I agree with people not be up in my business either, which is why I said DH and doctors/nurses. DH would have already been up in my business and others are trained professionals. I would love to just wait and call after the baby is born, but FI already thinks he should call his mom and sister on the way to the hospital like FSIL and FBIL did.
I say as long as that baby in inside me, I make all the decisions regarding who can come and when. Once we are 2 separate people, then we can talk.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:a73ce382-004c-449b-b34b-4296c4d70217">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience : I might not care in that exact moment, but I would be mortified after the fact once my sanity returned. So - no. NOT HAPPENING. Get the eff out. Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE] Exactly. This is why I would decide way ahead of time that only DH and the doctor could be there. It would be like deciding ahead of time that you're not going to have sex on the first date. Sure, you might think it's a great idea while you're actually doing it, but if you know that's not what you really want to do, you have to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen - like maybe not letting the guy come into your house. OK, that's a weird example, but I think it works.
My mother works on the maternity ward of the local hospital, and because she sees so many troubled births, she doesn't want to be anywhere NEAR the hospital when my sister or I give birth. She says she doesn't even want to know until it's over, because she'll be worried sick the entire time.
I wouldn't mind my mom being there, but given that FI and I live in a different state than either set of parents, it doesn't seem likely.
I'm not sure who was in the room when I was born, but I know when my brother was born, my dad's parents came to our house in the middle of the night to stay with me, so they were not at the hospital. We went to see him later in the day.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:07c3bb50-dbc1-458e-b341-b4e2d1157bcd">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]Yep. You'll see. Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]
bbyckes, this really rubs me the wrong way. Your opinion is certainly warranted as your own, but I'm pretty solidly attached to mine too. This just rings of self-righteous snottyness to me. I don't get it - why the attitude?
H, our Doula, and my best friend will be in the delivery room. No way in hell is any of my family or his coming anywhere near that room, and I'll be happy to report back after the fact that my mind never changed about that.
Both of my parents would stress me out in the delivery room, so I don't want them there. I can't decide if my sisters (all three of them are older, and moms) would be good to have around or not.
I'm playing it by ear, my whole family is local, so I'm telling them they're welcome to stop by and visit at any time, but there's a strong possibility that I'll be in pain/kick them out and make them go to the waiting room. I figure if I'm in labor I'll be allowed to make up my mind at the spur of the moment if I want you in the room with me or not.
The hospital I'm delivering at is a teaching hospital, so from what I've heard there will be an ass ton of medical professionals around, even if it's a simple birth. Whatever, I hope I don't scare any med students out of the profession
My mom is a nurse... so that might piss her off... but if I have a pre-me, I'd want my mom there since she works with NICU babies. But that's really the only exception.
We had already decided it would just be DH, me, doc/nurses and baby and told everyone that. My parents just said don't call them until it was over so they wouldn't sit there, 60 miles away and worry. We didn't call any one, either either kid, untl after they were born and we had some time with them.
That is a really, really special time for you and your DH and I think it is important for the couple to share it. There is time for the rest of the family a little later.
I know what bbcyks means. My SIL let everyone know it was just Her and my brother going to be at the hospital, but her mom (a nurse) decided she and her dad were the exception. It got to the point where SIL just stopped caring all she wanted was baby to be out.
I was so mad at her mom for her. She not only was in there when asked not to be, but she had a camera and was taking pictures... and trying to show them to my mom and I. I refused to look and I am glad I did because my brother took her camera and started deleting half of them because they were graphic.
Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
Fred Rogers
I can understand not wanting lots of men in the room- your dad, brother, uncles etc- but other woman? Why not? Its not like they havent seen it before...
For all of the antiquated traditions most of you girl on this board uphold, women helping women through childbirth is one of the oldest on the planet!
