Bridal party feuding over stagette/bachelorette party!

NAClark · March 2010

There are three girls on my bridal party who cannot agree on the plans for the stagette and I keep getting dragged in. The MOH lives near me and is heading the planning, while the other two live out of town and apparently shoot down all her ideas and "don't want to do anything fun". This has been going on for nearly two months, during which I have been asked to step in at various times. It's unfortunate but their kind efforts to come up with something I really enjoy is leading to the opposite effect! I'm upset that they are forcing me into this drama and I feel like by asking me to get involved they are wanting me to decide on my own stagette plans. And the thing is I'm not that picky, I really think I'd enjoy most things so they don't have to go to war over this! I just don't know what to do anymore.... should I send one last email to the whole bunch saying just that? or leave it alone and hope that I don't keep getting dragged in? I don't want them all grumbling at each other at the stagette.

SuMmErKuTiE · March 2010

What's a stagette?

NAClark · March 2010

Haha, I guess stagette is a Canadian term - it's a bachelorette party!

SuMmErKuTiE · March 2010

Ooooh ok lol..

I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle.. this party is for you and even though you're not planning it, it should be about what you want and not what they want. I would just give your MOH some ideas that sound fun to you and have her work out the details with the other BM's. I've been a BM before and gone to bachelorette parties which were no where near my idea of a good time or something I would do on my own, but it was what the bride wanted so I went and made the best of it because the bride was my close friend and it was in celebration of her not me.

ldmartin07 · March 2010

Ha. I can totally empathize. There's been a major power struggle between my MOH (my sister) and one of my bridesmaids, and I've been dragged into it. It's gotten to the point where people have offered to pay for others because it's too expensive for some people, and it's just gotten blown out of proportion. I have done everything I could to not get involved, but when 3 of the 4 BMs (the 5th is completely uninvolved) contacted me about it, I felt like I had to do something, so I just took control, in a way that some might say is a bit bridezilla. I told my sister what I wanted, which I knew would be in everyone's budget. I have the house to myself that weekend, so we're going to get mani/pedis, get takeout/pizza, and revert to a third grade sleepover with candy and movies.

Like I said, it could be considered a bit bridezilla of me, but for me, this wasn't supposed to turn into phone calls from my bridesmaids in tears. It was supposed to be fun, easy, and relaxing, and just spending time together. And what was also more important was that my BMs get along, so that the wedding day will be fun for them as well. If it means that I have to take control of it to avoid that, I will.

Hope that helps.

NAClark · March 2010

ldmartin - I don't think that's bridezilla-ish at all. They were obviously having problems and you just made sure everyone is happy. I think that's very mature.
I also received a tearful phone call yesterday, which really forced me to step in somehow. Because like you, all I really want is for everyone to have a fun time together and the rest is details. So it's awful that in bickering so much over what to do they actually threatened the most important thing - THE FUN!

I decided to just phone the other girls last night and let them know about the tearful situation. They just didn't quite realize how the MOH was feeling. I told them they should try to plan more by phone, not email, since email just gets construed wrong. And also to be more flexible since I really think I'll enjoy whatever they come up with. I think they are on the right track again... I hope...

noonescookie · March 2010

I was a BM in a wedding like that, except the bride had to step in before we even started planning the bachelorette party. Her sister, MOH, was the main problem - spending money on junk and then expecting us to pay her back for it, making plans without checking with anyone, then not doing jobs she promised to handle. She flipped out at the bride in the parking lot immediately following the shower (while the rest of us were cleaning up, by the way) for not being surprised enough! As in, screaming and shouting at her in public. After the overly-emotional BM complained about everything else we'd put up with from MOH (at length, in tears, questioning the bride's friendship), the bride decided to organize the bachelorette party herself. MOH stopped by for the first few hours, but decided she didn't have to contribute anything since she "couldn't" stay for the whole thing.

It was really, really awful for everyone involved, but it was a really good thing for everyone, including the bride, that she stepped in when she did. Ironic ending - MOH got hit by a car a few days before the wedding (no joke), so the bride ended up feeling bad and not kicking her out. MOH got to play up being an invalid in front of all her relatives throughout the rehearsal dinner and wedding day (her need for crutches seemed to vary based on the size of her audience), so she was very happy and stayed out of the bride's hair.

Following this wedding, I officially announced my retirement from bridesmaiding. We chose not to have a bridal party for our wedding - too much drama. We're assigning our friends different, specific jobs instead.

Bridal party feuding over stagette/bachelorette party!

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