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Re: FFF

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:d9a9bea7-fe7a-4aad-94e9-3e0822b39fcf">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : So you think a woman needs to have a good reason to choose not to breastfeed?
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    Absolutely.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:77ac1580-64b4-4679-9fad-231a0ed0c786">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Interesting, Elle.  I don't think I expected that view point from you, but I can't say for sure why, haha. I'm about 99.9% sure I won't brestfree if/when I'm blessed with children.  I'm sure that could change, and if it does, great.  I don't think I, or any other woman, needs to have a reason not to do it.  It's a choice, like all of the others we have in life.  I don't understand why other people are so judgmental about whether or not a woman chooses to breast feed. 
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    To be clear - I <em>understand</em> several of the issues that blogger mentioned.  Body issues, self-consciousness, etc...  But if you aren't prepared to breastfeed your baby, I guess I feel like you aren't ready to be a parent.  I don't understand why any woman who is fully capable would <em>choose</em> not to breastfeed her child.  That's just saying you're choosing not to do what's best for your baby and... yeah... I flame that.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:77ac1580-64b4-4679-9fad-231a0ed0c786">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Interesting, Elle.  I don't think I expected that view point from you, but I can't say for sure why, haha. I'm about 99.9% sure I won't brestfree if/when I'm blessed with children.  I'm sure that could change, and if it does, great.  I don't think I, or any other woman, needs to have a reason not to do it.  It's a choice, like all of the others we have in life.  <strong>I don't understand why other people are so judgmental about whether or not a woman chooses to breast feed. </strong>
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    Especially when it comes to decisions like this, when it has zero effect on the person judging.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:a6dea6b3-f7bb-49fe-9376-e4755cb7c84a">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Especially when it comes to decisions like this, when it has zero effect on the person judging.
    Posted by melmac86[/QUOTE]

    You could say that same thing, then, to every pro-life person in the world...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:e22fda51-939a-460b-b52c-3d03bf5b6bc1">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]firstly, peek and yaga, she didn't claim that "God told her to" or "her church told her to care about it".  she just said that she was introduced to it at her church.  she made the next step to become involved.  that happens a lot.  many churches introduce their members to a lot of organizations that DO GOOD, and if the members are interested they can pursue it.  no one tells them to.  a lot of the time, we don't have a ton of extra cash, so we can't give to every cause out there.  but sometimes a certain organization or family will really get to you, and then a committment is made.  not because someone told her to. this is one of the reasons so many people are hesitant to even say they're religious on these boards. secondly, talking about FFF and other posters in a private chat and coming up with ways to humiliate them and make up comebacks for them is just wrong.  it goes on all the time, and it's WRONG.  saying you want to c**tpunch someone for having an opinion you don't agree with?  talking about other posters you don't like and coming up with ways to antagonize them on the boards?  seriously?  it's just a bunch of gossip and validation going on between certain posters.  there is a reason that some posters don't come around and don't post much anymore.  and I know I'm going to get flamed to high heaven for saying all this, but someone has to.  this isn't right.  this isn't the same community that I joined in 2009.  I don't know what's going on, but it makes me sick to see all the negative and hateful chat going on behind the scenes, and to see posters ganging up and attacking other posters they don't like because they have a picture similar to another poster...  or because they think they're stupid, or ignorant, or for whatever reason.  it doesn't make you a bigger person. I can't control what you post, I know.  it's THE INTERNET.  but you can't control what I post either.  and I can't just sit back and watch anymore.  I feel as guilty as the rest of you for seeing what's going on and not doing a thing about it.  I know posting this probably won't change a thing.  it'll probably just get me pulled in to all the crap talk behind the scenes.  but at least I'll feel better about myself for doing the right thing.  I just don't understand the pull for drama...  why does it make someone feel good to gossip and talk bad behind others' backs, for ganging up on them, for antagonizing them?  someone please answer me that.
    Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]
    Agreed.

