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Just Engaged and Proposals
PrincssGS
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Recently engaged....and pregnant?!?
Ahhhhh ok so FI and I got engaged on Oct 27 and found out yeserday via 3 different home tests that I am indeed pregnant. This was not planned, as I obviously didn't plan/expect to be 8-9 months pregnant when we get married! Has this ever happened to anyone else (well, I'm sure it has but anyone here)?
We're considering either moving up or pushing back the wedding. My worries with moving it up is that we've already booked and made a deposit on the venue, DJ, photog and string quartet. My fears, which I'm sure would come true, is that they aren't all available on the same date in May 2010 (outdoor ceremony site so it has to be nice outside). Our other option is to push it back until May 2011, since I can't imagine they'd all be booked so far in advance. FI suggested doing a civil ceremony and planning a big celebration for after the baby comes so we don't have the baby out of wedlock. This isn't really a concern for me, since we're in a committed relationship and were already engaged before this happened (well, most likely it happened on the night OF the engagement, go figure!). We don't want to lose any of the money we put down for deposits, since now it seems like even more of a waste.
Worried about telling our parents...I don't think they are going to be jumping for joy, but we can't out it off because my mom has been on me about sending the STDs (yup, already printed and ready to go...).
Any advice would REALLY be appreciated!!
We're considering either moving up or pushing back the wedding. My worries with moving it up is that we've already booked and made a deposit on the venue, DJ, photog and string quartet. My fears, which I'm sure would come true, is that they aren't all available on the same date in May 2010 (outdoor ceremony site so it has to be nice outside). Our other option is to push it back until May 2011, since I can't imagine they'd all be booked so far in advance. FI suggested doing a civil ceremony and planning a big celebration for after the baby comes so we don't have the baby out of wedlock. This isn't really a concern for me, since we're in a committed relationship and were already engaged before this happened (well, most likely it happened on the night OF the engagement, go figure!). We don't want to lose any of the money we put down for deposits, since now it seems like even more of a waste.
Worried about telling our parents...I don't think they are going to be jumping for joy, but we can't out it off because my mom has been on me about sending the STDs (yup, already printed and ready to go...).
Any advice would REALLY be appreciated!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Recently engaged....and pregnant?!?
Wow! Congrats on both parts! How exciting! Well, on the last SYTTD there was a 9 months pregnant bride marrying an NBA basketball star. All seemed fine! She looked beautiful in her gown and it looked like an amazing wedding!
However, if you can do it before baby comes, it sounds like your FI might be more comfortable with that. Check with your venue for unbooked dates and see if they have any (even Sundays or Fridays). Then check with your other vendors. If you are likeus, the biggest deposit was on the venue.
FWIW.. I have a big fear that this will happen to me. I am SO ready to have babies, but I also want my dress to fit
Oh, and congrats on the pregnancy. Yay for babies!!
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Fi and I just talked about it and he isn't concerned about being married before the baby comes, but is worried about what my dad is going to think and doesn't want to disappoint him. He's more worried about what my dad is going to think than his own, so I told him he needs to talk with my dad privately about it.
I'm all for waiting and would rather do that, be able to fit into my dream dress, and have a glass of champagne. Our wedding pics will be sweet with our new little bundle of joy :P
[QUOTE] Fi and I just talked about it and he isn't concerned about being married before the baby comes, but is worried about what my dad is going to think and doesn't want to disappoint him. He's more worried about what my dad is going to think than his own, <strong>so I told him he needs to talk with my dad privately about it</strong>.
Posted by PrincssGS[/QUOTE]
Why would he talk to him privately about it? Isn't this something that you two need to tell them together? Look, you're adults, what's done is done. You can't exactly go get un-pregnant (well, you could, but you know what I mean). They may be disappointed, not so excited, but whatever. You're going to be a mother! Hopefully they can just get past this and be happy for you. But all in all, I would encourage you to talk to him together, as the couple that you are.
Oh, and CONGRATS!!!! I don't envy you the stress of having to push back the wedding, but I'm supa jealous about the baby!
Honestly, I don't understand why he is so upset about it (well, we're both scared!) but it won't take long for my parents to get over the shock and get excited about their first grandbaby. I know my mom is going to pretend to be mad at first but she wants a grandbaby more than ANYTHING
I know someone who got pregnant while she was engaged, but they had already planned a long engagement (2 years) so the birth didn't interfere with the wedding at all. I know that doesn't really help.
I think I would wait, focus on having your baby, then plan you wedding.
