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eloped, and want a wedding now..

13

Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..

  • Actually, you can't have a wedding, as a wedding is an event at which two people are married.  Since you're already married you can't have another wedding, and whether or not you choose to acknowledge it, the event in the courthouse was your wedding.  You can, as you have already stated, have a reaffirmation of vows or vow renewal.  It sounds like what you are planning will be tastefully done.  Have a good time!
  • Stop downtalking JOP weddings. Many of us eloped by choice (you know, like you did) and you trivialize our weddings with the way you speak of them. I'm irritated. You sounded reasonable at the start of this thread. Do you always take a turn for awful when you don't hear what you want?
  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments
    lol yall are funny- But I am sorry if you misunderstood.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with a JOP wedding. Im talking about my experience, my day, what I did.  I wouldnt trade my marriage for a better wedding, and I am fully aware we are not having a "wedding".  We are renewing our vows with friends and fam.  I am not going over-the-top crazy with anything.  I got some good advice from here, and some very strong opinions as well. 

    I know we are not having a wedding.  This is me acknowledging that fact.  Its a reaffirmation ceremony, as I said from the beginning.  If someone asked my opinion though, I would never ever elope. It was a choice I regret, but I will never reget getting married.  Does that make sense?  lol  Yes Im being a bit of a brat about it.. Of course I wanted to hear positive feedback- who doesnt?  I didnt expect people to be jumping up and down carryin on saying "its not a wedding its not a wedding".  Im not retarded.  I know its not.
  • em01092em01092 member
    1000 Comments
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:ad0cd70f-01dc-4e5a-9a95-5a16c1e5afdf">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]lol yall are funny- But I am sorry if you misunderstood.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with a JOP wedding. Im talking about my experience, my day, what I did.  I wouldnt trade my marriage for a better wedding, and I am fully aware we are not having a "wedding".  We are renewing our vows with friends and fam.  I am not going over-the-top crazy with anything.  I got some good advice from here, and some very strong opinions as well.  I know we are not having a wedding.  This is me acknowledging that fact.  Its a reaffirmation ceremony, as I said from the beginning.  If someone asked my opinion though, I would never ever elope. It was a choice I regret, but I will never reget getting married.  Does that make sense?  lol  Yes Im being a bit of a brat about it.. Of course I wanted to hear positive feedback- who doesnt? <strong> I didnt expect people to be jumping up and down carryin on saying "its not a wedding its not a wedding".  Im not retarded.  I know its no</strong>t.
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>First, R word usage is not cool. </div><div>
    </div><div>Second, a few posts ago you said how your FI told you it wasn't the 1800s, you could do what you want, and <u>you want a wedding.</u> Posters who keep reminding you that it is not a wedding are doing so because you keep talking about how you want another wedding when you already had one. You want a wedding-esque recommitment ceremony/vow renewal and you can have that, to an extent, without looking silly. Follow the guidelines suggested by most PPs and you'll be fine. You can have a lovely renewal and party afterwards to celebrate with your friends and family, as you mentioned you would like. Stay away from first dances, tosses, wedding party (though I think it's fine for a parent, sibling, child, or close friend to stand beside you, just not in typical BM/WP attire-just something nice but not matchy) being given away, and the poofy dress. No one can stop you from wearing the poofy dress but some people will talk about how silly you look behind your back. If you don't care, wear away. 

    </div>
    April Siggy Challenge-Wedding Escape: Reading HG/dreaming about Peeta.... Image and video hosting by TinyPic Wedding Countdown Ticker Bio-Updated 4/22**
  •  It is not your day so why the h*ll do you guys care what this women does.  Who cares if she calls this ceremony a wedding or a vow renewal or If she wants to wear a big poufy dress it is her choice not yours. She just wants her big day just like everybody else on this site. If she wants to do the whole nine yards of a wedding then it is her decison. How would you feel if it was you? Quit being so rude. Im just sayin.
  • As someone that is starting to consider a vow renewal, I think you have to do first and foremost what you want to do.  Who cares what people, especially people you don't know, think.  If you want a big dress, go for the big dress.  Your happiness will shine through and your friends and family will have nothing but positive things to say.  A wedding or vow renewal is a beautiful thing to witness.  Sorry you have received negative feedback from some.  I'm sure your reaffirmation ceremony will be beautiful no matter what. 

