so here is the issue....
I live in SC we just bought a home a year ago and dont really need all that much for it...
My Bridal Shower is going to be in CT
My mother wants me to at least register somewhere or a couple places...
my mother inlaw suggested the greenback shower(cash only)
and I am planning on registering for the honeymoon and possibly registering at like target for some randon things we could use
....i just hate the though of having to ship every gift back to SC

What are your thoughts on a greenback shower....
is it as tacky as i think it is....
is registering for your honeymoon basically the same thing????
thoughts opinions....anything lol

thanks
Deanna
Re: Greenback Shower Question
I guess i will be registering
And hopefully spreading word via mouth to family we would prefer money for the honeymoon...my family and his are close enough to us to know thats the best idea for us instead of stuff they just bought us last year for house warming gifts
June 2012 Bride!
we have a pool so maybe floats and chemicals. towels and stuff...didnt think of that
never even thought they they keep a percent at the agency either....not liking that idea at all....
thanks for the advice....
[QUOTE]cronin - thank goodness there is someone else out there! :) FI and I registered for our honeymoon and I had my shower last month. I was nervous because so many people say its tacky on these boards, but same as you, FI and I have been living together for almost 6 years now and we don't need the traditional stuff. Everyone LOVED the honeymoon registry and thought it was so cute. They were so happy they could give us a "romantic dinner" or a room upgrade, or even money towrads jet skiing and other excursions. It was the best thing we did! Good luck!
Posted by markandlaura112[/QUOTE]
Good, this made me feel much better about our decision lol. Everyone on all the forums say it is tacky, but I talked it over with my parents etc; and everything thinks its a cute idea too :)
[QUOTE]cronin - thank goodness there is someone else out there! :) FI and I registered for our honeymoon and I had my shower last month. I was nervous because so many people say its tacky on these boards, but same as you, FI and I have been living together for almost 6 years now and we don't need the traditional stuff. Everyone LOVED the honeymoon registry and thought it was so cute. They were so happy they could give us a "romantic dinner" or a room upgrade, or even money towrads jet skiing and other excursions. It was the best thing we did! Good luck!
Posted by markandlaura112[/QUOTE]
yes they said that to your face, but who knows what they said behind your back. I have a friend who just did a HM and everyone in our circle told her it was so great, but behind her back they talked a lot of smack about how it was so rude and that guests shouldn't be responsible for funding the honeymoon and if the couple wanted those excursions they should have been paying for them themselves.
SB1512- Just keep in mind people dont have to do it if they dont want too. If they feel its "not their responsibility to fund the honeymoon" well, they dont have to do it. You can also flip that as well when it comes to purchasing gifts from a store; Its not your guests responsibility to buy you your vacuum, or your toaster, or your coffee pot etc;
Again, back to my original comment, you should do a little more research. The travel agent I am using gave us the option to either have a check cut to us OR to have the funds go directly to our honeymoon, which in return would be a "credit" to use towards excersions or anything else available that you would have to spend money on while on your honeymoon. As far as the fee, its not as expensive as you are making it out to be, our travel agency is 2%. Just like reception halls take a 18% gratuity, the limo co. takes 12% etc; and lets not forget that if you purchase an item online not all companies offer free shipping, so there ya go, just another fee to pay.
By no means do I want this to turn into an argument via theknot, just want you to be aware of the fact that sometimes before arguing against what someone is posting -in response to someones else post -you should have done the research first.
[QUOTE]I must be the odd ball out here... I half disagree with the previous posts. I personally wouldnt flat out ask for money, but I dont think there is anything wrong with registering for your honeymoon, that is exactly what FI and I doing. We have been living together for 5 years and we do not need anything at all. We still made a small registry at Target to "upgrade" some of our stuff if people wish to buy a gift. The people who disagree with honeymoon registry may not have done all the research on it. If you choose to do it, contact whatever travel agency you wanted to use and ask them what is involved (fees etc;) <strong> Not registering at all or going very small and pushing people into giving you cash is much more rude (in my opinion). </strong> Yes, the agency would just be sending you a check, but chances are you will want to do excersions on your honeymoon, so the money will be spent on that in the long run.
Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just curious. What's the difference with your small registry at Target & your honeymoon registry that makes it not pushing people to give you money, and thus rude in your opinion? </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>I lived with my H for 4 years before we got married, so we didn't need much either. We didn't register for a honeymoon because, what if someone bought us dinner on the beach, and we never found time to go to dinner on the beach? I'd feel bad that my guest bought me something and I used their money for something else. Or what if someone put cash towards a dolphin swim, but no one else did so we couldn't afford it? I'd personally feel really bad. We used the cash people gave us at the wedding to cover the excursions we did go on, so it's basically the same thing, right?
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June 2012 Bride!
For the HM registry, if you choose the option for the agency to send the funds directly to the HM, it works kind of like a debit card. You would get that dollar amount "debited" to your room key. So, for example, if someone bought you a dinner on the beach but you never had time to do the dinner, you could have maybe went horsebacking riding instead. So, its not like you took their money and went clothes shopping or anything, its still used towards an excursions (or something HM related). (hope this makes sense)
I personally wouldn't say the money going towards your honeymoon (as a registry gift) and the money you receive from actual wedding are the same. The money you make from your wedding is yours and your husbands choice to spend how you see fit, wether its on the HM, to buy a house, car etc;
edited: spelling errors from posting from iphone
[QUOTE]MoonLightSilver- <strong>The difference in my opinion is that people have options</strong>. If you just make one small registry (if items sell out, or people feel they are too expensive) they will feel obligated to give cash. If there are a couple different options, wether it is 2/3 stores or 1 store and Hm registry, then they have more options to choose from. If they dont like any options, they can still give cash. For the HM registry, if you choose the option for the agency to send the funds directly to the HM, it works kind of like a debit card. You would get that dollar amount "debited" to your room key. So, for example, if someone bought you a dinner on the beach but you never had time to do the dinner, you could have maybe went horsebacking riding instead. So, its not like you took their money and went clothes shopping or anything, its still used towards an excursions (or something HM related). (hope this makes sense) I personally wouldn't say the money going towards your honeymoon (as a registry gift) and the money you receive from actual wedding are the same. The money you make from your wedding is yours and your husbands choice to spend how you see fit, wether its on the HM, to buy a house, car etc;
Posted by cronin85[/QUOTE]
<div>I guess I see a honeymoon registry exactly the same as giving you cash (abet with limited use), so that's the same to me as just having a small registry. Giving cash or donating towards a honeymoon is the same option in my mind, because the couple gets money in both cases. </div><div>
</div><div>Did you make your guests aware that they were giving you funds towards a debit card? I would still feel bad using a gift of money towards dinner on something else, even if they were both honeymoon related. But your guests might feel differently about it. </div>
June 2012 Bride!
[QUOTE]<strong>If your argument for registering for a honeymoon is that it's rude, then registering for anything is rude.</strong> You're basically asking for gifts from someone. I know I've been thrown off when someone registered for a $400 gravy boat. I'd much rather buy them a massage on their honeymoon then something I find frivilous. Registries in general are silly. We registered for our honeymoon because we didn't need anything. We've lived together for years and lived on our own before that so we already threw out doubles of things we had. We're moving shortly after the wedding and can't bring much with us. Regardless of the reason, do what you want to do for yourself. We had specific items, like dinner on the beach, or airfare etc for people to choose. Our excursions and spa stuff is already booked, so it's a guarantee that what we registered for will actually be happening. People told us they really liked the idea of the honeymoon registry, and a few weddings before ours had done it so it wasn't a foreign concept. Of course there are people that will say what they want behind your back, but oh well, you'll never make everyone happy, even if you register for really expensive sheets!
Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]
They're not the same thing. SB and DiLynn explained it very well. The honeymoon registry isn't a registry for the honeymoon. It's a registry for cash where you MIGHT use the gift for its intended purpose or you might pocket the cash and use it for something else. If your honeymoon isn't funded then what do you do? Then you're using none of the funds!
You also can't compare the fee that a HM registry takes to the fee that you pay for your reception. This is about what your family member spends and what you actually get. If Great Aunt Helen gives you $100 for a romantic dinner on the beach then the agency takes a cut - some up to 7%. Of the money Aunt Helen gave, only $93 went to you and she had no idea! Plus, you're not getting a voucher for that excursion. It's the equivalent of registering at BB&B but you don't get any 'things'. Instead your family would think they're buying you a Kitchen Aid Stand mixer for $300 but when you get to BB&B to pick it out, you have only $279 to spend however it's on anything in the store.
Registries are to help a couple set up their home. I'm with you that really expensive items on a registry need to be balanced out by items in a lower price range. I don't want to fund your vacation and I'm not going to spend $150 on your shower gift because you can't find a towel with a low enough thread count that makes it affordable to your guests.
It's two issues: The cash registry / HM registry is asking people to outright give money. That's inappropriate and the HM registry adds and extra layer of deceitfulness as guests don't realize that what they give isn't entirely received. The second issue is that asking people to fund any luxury is really rather rude. Guests shouldn't be asked to pay for your vacation and if your registry is only really expensive items, you're asking for things that most won't buy.
I lived on my own for 3 years before I moved in with DH and we lived together for a year before we were married. We still were able to find a ton to put on our registry and many items could use a refresher now that they're 5 years old. I just don't buy the 'we have everything' argument. Your linens can use an upgrade, sheets can get dingy looking and pillows need to be replaced over time.
If that's not the direction you want to go, think of entertaining. Register for China, cups and saucers, serving pieces and nicer flatware / stemware. We've used ours multiple times and it looks great.
Finally, the burden of getting the gifts back is one of the things you accept when having a shower. Maybe paying for shipping costs can be a gift the people give you.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Greenback Shower Question : They're not the same thing. SB and DiLynn explained it very well. The honeymoon registry isn't a registry for the honeymoon. It's a registry for cash where you MIGHT use the gift for its intended purpose or you might pocket the cash and use it for something else. If your honeymoon isn't funded then what do you do? Then you're using none of the funds! You also can't compare the fee that a HM registry takes to the fee that you pay for your reception. This is about what your family member spends and what you actually get. If Great Aunt Helen gives you $100 for a romantic dinner on the beach then the agency takes a cut - some up to 7%. Of the money Aunt Helen gave, only $93 went to you and she had no idea! Plus, you're not getting a voucher for that excursion. It's the equivalent of registering at BB&B but you don't get any 'things'. Instead your family would think they're buying you a Kitchen Aid Stand mixer for $300 but when you get to BB&B to pick it out, you have only $279 to spend however it's on anything in the store. Registries are to help a couple set up their home. I'm with you that really expensive items on a registry need to be balanced out by items in a lower price range. I don't want to fund your vacation and I'm not going to spend $150 on your shower gift because you can't find a towel with a low enough thread count that makes it affordable to your guests. It's two issues: The cash registry / HM registry is asking people to outright give money. That's inappropriate and the HM registry adds and extra layer of deceitfulness as guests don't realize that what they give isn't entirely received. The second issue is that asking people to fund any luxury is really rather rude. Guests shouldn't be asked to pay for your vacation and if your registry is only really expensive items, you're asking for things that most won't buy. I lived on my own for 3 years before I moved in with DH and we lived together for a year before we were married. We still were able to find a ton to put on our registry and many items could use a refresher now that they're 5 years old. I just don't buy the 'we have everything' argument. Your linens can use an upgrade, sheets can get dingy looking and pillows need to be replaced over time. If that's not the direction you want to go, think of entertaining. Register for China, cups and saucers, serving pieces and nicer flatware / stemware. We've used ours multiple times and it looks great. Finally, the burden of getting the gifts back is one of the things you accept when having a shower. Maybe paying for shipping costs can be a gift the people give you.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Thanks banana. You summed up the difference between the normal registry and the HM registry much better than I could. I'm not sure this will make any sense but another thing to keep in mind is that if someone is hosting a shower for the bride, guests are expected to give gifts, as that is the whole point of the shower. It is the one time during wedding process where the bride and groom can flat out ask for tangilbe items (no cash or gift cards). However going on a honeymoon is completely optional and asking guests to fund an optional trip is rude. A traditional registry is usually things that couples could use to start their new life together. And yes some people can go overboard and request ridiculously expensive items but those things usually won't get purchased. I think it might be one thing if great aunt helen purchased you dinner on a beach from a restaurant and she was actually able to give you a voucher for that specific activity, but unfortunately that is not the way HM works. Often times a lot of couples use the HM registry to collect the cash because they can't afford to pay for their honeymoon which is wrong. Or they do it to get the cash and then never go on the honeymoon and use the money for something else.
