What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??

revived86 · December 2010

So I'm new to this board, and I have a question I wondered if anyone wanted to weigh in on:-) It stems from some of the stuff I read just now on several recent posts on here- so I am wondering, what does everyone think it means to be a bridesmaid?

I just feel like there seem to be a lot of differing opinions on this, and I'm honestly just curious about everyone's view. It seems that some people feel that BMs are to do whatever the bride asks, from planning her bridal shower and buying an ugly $300 BM dress to holding her wedding gown while she's on the toilet- because it is the bride's day and that's that, while others think the only thing a BM does is buy a dress -as long as it's cheap enough- and show up the morning of the wedding ready to look good in pictures

Any one care to share their opinions? I'm looking forward to lively discussion! ;-)

bablingbrooke · December 2010

A BM is someone who is being honored by the couple getting married. They are asking her to stand up with them when they get married, and that is the honor. Now, many (if not most) will want to make this special for their friends by throwing one or more parties, but it's not a requirement.

It's when you start considering showers and bach parties entitlements, rather than gifts, that you run into trouble. Too many brides look at their weddings and think, "All right, here's what everyone owes me and it better happen." That's not an appropriate attitude for a birthday, graduation, or other milestone, so why is a wedding different?

I also dislike you shortening it to "maids." They aren't maids as in "bride's biitches"--maid comes from maiden, meaning a young woman.

revived86 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:8525fafb-fc92-4f2f-83bf-69fbba275a70">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE] I also dislike you shortening it to "maids." They aren't maids as in "bride's biitches"--maid comes from maiden, meaning a young woman.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Sorry, I just sort of liked the alliteration in the title of the post, lol. I thought about putting it with an apostrophe before it ('maids) to show that I was shortening it from bridesmaids- I am aware the it comes from "maiden" rather than maid as in servant. I also have noticed that around theknot they shorten it to just maid a lot. Sorry if it came off offensively, though!

trix1223 · December 2010

A similar question asked a week or so ago on the WP board:

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_having-bridesmiadbeing-bridesmaid-mean

revived86 · December 2010

Thanks for that, Trix!

That board is mostly for brides talking about their wedding party tho, right? Cuz i'm curious what bridesmaids on here tend to think about this issue...

aerinpegadrak · December 2010

This board tends to be mostly brides as well. But I've been a bridesmaid before, as have most of the girls here, even if we did join for our own weddings.

lalap69 · December 2010

Ditto everything Brooke said.

bablingbrooke · December 2010

I've been a BM before and am a BM now for my BFF; my opinion of what a BM does hasn't changed. Few women are solely one or the other, as most have been boht.

I'm planning to help throw the bach party, but her family will do the shower. Plus I can really only do one party plus the travel/accommodation for the wedding itself (it's a mostly traditional Indian wedding so it goes on for three days). She doesn't expect me to go into hock for her wedding, just like I didn't expect her to do so for mine.

No offensive that you called it "maids", just a lot of brides on this board will take that connotation and run with it

revived86 · December 2010

Yeah, I realized after I wrote that post that it's a little more of a gray area between bride & bridesmaid, lol. I was a BM for the first time in August of 2008, a bride this past April, and now i'm an MOH in a wedding next fall...i think my opinions and view of what it means to be a BM have definitely evolved since I had my own wedding, though. I sort of think its a bigger deal to be a BM now that I've been on the other side and I know how much stress can go into planning a wedding and everything. I want to do everything i can to make it as easy as possible for the bride now.

I guess the thing that's really intriguing me here is how different the view of the "wedding industry" is compared to the general popular opinion. Cause I just read The Knot Bridesmaid Handbook cover to cover last week over my Christmas vacation, and from what i can tell, they think being a bridesmaid is HUGE deal that requires giving tons of time, effort, and money with zero complaining and a big smile on your face. lol.