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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:e22fda51-939a-460b-b52c-3d03bf5b6bc1">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]firstly, peek and yaga, she didn't claim that "God told her to" or "her church told her to care about it".  she just said that she was introduced to it at her church.  she made the next step to become involved.  that happens a lot.  many churches introduce their members to a lot of organizations that DO GOOD, and if the members are interested they can pursue it.  no one tells them to.  a lot of the time, we don't have a ton of extra cash, so we can't give to every cause out there.  but sometimes a certain organization or family will really get to you, and then a committment is made.  not because someone told her to. this is one of the reasons so many people are hesitant to even say they're religious on these boards. secondly, talking about FFF and other posters in a private chat and coming up with ways to humiliate them and make up comebacks for them is just wrong.  it goes on all the time, and it's WRONG.  saying you want to c**tpunch someone for having an opinion you don't agree with?  talking about other posters you don't like and coming up with ways to antagonize them on the boards?  seriously?  it's just a bunch of gossip and validation going on between certain posters.  there is a reason that some posters don't come around and don't post much anymore.  and I know I'm going to get flamed to high heaven for saying all this, but someone has to.  this isn't right.  this isn't the same community that I joined in 2009.  I don't know what's going on, but it makes me sick to see all the negative and hateful chat going on behind the scenes, and to see posters ganging up and attacking other posters they don't like because they have a picture similar to another poster...  or because they think they're stupid, or ignorant, or for whatever reason.  it doesn't make you a bigger person. I can't control what you post, I know.  it's THE INTERNET.  but you can't control what I post either.  and I can't just sit back and watch anymore.  I feel as guilty as the rest of you for seeing what's going on and not doing a thing about it.  I know posting this probably won't change a thing.  it'll probably just get me pulled in to all the crap talk behind the scenes.  but at least I'll feel better about myself for doing the right thing.  I just don't understand the pull for drama...  why does it make someone feel good to gossip and talk bad behind others' backs, for ganging up on them, for antagonizing them?  someone please answer me that.
    Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

    You know, about 99% of what I've said behind closed doors I've also voiced on here.  Perhaps not in the same language, perhaps not in the same tone.  But I've found that behind closed doors is a great place to get out the brunt of my aggression before I come on here and voice my opinion.  And if that rubs you the wrong way, I'm sorry.  But I talk to FRIENDS on there.  Friends that I have IRL.  Every person that you are calling out as "gossiping" and "ganging up on posters"? I've met them.  And I adore all of them.  So, I'm sorry you feel this way.  The world isn't all puppies and rainbows.
    I french with my man
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  • I don't care if someone is religious.  That's really not my issue here, at all.  

    I *will* judge someone who says that they don't watch the news, or doesn't have general knowledge of world events.  I will also judge someone who thinks that saying "but I sponsor a child" somehow makes up for willfully being ignorant.  Melmac's argument wasn't made any stronger when she said that she learned about the organization through church - not because it's a religious organization, but because it came off as "They told me this was important, so I am doing it."

    I'm going into the field of public health, where I have to deal with people being ignorant about health and nutrition all the time.  It totally sucks, but I guess I can get it - sometimes that shiit can be confusing or hard to understand, especially when you need to know some background in science or when there are conflicting reports.  But I just cannot fathom being willfully ignorant of current events just because it makes you sad.  The news CAN be sad.  But it can also be really eye-opening or even uplifting.  At the very least, being an informed citizen is something most people take pride in.  
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:77ac1580-64b4-4679-9fad-231a0ed0c786">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE] It's a choice, like all of the others we have in life.  I don't understand why other people are so judgmental about whether or not a woman chooses to breast feed. 
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    I agree. One of my coworkers was physically unable to breastfeed and she was devastated because she felt like everyone was going to be judging her for not properly providing for her child. What a horrible thing to feel when you should be joyful about a new life!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:879ff997-6735-4ddf-897a-e3da8b808070">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I agree. One of my coworkers was physically unable to breastfeed and she was devastated because she felt like everyone was going to be judging her for not properly providing for her child. What a horrible thing to feel when you should be joyful about a new life!
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

    This isn't what I was talking about, though.  This sucks and it makes me feel horrible for the woman you're talking about.