[QUOTE]If your argument for registering for a honeymoon is that it's rude, then registering for anything is rude. You're basically asking for gifts from someone. I know I've been thrown off when someone registered for a $400 gravy boat. I'd much rather buy them a massage on their honeymoon then something I find frivilous. Registries in general are silly. We registered for our honeymoon because we didn't need anything. We've lived together for years and lived on our own before that so we already threw out doubles of things we had. We're moving shortly after the wedding and can't bring much with us. Regardless of the reason, do what you want to do for yourself. We had specific items, like dinner on the beach, or airfare etc for people to choose. Our excursions and spa stuff is already booked, so it's a guarantee that what we registered for will actually be happening. People told us they really liked the idea of the honeymoon registry, and a few weddings before ours had done it so it wasn't a foreign concept. Of course there are people that will say what they want behind your back, but oh well, you'll never make everyone happy, even if you register for really expensive sheets!
Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree 100% :)
</div>
Greenback Shower Question</a>:
[QUOTE]If your argument for registering for a
honeymoon is that it's rude, then registering for anything is rude. You're
basically asking for gifts from someone. I know I've been thrown off when
someone registered for a $400 gravy boat. I'd much rather buy them a
massage on their honeymoon then something I find frivilous. Registries in
general are silly. We registered for our honeymoon because we didn't need
anything. We've lived together for years and lived on our own before
that so we already threw out doubles of things we had. We're moving
shortly after the wedding and can't bring much with us. Regardless of the
reason, do what you want to do for yourself. We had specific items, like
dinner on the beach, or airfare etc for people to choose. Our excursions
and spa stuff is already booked, so it's a guarantee that what we registered for
will actually be happening. People told us they really liked the idea of
the honeymoon registry, and a few weddings before ours had done it so it wasn't
a foreign concept. Of course there are people that will say what they want
behind your back, but oh well, you'll never make everyone happy, even if you
register for really expensive sheets!
Posted by bmetz34[/QUOTE]
There is a difference between having a registry so those that want to get you a gift,
can get you something they know you want, and outright asking for money. Even if
they have the option to not give you money, and get you something else, asking
in the first place is rude.
Yes, you will never make everyone happy. However, you should also make an effort to not outright offend anyone. I for example, would be offended in this circumstance, and I'm one who pretty much always cuts the bride and groom a check, partly out of laziness. In this case however, friend or not, you'd be getting his and hers Snuggies.
With this line of thinking, why not have a Reception Registry? Guests can choose from
upgrading linens, paying a portion of the open bar, pay vendor deposits, the
possibilities are endless! Honeymoons, like pretty much all things reception
related, are optional. The point of giving the bride and groom gifts, is to give
them gifts to help them start their new lives together, not to fund a 100%
optional luxury vacation.
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