mmm

Blueyed228 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:3b8ca8f4-997e-4c28-bd28-ed5247fc977e">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]And I agree - to just read a post regarding someone else's situation, no you don't feel everything the poster has felt for the past year dealing with a person and all the built up emotion that comes with it. Sure it seems like no big deal to others, but to me I feel like the gift was a slap in the face. I could be completely off base due to the emotion of the thing - which was why I posted. I need to hear input from people who are neutral in this situation.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]

I dont get why its so "emotional". She is your hairdresser, not your Grandmother.

The fact that she sent you a gift means that she wanted to congratulate you. Sending you a "I hope you get divorced" card is a slap in the face.

You are being really irrational about it.

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:a06d7979-6e57-4344-aacd-c653091a0c90">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't see anything in your post that tells me your friend treated you poorly. What I see is a lot of overreaction on your part. So it took her a while to get you her address. In the end if you never got it she just wouldn't have gotten an invite. NBD. Then she missed the RSVP. Maybe she lost the card she was to send back. Hell maybe she lost the whole damn invitation and that's why she asked what the date was. NBD. Then she tells you on your wedding day they're not going to make it. Like PP said, at least she called. And plusalso what does it matter why she didn't come? It's her life, something came up, she's sick, whatever. Again NBD. And now this letter that you're soooo upset about not being mentioned in. Narcissistic much? It sounds like something they sent out to everyone in their lives. You said YOURSELF it was a form letter. So they're not going to personalize it for every.single.person they send it to. NBD. Then you repond in a shitty way. That's treating someone poorly.<strong> You should have congratulated her for her news about being pregnant and left it at that.</strong> You're the one who's in the wrong here. I realize that no one can tell you how something makes you feel, but I feel like your actions and reactions in all of these situations.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Obviously in a post alot of info is left out... When I got her letter regarding her pregnancy I immediately txt'd her and congratulated her on her pregnancy because I was very happy for her. And once again no response.

Perhaps, I cared more about this relationship than she did - which is completely fine.

LP11509 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:3b8ca8f4-997e-4c28-bd28-ed5247fc977e">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]And I agree - to just read a post regarding someone else's situation, no you don't feel everything the poster has felt for the past year dealing with a person and all the built up emotion that comes with it. Sure it seems like no big deal to others, but to me I feel like the gift was a slap in the face. I could be completely off base due to the emotion of the thing - which was why I posted. <strong> I need to hear input from people who are neutral in this situation</strong>.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]

<div>But you got that. And you don't seem to want to accept it. Which means that what you're really looking for is validation, and you're upset that you're got getting it. </div><div>
</div><div>Look, you're allowed to feel frustrated/annoyed. But after doing that for a few minutes, you need to let it go. Your friend doesn't owe you an explanation. Accept her gift, write her a thank you note, and move on. </div>

Blueyed228 · January 2012

This post probably would have went over better on CC.

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:7465ceea-9a89-4afb-a495-bcc6d9757aea">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : But you got that. And you don't seem to want to accept it. Which means that what you're really looking for is validation<strong>, and you're upset that you're got getting it. </strong> Look, you're allowed to feel frustrated/annoyed. But after doing that for a few minutes, you need to let it go. Your friend doesn't owe you an explanation. Accept her gift, write her a thank you note, and move on.
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

Nope, not upset at all... which is why I'm here discussing this with everyone. If from a neutral viewpoint I'm over-reacting I need to hear it.

There was one post that resonated deep with me. Two wrongs don't make a right. THIS.

I will send off a nice thank you note.

number55 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:f5f8b77b-2b04-4693-82a1-58e0e943e3ad">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]This post probably would have went over better on CC.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Ha! Or weddingbee or wire or whatever.

This just screams of 'you didn't make my wedding the focal point of our friendship'.

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:f5a75915-5730-4888-b565-d9b632285fab">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG :<strong> Nope, not upset at all... which is why I'm here discussing this with everyone.</strong> If from a neutral viewpoint I'm over-reacting I need to hear it. There was one post that resonated deep with me. Two wrongs don't make a right. THIS. I will send off a nice thank you note.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]
I think this probably came fromt the fact that you come off like you are still trying to defend your decision. But I am glad you ae going to send a Thank You card. That's the best thing to do! :)

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:45a972e5-e33a-4d83-bb07-9b25da6f8434">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Ha! Or weddingbee or wire or whatever<strong>. This just screams of 'you didn't make my wedding the focal point of our friendship'.</strong>
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

Ah, that's not the point at all LOL. It's about how people treat each other and what being respectful towards each other means. Yeah, it upset me but at this crossroad, besides letting her know she hurt me (which by the way is the adult thing to do), I have not done anything wrong here.