vicki0508 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:89a383d9-8a5f-45f2-85cf-6c5083d7c218">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]. Cause I just read The Knot Bridesmaid Handbook cover to cover last week over my Christmas vacation, and from what i can tell, they think being a bridesmaid is HUGE deal that requires giving tons of time, effort, and money with zero complaining and a big smile on your face. lol.
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
That's because TK wants all of your money

lalap69 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:89a383d9-8a5f-45f2-85cf-6c5083d7c218">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I realized after I wrote that post that it's a little more of a gray area between bride & bridesmaid, lol. I was a BM for the first time in August of 2008, a bride this past April, and now i'm an MOH in a wedding next fall...i think my opinions and view of what it means to be a BM have definitely evolved since I had my own wedding, though. I sort of think its a bigger deal to be a BM now that I've been on the other side and I know how much stress can go into planning a wedding and everything. I want to do everything i can to make it as easy as possible for the bride now. I guess the thing that's really intriguing me here is how different the view of the "wedding industry" is compared to the general popular opinion. <strong>Cause I just read The Knot Bridesmaid Handbook cover to cover last week over my Christmas vacation, and from what i can tell, they think being a bridesmaid is HUGE deal that requires giving tons of time, effort, and money with zero complaining and a big smile on your face. lol.</strong>
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
They're not exactly a neutral source. They're wedding industry central.

aerinpegadrak · January 2011

Yeah, the Knot's idea of being a bridesmaid boils down to "spend as much of your money with our advertisers as humanly possible." Nowhere does "still be on speaking terms with the bride after the party" enter into that.

tldh · January 2011

OP - if your source can in any way make money off their advice, they are not a reliable source. They have an ulterior motive which is to make you spend.

All that is required of a BM or MOH is to put on the selected dress, show up sober to the venue, walk down the aisle and smile for the camera. Everything else is extra.

I've been in weddings where this is all I did. I've also not been in weddings and helped with 400 invitations and favors and help another friend plan the whole darn thing. These are things friends do because they love somebody. Nobody except you, your FI and anyone to whom you are writing a check is required to have anything to do with your wedding or surrounding festivities.

squeakyduck · January 2011

I'm going to be a BM for my friend whenever she sets a date. (Her fiance is in the Navy, so it's been complicated.) I plan to help her with whatever she needs. She's planning on making the BM dresses herself, and I've offered to help with that too. The other BMs and I will probably throw a batch party for her.

Also before, she kicked me out, I went wedding dress shopping with another girl.

So far my BMs have gone dress shopping for both my dress and their dresses, are throwing me a shower and planning the batch party. But I have one who's out of town and she's just buying her dress and coming to the parties.

The only thing I've really expected is just for them to be my friends.

vicki0508 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:65a4ed55-417e-4f81-bc4f-caf6f07a79ac">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm going to be a BM for my friend whenever she sets a date</strong>. (Her fiance is in the Navy, so it's been complicated.) I plan to help her with whatever she needs. She's planning on making the BM dresses herself, and I've offered to help with that too. The other BMs and I will probably throw a batch party for her. <strong>Also before, she kicked me out</strong>, I went wedding dress shopping with another girl. So far my BMs have gone dress shopping for both my dress and their dresses, are throwing me a shower and planning the batch party. But I have one who's out of town and she's just buying her dress and coming to the parties. The only thing I've really expected is just for them to be my friends.
Posted by rentaduckie[/QUOTE]
I'm so confused. Are you a BM? Did she kick you out? What's going on? I'm just nosy.

revived86 · January 2011

tidh & lalap69-

I get that TK is not a neutral source and that any time advice comes from someone who can make money off of you taking it, there is obviously an agenda behind what they say. I'm not shocked that TK says the stuff they do about what it means to be a BM, i'm just a little surprised to see that the popular view (from what I've gathered) is pretty much the total opposite of what they say- and not just from the wider general public, but from people who comment on TK's own message boards. TK is obviously not really convincing anyone of their view, i guess.

But anyways, here's my personal opinion about all this: I think there should be a healthy balance between these two "extremes" of bridesmaid-ism, so to speak. If you're a BM and you're literally planning on only showing up at the wedding in a dress that you really like and thought was cheap enough, i don't think you're being a great friend to the bride (unless there are extenuating circumstances like distance, health, etc.) On the flipside, brides who *expect* their BMs to basically be their wedding planner/personal assistant, throw them a huge shower and a bachelorette party, and then cater to their every whim on the wedding day are also in the wrong.

