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Etiquette

Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?

My FH and I have 2 friends who got married last summer and the groom had steak while everyone else had either chicken or pork. FH would like to do the same thing at our wedding this fall, but I'm a little hesistant because I don't want it to look like the food we serve our guests isn't "good enough" for us. Is it okay for the bride and groom to have different meals than the guests, or is this downright rude?
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Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?

  • What you're proposing is considered rude and certainly implies that what you're serving your guests isn't good enough for you.  Please do not do this.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Down right rude.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Question - are you doing a sweetheart table?  If so, then how would anyone know what you're eating??
  • It's rude not to offer your guests the same thing you're eating.  Your instict is right--it will come across as the food for your guests is not "good enough" for you and your husband.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:53f0350d-c96f-416f-b50f-525cba69890d">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Question - are you doing a sweetheart table?  If so, then how would anyone know what you're eating??
    Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

    Nope, we're doing the traditional, elevated table with our bridal party.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:53f0350d-c96f-416f-b50f-525cba69890d">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Question - are you doing a sweetheart table?  If so, then how would anyone know what you're eating??
    Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

    You  know you can see what people are eatting at different tables right?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?:Question are you doing a sweetheart table?nbsp; If so, then how would anyone know what you're eating??Posted by Jager1219Nope, we're doing the traditional, elevated table with our bridal party. Posted by ashleestadt[/QUOTE]

    Yeah, definitely not, then.

    If the food you're serving your guests aren't good enough for your fianc, then maybe you guys should rethink your menu.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:5a729c07-1718-4934-b712-38ba9ead0ca7">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : Nope, we're doing the traditional, elevated table with our bridal party.
    Posted by ashleestadt[/QUOTE]
    Got it - then I'm with everyone else 100%.  The only way I'd see this as being marginally OK is if you had a sweetheart table so no one actually knew that you were having something other than the rest of the guests entree choice.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    It is rude.  It would be like serving you and your wedding party champagne but not offering it to the rest of your guests.  By eating something different you aren't only saying that the food you are giving your guests isn't fancy enough for you, you are also sending the message that you don't care about them as much as you care about yourselves which comes off as being selfish.

    If your FI wants steak then I suggest you make that an option for your guests.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:098eaf02-69fb-4472-82d1-36c0b2eeb047">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : You  know you can see what people are eatting at different tables right?
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]
    I would think you wouldn't unless you got up and walked over to that table.  I guess it depends on how the space is arranged too.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:08a90b79-8262-4abd-89fb-6555d842b1d9">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : Got it - then I'm with everyone else 100%.  The only way I'd see this as being marginally OK is if you had a sweetheart table so no one actually knew that you were having something other than the rest of the guests entree choice.
    Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]


    How in the world could this ever be okay?   A host should go hungry before her guest do, they certainly don't get "better food" than their guests.  EVER.    Just because it's a wedding doesn't change that.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?:In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : Younbsp; know you can see what people are eatting at different tables right?Posted by lyndausviI would think you wouldn't unless you got up and walked over to that table.nbsp; I guess it depends on how the space is arranged too. Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]
    Which makes me wonder how OP and her fianc found out about their friend's steak.
    Were OP and fianc were sitting at the same table? Or did they find out another way?
    image
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:ecb74d79-a3c5-44d5-8826-8b679593b9f5">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : I would think you wouldn't unless you got up and walked over to that table.  I guess it depends on how the space is arranged too.
    Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]


    My husband notices a plate of food across the room. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    No, this is rude.
  • sweetheart table is irrelevant.  people walk up to the B&G constantly during hte meal.  it will not go unnoticed.

    its rude.  cough up the $2 per person extra to offer steak to everyone.
  • Rude! My sister did this at her wedding in August. Both her and her H had steak. The rest of us had deep fried chicken. People questioned it throughout the night when they weren't around.

     

  • I love red meat, so if I had chicken and B&G had steak, I'd notice. It's a completely different color, and people are constantly looking at the couple, watching them kiss, walking up to them, etc. Unless B&G are stuffing their face in the bridal suite in shame, they should have the same thing. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:08a90b79-8262-4abd-89fb-6555d842b1d9">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : Got it - then I'm with everyone else 100%.  The only way I'd see this as being marginally OK is if you had a sweetheart table so no one actually knew that you were having something other than the rest of the guests entree choice.
    Posted by Jager1219[/QUOTE]

    Even if you have a sweetheart table, it will still be rude! If you and your FI have food allergies or dietary restrictions, this would be the only exception.