    The people I judge are the women who, like the one in my link, choose not to BF because they don't want to de-sexualize their breasts or some equally shallow reason.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:a03a5fc0-0cdd-4984-bb1d-784d41d1dbfb">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I am not educated enough on the subject to argue the merits of breastfeeding or not.  I think it's generally common knowledge that breastfeeding is best and recommended when possible.  But like all parenting decisions we'll make someday, some are better than others, and not everyone is going to agree with each decision you make. 
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    I just don't understand why a mother would make a choice that she knows isn't in her baby's best interests...  I guess that's my whole problem with this.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:15693738-004f-4fd7-8938-596a06ec2a9f">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : You could say that same thing, then, to every pro-life person in the world...
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    I hear that, man. I don't see how a chick three states over choosing to have an abortion because she's thought it through carefully and cannot financially or emotionally support a child has any affect on me, so I don't feel I should have any say in her decision. Same thing goes for gay marriage. Gay marriage ruins the sanctity of straight marriage? Bitch please.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:5ffc987c-d313-468d-85ff-6c9ac1770382">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I just don't understand why a mother would make a choice that she knows isn't in her baby's best interests...  I guess that's my whole problem with this.
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>I agree with you. I really don't get it either, it sounds selfish to me. Unless of course it is a situation as ahstillwell stated. </div>
    image
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:250f4aed-d9eb-4cc7-b389-8ee22e11cc3f">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I hear that, man. I don't see how a chick three states over choosing to have an abortion because she's thought it through carefully and cannot financially or emotionally support a child has any affect on me, so I don't feel I should have any say in her decision. Same thing goes for gay marriage. Gay marriage ruins the sanctity of straight marriage? Bitch please.
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]

    Yup.
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:15693738-004f-4fd7-8938-596a06ec2a9f">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : You could say that same thing, then, to every pro-life person in the world...
    Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE]

    <div>FTW!</div>



  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:e2e328f2-46d8-41b4-ba6a-da3963ab984c">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't care if someone is religious.  That's really not my issue here, at all.   I *will* judge someone who says that they don't watch the news, or doesn't have general knowledge of world events.  I will also judge someone who thinks that saying "but I sponsor a child" somehow makes up for willfully being ignorant.  Melmac's argument wasn't made any stronger when she said that she learned about the organization through church - not because it's a religious organization, but because it came off as "They told me this was important, so I am doing it." I'm going into the field of public health, where I have to deal with people being ignorant about health and nutrition all the time.  It totally sucks, but I guess I can get it - sometimes that shiit can be confusing or hard to understand, especially when you need to know some background in science or when there are conflicting reports.  But I just cannot fathom being willfully ignorant of current events just because it makes you sad.  The news CAN be sad.  But it can also be really eye-opening or even uplifting.  At the very least, being an informed citizen is something most people take pride in.  
    Posted by K Everdeen12[/QUOTE]