That said, I'd push the wedding back a bit. Talk to your venue and DJ and photog and see if they can work with you to help find a new date--that way you won't lose any money. It seems really risky to have the wedding so close to your due date--not only could you go into labor the day of the wedding, but your doctor may want you on bedrest or otherwise (hopefully not, but better safe than sorry).
It would be a lot better to lose a few hundred dollars on deposits now than potentially to lose thousands if you can't make the wedding because of the baby.
Good luck!
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We definitely think pushing back to the following spring would be our best bet so we don't lose any deposits, and are hoping that our parents agree!
I agree that you shouldn't have your FI talk to your dad in private. All that's doing is throwing him under the bus and putting the blame for the pregnancy on your FI. You both got pregnant together, you both are going to raise the baby, and you both should be involved in any discussion with your parents. Don't set your FI up to take the blame from your dad. The two of you are a team and are going to be a family and should deal with problems like one.
You never know what may happen and whether you will deliver early, deliver late, need to have a c-section (that will affect recovery) need to be on bedrest, or have other complications. I would rather not be stressing about when baby is going to show up, whether I will fit in my dress, and all that sort of stuff while also going through the ups and downs of being pregnant.
That being said, I do hope you a very healthy pregnancy and baby!
Congrats and good luck!
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Otherwise, my opinion is to move things up. But I'm a traditional kinda girl.
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Is it OK to send invites without STDs? I think it'd be a good idea to contact all of our vendors and see if they are all available before speaking with our parents, that way we can go to them with a plan
And you don't have ot send STDs at all. They arent required. All that is needed is invitations.
We got engaged March '95 and were planning a May '96 wedding. In June I found out I was pregnant. After talking to many people about it, I listened to my grandmother's advice that I wasn't going to feel up to planning a wedding after the baby was born. I was going to be tired, cranky and feeling like rubbish for the most part. We moved the wedding up to October.
That gave us 4 months to plan, except that I had already accepted a 6 or 7 week (I can't remember now) trip to Denmark. It was decided that I would still go on the trip and would plan once I got back. We worked with our vendors, who were very accomodating, and with a lot of help pulled off a beautiful wedding in just over 2 months.
Another thing to consider, with my second child I was on bed rest from 25 weeks on. If you decide to move the wedding up, I would have it before you hit the 5 or 6 month mark. Many pregnancy complications seem to arise around then. Not to be a downer about your pregnancy, but it could happen.
As for your father, he may surprise you both. I was terrified of telling my parents! They weren't even 40 yet themselves at the time. In the end they were nothing but supportive and I never heard a disparaging comment from either of them.
Good luck on your decision!
[QUOTE]I'm surprised no one has mentioned it, but if this is your first child (I'm assuming it is) get to your first trimester before getting everyone all worked up about the baby. Otherwise, my opinion is to move things up. But I'm a traditional kinda girl. :)
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]
I'd hold off if my mom wasn't up my a$$ about getting the STDs out before new years! The more I'm reading the more I think it'd be best to move it up instead of back...I can't imagine wanting to plan a wedding and taking care of a newborn. Need to talk to FI, but roommate is in the room and he doesn't know yet.
So much to think about!
On a slightly different note, depending on when you want to tell extended family and friends, it may be helpful to have a brunch wedding, because it could be dry without raising much suspicion about why you're not drinking. I had a friend that did that to conceal an illness that prevented her drinking. She wasn't ready to tell anyone, so she had everyone given mimosas for toasting, and nobody was any wiser that her glass was just orange juice. Just a thought.
Congrats on everything - whatever you decide to do, what an exciting time!
Congrats! (on both accounts)
I would certainly recommend moving it up for that reason, and because winter weddings cost much less. Think about it this way, if you get married in Feb or March, and it costs half as much as you budgeted originally, then you can save the difference and put that towards getting ready for the baby! Sounds like a win-win to me.
Plus, announcing that you're expecting at the wedding could be a lot of fun! There are lots of cute ways you could announce it to everyone.
PS Congrats!!
I'm getting married on March 20, 2010 and my daughter will be 22 months old. Just talking mommy to mommy, it is VERY difficult to plan a wedding with a baby. If you were planning on doing a simple wedding, then I'd say move it to the next year, because it might be doable. But if it's more elaborate and you have DIY projects, the only time you will have to work on those will be after your baby goes to bed at night, and then you have to hide everything so they don't tear it all apart.
I would personally try to move the wedding up - work with your vendors. There has to be something available in February or March - those months are dead and can get you great discounts.
That's just my opinion.