I'd love for my mom to be able to be in there. FI would prefer it just be me and him but he gets really squeamish so I wouldn't be surprised at all if he needs to step out before the actual delivery. My mom is my rock and I'll need her to help me remain calm. My aunt actually let me and my mom watch my cousin's birth (I was 14) and it was an incredible experience.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:0a43e934-24d9-4329-b8a2-b0f0a8d38389">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]It will be me and FI and drs. I know what bbcyks means. My SIL let everyone know it was just Her and my brother going to be at the hospital, but her mom (a nurse) decided she and her dad were the exception. It got to the point where SIL just stopped caring all she wanted was baby to be out. I was so mad at her mom for her. She not only was in there when asked not to be, but she had a camera and was taking pictures... and trying to show them to my mom and I. I refused to look and I am glad I did because my brother took her camera and started deleting half of them because they were graphic. Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE] If that had been me, I would have screamed until my mom and dad left or they were made to leave. Just because a woman is having a baby does not mean that she doesn't have rights.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:c8163219-432e-4e34-9c5c-bb6d7396acd8">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]I can understand not wanting lots of men in the room- your dad, brother, uncles etc- but other woman? Why not? Its not like they havent seen it before... For all of the antiquated traditions most of you girl on this board uphold, women helping women through childbirth is one of the oldest on the planet! Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE] Ohh, it sounds like someone has a little chip on their shoulder.
So, just because my mom, sister, grandmother, and aunts have vaginas, I should just set up some stadium chairs at the foot of my hospital bed? I don't think so. My OB is a woman, my doula is a woman, and they're trained to help women through delivery. All of my female relatives would do nothing but stress me out, and this may be a shocker, but I really don't want <span style="font-style:italic;">any </span>family member seeing my nether regions.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:bb814bd3-902b-46a3-a2c6-17c00490af93">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience : Ohh, it sounds like someone has a little chip on their shoulder. So, just because my mom, sister, grandmother, and aunts have vaginas, I should just set up some stadium chairs at the foot of my hospital bed? I don't think so. My OB is a woman, my doula is a woman, and they're trained to help women through delivery.<strong> All of my female relatives would do nothing but stress me out, and this may be a shocker, but I really don't want any family member seeing my nether regions.</strong> Posted by lpstl[/QUOTE]
Agreed. I don't give a shiit if you have a vagina or not, if you didn't help make this baby, you're not going to watch me push it out.
And lpstl - I have a two friends who had an AMAZING natural birthing experience. Good luck you and X! :)
ETA: And Pete, sorry, didn't mean to exclude him!!!
And no, stadium seating and being there for the birth are not the same thing. Perhaps your giving birth in an older hospital but my birthing suite was literally that, a suite. Full living room, bathroom, and then section with my bed/monitors and then seperate attached room for baby.
Had anyone, even my dad, been sitting on the couches in the living room part he wouldnt have seen anything aside from a blur of white hospital linens and some moving bodies. He couldnt have told you "what color my curtains" at all!
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:c8163219-432e-4e34-9c5c-bb6d7396acd8">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]I can understand not wanting lots of men in the room- your dad, brother, uncles etc- but other woman? Why not? Its not like they havent seen it before... For all of the antiquated traditions most of you girl on this board uphold, women helping women through childbirth is one of the oldest on the planet! Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]
They haven't seen MINE before. Seriously, my mother hasn't seen me undressed since. . . middle school? Earlier? I'm for damn sure not letting FMIL see me without appropriate clothing. It's just not me. If you want to let the whole town in, go for it, and I won't judge. But it doesn't work for me.
I'm not judging either- I just wasn't expecting so many people to say H only. I think some people have the wrong idea of what goes on...
1) you're in a gown, so no one even sees your boobs, stomach anything 2) the only time your vag is OUT is when your being checked or pushing, other than that you're gown is back in place 3) my FI stood holding my hand, at my head, and literally didnt see anything- you actually have to try and watch a small vagina push out a baby- its not like your stuff is on a jumbo-tron in the room
but to each their own!
now the poor girl who said she wanted to go solo.... I could NOT do that!
Golden, that's a different experience than some people I know have had. It depends on the hospital, the doctors and nurses involved, etc. Because your experience minimized that doesn't mean that everyone else's will. Beyond that - I want some time that is for me, FI/H, and the baby. I'm selfish like that. I want to get me and the baby cleaned up, too. Also, vain apparently. To go with being a prude.
While I do understand that many people who initially only want their H's there change their mind towards the end, I am going to be firmly letting our families know in advance that no one but H and I will be in the delivery room. While I know there's no danger of my dad wanting to come in, haha, my mother is rather a stress head, and there's no way I'd want her in there even if she begged to come in... Nick's mother (and, generally mine too) has a good sense of boundaries and I don't think she'd ask or expect to come in, so hopefully everyone will understand our decision and not have an issue with it.