    I think the OP was just seeking advice and not judgement. 

    Good Luck!
  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments
    Thank you ladies!  I really appreciate the support- I truly dont want to look silly... I want this day to be special, and perfect, and wonderful, the way every girl does.

    Great tip I got- Email STDs... You can find some really cute free ones on pingg.com-
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:044712f5-2959-4ee7-8e81-45ab1c926a58">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE] It is not your day so why the h*ll do you guys care what this women does.  Who cares if she calls this ceremony a wedding or a vow renewal or If she wants to wear a big poufy dress it is her choice not yours. She just wants her big day just like everybody else on this site. If she wants to do the whole nine yards of a wedding then it is her decison. How would you feel if it was you? Quit being so rude. Im just sayin.
    Posted by ncarroll59[/QUOTE]

    <div>This is the ETIQUETTE board.  The ladies (and the few gentlemen) give etiquette advice!  Having a wedding AFTER you are married, is not a wedding.  In order to have another wedding, you need to divorce your husband so that you can legally marry him again.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Lurk some more....</div>
  • like she said before she did not have a wedding. it was just signing papers.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:b536df61-ed14-4f4a-aa06-868b3c500d16">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]like she said before she did not have a wedding. it was just signing papers.
    Posted by ncarroll59[/QUOTE]

    <div>The point of a wedding is to get married. Another way of getting married is just signing papers.  Once you are married, you can't really have a wedding.  It's really not a hard concept to get.
    <div>
    </div><div>NOT saying this is what the OP is doing.. But from an outside observer it's funny how some people like to boohoo about not having a wedding because the only 'signed papers' before.  Yet they do not have a problem showing those 'papers' to get spousal benefits do they?   Basically they use those papers when it benefits them and poo-poos them when it doesn't.</div></div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>OP - again, I think a VR is fine and sweat.  Just focus on renewing your vows and not on the PPD day.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:044712f5-2959-4ee7-8e81-45ab1c926a58">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE] It is not your day so why the h*ll do you guys care what this women does.  Who cares if she calls this ceremony a wedding or a vow renewal or If she wants to wear a big poufy dress it is her choice not yours. <strong>She just wants her big day just like everybody else on this site.</strong> If she wants to do the whole nine yards of a wedding then it is her decison. How would you feel if it was you? Quit being so rude. Im just sayin.
    Posted by ncarroll59[/QUOTE]

    <div>She could've had that big day... 5 years ago.</div><div>
    </div><div>She CHOSE to be married in a brief ceremony by a Judge, no one forced her.</div>
  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments
    Thanks- I will.  And yes, this is the etiquette board...  Yes, I showed the papers so we could live in a house on base together, so I could pay our bills while he was off flying around the world fighting and laying his life on the line for our freedoms... like freedom of speech.  I appreciate the supportive comments, and thank her for standing up to some of the over-the-top comments on here.  I just found out my grandfather (Retired Lt Col in the Air Force) was over fighting in WWII when he married my grandmother by proxy, and they did their actual wedding when he safely returned home (he was a pilot)... so this idea isnt so out of place and unheard of... Ive also talked to many military wives that had to do the same thing.. Apparantly a LOT of women have a wedding day after they are already married.. rehersal dinner, bachelor party and all-  it seems like the military way... when our guys are ordered away for who knows how long, it makes you evaluate what you have, quickly. 

    Steven and I just had a heart to heart about all this... I was a lil shocked at some of the harsh reactions on here, and we have decided that we are going to keep some traditions and not others.  It will be a renewal ceremony. A celebration for us, and the union of our families.   Our best and closest friends will attend, and thats it. Small, intimate, and full of joy (I hope!!)

