FMIL wearing white or Ivory.
So this is KIND of a XP BUT.. i just couldn't resist..
On the M&M board poor OP is so saddened by the fact that her FMIL had purchased an Ivory suit to wear. She wants to tell her FMIL to "please not wear this"
some of the girls are saying to just drop it, you can't dictate what people wear to your wedding others say that it's happened to them before and the spotlight wasn't taken off of them. Also that she shouldn't say anything to her FMIL because "that's just the best way to start off your relationship into her family, by throwing a temper tantrum"
Ugh, who mentioned a temper tantrum?!
I say. Please tell your FMIL how you feel because I would seriously be PISSED... if my FMIL wore an ivory dress or suit I'd be pissed but wouldn't (or at least try) not to go all bridezilla on her a$$.. that's just rude and wrong to wear white or ivory to a wedding that is not your own.
How would YOU feel?
Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
I would probably just let it go, but in some FDIL/FMIL or son/mother relationships it would be fine to mention the concern and see if the FMIL would consider wearing something else. It is not fine however, in my opinion, to come across as aggressively as you'd worded it. That sets it up as a fight, and it's a fight that's just not worth it.
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Saying something to your MIL is in poor taste. You can't dictate what people wear to the wedding. It is rude. The only exception to this is the wedding party. Nobody will confuse your MIL or MOB with the bride. See, the bride is the one with the fancy dress and her new H by her side.
I know about the post that you are refering to. The reason "temper tantrum" came up is because getting that upset about the fashion choice of someone else is bratty, selfish and indicitive of a small child.
Seriously. That's what my fmil said, lol. She's wearing black though.
I don't think anyone else's outfit besides your own at your wedding is worth fussing this much about.
[QUOTE]I wouldn't care. I can say that completely truthfully - I think the whole custom of having white or ivory be taboo for anyone but the bride is outdated and ridiculous. I judge you a bit for the level of outrage you expressed in the other thread. <strong>The phrase "throwing a tantrum" was in response to you going off on how extremely pissed you'd be.</strong>
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress"
For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this...
I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)
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[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory. : <strong>Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress" </strong>For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this... I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]
I'm pretty sure you are the only one reading that thread this way.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory. : Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress" For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this... I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]
I think it's a little childish to be upset that FMIL is wearing an ivory pant suit. I mean, if she was wearing a poofy, frilly dress, then I could understand the upset, but, it's a pant suit. (The only caveat to this is if the bride, herself, was wearing a white/ivory pant suit.)
If guests say anything, it will be FMIL that looks bad, not the bride. If the bride makes an issue about it, it will be she that looks bad.
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I also meant to say in my first post that in some relationships, this would be no big deal and could be talked about. But when you're posting on the internet asking "how do I tell her not to do this?!?!" my first thought is that you probably don't have that kind of relationship or else you'd already be talking instead of asking strangers for advice.
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[QUOTE]With any luck the original poster will have a Kelly Kapoor attending her wedding, and FMIL's decision to wear an elegant ivory pantsuit at a wedding will hardly be noticed.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]
FTW! Every time I think of someone wearing white to a wedding, Kelly Kapoor is who I think of.
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
[QUOTE]With any luck the original poster will have a Kelly Kapoor attending her wedding, and FMIL's decision to wear an elegant ivory pantsuit at a wedding will hardly be noticed.
Posted by jess9802[/QUOTE]
<div>Hahah touche</div>
I said that while it is considered poor etiqutte to wear white to a wedding, it just reflects on the person wearing it, not on the bride.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FMIL wearing white or Ivory. : Definitely not. The knottie who used this term was talking about what I said but is was directed towards the OP and how she might go about talking to her FMIL... "throwing a temper tantrum over a dress" For some reason (this i don't know at ALL to be true in any way, shape or form) but what if OP's FMIL is doing this in purpose... does that help? Also OP said she wanted to cry... clearly she's upset by this... I just feel bad for OP... and i don't want her to have to hide how she feels... that's what I get out of her post :)
Posted by MacFreitas7[/QUOTE]
Honestly, even if the MIL is doing this on purpose, the result will still be the same. No one will confuse her with the bride.
If the OP wants to cry about this, that is her own fault. She has a choice in how she reacts. She can cry or she can shrug and move on. It is her decision. No one makes anyone feel anything. A human being's reaction to a situation is solely their reaction. This is why some of us don't care and some would be upset.
Outside of the WP, if somebody is dressed terribly or inappropriately, it does not reflect poorly on the bride or groom. It reflects poorly on the idiot that can't dress themselves properly.
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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A random guest? No, not unless they asked me to clear their outfit with them. Your own mom or your FMIL? Absolutely, I would bring it up. In a polite, "I think that might not be the best choice" way.
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With that being said, depending on your relationship with your FMIl, you could probably talk about it with her if you think she's unaware of the etiquette. I know my own mom would be so upset if I knew she was breaking an etiquette rule and I didn't tell her. There's a nice way to approach this.
And if they don't feel comfortable discussing with FMIL, either have the FI bring it up nicely or just leave it alone.