    Well, here we go again - never said I don't watch the news. I said I hate it for how depressing and sad it is. Keep calling me ignorant, though. It's really accomplishing a lot. I was asked how I learned about Lesotho, so I answered - I simply stated that the organization WorldVison was mentioned at church. Apparently for many of you, that translates into God telling me to do it. I'm not one of those people who chooses to do good things to earn brownie points to get into heaven. I do good things for others, because it's the right thing to do, regardless of if you're religious or not.
    image
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I flame people for not recognizing when we're speaking in generalities and not directing things at one specific person.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:e22fda51-939a-460b-b52c-3d03bf5b6bc1">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]firstly, peek and yaga, she didn't claim that "God told her to" or "her church told her to care about it".  she just said that she was introduced to it at her church.  she made the next step to become involved.  that happens a lot.  many churches introduce their members to a lot of organizations that DO GOOD, and if the members are interested they can pursue it.  no one tells them to.  a lot of the time, we don't have a ton of extra cash, so we can't give to every cause out there.  but sometimes a certain organization or family will really get to you, and then a committment is made.  not because someone told her to. this is one of the reasons so many people are hesitant to even say they're religious on these boards. secondly, talking about FFF and other posters in a private chat and coming up with ways to humiliate them and make up comebacks for them is just wrong.  it goes on all the time, and it's WRONG.  saying you want to c**tpunch someone for having an opinion you don't agree with?  talking about other posters you don't like and coming up with ways to antagonize them on the boards?  seriously?  it's just a bunch of gossip and validation going on between certain posters.  there is a reason that some posters don't come around and don't post much anymore.  and I know I'm going to get flamed to high heaven for saying all this, but someone has to.  this isn't right.  this isn't the same community that I joined in 2009.  I don't know what's going on, but it makes me sick to see all the negative and hateful chat going on behind the scenes, and to see posters ganging up and attacking other posters they don't like because they have a picture similar to another poster...  or because they think they're stupid, or ignorant, or for whatever reason.  it doesn't make you a bigger person. I can't control what you post, I know.  it's THE INTERNET.  but you can't control what I post either.  and I can't just sit back and watch anymore.  I feel as guilty as the rest of you for seeing what's going on and not doing a thing about it.  I know posting this probably won't change a thing.  it'll probably just get me pulled in to all the crap talk behind the scenes.  but at least I'll feel better about myself for doing the right thing.  I just don't understand the pull for drama...  why does it make someone feel good to gossip and talk bad behind others' backs, for ganging up on them, for antagonizing them?  someone please answer me that.
    Posted by CocoBellaF[/QUOTE]

    THANK YOU COCA BELLA! I give you a standing ovation for this post. Finally, someone was able to put into words what I've been trying to say for weeks. I understand that people have differing opinions and I'm all for civil debate, but recently the "attacks" have been getting way out of hand. I didn't even post in this thread because I knew where it would lead. It's ridiculous that a few drama-hungry individuals are making this board look bad. I do not approve of the bullying and harassment that has been taking place recently.

    I don't feel the need to argue this point with anyone, so if you comment on my post you won't hear a response from me. Like coco, I just had to say something though. I cannot silently support this behavior any longer.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:22955f85-2566-44cc-9ccd-22bd97ae9506">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Because I turned out a-okay.  And lots of babies turn out great with or without breastfeed.  I have quite a few reasons why I don't want to do it, and you'd probably consider most of them shallow.  It's very much the "in" thing to judge regarding mothers, I think.
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    For the record -- I didn't mean for this to be a hostile discussion.  I just want to be clear on that, because I know FFF threads can turn things nasty.

    This debate is, honestly, what I was looking for.

    As I said before, I understand the reasons I've seen for not wanting to breastfeed.  I can relate to several of them.  But if you aren't prepared to do it, don't have a baby.

    If I said I never wanted to change a diaper, people would tell me (rightfully so) that I probably shouldn't have a baby.  How is this different?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:71e1f9cc-29d3-4986-8eb2-086c23f524cb">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I think that statement is crazy-ridiculous.
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    I don't think it's ridiculous at all.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:22955f85-2566-44cc-9ccd-22bd97ae9506">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Because I turned out a-okay.  And lots of babies turn out great with or without breastfeed.  I have quite a few reasons why I don't want to do it, and you'd probably consider most of them shallow.  It's very much the "in" thing to judge regarding mothers, I think.
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'm curious to know what these reasons are. </div>
    image
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  • Okay, Melmac, you said watching the news was depressing and made you sad, and it wasn't worth your time to watch.  Or something to that effect.  

    I just don't see how sponsoring a child makes it okay to be whatever word you would use for choosing to be uninformed about current events.

    To me, there is no connection.  I read the news every day.  So I don't have to do good things in the world.  See how that doesn't make sense?  In fact because I choose to be informed, I have a better idea of what *I* think I should do to make this world a better place.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:d3225da7-b0e3-4fa8-a8a5-1ec7b3344e61">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Elle, I'm totally on the same page with you, not feeling hostile or angry over here!  I enjoy a good debate! I guess with your diaper metaphor... I don't think it works.  If I said, I want to have a baby, but I don't want to breastfeed OR use formula, well then, my baby won't get fed and would die.  That's a problem. I don't even want the doctors to talk to me about breastfeeding. I don't want people to bug me or lecture me on why it's best.  I want the choice not to do it, and I plan to exercise that choice.  Now, this analogy may be a reach, I'll say that in advance<strong>.  But couldn't you say that buying things like all organic, or maybe living a clean, vegan or vegetarian lifestyle is best?  I don't plan to do those things for my child, either.  Does that mean I'm not ready to parent?
    </strong>Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    I do see that point.  It's a good one and I hadn't thought about that before.  I wouldn't judge someone who couldn't afford, for example, to buy the most expensive baby stuff even though that's probably better.

