How to be a nice b*tch?

wingedbride · October 2009

I think she is being reasonable. I think being hurt is reasonable. I think you can be hurt about seomthing at your wedding or concerning you wedding and not be forgetting what the wedding was about.

CaptainSerious · October 2009

Bloom, if nothing else, an apology should be offered because of the money was lost that was shelled out for their dinners. Things happen, but the couple should have offered up some explanation and not just pretend they didn't miss it.

FallinAgain · October 2009

If she was pissed b/c they declined the invitation for a pre-planned event or couldn't get time off work, I'd agree, but they did show and didn't even care enough to explain. That's shiitty.

jbloom · October 2009

I can see both sides, too. I am merely posting my thoughts. Like most days. It's ok with me if we don't all feel the same way.

salimoo · October 2009

Wait, I misread the initial post. I thought it said on FB that she had gone to a bar to watch the game when they were supposed to have been at the wedding. So I take back my FB comments. The rest still stands. I would be distancing myself from these people, at least for awhile. Maybe in time I could resume the friendship, but I'd always be wary of them. It's just disrespectful.

officer's*wife · October 2009

I don't know, maybe I jumped on this because it reminds me of many past posts with people who think everyone places the same importance on their wedding as they do themselves.I'd agree if she were posting about friends not wanting to hear about wedding planning. However, I find it difficult to believe that you wouldn't be even a little hurt that good friends of yours decided to ditch your wedding. You support your friends, and if you can't make it at the last minute, send your gift and an explanation as to why.FWIW, OP, I don't think you're being a b!tch. I would personally ask them straigh up as to why they didn't show up at my wedding, then reevaluate the friendship depending on their answer.

HappyTummy613 · October 2009

It's still weird to me to ponder it for so long, but you don't have to agree. At least you know I won't be coming here and posting an essay in 2 weeks about who I should or shouldn't be friends with anymore.

FallinAgain · October 2009

It's been 4 days.

HappyTummy613 · October 2009

2 weeks from now will be a few days after my own wedding.

jbloom · October 2009

I absolutely agree an apology is in order, but I think one risks coming across as a loon if you go chasing down an apology.Like I said initially, I guess you just have to decide if it's worth expending the energy on this. I wish she hadn't gone away, because although she says they are close, she also mentions that he is her H's friend first, and she does not say they are BFFs. So I sort of took it as "these are people we socialize with fairly regularly" rather than "If they miss our wedding I will never forgive them."

FallinAgain · October 2009

But you think 4 days is pondering it for "so long"?

jbloom · October 2009

However, I find it difficult to believe that you wouldn't be even a little hurt that good friends of yours decided to ditch your wedding.Please point out where I said I didn't understand being hurt.

buddhagouda · October 2009

[i]At least you know I won't be coming here and posting an essay in 2 weeks about who I should or shouldn't be friends with anymore.[/i] Obviously, the ones that say buttload are out.

FallinAgain · October 2009

For me it's not so much a matter of them missing the wedding. If they rsvp'ed no, then fine. Even occassional friends owe you the courtesy not to rsvp yes and then just not show without excuse or explanation. That says I just don't give a flying flip about you or your feelings. I expect more from that of anyone I feel close enough to invite to my wedding.

Novemberrocks · October 2009

I'd like to sit at Fallin's table for the reception please. Put me down for the chateau briand. I would be really upset if a good friend missed the wedding for no real reason and had rsvp'd that she were coming. Of course, I wouldn't let it overshadow the wonderful wedding itself, but it wouldn't keep me from being very hurt. I would absolutely say something to her the next time she called (very nicely and calmly of course) and if she brushed it off, I would consider that an unofficial end/change to the friendship as it stood. I wouldn't avoid her in social situations, and I would always be cordial. I would just take it to mean that we aren't as close as I thought we were, and focus my energy on my real friends who wouldn't do something as inconsiderate.

tastyburger · October 2009

for me, a RSVP is a RSVP. If you said you'd be there, freaking BE THERE. Or, have a good excuse. There have been many a time where I RSVPed to something then on the day I didn't really feel like it, and, you know what? You suck it up because you told someone you'd be there so that's where you should be. It's just common decency.to the OP, I would honestly call her and be like, "Hey. What happened? I missed you at the wedding." and see what's up. Illness, emergency, etc., understandable. At least now you have the reason and you don't have to be all butthurt and confused anymore. If it was a shiitastic excuse, then it's time for a good ole fashioned FB dumping. DH can be friends with who he wants and handle this as he wants, but if you don't want to vacation with them, that should be your choice too. My H really dislikes my BFF (Car's mom) so I don't force too much interaction and certainly not a vacation.