    That being said, Ive never been to a renewal, so I wanted to find out what is appropriate, and what is over the top.. I have a much better idea now.  Thank you again for all the comments.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:5ff392ca-fd77-47bc-98c2-ceabc5e35d1e">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks- I will.  And yes, this is the etiquette board...  Yes, I showed the papers so we could live in a house on base together, so I could pay our bills while he was off flying around the world fighting and laying his life on the line for our freedoms... like freedom of speech.  I appreciate the supportive comments, and thank her for standing up to some of the over-the-top comments on here.  I just found out my grandfather (Retired Lt Col in the Air Force) was over fighting in WWII when he married my grandmother by proxy, and they did their actual wedding when he safely returned home (he was a pilot)... so this idea isnt so out of place and unheard of... Ive also talked to many military wives that had to do the same thing.. Apparantly a LOT of women have a wedding day after they are already married.. rehersal dinner, bachelor party and all-  it seems like the military way... when our guys are ordered away for who knows how long, it makes you evaluate what you have, quickly.  Steven and I just had a heart to heart about all this... I was a lil shocked at some of the harsh reactions on here, and we have decided that we are going to keep some traditions and not others.  It will be a renewal ceremony. A celebration for us, and the union of our families.   Our best and closest friends will attend, and thats it. Small, intimate, and full of joy (I hope!!) That being said, Ive never been to a renewal, so I wanted to find out what is appropriate, and what is over the top.. I have a much better idea now.  Thank you again for all the comments.
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>No, it's not unheard of in the military, but it doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want.  You CHOSE to get married by the JOP so that you could collect marital benefits and live in base housing.  You did not need to be married before he deployed, you chose to do so.  You could have waited until after his deployment, but you didn't.  You made that choice, just like many military brides who face that choice all the time.  It doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want.  And please don't play the military pity card here.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Some things are just absurd, like having a bachelor party for a vow renewal.  You can't have a bachelor party when you aren't a bachelor anymore.  And honestly, if I was at your VR and you were wearing that gown you said earlier that costs over $1,000, I would probably laugh.  

    </div>
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • Have you seen the Military Brides board??

    They might be more in tune with the customs of military weddings/renewals.

    I think the Etiquette Board serves the purposes of helping you not make a gaffe like registering for gifts and being surprised that people might be unwilling/unexcited to give you gifts or throw showers.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:0afac5c0-ed5a-475e-a721-021a1e583a7e">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Have you seen the Military Brides board?? They might be more in tune with the customs of military weddings/renewals. I think the Etiquette Board serves the purposes of helping you not make a gaffe like registering for gifts and being surprised that people might be unwilling/unexcited to give you gifts or throw showers.
    Posted by pearlaqua[/QUOTE]

    <div>I can assure you, she will receive the same responses as she did here.  </div>
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:bac535a0-99a4-4539-bc4b-28ba763a1015">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now.. : I can assure you, she will receive the same responses as she did here.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    <div>Good to know...</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:e73b8991-847c-4907-8353-6ee306e3c1d2">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now.. : No, it's not unheard of in the military, but it doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want.  You CHOSE to get married by the JOP so that you could collect marital benefits and live in base housing.  You did not need to be married before he deployed, you chose to do so.  You could have waited until after his deployment, but you didn't.  You made that choice, just like many military brides who face that choice all the time.  It doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want.  And please don't play the military pity card here.   Some things are just absurd, like having a bachelor party for a vow renewal.  You can't have a bachelor party when you aren't a bachelor anymore.  And honestly, if I was at your VR and you were wearing that gown you said earlier that costs over $1,000, I would probably laugh.  
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    Why does that mean she doesn't get to do whatever she wants to.  I think everyone is getting hung up on technicalities.  I think it has been made clear that she wants to renew her vows.  Why does everyone get all bent out of shape about the fact that she can't get remarried without divorcing her husband??? That wasn't even what she asked about.  She wanted to know the etiquette of a vow renewal and what was acceptable and not acceptable.  A lot of people had great advice. 

    If she has the money to pay for an over the top ceremony and party then why not??  If she has the money for a beautiful gown, then why not?  I think it all boils down to personal choice. 