I should also add that I'm hoping to birth in the birthing centre nearby which does water births, so the situation would be a little different and more intimate- but I wouldn't change my mind even if I had to, for some reason, have a regular hospital birth.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:bfd0e1af-c842-468c-a778-b645d55daa3c">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]a vain prude...?? my condolences to your FI Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]
In addition to not wanting my mom, in-laws, etc to be seeing my nether regions, I also don't really want them to watch me all sweaty, grunty, biitchy and in a really awkward position. It's not all about the vag.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:d87945f7-0cd9-4efe-b527-bc0b04b9f520">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]Golden, that's a different experience than some people I know have had. It depends on the hospital, the doctors and nurses involved, etc. Because your experience minimized that doesn't mean that everyone else's will. Beyond that - I want some time that is for me, FI/H, and the baby. I'm selfish like that. I want to get me and the baby cleaned up, too. <strong>Also, vain apparently. To go with being a prude.</strong> Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:03f5afba-9d51-4d00-9576-650596f2fe7d">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]In addition to not wanting my mom, in-laws, etc to be seeing my nether regions, I also don't really want them to watch me all sweaty, grunty, biitchy and in a really awkward position.<strong> It's not all about the vag.</strong> Posted by Badgerengr[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_birth-poll-delivery-room-audience?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:60b4852f-dd92-41df-9b46-801e796fbf69Post:1ef4692d-6c0a-4aae-8ff2-6ca1bde3027a">Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience : If that had been me, I would have screamed until my mom and dad left or they were made to leave. Just because a woman is having a baby does not mean that she doesn't have rights. Posted by cocoreo3[/QUOTE]
<div> </div><div>My point was, by the time they got there she was just wanting the baby out so bad she didn't really care anymore. Yeah she might now I don't know, and I probably would care. But I also get what bbyckes was saying about women in labor not caring. Will every laboring woman not care? I doubt that, I just think its more common than women think. </div>
Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
Fred Rogers
Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience
I say as long as that baby in inside me, I make all the decisions regarding who can come and when. Once we are 2 separate people, then we can talk.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience : I might not care in that exact moment, but I would be mortified after the fact once my sanity returned. So - no. NOT HAPPENING. Get the eff out.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
Exactly. This is why I would decide way ahead of time that only DH and the doctor could be there. It would be like deciding ahead of time that you're not going to have sex on the first date. Sure, you might think it's a great idea while you're actually doing it, but if you know that's not what you really want to do, you have to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen - like maybe not letting the guy come into your house. OK, that's a weird example, but I think it works.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
I'm not sure who was in the room when I was born, but I know when my brother was born, my dad's parents came to our house in the middle of the night to stay with me, so they were not at the hospital. We went to see him later in the day.
40/112
[QUOTE]Yep. You'll see.
Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]
bbyckes, this really rubs me the wrong way. Your opinion is certainly warranted as your own, but I'm pretty solidly attached to mine too. This just rings of self-righteous snottyness to me. I don't get it - why the attitude?
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
I'm playing it by ear, my whole family is local, so I'm telling them they're welcome to stop by and visit at any time, but there's a strong possibility that I'll be in pain/kick them out and make them go to the waiting room. I figure if I'm in labor I'll be allowed to make up my mind at the spur of the moment if I want you in the room with me or not.
The hospital I'm delivering at is a teaching hospital, so from what I've heard there will be an ass ton of medical professionals around, even if it's a simple birth. Whatever, I hope I don't scare any med students out of the profession
I really think the only way I'd let ANYONE else in there would be if there was an Emergency, and it'd be my Dad because he's a doctor.
And I have a few friends that have delivered babies in the last year or so and those that didn't want anyone in the room, stuck to their guns.
My mom is a nurse... so that might piss her off... but if I have a pre-me, I'd want my mom there since she works with NICU babies. But that's really the only exception.
That is a really, really special time for you and your DH and I think it is important for the couple to share it. There is time for the rest of the family a little later.
Fred Rogers
For all of the antiquated traditions most of you girl on this board uphold, women helping women through childbirth is one of the oldest on the planet!
Planning
Married (work in progress)
[QUOTE]It will be me and FI and drs. I know what bbcyks means. My SIL let everyone know it was just Her and my brother going to be at the hospital, but her mom (a nurse) decided she and her dad were the exception. It got to the point where SIL just stopped caring all she wanted was baby to be out. I was so mad at her mom for her. She not only was in there when asked not to be, but she had a camera and was taking pictures... and trying to show them to my mom and I. I refused to look and I am glad I did because my brother took her camera and started deleting half of them because they were graphic.