I really like the point several PPs have made- that this should be more about being a friend to someone than just being in their wedding- or having them be in your wedding. I wholeheartedly agree with that and I think that's what it should really be about- for both the BMs and the brides.

in other news, happy new year everyone! lol

trix1223 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:cd042bba-8a2e-4dfd-8e37-a905b2c061ec">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : I'm so confused. Are you a BM? Did she kick you out? What's going on? I'm just nosy.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]
Vicki: I'm pretty sure it's two different brides. If you read your second bolded part, she talks about "before I was kicked out.......another girl".

andamu · January 2011

I suggest this book as an alternative to the bridesmaids' handbooks: http://www.amazon.com/Bad-Bridesmaid-Bachelorette-Taffeta-Tantrums-Tales/dp/0805082697

I've been a bridesmaid once. I wore the dress (we didn't pick it out, but it was $40, so I didn't complain) and matching shoes. I got my nails done matchingly. I paid to travel. I attended a bachelorette party two nights before the wedding (didn't help plan it, though). I would have sent a shower gift, but I was never invited to the shower, so ...

Some of it was stuff that Knotties would frown upon being required to do (okay, mostly the nails bit). It wasn't costing me an exorbitant amount and it was a relative, so I didn't think it was something worth complaining about.

If I had lived in town, I might have offered to help out with more, since it was a very DIY wedding, but I lived quite far away.

artbyallie · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:cb45f42c-cb58-437c-9c96-d59eaf90e71b">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]"Everybody ought to have a maid, Everybody ought to have a working girl! Everybody ought to have a lurking girl, To putter around the house!" from "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum"
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

<div>Win. I need a "Like" button for this post.</div>

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:8aa64307-7d5e-4792-a74c-e06ba860496a">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]tidh & lalap69- I get that TK is not a neutral source and that any time advice comes from someone who can make money off of you taking it, there is obviously an agenda behind what they say. I'm not shocked that TK says the stuff they do about what it means to be a BM, i'm just a little surprised to see that the popular view (from what I've gathered) is pretty much the total opposite of what they say- and not just from the wider general public, but from people who comment on TK's own message boards. TK is obviously not really convincing anyone of their view, i guess. But anyways, here's my personal opinion about all this: I think there should be a healthy balance between these two "extremes" of bridesmaid-ism, so to speak. <strong>If you're a BM and you're literally planning on only showing up at the wedding in a dress that you really like and thought was cheap enough, i don't think you're being a great friend to the bride (unless there are extenuating circumstances like distance, health, etc.) </strong>On the flipside, brides who *expect* their BMs to basically be their wedding planner/personal assistant, throw them a huge shower and a bachelorette party, and then cater to their every whim on the wedding day are also in the wrong. I really like the point several PPs have made- that this should be more about being a friend to someone than just being in their wedding- or having them be in your wedding. I wholeheartedly agree with that and I think that's what it should really be about- for both the BMs and the brides. in other news, happy new year everyone! lol
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
In this day and age, the vast majority of BMs live far from the bride, since everyone moves away for school, work, etc. I think it's the norm rather than the exception. Also, just because YOU decided to get engaged doesn't mean that their friends have to rearrange their lives and plan parties they can't afford. The economy should tell you everything: peoples' statuses change. On the day I got engaged, if you'd told me that 1) I'd have a virtually worthless professional degree in three years, and 2) that my DH would spend most of our engagement out of work, I would not have believed you. Shiit happens. I don't think it's fair to equate "won't plan parties" with "bad friend" because it's a shiitty economy and people can't always commit to things like that.

aerinpegadrak · January 2011

Ditto Brooke. Those aren't so much "extenuating circumstances" as they are "life." Besides, if the bride isn't looking forward to tying favor bows and stuffing envelopes, why would she think that her friends would be chomping at the bit to do so? I don't think it makes you a bad friend to not be eager to help someone out with menial chores. Would it be reasonable for someone to come on here asking for advice on how to best chastise their friends because they were so generously invited over to help do the dishes and laundry and vacuuming, and had the audacity to say no? I mean, don't they realize what an honor that is?