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:8f0adf48-6c6d-4cf7-9b2e-42b98fc0430d">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Ah, that's not the point at all LOL. It's about how people treat each other and what being respectful towards each other means. Yeah, it upset me but at this crossroad, <strong>besides letting her know she hurt me (which by the way is the adult thing to do)</strong>, I have not done anything wrong here.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]
However, it's all in the delivery. If you really sent her an email about how your friends should care more about you then that's not the adult way to handle it. It only makes you sound like a whiny child.

kd.joseph · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:45a972e5-e33a-4d83-bb07-9b25da6f8434">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Ha! Or weddingbee or wire or whatever. This just screams of 'you didn't make my wedding the focal point of our friendship'.
Posted by number55[/QUOTE]

I cant add any more to this than Numbers and the others have pointed out.

But, she said she is pregnant, who knows what she was going through to get pregnant. And it was no one's business, including yours. As someone pointed out maybe she had a sick family member, maybe SHE was the sick family member.

I know a lot about my hairdresser, and I consider her a friend. But, even I dont get in her personal business. She has a life and it's not my business.

Sounds to me like she was taking the high road here. You need to do the same.

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:f368ed3f-418c-49ed-9883-7848a82dd035">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : I think this probably came fromt the fact that you come off like you are still trying to defend your decision. But I am glad you ae going to send a Thank You card. That's the best thing to do! :)
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

Well sure =P I'm trying to explain a ridiculous situation that has gone on for far too long...

I'll send her a nice thank you card and even a congratulations that you're expecting card.

Thanks for your help in this... I needed to get it out and discuss it with people who are unbiased.

:)

Blueyed228 · January 2012

Well, props to you for not going BSC when we didnt agree.

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:4e93cc2f-0fb5-4531-8473-4975195e2177">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, props to you for not going BSC when we didnt agree.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]
Agreed!

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:febcc9ab-2694-4a04-8834-4b64d842ef26">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : However, it's all in the delivery. If you really sent her an email about how your friends should care more about you then that's not the adult way to handle it. It only makes you sound like a whiny child.
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

Sent her an email yes, but not a whiny one. Pretty straight forward. Basically, just how I was feeling.

Simply Fated · January 2012

All I really got out of that OP was that you didn't have a seat planned for your photographer.

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:4e93cc2f-0fb5-4531-8473-4975195e2177">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, props to you for not going BSC when we didnt agree.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

BSC? Nah... Good discussions are important even when people don't agree with me. I don't get emotional often over crap like this which is why I didn't know how to handle it.

And I need a wake up call every once and awhile.

crash2729 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:9b8c1480-d5f1-4bb2-bf30-fa1ad6bea29f">Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]The Dilemma I'm ticked at this point and <strong>emailed her explaining my feelings, the fact that I don't have friends that have so obvious little concern for me and my feelings, blah blah blah. </strong> She responds with sorry, she was sick, she's sending me our wedding gift. Once again, I told her don't bother.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]
Then it's the way you explain it here. Here it sounds like it could go one of two ways-whiny or guilt-trip.<div>However, I'm just basing this on your description.</div>

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:2badaeaf-e289-4576-b18a-ef2ed38cdae3">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]All I really got out of that OP was that you didn't have a seat planned for your photographer.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Wellll technically I did - but not seated at tables with the guests... But didn't feel those details were important in the original post LOL

alanderson74 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:8e8ac508-eab9-4c15-ab50-9be214c97e72">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Then it's the way you explain it here. Here it sounds like it could go one of two ways-whiny or guilt-trip. However, I'm just basing this on your description.
Posted by crash2729[/QUOTE]

That was a very condensed interpretation, I mean it did have "feelings" in it - sappy probably at worst LOL

lbarr088 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:8f0adf48-6c6d-4cf7-9b2e-42b98fc0430d">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Ah, that's not the point at all LOL. <strong>It's about how people treat each other and what being respectful towards each other means.</strong> Yeah, it upset me but at this crossroad, besides letting her know she hurt me (which by the way is the adult thing to do), I have not done anything wrong here.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]

<div>Ok then. She still sent you a gift regardless of everything... so I think she does respect you as a person, she just has a life. Now be respectful of THAT and take the card, put a smile on your face, and send her a thank you note. Why does this seem so simple to me? </div><div>
</div><div>ETA: Edie is awesome.</div>

lbarr088 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:6f145a9a-06f2-4bf1-817a-c7afeba9daa9">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG : Because you're normal.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

<div>Yay for non-overthinkers!</div>

Nebb · January 2012

Ehh I guess I see things differently but I dont see the OP as coming off as terribly as everyone else is. I think shes upset and hurt that the friendship doesnt mean as much to the friend as it does to her (obvious in the lack of response numerous times over for various things, lack of interest in being at the wedding, writting it off flippantly by just throwing a gift at it). I can understand it being frustrating not being acknowledged that friend didnt show to the wedding or anyt of that other stuff. It seems like OP has gone out of her way to be a good friend and the other just sucks. Everything else is being nitpicky, oh you dont know what anyone is going through blablabla, yeah? Well thats no excuse for friend to be rude. Simple as that.

