My fiance is very interested in a "classic" wedding and "classic", to him, means smashing cake in my face. I have told him that I do not want this. At all. My hair and makeup will be professionally done and I would like to look nice and not feel sticky the rest of the night. He says that he has always dreamed of smashing cake in his bride's face at his wedding. I say that I will feel humiliated and will definitely have an emotional reaction. I have tried to negotiate by offering to have a piece of cake wrapped up togo so he can smash cake in my face after the wedding but no, he wants to do it during the wedding. We both think that we're not respecting each other's wishes, but I find cakesmashing downright rude. What can I do to get the GD point through? Thank you, ladies, as always! No paragraphs because I am posting from my phone
Re: Cakesmashing.
[QUOTE]My fiance is very interested in a "classic" wedding and "classic", to him, means smashing cake in my face. I have told him that I do not want this. At all. My hair and makeup will be professionally done and I would like to look nice and not feel sticky the rest of the night. He says that he has always dreamed of smashing cake in his bride's face at his wedding. I say that I will feel humiliated and will definitely have an emotional reaction. I have tried to negotiate by offering to have a piece of cake wrapped up togo so he can smash cake in my face after the wedding but no, he wants to do it during the wedding. We both think that we're not respecting each other's wishes, but I find cakesmashing downright rude. What can I do to get the GD point through? Thank you, ladies, as always! No paragraphs because I am posting from my phone
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]
Cut a really small piece!
I'm sorry, but your Fiance always "dreamed" of smashing a cake in his bride's face? Does anyone else think that is crazy weird?
I would ask him to tell you why smashing the cake is so important to him, and what he is going to get out of doing that to you. I have no judgment about people who agree to this either. It's not a big deal if that's what they want to do, but I knew I didn't want this, and my partner didn't either. We fed each other a bite of cake and went about our business.
Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:
http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/
http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html
http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but your Fiance always "dreamed" of smashing a cake in his bride's face? Does anyone else think that is crazy weird? I would ask him to tell you why smashing the cake is so important to him, and what he is going to get out of doing that to you. I have no judgment about people who agree to this either. It's not a big deal if that's what they want to do, but I knew I didn't want this, and my partner didn't either. We fed each other a bite of cake and went about our business.
Posted by cmgilpin[/QUOTE]
<div>Agreed! Are you marrying a 12 year old? There is nothing pleasant about cake smashing...especially on one's wedding day. </div><div>
</div><div>After reading this thread I just reconfirmed with my fiance that he won't be smashing cake in my face. He replied, "Uh, no. I'm a little too mature for that."</div>
Why not tell him that if he assaults you then you get to knee him in the junk?
Seriously, as a compromise, what about a little dab of frosting on the nose?
I'd tell him that if he did anything other than that then his wedding night would be spent pretending he was a single teenager.
[QUOTE]I don't understand why a full-on assault is somehow a classic wedding. It's classicly awful. Why not tell him that if he assaults you then you get to knee him in the junk? Seriously, as a compromise, what about a little dab of frosting on the nose? I'd tell him that if he did anything other than that then his wedding night would be spent pretending he was a single teenager.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
I agree with this. Tell him your dream of starting a marriage is not physical violence, but if he insists, you get to give him a swift kick in the junk in return.
I let H know that by no means we were doing this "tradition" He was disappointed, but loved me enough to respect my wishes. As much as it sucks for the person being told no, the "No" always win.
I think H thought about it at our wedding, especially since the crowd was kind of calling for it. But, I stood there and literally quoted the price of my dress to him over and over until he decided not to.
H's cousin flat out told her H that if he did it at their wedding, because he really wanted to, that the frosting would make her break out and if she was broken out on her wedding day because he was being a jerk she would be piiiiissed.
Sometimes guys have an easier time grasping the more logical arguments.
If he's this hell-bent on it, I'd sure as heck make sure he goes first so he can experience an angry bride shoving cake in his face.
[QUOTE]My fiance is very interested in a "classic" wedding and "classic", to him, means smashing cake in my face. I have told him that I do not want this. At all. My hair and makeup will be professionally done and I would like to look nice and not feel sticky the rest of the night. He says that he has always dreamed of smashing cake in his bride's face at his wedding. I say that I will feel humiliated and will definitely have an emotional reaction. I have tried to negotiate by offering to have a piece of cake wrapped up togo so he can smash cake in my face after the wedding but no, he wants to do it during the wedding. We both think that we're not respecting each other's wishes, but I find cakesmashing downright rude. What can I do to get the GD point through? Thank you, ladies, as always! No paragraphs because I am posting from my phone
Posted by zoberg[/QUOTE]
<div>Hey, take a look! Dear Abby seems to think that the tradition is SPECIFICALLY that the bride smashes the cake in the groom's face! And that instead of getting smashed in the face herself, all she has to do is lovingly clean up the groom's face!: </div><div>
</div><div><a href="http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/arizonaliving/articles/20110626abby0626-cake-smashing.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/arizonaliving/articles/20110626abby0626-cake-smashing.html</a></div><div>
</div><div>... This synopsis also makes it clear that it's still a pretty demeaning tradition, but it isn't even <em>traditional </em>to ruin's the bride's hair and makeup.</div><div>
</div><div>Everyone else has given some really great ideas and you should listen to them, though. :)</div>
FI and I are on the same page about not doing it. Sure, it's kind of funny when you're a guest at the wedding, but I prefer not to taint the actual symbolism of feeding eachother cake.
FI was married before, and he smashed cake in his ex wife's face(she wanted to do this), and after he did it, one particularly rude bridesmaid came up and grabbed a piece of cake and smashed it in FI's face, totally unprovoked, just because he did what his bride asked him to do. FI was furious and told me if it hadn't been a woman and in front of his family, there probably would have been a fight. Just a precautionary tale of cake smashing gone awry. Not saying anything even close to this would happen, but it can turn what's supposed to be a nice tradition, into a nasty incident.
BUT if you don't want it, then I do think he's being disrespectful to completely disregard what you want. You're the one who will have to fix hair/makeup/whatever, not him. I also find it odd that that's the one thing he's been fixated on about your wedding all these years. Really? Cake smashing? Honestly I am all up for compromising for most situations in a marriage, but this seems silly. Maybe the compromise is you can smash it on his face and he can't on yours.
Does he want to full on shove it in your face getting frosting and crumbs everywhere?
Or a playful little nudge where frosting ends up on your nose? The first one is over the top but the second one is more acceptable. Plus it's hard to avoid getting frosting on you when someone else is feeding you unless the piece is very small.
But If you want neither then thats what you should get.
There's nothing "classic" about it and it sounds immature.