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:993a8806-b781-4d4e-9ae3-0016905c945f">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : I never equated someone being unwilling to plan parties or spend more than they can afford with being a bad friend.<strong> I'm saying that if you're not willing to do *anything* to help out the bride at this special time in her life, i don't really get that</strong>. If she's your friend, <strong>why wouldnt you want to do whatever you were able to do to help her out and be part of her wedding?</strong> If you're able to plan and pay for a party, do that. If you're able to help her assemble her invitations, do that. If all you're actually able to do is show up at the wedding and support her, then do that. That's all i'm saying.
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]
It's a party! As a married woman you should understand that this is like all milestones: a big deal, but ultimately not the most important thing that will ever happen to you. It will be superseded by other things in your life. If you haven't figured that out yet, you need to.<div>
</div><div>It's not my job to help someone else plan her wedding, and you know what? I've never been asked to. I've been in two weddings, and about to be in a third, and I've not once been asked to help plan, or run errands, or anything else. Why? For one, I've always lived out of state from the bride, so it just wasn't possible. Additionally, my friends are like me and they consider weddings parties, not THE MOST SPECIAL DAY OF MY LIFE. Finally, it's just not that common in our circles. I'd never heard of this before coming to TK. It's not a comment on the friendship or anything else. It's her party, not mine. It doesn't mean I don't love her.</div><div>
</div><div>I think you confuse "enthusiasm for wedding planning minutiae" with "support for a friend" and "support for a marriage." The two are not the same, but the wedding industry would have you believe so.</div>

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:25e2fe47-334b-46e9-8924-88aabda47f04">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : In this day and age, the vast majority of BMs live far from the bride, since everyone moves away for school, work, etc. I think it's the norm rather than the exception. <strong>Also, just because YOU decided to get engaged doesn't mean that their friends have to rearrange their lives and plan parties they can't afford.</strong> The economy should tell you everything: peoples' statuses change. On the day I got engaged, if you'd told me that 1) I'd have a virtually worthless professional degree in three years, and 2) that my DH would spend most of our engagement out of work, I would not have believed you. Shiit happens. <strong>I don't think it's fair to equate "won't plan parties" with "bad friend"</strong> because it's a shiitty economy and people can't always commit to things like that.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

I never equated someone being unwilling to plan parties or spend more than they can afford with being a bad friend. I'm saying that if you're not willing to do *anything* to help out the bride at this special time in her life, i don't really get that. If she's your friend, why wouldnt you want to do whatever you were able to do to help her out and be part of her wedding? If you're able to plan and pay for a party, do that. If you're able to help her assemble her invitations, do that. If all you're actually able to do is show up at the wedding and support her, then do that. That's all i'm saying.

bablingbrooke · January 2011

It's not fair to expect that your friends will be ready, willing, and able to plan YOUR party. How peoples' expectations got so terribly warped is beyond me.

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:9ddc8923-9141-44e4-b0ed-75377b40ba15">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]It's not fair to expect that your friends will be ready, willing, and able to plan YOUR party. How peoples' expectations got so terribly warped is beyond me.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

OK, again, I never said your friends need to "plan your party!" They should just do what they can to help you- because they are your *friends* and they love you. I don't understand why you think that's so weird, honestly. I guess i just think it's part of friendship- you are there for each other and help each other.

And I don't really think that a wedding is just a "party" like you keep saying- it's a lot more significant and meaningful than that, and i think it should be treated as such.

We may just have to agree to disagree her tho;-)

bablingbrooke · January 2011

Do you really measure the strength of friendships by what your friends will and won't do for your wedding? Not everyone wants to help their friends move, or paint their walls, or assemble furniture. Does that make them bad friends, too? Is that part of the friendship? Maybe for some people, but not for others. Same with a wedding. It's fine to ask, but it's also fine for them to refuse. People have their own lives, and it's not realistic to expect them to put them on hold to help someone else plan a 5-hour party (which, by the way, doesn't require months upon months of labor to accomplish).

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:74dd3ad5-aeaa-4b2d-be35-9503cf20b99e">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? :<strong> It's a party! As a married woman you should understand that this is like all milestones: a big deal, but ultimately not the most important thing that will ever happen to you. It will be superseded by other things in your life. If you haven't figured that out yet, you need to.</strong> It's not my job to help someone else plan her wedding, and you know what? I've never been asked to. I've been in two weddings, and about to be in a third, and I've not once been asked to help plan, or run errands, or anything else. Why? For one, I've always lived out of state from the bride, so it just wasn't possible. Additionally, my friends are like me and they consider weddings parties, not THE MOST SPECIAL DAY OF MY LIFE. Finally, it's just not that common in our circles. I'd never heard of this before coming to TK. It's not a comment on the friendship or anything else. It's her party, not mine. It doesn't mean I don't love her. <strong>I think you confuse "enthusiasm for wedding planning minutiae" with "support for a friend" and "support for a marriage." The two are not the same, but the wedding industry would have you believe so.</strong>
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

I missed this post before so I just read it now, and it provides a ton of clarity to me about what you think about weddings- we definitely fundamentally disagree about what weddings/friendship are about. lol.