    It's sad when people come to forums looking for help and are welcomed with negativity.  Maybe it's my southern roots and I'm a big softie but you can offer advice in a polite way.  JMO
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:4e2e7080-7b73-4118-8b83-095515da4df7">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now.. : Why does that mean she doesn't get to do whatever she wants to.  I think everyone is getting hung up on technicalities.  I think it has been made clear that she wants to renew her vows.  Why does everyone get all bent out of shape about the fact that she can't get remarried without divorcing her husband??? That wasn't even what she asked about.  She wanted to know the etiquette of a vow renewal and what was acceptable and not acceptable.  A lot of people had great advice.  If she has the money to pay for an over the top ceremony and party then why not??  If she has the money for a beautiful gown, then why not?  I think it all boils down to personal choice.  It's sad when people come to forums looking for help and are welcomed with negativity. <strong> Maybe it's my southern roots and I'm a big softie but you can offer advice in a polite way.  JMO</strong>
    Posted by Heather111106[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Well, gee, why didn't I ever think of that?</div><div>
    </div><div>This is the etiquette board, so we told her the proper way to do a vow renewal, which is what she asked.  If she didn't want to hear all sorts of opinions, she shouldn't have posted on an international message board.  Yes, she can do whatever she wants, but we are just telling her what her guests will think.  Also, downplaying a JOP wedding as just signing papers is completely offensive to people who choose to do that as their only wedding.  Also, I'm pretty sure she doesn't tell the military that "we never got married, just signed papers."  No, she is collecting benefits as a married person, because she is married.</div><div>
    </div><div>I take a lot of offense when people use the military as an excuse.  Everyone makes their choice to have the wedding they want.  She chose to have a JOP at the time, and is now using the military as a way to make people feel bad for her that she didn't get her PPD the first time.  She could have easily had it the first time around, she just might have had to wait until after a deployment.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:830b1cbf-0a17-4c14-b750-e144ab2a7f7e">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now.. : Well, gee, why didn't I ever think of that? This is the etiquette board, so we told her the proper way to do a vow renewal, which is what she asked.  If she didn't want to hear all sorts of opinions, she shouldn't have posted on an international message board.  Yes, she can do whatever she wants, but we are just telling her what her guests will think.  Also, downplaying a JOP wedding as just signing papers is completely offensive to people who choose to do that as their only wedding.  Also, I'm pretty sure she doesn't tell the military that "we never got married, just signed papers."  No, she is collecting benefits as a married person, because she is married. I take a lot of offense when people use the military as an excuse.  Everyone makes their choice to have the wedding they want.  She chose to have a JOP at the time, and is now using the military as a way to make people feel bad for her that she didn't get her PPD the first time.  She could have easily had it the first time around, she just might have had to wait until after a deployment.
    Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    Well, I personally think y'all are all making yourselves look like fools with how rude y'all are.  There is a nice way to give your opinion.  Even your reply to me was sarcastic and rude with:

    [QUOTE]Well, gee, why didn't I ever think of that?[/QUOTE]
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:9a9d6430-fcd4-4b43-8651-5b8fa0997559">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: eloped, and want a wedding now.. : Well, I personally think y'all are all making yourselves look like fools with how rude y'all are.  There is a nice way to give your opinion.  Even your reply to me was sarcastic and rude with:
    Posted by Heather111106[/QUOTE]

    <div>Wow, you're a quick one.  Thanks for playing.</div>
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • Maybe you can find some useful information on the etiquette board to apply in your own life.  Talking to you is like trying to reason with my 2 year old.  It's quite sad, really.
  • Are you going to teach your 2 year old that they should tell grown adults how to talk and behave?  Or barge into a message board that clearly has an established tone and way of doing things, and try to change that?  Listen, you're not the first person to try and tell us how to talk, and you certainly won't be the last.  But trying to tell grown women how they should post is preachy and annoying.  I have a mother for that, but at 27 I can decide for myself how I want to act.  If you don't like how we respond, then respond to the OP in whatever way you prefer.  Or try club boards.  But I can guarantee you that your lecturing and referring to me as a child is going to go over about as well as when anyone else has tried it.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • I will most definitely teach my 2 year old to stand up for people he feels are being treated poorly.
  • Seriously, not one person was rude to her until she came back and basically said "screw it, we're doing what we want anyways."  You can't read tone over the internet, and for some reason many people like to confuse bluntness for rudeness.  

    But again, post how you want, and I'll post how I want.  If you really thought this thread was mean though, then this likely is not the board for you.
    image BabyFruit Ticker
  • Oh FFS, nobody was rude to the OP. This is an etiquette board. If she wanted to do what she wanted, why post asking questions about the right way to do it? Wouldn't you just do it? She was given feedback, didn't like it and came back to tell everyone she wasn't going to take it. Who does that??

    And yes, signing papers is a wedding! You are not married until you sign the papers. I could have a thousand and one people officiant my wedding, but until I sign the marriage license, I am not married. Nobody is telling her not to have the vow renewal and have the party, she was given advice on how to do it by an etiquette standpoint. If she doesn't want that, then don't come to the etiquette board. MB board will tell her the same thing. Why? Because she is downplaying JOP by saying she wants a "wedding" and that she just signed papers before. That is offensive to every person who had a JOP.

