Private ceremony and public party?  Knock your socks off.
    MadHops21
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:3e703858-42f0-4fc3-b3b6-b5ce417d4336">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : This is totally fine!  In fact, my husband and I had an immediate family-only ceremony and larger party after the fact.  If you read back, this was the first thing I suggested to do. The problem is that doing over the entire ceremony (complete with bridal party, wedding dress, etc) for the entertainment of your guests is wrong.  OP says herself that most people won't come if they know it's not the real deal. I was even willing to give her the benefit of the doubt about her parents wanting to see her get married because it's a big deal to parents.  They want to walk their little girl down the aisle or see them in a wedding gown.  Sure.  But, then the OP admitted that she had already had a wedding previous to this marriage.  Her parents already saw their little girl do this so that argument is completely out the window.  She's down to just wanting to get dressed up and having people fawn over her.  That's the only reason I can see as to why you need to have a private ceremony and then a public re-enactment.  Private ceremony and public party?  Knock your socks off.
    Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

    <div>Can you really not read? My mother thinks this is such a big deal because my first husband was a moron and she wants to be there for what she considers my "actual marriage." I'm not sure how many ways I can say that I couldn't care less about the big shebang. I don't like public speaking, much less walking down an aisle in heels in front of a bunch of people. </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:a3c59b3e-b171-4495-922b-22e48c732ebf">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Can you really not read? My mother thinks this is such a big deal because my first husband was a moron and she wants to be there for what she considers my "actual marriage." I'm not sure how many ways I can say that<strong> I couldn't care less about the big shebang.</strong> I don't like public speaking, much less walking down an aisle in heels in front of a bunch of people. 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    So then just do the JOP thing now and forget about the 'fake wedding' in December.  I'm not understanding why this concept is so hard for you to grasp.

    And don't give me that shiit about your family expecting a big wedding.  You said yourself that most of them wouldn't even come if they knew you were already married, so you obviously don't give a rats ass about what they think, so just do the ONE event that makes you happy.
    Anniversary
    mcgarci2
  • AdeleDazeemAdeleDazeem member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:a3c59b3e-b171-4495-922b-22e48c732ebf">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later? : Can you really not read? My mother thinks this is such a big deal because my first husband was a moron and she wants to be there for what she considers my "actual marriage." I'm not sure how many ways I can say that I couldn't care less about the big shebang. I don't like public speaking, much less walking down an aisle in heels in front of a bunch of people. 
    Posted by forreallyserious[/QUOTE]

    I can read just fine, thanks! :-)

    EDIT: And if this is really how you feel, then you grow a backbone and tell your mother/friends/family/cats/dogs that you are NOT doing another spectacle wedding.  You're adult and can make her own choices.  But, since you aren't doing this, it only adds fuel to the fire that you WANT all this to be done.  See?  If you don't want it and shake horribly, just say no!
    mcgarci2
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:a49c726f-3481-48e8-a2c8-72a684f5c8fc">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]OP, I can accept that you're going to do whatever you want no matter what we say (even though you DID ask for feedback, which we've provided and you've chosen to ignore), but insulting Tiffannie's wedding was rude and uncalled for. Now you're just being catty, and it's not helping your case.
    Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

    <div>I didn't insult anything. I just pointed out that she used all of the things that, according to her, aren't important. </div>
  • wth is going on?  Somebody is insulting my wedding? lol.  I never talked about my wedding....please explain to this blond what I missed...
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  • edited February 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_elope-now-ceremonyreception-later?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:0b9c5ea8-2d89-4395-b4ff-4f0fbc45cb02Post:72fcf7e7-a074-42dc-ada4-d32081b6d90a">Re: Elope now, ceremony/reception later?</a>:
    [QUOTE]wth is going on?  Somebody is insulting my wedding? lol.  I never talked about my wedding....please explain to this blond what I missed...
    Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

    Tiff, you said something to the effect of "I didn't really care about flowers etc."  Then, in one of her responses, OP said "I can see from your pictures that you didn't care."  I read it as her saying your flowers/details/etc. were ugly (and apparently others did too) but now she's trying to say that what she <em>meant</em> was to say that she doesn't believe you didn't care because you had all that stuff anyway.  Either way, OP was being rude to you.

    ETA: Can't say I'm shocked OP was being rude to you.  She's cool with lying to friends and family so she can have a fake wedding, so I can't imagine being nasty to strangers on message boards fazes her all that much.
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