    I guess the difference for me is the solid scientific fact backing up the benefits of breastfeeding (which doesn't exist for organic diets).  And I do think my diaper analogy works.  There are plenty of women who hardly touch their babies after they're born -- they pay someone else to raise them.  Is there any debating the fact that those women probably shouldn't have been parents?  It's a more extreme example, obviously, but it still represents not doing what is right for your baby simply because you don't want to deal with the innate unpleasantries involved in having children.
  • doubleSS07doubleSS07 member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:22955f85-2566-44cc-9ccd-22bd97ae9506">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : Because I turned out a-okay.  And lots of babies turn out great with or without breastfeed.  I have quite a few reasons why I don't want to do it, and you'd probably consider most of them shallow.  <strong>It's very much the "in" thing to judge regarding mothers, I think.
    </strong>Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    I have to say I kind of agree with this.  I have 2 GF's who didn't breastfeed, one by choice and one not by choice.  The one who was not by choice was hasseled so bad in the hospital by these crazy biatches with the La Leche League that she finally had to rip open her gown and scream at them that she had NO breasts to breast feed with.  She had them removed due to stage 4 breast cancer and was lucky to even have a child.

    The 2nd friend chose not to.  She didn't feel comfortable, had to go back to work in 6 weeks and decided that if someone else was feeding her kid with a bottle anyway then she was just going to dry them up and go with that.  I wasn't breastfed and I don't see anything wrong with not doing it.  I most likely won't but it may not be my choice anyway because of a congenital disorder, I may not even make milk but won't know till I actually have a child.  I think things like this are a personal decision and I honestly don't judge women who choose not to.  However, and this may be an unpopular opinion, I kinda do judge the ones that breastfeed till the kid is like 3...total side eye


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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:3f827db3-1a4b-41f9-913c-a3c55bc1e259">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I have to say I kind of agree with this.  I have 2 GF's who didn't breastfeed, one by choice and one not by choice.  The one who was not by choice was hasseled so bad in the hospital by these crazy biatches with the La Leche League that she finally had to rip open her gown and scream at them that she had NO breasts to breast feed with.  She had them removed due to stage 4 breast cancer and was lucky to even have a child. The 2nd friend chose not to.  She didn't feel comfortable, had to go back to work in 6 weeks and decided that if someone else was feeding her kid with a bottle anyway then she was just going to dry them up and go with that.  I wasn't breastfed and I don't see anything wrong with not doing it.  I most likely won't but it may not be my choice anyway because of a congenital disorder, I may not even make milk but won't know till I actually have a child.  I think things like this are a personal decision and I honestly don't judge women who choose not to. <strong> However, and this may be an unpopular opinion, I kinda do judge the ones that breastfeed till the kid is like 3...total side eye
    </strong>Posted by doubleSS07[/QUOTE]

    I saw a British woman on the news once who was still breastfeeding her 5 year old daughter.  Ew. 

    The kid was eating other stuff, too, but she really liked breastmilk still.

    Can you imagine actually being able to <em>remember</em> sucking on your mom's boob?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:bbcaf08c-409a-47c9-ad37-2bae435eb80a">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I don't dispute that there are some health benefits to breastfeeding that formula doesn't provide.  However, formula works.  If you said to me, formula may cause cancer - well shiit, that's different.<strong>  But from what I understand, breastfeeding is just a bit better, like a high end formula.</strong>  I don't think breastfeeding or not will make or break whether you have a healthy, happy, successful child.  That all comes from other elements of parenting, in my opinion.
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    That's not entirely true.  It does have a superior nutrient ratio that's really important, but no formula, no matter how high-end, could give the baby all the antibodies found in breastmilk.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:9e21c2bb-fe6e-4b07-81f5-8128be909fd9">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Elle, I knew I was over simplifying (sp?).  I just think, how do you explain the millions of children and adults who lead perfectly healthy lives and weren't breastfed?
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    Their lives aren't as "perfectly healthy" as they might have been.  That's how.