    Also, don't use the military card. I am engaged, FI currently deployed. We considered JOP for a millisecond then disregarded it. I am currently living where he is stationed, on my own, in my own apartment until he gets back. I understand you were going overseas, pregnancies, etc, but don't expect people to feel pity for you about it. There are spouses/significant others dealing with this all over the U.S.
    image
  • wyneywyney member
    10 Comments
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:2dca5172-9f7f-4659-ab94-c97506fa7103">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't really see a problem with you wearing a white dress, but perhaps I'm in the minority. It's the other stuff (being given away, having a huge wedding party with matching attire, first dances and tosses) that bothers me more.
    Posted by opalsky007[/QUOTE]

    This.

     A lof woman may think that their wedding day is 'their one chance'* to wear such a dress, and that it would look silly otherwise.  Whether you're legally entering into marriage, reaffirming your vows, having your marriage formally recognized by your community, should affect your wedding(ish) rituals and the relationship you have with your guests...not your fashion*

    I understand that what I'm going to say may be offensive or at least rude....and it is...because I am sure a lot of brides on these boards had the Big White Wedding Dress.  I just don't think the dress is any less ostentatious at a wedding than a vow renewal.  I used to think that the Pretty Princess Day label talked about on the boards was disparaging towards those that have unconventional 'wedding schedules.'  Well, spending several hundreds to several thousands on a dress....is playing pretty princess....<em>regardless</em> of the legal or religious implications of the day.

    *the whole "but this is my only chance to ____" I think really drives up the costs (financial and emotional) for weddings.  I think it's because a lot of middle and lower class women (and men) expect or want one day to be about them...and to have a reason to rationalize spending more than they could normally afford on a party.  I don't think it's a bad thing, or makes us entitled brats or anything... but I think it may help you to analyze your drive for wanting this vow renewal.  how much of it is because you want the party where you pick the music and food and decor and are the guest of honor?  This special day is so usually entwined with marriage and weddings, that we may feel like we missed out on something, even if the marriage is affirmed and fine.  Then of course there is wanting to celebrate the actual marriage with everyone else. 

    **unless there is clear symbolism and meaning to your attire.  The white wedding dress is hardly a strict symbol of maidens or virgins.  Wedding dresses weren't always white, and aren't white in many other cultures.

    Addition:  This is not to say people won't judge your decision.  I am saying that equating the appropriateness of a dress based on your legal marital status instead of the venue, time of day, formality of the affair, age of the bride....etc.  is not something I would do.  I challenge the notion that the big white dress is attention whorish, wannabe princessy or a waste of money <em>unless</em> you are getting legally wed.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:16d77a00-4126-4e18-ab6f-7ce95990a3a3">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Maybe you can find some useful information on the etiquette board to apply in your own life.  Talking to you is like trying to reason with my 2 year old.  It's quite sad, really.
    Posted by Heather111106[/QUOTE]
    Yeah see I don't get this, I think your trying to insult Dnb, but I can have perfectly clear conversations with my 2 year old, inclusion reasoning with her.... Yes, thats right, not only are there other people with military spouses here, but there are also some with children!! *gasp*.<div>It'll be ok, "big softie". No need to be Captain Save a Newb.</div>
  • clj4457clj4457 member
    10 Comments

    Your message was neither rude nor offensive.  Thank you for your advice.  Not sure what Im going to do, but I have a better idea on a few things, thanks to this board. 

    Heather- I appreciate your support, and for seeing the same rudeness I did- maybe we learned how to read wrong- lol  And I cant reason with my 2 1/2 yr old at all!  Best of luck to the woman who has a 2 yr old that isnt a 2 yr old.. maybe its a puppy.

    Its a shame that this board is followed by some just looking to fight, pick, and ... I dunno.  Definitely not what I expected. 

    It will be a VR around our 5 yr anniversary.  So its a VR, and a great anniversary party! 