BermudaBride07 · October 2009

If this was someone I regularly spoke to/hung out with I would probably call them with a "WTF, why didn't you come to my wedding." I hate people that abuse the RSVP. To RSVP to a good friends wedding, bail and then not follow up with some kind of excuse or apology is shitttty. I probably wouldn't spend much more time on this friendship but it would make me feel better to get a WTF out at her, rather than waiting for her to maybe call me. Am I childish? Perhaps.

CaliopeSpidrman · October 2009

I would consider that an unofficial end/change to the friendship as it stood. I wouldn't avoid her in social situations, and I would always be cordial. I would just take it to mean that we aren't as close as I thought we were, and focus my energy on my real friends who wouldn't do something as inconsiderate.That's basically how I feel about my sister not attending my wedding.

FallinAgain · October 2009

It blows my mind that your sister didn't come. Blows my mind.

noisy_penguin · October 2009

I think one risks coming across as a loon if you go chasing down an apologyI don't think she's chasing down an apology. She said she didn't know what to say when this friend inevitably called, as she does every fortnight.We only had one no-show to the wedding. I noticed the no-show and was sad he hadn't made it, but later found out that my other friend never picked him up, never called, and he was stranded at his apartment 2 hours from the wedding with no way to get there. Then I was annoyed at that friend.

CaliopeSpidrman · October 2009

Fallin -- are you being sarcastic?

Knottie_22382080 · October 2009

Just got a text from HT. She lost her internet connection, she is not pulling a myboys.

ChristinS · October 2009

I'd be butt-hurt. I would never do that to a friend, and if they would do it to me, I wouldn't be so sure they're worthy of my awesomeness. I'd confrot her, but non-confrontationally, b/c passive aggressive is how I roll. I'd send an e-mail. I'd be all "Hey Donna. Is everything okay? Looks like you guys couldn't make it to the RD and Wedding. I was just worried something was up or something happened. You'll get your explanation (if there is on) and make her feel bad at the same time. Win-win!

ChristinS · October 2009

NP said fortnight. I love that.

ChristinS · October 2009

OMG I could not be making more typos today. Must. Stop. Multi-tasking.

Knottie_22382080 · October 2009

I am also shocked that your sisiter didn't come to you wedding. Distant cousins understandable, but siblings or step-siblings I don't understand in the least.

FallinAgain · October 2009

Fallin -- are you being sarcastic?Not at all. I can't imagine not going to my sister's wedding. (Not just b/c I'm an only child) I just think that it's family and you show up for family.

buddhagouda · October 2009

I also had a friend that did not show up. We had already started drifting apart. She was the kind of person that was a really good friend until she had a man in her life. Then, she had no time for anyone else. Guess what! She started dating someone a few weeks before the wedding and didn't show with no explanation. I talked to her once after that and pretty much told her that I was hurt and over it. I never made an effort to contact her again.

CaliopeSpidrman · October 2009

Gotcha. The repeating of "blows my mind" made me think maybe you were joking around.I was pretty surprised by it too. You guys know I'm not that big on family, but even I would never miss a sibling's wedding or some other big moment. My sister has always been incredibly self centered, and I know this, but not coming to the wedding because I didn't make her a bridesmaid was even beyond what I thought she was capable of. That's just not something you can undo, you know? But I'm still most bothered by the fact that she never once said anything to me about it. She just informed my parents she wasn't coming 7 months before the wedding. And then she sends me some half-ass email the week before letting me know she's "exhausted every option" but just won't be able to make it, and then cries to my dad when I respond with something like, "That's okay, I knew you weren't coming."

jbloom · October 2009

I feel like I have said very similar things to a lot of responses here. I don't know what else to say, and I'm not sure why my advice to not expend a ton of thought and energy into this turned into me not being hurt by people who no-showed. If you must know, I had family members who chose not to come to my wedding, and for a while I was very hurt they decided not to come when I went out of my way to plan super early with them in mind. I had to let it go, because in the end, I would rather not focus on the negative things in life that I can't change. But yeah, I think it's lame to assume it's because she was jealous you got married first, and that is why I "jumped" on this post. Of course I find it rude that these people RSVP'd and then didn't show up. Of course it's annoying when you pay for people who don't show up. But it's not like this is the first time it's ever happened. Because life goes on, and there's more to it than the effing wedding and the effing price per head, and the wedding is over. I would just chalk it up to them not being as close as I had thought and go from there. I guess I'm not the kind of person who has to be all or nothing with my friends and acquaintances. I have room in my life for people who are loyal and true, and room for those who are just fun to be with sometimes. Like I said initially, I don't see why you have to stop having fun trips with these people if you had fun with them before. You can choose to dwell on it, or you can choose to move on and have more fun times with them.

How to be a nice b*tch?

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