    There are also plenty of "perfectly healthy" babies born to moms who smoked, drank, etc. while pregnant, but I can't imagine that you would refrain from judging <em>those</em> behaviors, right?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:d3225da7-b0e3-4fa8-a8a5-1ec7b3344e61">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]Elle, I'm totally on the same page with you, not feeling hostile or angry over here!  I enjoy a good debate! I guess with your diaper metaphor... I don't think it works.  If I said, I want to have a baby, but I don't want to breastfeed OR use formula, well then, my baby won't get fed and would die.  That's a problem.<strong> I don't even want the doctors to talk to me about breastfeeding. I don't want people to bug me or lecture me on why it's best.</strong>  I want the choice not to do it, and I plan to exercise that choice.  Now, this analogy may be a reach, I'll say that in advance.  But couldn't you say that buying things like all organic, or maybe living a clean, vegan or vegetarian lifestyle is best?  I don't plan to do those things for my child, either.  Does that mean I'm not ready to parent?
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    This also bugs me, Polo.  It sounds like you're trying to keep yourself in the dark about the benefits of breastfeeding so you won't be forced to rethink your decision.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think that you also have to consider the financial impact that breastfeeding has. While it's easier for a SAHM to breastfeed, women with full-time jobs have to take time out of their days to pump. I'll admit freely that as a bitch, I was really inconvenienced when I was placed in treatment room with a coworker who was breastfeeding. She would disappear for thirty minutes or more to pump and I'd have to hang every treatment and answer every phone call until she got back, and this happened three or four times a day. Of course, I'm not fond of her either, so it's like sig pic one lady here has about that bitch eating a sandwich like she owns the place.

    But yeah, breastfeeding just sometimes doesn't work for a person either, not because of vanity reasons, but because we have a society that is pretty hostile against working mothers. Ah, to live in Scandinavia.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:7b67ed95-d373-4372-995a-352b227c9551">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think that you also have to consider the financial impact that breastfeeding has. While it's easier for a SAHM to breastfeed, women with full-time jobs have to take time out of their days to pump. I'll admit freely that as a bitch, I was really inconvenienced when I was placed in treatment room with a coworker who was breastfeeding. She would disappear for thirty minutes or more to pump and I'd have to hang every treatment and answer every phone call until she got back, and this happened three or four times a day. Of course, I'm not fond of her either, so it's like sig pic one lady here has about that bitch eating a sandwich like she owns the place. But yeah, breastfeeding just sometimes doesn't work for a person either, not because of vanity reasons, but because we have a society that is pretty hostile against working mothers. Ah, to live in Scandinavia.
    Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]


    That's a good point, Still.  The difficulties that working moms deal with is another issue I have major problems with.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_fff-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:2d679815-dbeb-4b88-a135-ed30ca9ef398Post:1ef50ad9-8d7d-4d4c-b600-424c08ca870e">Re: FFF</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: FFF : I hear what you're saying.  I'm not opposed to learning more about the benefits.  I'd definitely read up on the topic before making a final decision.  What I do not want is to be badgered, or judged, by my doctors or nurses, about what choice they would make or that they think I need to make.  And I definitely don't think it's their place to guilt trip moms-to-be for exercising the choice not to breastfeed.  I don't think it's on the same level as telling me I need to stop smoking or drinking, because those things are actually harmful to the baby. <strong>  Formula isn't harmful.  It just doesn't have the exact same level of nutrients and benefits that breastmilk does.</strong> (Based on my current understanding).
    Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]

    Formula isn't harmful, no, but I do think that the absence of breastmilk is harmful.  Your definition of harmful may be stricter than mine, but I do think that being denied a substance that promotes healthy development is harmful.
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