Thats my thought.

KatePlusNate04 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:cb2935cb-944c-4ea6-afa6-626e4a6ac6d9">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]Not sure how to handle this - this is why I posted seeking input. She was definitely difficult through the process that's for sure. <strong> And I think sending off the gift was rude and tacky after all of this.</strong>.. and to accept it seems wrong somehow. Were my feelings hurt - yup and I let her know. So, I open it and send her a thank you gift? THAT looks gift grabby to me... Which is why I need your help. She may not have wanted to bother me with her illness, who knows what she was thinking at the time - but I completely would have understood that and the situation is what it is and now I have this gift from her? She didn't do my hair because she didn't want to lose all the business she could have had to drive to where my wedding was early to do my hair. And I was fine with that. My wedding was not about interupting people's lives anymore than it had to.
Posted by alanderson74[/QUOTE]

I don't get how sending someone a gift is rude. At all. I understand your feelings got hurt and you were upset she couldn't make it. But please remember that someone not attending your wedding =/= them not liking you or not wanting to be a good friend.

We had many people unable to make it. Some we found out about last minute b/c plans changed. That's life. It doesn't make them bad friends. sure, I get her procrastination with sending the address and not RSVPing on time as being frustrating; you have to expect that when planning a wedding. But she didn't have to send you anything. To me, YOU are coming off as the rude one here for wanting to either throw her gift away or send it back. I would be completely offended if someone gave my gift back to me. Please just keep and send a thank you note.

ETA: You said she mentioned in her letter that she's expecting. It could be that throughout your sending invitations process she was just finding out she was pregnant. I have never been pregnant, but I can imagine first finding out and those first few months are overwhelming, exciting, and a whole lot of other things, and perhaps she honestly DID keep forgetting to send the RSVP or address. She might have had bigger things going on.

Gabrielle76 · January 2012

This is why I hate email, and text messaging. It seems like things always get more messy when people text or email instead of actually talking. As PP's have said, send a thank you note for the gift card, and enjoy it, because it's a nice gift. Your friend is a pregnant newlywed, cut her some slack

If you want to try to save the friendship, get together with her in person, and talk things out. I have never seen a fight get better with texting and emails instead of face to face communication.

bltata · January 2012

OP while I get that you're frustrated and you've been doing this song and dance with the hairdresser for a while, be an adult. Can you honestly say that in all your years you've never had friendships that just drifted apart? IT HAPPENS. The fact that she even sent a gift after you pretty rudely said don't bother, not once but twice if I read and remember correctly, speaks mountains of her own maturity.

If I had been her, I probably would have thought that even though you said don't bother it would just cause more drama if I hadn't sent anything at all. So she went with the noncommital, neutral route of a gift card. If you're truly this hurt, graciously take the gift, send a generic Thank You note, and leave her alone. I don't know how after being this offended that she was busy and not falling over to maintain your friendship you could ever salvage the friendship without constantly questioning her. Just do the proper etiquette thing, and then walk away.

Nebb · January 2012

I dont think thats really fair to tell her to "be an adult". Its not like shes throwing a fit or whining and crying. For all we know, she HASNT had a friendship drift apart before. Its always hard the first time it happens.

ricksang · January 2012

Al least she sent you a gift to make up for not coming to your wedding. 50, yes 50, people RSVPed yes to my wedding and didn't show up. I didn't get a gift from them and they cost me 3000 dollars in uneaten meals. You move on. You sound really ungrateful and hard to please. Hmmm.

brilibby4 · January 2012

You are over reacting. Also, your month was over a month ago-get over it. If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, don't be. That doesn't mean you need to be rude because she couldn't make it to your wedding and sent you a gift. I'm confused as to why this even bothered you so much. Send a thank you card and be done with it.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:b670ee9c-3d2c-4e7d-9fae-8042f7bfdb00">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]You took the picture of the envelope. I was hoping for something so much more interesting here rather than a run-of-the-mill lack-of-communication-between-friends issue.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

This. If you go through this much trouble over some lame situation, I can't imagine how much of a drama llama you are about other things.

brilibby4 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_dilemma-its-principle-of-thing-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7b2b8beb-cc09-45a0-b3b4-fb94b3dbd9a2Post:2badaeaf-e289-4576-b18a-ef2ed38cdae3">Re: Dilemma - it's the principle of the thing... LONG</a>:
[QUOTE]All I really got out of that OP was that you didn't have a seat planned for your photographer.
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

This too.

mmm

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