    I would feel disrespected, as a guest, if the bride and groom had lobster and filet, and I was given chicken.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:5722d7b2-1171-4c35-b48a-c46d1ec39a78">Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?: Which makes me wonder how OP and her fianc found out about their friend's steak. Were OP and fianc were sitting at the same table? Or did they find out another way?
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    People approached H & I while we were eating since we were served first.  People will find out and it's really rude, sweetheart table or not.

    image
  • Don't get me wrong, I'm in full agreement with everyone that it's rude.  I was just asking how anyone would notice.  I've never been to a wedding where the guests went to the bride & groom's table (it's usually the other way around) which is why I asked the question.  I'm not saying under any circumstances that it's correct,
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:4cc1fe9a-c318-4bfc-81e4-ef2fd25b79b8">Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : People approached H & I while we were eating since we were served first.  People will find out and it's really rude, sweetheart table or not.
    Posted by lwoehlk[/QUOTE]
    I didn't say it wasn't rude. I was replying to Jager who said that no one would notice the steak if there was a sweetheart table and I asked how the OP and fiance knew about their friend, then.
    Just like you said, people find out, whether they see it on the table or they hear about it afterwards.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:12180fe5-bc2c-4a02-9d05-81bda626561f">Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : I didn't say it wasn't rude. I was replying to Jager who said that no one would notice the steak if there was a sweetheart table and I asked how the OP and fiance knew about their friend, then. Just like you said, people find out, whether they see it on the table or they hear about it afterwards.
    Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    No, sorry I should have added a new paragraph to the "rude" part.  The first part was in response to how others might know and the second part was with respect to the OP's question in general.  The idea of it is rude.

    image
  • Another vote for very rude, and time to educate a certain groom.
  • Hm.. The words that I would imagine would circulate amongst the guests... Rude, pretentious, snobby, arrogant, inelegant, cheap... To name a few.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Ditto everyone. Absolutely positively rude.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I don't think it's rude at all.  It's your wedding, eat what you want!  Maybe you can't afford to feed EVERYONE steak but you really want a nice slab on your wedding day.  Go for it!  When my parents got married, duck was served to the guests and my Dad had chicken fingers because that's what he wanted (I think my stepmom had salmon)!  It doesn't mean that you don't think the "guest food" is good enough for you and if people have a problem with it then I think they're just looking for something to complain about.  Maybe you know that the majority of your guests will prefer chicken but you're not partial to it, yourself.  So go ahead, choose something else, and if anyone says anything to you, simply nod and say "we're terribly sorry that you were upset by what we were eating, but we hope you were still able to enjoy your free meal and desert that we were able to serve."
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:fc2f2b59-066c-494a-b4eb-e4f4e0a764b1">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it's rude at all.  It's your wedding, eat what you want!  Maybe you can't afford to feed EVERYONE steak but you really want a nice slab on your wedding day.  Go for it!  When my parents got married, duck was served to the guests and my Dad had chicken fingers because that's what he wanted (I think my stepmom had salmon)!  It doesn't mean that you don't think the "guest food" is good enough for you and if people have a problem with it then I think they're just looking for something to complain about.  Maybe you know that the majority of your guests will prefer chicken but you're not partial to it, yourself.  So go ahead, choose something else, and if anyone says anything to you, simply nod and say "we're terribly sorry that you were upset by what we were eating, but we hope you were still able to enjoy your free meal and desert that we were able to serve."
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]

    Geez, what is wrong with you?
     

    Why not just say "Let them eat cake"?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:fc2f2b59-066c-494a-b4eb-e4f4e0a764b1">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't think it's rude at all.  It's your wedding, eat what you want!  Maybe you can't afford to feed EVERYONE steak <strong>but you really want a nice slab on your wedding day. </strong> Go for it!  When my parents got married, duck was served to the guests and my Dad had chicken fingers because that's what he wanted (I think my stepmom had salmon)!  It doesn't mean that you don't think the "guest food" is good enough for you and if people have a problem with it then I think they're just looking for something to complain about.  Maybe you know that the majority of your guests will prefer chicken but you're not partial to it, yourself.  So go ahead, choose something else, and if anyone says anything to you, simply nod and say "we're terribly sorry that you were upset by what we were eating, but we hope you were still able to enjoy your free meal and desert that we were able to serve."
    Posted by bopple321[/QUOTE]
    Eat it before or after the reception.
    A good host doesn't provide different food for themselves without also offering it to their guests.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_okay-for-bride-and-groom-to-have-different-meal-than-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:67c84933-71b9-4b39-b364-5ea57403ede8Post:04b0c12c-88ca-4284-8a60-3db85dc768dc">Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Okay for bride and groom to have different meal than guests? : Geez, what is wrong with you?   Why not just say "Let them eat cake"?
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    It's sarcasm.  I mean, honestly, would you really care if you looked across the table from your chicken marsala and saw the bride eating stuffed shells?  I doubt people would think this is rude, and if they do, they need to lighten up and realize that they were invited to a lovely evening out with dinner and desert served, free of charge.  People will argue that their travel expenses and/or gift are "payment" for the dinner, but these things are NEVER required of guests and any who choose to spend money on these things are doing it out of their own generosity and shouldn't hold it over the hosts' heads.
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