my FH proposed in the perfect setting...sunset on our vacation this past weekend I had no idea and was completely surprised...until the 6 hr drive home when he told me he'd rather just go to a beach or vegas to get married without any family. I feel the exact opposite I want a traditional-like wedding on the smaller side with family and close friends. This situation has caused a daily struggle the past few days and he keeps saying he doesnt care what we do and how its all about me and my big day, then when i start talking about picking a date and figuring out where he gets sour and shuts down. If things continue I feel I'll just give in to the intimate destination wedding with no family...but that's not the wedding I've always dreamed of.
HELP! any suggestions or input? I'm so stressed already and we're less than a week into our engagement.
Re: just engaged this weekend!!! and already troubles
Your FI seems like he'll give in to your wedding wishes, but he's not happy about it. Try to figure out why he's so adverse to a "traditional" wedding. Is it money? Have a talk about your finances and what you guys can reasonably spend on a wedding. There's no reason why you can't have a perfectly beautiful wedding on a budget. Brides do it all the time.
If he's really set on a DW, why not try to make it into a vacay for your closest friends and family? DWs can be awesome. But before you drive yourself crazy, I would suggest just relaxing and enjoy your engagement before you get into the thick of wedding planning.
HTH.
Congrats and welcome to the board!
I do agree though...talk about why a traditional wedding is important to you, and why a destination wedding is important to him. Then maybe from there you can find a compromise.
Hope that helps!
And they have planned a reception a month later to make the families happy....you could have "wedding dinners" when you visit the familes. And show the video of the ceremony at each dinner.
Create a wedding registry at a store that is in all those states so family and friends can buy you gifts but have them shipped directly to you.
Good Luck!!
thank you everyone. I've tried to not bring it up for awhile but our moms keep asking if we've set a date haha. So I told him yesterday how much money I'll be puting away every week, and he kind of got mad because he told me 2 problems he has with this he doesnt understand spending all this money (even if it's a low budget of 6000) on one day. and he doesnt want his family to be involved because he really doesnt talk to the majority of them and they'll all be coming out of town and he feels very stressed having to entertain all of them...I told him I'm sure his family doesnt expect us to entertain them on our wedding weekend. were planning on inviting out of town guest to a brunch on sunday morning and depending on if we do a rehearsal dinner to that dinner on friday to. so they'll have plans every single day they're here.... I also offered for the wedding to be in MI where most of his family lives it's a 6 hr drive and I'm willing to have it there because I know my family will come no matter what. So my suggestions I gave him yesterday were having a destination wedding but my family being invited (there's only 12 people I would absolutely want there) or having it here and he let me worry about everything or having it in MI. So hopefully one of those will be ok for him. I just can't not have my family there.
I guess I'm just saying - get on the same page. Up close, it may seem that this is all about a wedding, but it isn't: it's about how you two will spend your money as a married couple and how involved your family will be. I encourage you to really communicate with each other about these subjects - without talking about a wedding. If you can communicate through that, there's not reason why you can't find a compromise between traditional wedding and Vegas.
Congrats and best of luck!
What I'm about to say is all speaking from experience.
My FI proposed on a Saturday night...I started planning as soon as I could..that Sunday... (before the engagement we had NEVER had a fight) That following Thursday we had a HUGE fight about the wedding... I let things cool off and started planning on my own...
His words were " That day is YOUR day..you do what you want, just tell me When,Where and What time & I'll show up" That really hurt me because although I knew he wanted to marry me (or he wouldn't have asked) it made me question things... After some soul searching I saw things in a new light...
When we got engaged that was all I cared about..I didnt care about keeping our relationship as strong...doing things together like we normally did or just having a normal conversation... everything had to be about the wedding...I became Bridezilla basically. We couldn't sit down & watch TV without me talking about the wedding...not saying you are doing this...but kinda take a step back and see how much you talk about it...because like some of the other knotties have said...it kinda seems like you're both not on the same page...
After awhile..my FI started talkin about the wedding...and planning and everything... 63 days now til our wedding & I think he is more excited than I am...he talks about it CONSTANTLY to his friends and everything ... so things will get better I promise..
Congrats tho
Call me Cheap, I call it growing up!