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South Asian Weddings

Old School Indian Traditions You're not Including in your BD

What is an old-school Indian tradition you're not including in your big day? I personally hate the tradition of having all your outfits and jewelry that your parents gave you for display for your in-laws to see. I think it desensitizes the gifts your parents gave you and frankly, it's nobody elses business! Whatever my Mom and Dad give me, after my wedding, it's mine - it's not for public view. I know this is a gujarati tradition that is on its way out of practice (if it hasn't been retired completely) but it bothers me.

Also, the Vidhai ceremony may be skipped. I'll be moving to another country entirely (England), and I do not want to have to bear the vidhai. I know I'll cry uncontrollably and my parents will be very overwhelmed by emotions and I do not want to do that. I think it would take away from the day.

Re: Old School Indian Traditions You're not Including in your BD

  • We skipped the Vidha (although my mom was still crying though) & Bharat. The Goori Pooja we did that morning. ( I would not recommend this as the wedding day is very packed). Also we skipped we skipped the garland exchange and did a ring exchange instead.  Hope this helps!
  • I don't really know what is "normally" done in DH's community, and I think we may have skipped quite a few things since I'm not Indian.  We had an enormous amount of pressure to do a Bharat with an elephant, which DH adamantly refused ("I will NOT ride across my hometown at the age of forty ducking to avoid telephone lines while people point me out to each other!")  Some people also wanted us to hire people to act as my side, which we both thought was pretty weird.

    We also skipped a western tradition which is DH did not ask my parents' permission.  He thinks that custom is degrading to women.  My parents were offended but got over it.
  • I honestly don't know about the old school Indian traditions. Since we're Christian and he's Anglo-Indian, there arent' any Hindi traditions in his family, and I've been asking him about traditions and what he mentioned we probably will do, so we're not eliminating that much. Also since his family is from Kolkatta but he lives in Gurgaon, there's not so much pressure to do any like regional traditions...
    My blog
    "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels." -Isaiah 61:10 NKJV
  • I'm not sure what the old school Indian traditions are either but we're not doing a sangeet/mehendi night the night before the wedding. All of my relatives live in India and most will not be able to make it to the wedding so I opted not to have one. We're doing a welcome party for our out of town guests the night before instead and will have a mehendi lady there to put mehendi on all the ladies. We're also doing a shorter Hindu ceremony (45-60 mins tops) and are just incorporating the required ceremony rituals.
  • edited March 2012
    We did not do a vidaai either. I understand where the tradition came from, but really, I see my parents once a month.  And I wasn't living at home so it wasn't like the wedding symbolized my leaving them.

    My husband didn't have a huge baraat. He walked around and down the hallway to where my family was waiting to greet him. He's a quiet person and would have felt really uncomfortable with that, so we skipped it.

    I didn't have a Mama (maternal uncle) walk me to the mandap. It's not that I don't have any, but none of them were able to come to the wedding. So instead my brother walked me down the aisle. My dad tried to suggest other uncles or family friends who would do it, since he didn't think it was "proper" for my brother to do it. But I convinced him that it doesn't matter since the only people that would know the difference would be our family who already knew that none of my mamas would be attending. The groom's side and my friends would have no idea that were were breaking with tradition.