    We are considering walking down the ailse together.  I really like that tip.  We will say our own vows, recommitting to eachother.  Then we will open the bar, have some food, and dance!  Dont know what Im wearing, but Im getting a lot of support about wearing whatever I choose (not all from this board, obviously).  It just seems my close friends and family doesnt have the same stigma against wearing white, or poofy-

    So I have a question... My husbands step sister had a quincera for her 15th birthday.  But it wasnt on her birthday.  It was months after- she still wore the big poofy (blue) gown, had mariachis, the works.  Should she not have had it cuz technically she was already 15?  Im not trying to stir the pot.... Just bringing up my MIL's perspective.  And his aunt had a VR several years ago, huge dress!  So, my family and his seem more focused on the emotion, and meaning behind it, and less on the fashion. 

    I dunno... I did learn a few things on here, and I got some helpful tips about dresses at Dillards and JCrew- Found a beautiful dress at Dillards, that is not big, not poofy, but I have time to decide what direction I want to go in.

    We arent doing a wedding ceremony.  A VR and a dinner party after- its a celebration that is exciting to plan, and not so fun to talk about on here. 

    Im biting my tongue on the rest of the comments. 

  • When my children desire to behave in a way which is socially unacceptable, I gently redirect them. Were they to dig their heels in the ground and begin shouting about how they're going to do it anyway because they deserve it, I'd make several references to Veruca Salt and firmly disallow the unacceptable behavior. See, I can compare etiquette to child rearing, too. Big difference: I know what the fucck I'm talking about and have sense enough not to make exceptions simply because someone is pouting.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_eloped-want-wedding-now?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d6b9ed1e-487e-4827-9f2c-96afc7a63596Post:c355a6c1-e8d2-44b7-ab3a-b8cc8d8b4b25">Re: eloped, and want a wedding now..</a>:
    [QUOTE]Your message was neither rude nor offensive.  Thank you for your advice.  Not sure what Im going to do, but I have a better idea on a few things, thanks to this board.  Heather- I appreciate your support, and for seeing the same rudeness I did- maybe we learned how to read wrong- lol  And I cant reason with my 2 1/2 yr old at all!  Best of luck to the woman who has a 2 yr old that isnt a 2 yr old.. maybe its a puppy. Its a shame that this board is followed by some just looking to fight, pick, and ... I dunno.  Definitely not what I expected.  It will be a VR around our 5 yr anniversary.  So its a VR, and a great anniversary party!  We are considering walking down the ailse together.  I really like that tip.  We will say our own vows, recommitting to eachother.  Then we will open the bar, have some food, and dance!  Dont know what Im wearing, but Im getting a lot of support about wearing whatever I choose (not all from this board, obviously).  It just seems my close friends and family doesnt have the same stigma against wearing white, or poofy-<strong> So I have a question... My husbands step sister had a quincera for her 15th birthday.  But it wasnt on her birthday.  It was months after- she still wore the big poofy (blue) gown, had mariachis, the works.  Should she not have had it cuz technically she was already 15?  Im not trying to stir the pot.... Just bringing up my MIL's perspective. </strong> And his aunt had a VR several years ago, huge dress!  So, my family and his seem more focused on the emotion, and meaning behind it, and less on the fashion.  I dunno... I did learn a few things on here, and I got some helpful tips about dresses at Dillards and JCrew- Found a beautiful dress at Dillards, that is not big, not poofy, but I have time to decide what direction I want to go in. We arent doing a wedding ceremony.  A VR and a dinner party after- its a celebration that is exciting to plan, and not so fun to talk about on here.  Im biting my tongue on the rest of the comments. 
    Posted by clj4457[/QUOTE]

    <div>If that girl had some sort of celebration or commemoration of her 15th birthday AND had a Quinceañera, then yes. That is excessive.  </div><div>15-year parties are different than weddings since nothing really "happens" other than well, turning 15.  You already had something "happen", which is: you already got married.</div><div>
    </div><div>Also, the comparison doesn't really work because sometimes Quinceañeras are booked on days other than the birthday because the birthday falls on a  weekday or family can't travel for it until later.</div><div>
    </div><div>And also, the comparison doesn't really work because Quinceañeras aren't typical for everyone (even Latin Americans/Hispanics) due to budget/time/tradition.</div><div>
    </div><div>A better comparison would be to say that your husband's step-sister had a Quinceañera when she was 21 because she had to save up for 6 years and her grandmother couldn't make it when she was 15 because she was sick and now that she is in better health, it is a better time to have her big party with all of her family.</div><div>
    </div><div>Weird, right?</div>
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