I don't really get the whole "your wedding will be superseded by other things" argument that you made- i don't make lists of the most important experiences of my life from 1 to 10, i just know that i believe that weddings are a really big deal- much more than just a party. my wedding and all the planning i did for it was very important to me and i think that that's okay.

It's fine if you think i'm just brainwashed by the wedding industry, but this is how i feel. When you're friends with someone, the things that are important to them should become important to you to at least some certain degree. It doesnt have to take over your life or make you go into thousands of dollars of debt, but you could do something to show that you care about what is (probably) the biggest thing in your friends' life right now.

So, agree to disagree i guess. Thanks for the lively discussion;-)

aerinpegadrak · January 2011

The marriage is important and significant. The wedding really is just a party. I find that people with that perspective tend to have a much less stressful time with both the wedding planning and the actual marriage. I know that personally, DH and I made the commitment to spend our lives together long before we filed the paperwork and held a party to celebrate that fact.

I still don't see simply not wanting to help with all the minutiae as not being a good friend, though. Wedding planning bores the crap out of about 95% of the population. I wouldn't think less of a friend for not coming over for a game night if she positively can't stand Settlers of Catan, after all. As long as she wants to get the dress and smile for pictures, I don't see why anyone should be made to feel bad, by the bride or anyone else, just because she has no interest in all the rest of it.

tldh · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:effb8b60-f3e0-4b6c-a1f0-65788e65265a">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid?? : OK, again, I never said your friends need to "plan your party!" <strong>They should just do what they can to help you- because they are your *friends* and they love you.</strong>I don't understand why you think that's so weird, honestly. I guess i just think it's part of friendship- you are there for each other and help each other. And I don't really think that a wedding is just a "party" like you keep saying- it's a lot more significant and meaningful than that, and i think it should be treated as such. We may just have to agree to disagree her tho;-)
Posted by revived86[/QUOTE]

Bridesmaid =/= Servant.

I have a friend who is in-house counsel at a software company, a wife and mom to two under three years old. She teaches Irish fiddle and still manages to play in an Irish band. On top of all this, she still manages to help out her husband planning social activities like birthdays and holiday parties at his dental office. Should I really have expected her to have dropped anything to help me with my wedding? Because this is what you're saying sounds like: If she loved me she would have figured out how to help.

bablingbrooke · January 2011

I never said getting married wasn't a big deal. It's a very big deal. But thinking the party is just as important? There's a problem. I don't look back at my wedding day and think, "That was the day my life changed forever." I DO think that about other days, including the day DH and I got engaged, because that's when we made the commitment to spend our lives together (his culture reflects that by celebrating engagement anniversaries and making a bigger deal out of them than wedding anniversaries).

As aerin said, if you realize that the wedding is a party and the marriage is more important, you find yourself not stressing about the party at all. Which is good, it shouldn't be stressed over. It should be enjoyed and put in the corner of your mind where all good memories about big days go. But to think that this is the biggest day of your life you will ever have...what more do you have to live for?

revived86 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_think-means-maid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:214f145e-1b02-4bcf-84fe-678d25b95ebaPost:35f30e5b-07f4-4d57-9d36-5f29750c73e7">Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Do you really measure the strength of friendships by what your friends will and won't do for your wedding?</strong> Not everyone wants to help their friends move, or paint their walls, or assemble furniture. <strong>Does that make them bad friends, too? Is that part of the friendship? Maybe for some people, but not for others. </strong> Same with a wedding. It's fine to ask, but it's also fine for them to refuse. <strong>People have their own lives, and it's not realistic to expect them to put them on hold to help someone else</strong> plan a 5-hour party (which, by the way, doesn't require months upon months of labor to accomplish).
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

I guess i just think that sometimes you should do things you may not really want to do because you do them out of love for the person that needs your help. Its not like i "measure" the strength of friendships by how much people will do for me, but i think anyone would say that if a friend helped them a ton with something- a wedding, moving, assembling furniture, or whatever- that would say something about the strength of their friendship. How do you measure the strength of friendship, Brooke?

Also, for the third time, i am not saying people should put their lives on hold for someone else. I'm saying help when you can because you love the person, don't just do the bare minimum.

What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??

Re: What Do You Think It Means to be a Maid??

Choose Another Board

Search Boards