    I am sure there were other things that we didn't do, but I don't remember them.
  • I think we are going to end up skipping more American traditions than Indian...We are already unsure about walking in at the reception. We are not having a bridal party and there won't be bouquets. We are unsure about the first dance. After much discussion, we did end up keeping the wedding cake simply because I wanted a cake topper...:) Oh and my fiance helped me (a LOT) in picking out all of my wedding outfits so he'll know exactly what I'm wearing. If I could have done a first look before the wedding I would have but I don't think there is time. :(  He was born in India and so we are just going with the flow when it comes to the Indian traditions...IN the end, I'm not sure there's all that much you can do when it comes right down to it so I plan to just enjoy it. :)
  • Did anyone choose not to wear a maang tikka?  I look awful with a center part and have had trouble keeping the tikka on in the past. (I'm Anglo-American and am inexperienced when it comes to wearing Indian attire.)  Also, is it okay to ditch some of the bangles so you don't end up with red arms at the end of the night?  MIL acts like doing anything remotely different will result in nuclear war, but I wonder if it's just her being dramatic and if anyone will notice.  Any advice?
  • We are skipping all of the traditional pre-wedding events (sangeet, mehndi party,etc..), but still having a dinner the night before for all of my relatives, and opting for a shorter Hindu ceremony (45 minutes). My fiance is American and would love to do a Baraat, but I want to keep it simple so we won't be doing one. We are having a bridal party walk down the aisle and my mama will walk me down the aisle. During the ceremony, we will  exchange rings in addition to the jai mala and mangal sutra. I will be wearing all of the traditional Indian jewelry.  However, our reception will be completely American (wedding party entrances, cake cutting, first dance, American music, etc..).

    My cousin went the traditional route for his wedding and I promised myself that I would not put myself through it. It's tiring to attend so many events. I prefer to have a fusion wedding and to keep it to a one day celebration.
  • We are skipping the Baraat for my fiance's preference. We are having both cultural ceremonies in the same day so for sanity we're eliminating everything possible and also having quick ceremonies.

    For the maang tikka I've seen really pretty hairstyle where it is applied as a center part, but then another piece of hair sweeps over it from the side. I think this is a pretty flattering hairstyle and probably what I'll be doing as well since I prefer side parts.
    Similar to this: http://www.paklinks.com/gsmedia/files/66549/prep3.jpg
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_old-school-indian-traditions-youre-not-including-in-your-bd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:6162ac6c-f12f-4f9a-9d78-a5fb82e420c8Post:4fc85647-0b09-4cd6-b03c-bb75ee3ea976">Re: Old School Indian Traditions You're not Including in your BD</a>:
    [QUOTE]My cousin went the traditional route for his wedding and I promised myself that I would not put myself through it. It's tiring to attend so many events. I prefer to have a fusion wedding and to keep it to a one day celebration.
    Posted by arunkumar[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>We didn't even have all the events (FIL doesn't believe in Sangeets or music) and it was the most exhausting experience of my life!  If we had had the option, I would have preferred one (or at most two) wedding(s).  After a while you're too tired to care.</div><div>
    </div><div>About wearing a tikka -- I had the slipping problem with one hairstyle.  First of all, if the hairdresser puts it on for you, they will be better able to make it stay in place.  Also, I wore it with a side part and it looked fine and no one thought that was weird.  Also, MIL and DH wanted me to wear my hair down.  This is definitely more slippery for the tikka.  Also, I wore it both curly and straight at different events and curlier was much easier.  Loose straight hair sent the tikka all over the place.</div><div>
    </div><div>About bangles -- Bangles should not make your arms red.  If they do, perhaps they are too tight or you are allergic to the material?  Indian clothes really do look better with WAY more jewellery than what we're used to here, so I would suggest experimenting a little with the bangles.

  • I'm concerned about the "auspicious date" for the wedding. I am American and the groom is Hindu. We wanted to have a Hindu ceremony in a garden setting with both of our families present. My family can only come on a weedkend date and the public garden we want to use has few dates available. We've found a date that works for practical purposes, but this need to have an auspicious date according to the priest is throwing it all off. I am having a hard time accepting this aspect of a Hindu ceremony. However, my fiance does believe it's important. We're now thinking we'll have to have two separate ceremonies--one Hindu and one American-secular--and not all of his family could be at the American ceremony and vice versa. I don't think that's a very good way to start out a marriage, with everything so divided. I have been willing to embrace his culture and cast mine aside and have the entire ceremony be for his faith. However, the date of the ceremony has to work for my family too. Is the auspicious date something that can be compromised on or is it not really a Hindu ceremony if practical reasons determine the date instead of the stars determining it? Thank you in advance for any thoughtful replies.
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