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]
If that had been me, I would have screamed until my mom and dad left or they were made to leave. Just because a woman is having a baby does not mean that she doesn't have rights.
[QUOTE]I can understand not wanting lots of men in the room- your dad, brother, uncles etc- but other woman? Why not? Its not like they havent seen it before... For all of the antiquated traditions most of you girl on this board uphold, women helping women through childbirth is one of the oldest on the planet!
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]
Ohh, it sounds like someone has a little chip on their shoulder.
So, just because my mom, sister, grandmother, and aunts have vaginas, I should just set up some stadium chairs at the foot of my hospital bed? I don't think so. My OB is a woman, my doula is a woman, and they're trained to help women through delivery. All of my female relatives would do nothing but stress me out, and this may be a shocker, but I really don't want <span style="font-style:italic;">any </span>family member seeing my nether regions.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience : Ohh, it sounds like someone has a little chip on their shoulder. So, just because my mom, sister, grandmother, and aunts have vaginas, I should just set up some stadium chairs at the foot of my hospital bed? I don't think so. My OB is a woman, my doula is a woman, and they're trained to help women through delivery.<strong> All of my female relatives would do nothing but stress me out, and this may be a shocker, but I really don't want any family member seeing my nether regions.</strong>
Posted by lpstl[/QUOTE]
Agreed. I don't give a shiit if you have a vagina or not, if you didn't help make this baby, you're not going to watch me push it out.
And lpstl - I have a two friends who had an AMAZING natural birthing experience. Good luck you and X! :)
ETA: And Pete, sorry, didn't mean to exclude him!!!
And no, stadium seating and being there for the birth are not the same thing. Perhaps your giving birth in an older hospital but my birthing suite was literally that, a suite. Full living room, bathroom, and then section with my bed/monitors and then seperate attached room for baby.
Had anyone, even my dad, been sitting on the couches in the living room part he wouldnt have seen anything aside from a blur of white hospital linens and some moving bodies. He couldnt have told you "what color my curtains" at all!
[QUOTE]I can understand not wanting lots of men in the room- your dad, brother, uncles etc- but other woman? Why not? Its not like they havent seen it before... For all of the antiquated traditions most of you girl on this board uphold, women helping women through childbirth is one of the oldest on the planet!
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]
They haven't seen MINE before. Seriously, my mother hasn't seen me undressed since. . . middle school? Earlier? I'm for damn sure not letting FMIL see me without appropriate clothing. It's just not me. If you want to let the whole town in, go for it, and I won't judge. But it doesn't work for me.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
1) you're in a gown, so no one even sees your boobs, stomach anything
2) the only time your vag is OUT is when your being checked or pushing, other than that you're gown is back in place
3) my FI stood holding my hand, at my head, and literally didnt see anything- you actually have to try and watch a small vagina push out a baby- its not like your stuff is on a jumbo-tron in the room
but to each their own!
now the poor girl who said she wanted to go solo.... I could NOT do that!
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
Maybe I'll change my mind in 6-10 years before I actually have kids, but I can't imagine not having my mom in there with me.
[QUOTE]a vain prude...?? my condolences to your FI
Posted by golden1215[/QUOTE]
Sarcasm. Since your posts seem to suggest it.
Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485
[QUOTE]Golden, that's a different experience than some people I know have had. It depends on the hospital, the doctors and nurses involved, etc. Because your experience minimized that doesn't mean that everyone else's will. Beyond that - I want some time that is for me, FI/H, and the baby. I'm selfish like that. I want to get me and the baby cleaned up, too. <strong>Also, vain apparently. To go with being a prude.</strong>
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]
You can put my name here too.
[QUOTE]In addition to not wanting my mom, in-laws, etc to be seeing my nether regions, I also don't really want them to watch me all sweaty, grunty, biitchy and in a really awkward position.<strong> It's not all about the vag.</strong>
Posted by Badgerengr[/QUOTE]
Agreed.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Birth Poll - Delivery Room Audience : If that had been me, I would have screamed until my mom and dad left or they were made to leave. Just because a woman is having a baby does not mean that she doesn't have rights.
Posted by cocoreo3[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>My point was, by the time they got there she was just wanting the baby out so bad she didn't really care anymore. Yeah she might now I don't know, and I probably would care. But I also get what bbyckes was saying about women in labor not caring. Will every laboring woman not care? I doubt that, I just think its more common than women think. </div>
Fred Rogers