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Etiquette

S/O Parenting

First and foremost, do you have siblings?Are they older or younger?Do you feel like your parents treated you the same.I'll start. I have one younger brother. My parents have never treated us alike, and I have huge resentment towards my parents over it. It's extremely blatant as well, so much so that my grandparents and my parent's closest friends have pointed it out. I probably need some therapy about it or something, because I practically have no relationship with my parents because of how differently they treated us.For example, my brother just turned 20, and despite being a National Guardsmen, my parents still pay his cell phone, insurance, and give him gas money. My mom still wakes him up when he needs to get up. I've been paying my own bills for 4 years now, and can't remember the last time my mom gave me money or woke me up.
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Re: S/O Parenting

  • I have an older brother (9 years older) and he has a different dad.My parents spoiled me more. I guess I'm my dads "baby girl". My brother wasn't neglected or treated unfairly though
  • First and foremost, do you have siblings? Best siblings ever. Are they older or younger? 1 older brother who is 2 years older and my younger brother who is 8 years younger.Do you feel like your parents treated you the same.No. But I think they've always tried. We are SO different. Noah and I were probably treated more fairly. Ian got the short end of the stick, imo, because my folks got divorced when he was like...12, and they didn't handle it well, so he got into a bunch of stuff that took him a long time to kick, and they enabled it, and it made me really, really angry.But now, it's all good in the hood.
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  • I'm the third out of four, two elder brothers and one younger sister. I think they pretty much treated us all the same growing up, as much as we could be treated the same as we are four very different people who reacted to the oddities of our family dynamic in different ways.When I was a teenager I thought my second eldest brother was the favorite at times, but I don't worry about it anymore. Lately I have been "the glue" for my family, and it is hard work.My mom helps out my eldest brother the most financially these days, but he's the only one of us with debilitating health problems, and I don't begrudge him that - I wouldn't want to be in his shoes for the world.
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  • No siblings :(I can speak to a few things with Dh and his sister though.Even though sil is 6 months older, she wasn't allowed out after 10pm, dh could go out until midnight (I believe age 18-20). It bugged the crap out of her.
  • Yes. One older sister and one half brother that is my son's age. No, they didn't treat us the same. Well, my mom always did. My father not so much. He, to this day, showers my sister with unexpected gifts and is always giving her money. I see it also with the way that my father treats his son in comparison to how he treats Ben. I can't go into it right now b/c it will make me mad. It sucks.
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  • I'm an only child that was spoiled until I was 7, at which point my parents split up and started trying to buy my love, meaning I was spoiled rotten until I was 11, at which point my dad passed away and my mom and I were dirt poor until I got to college and could actually use some of my trust money. Sorry I suck at this poll :)
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  • I have two older brothers.  We definitely were not treated the same.  My parents would not let me do a lot of the things they let my brothers do because I was a girl (go to school dances in junior high, etc.).  They were trying to do their part to prevent me from hanging out with untrustworthy young men :). Now, they rely on me more.  From their culture, I'm expected to take care of them when they get older.  They also don't trust my sisters-in-law.
  • I heard a parent say this the other day:"The first kid, we worked so hard to make sure they stayed on track and did what they were supposed to do. By the second kid, we were so exhausted we didn't care what they did as long as they didn't burn the house down."
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  • 1 younger brother.  He was generally allowed to do things at a younger age than I was.  I fought the battles to be able to do things and he coasted on the coattails :o)  As far as responsibilities went, we were treated equally.
  • I have one brother (2 years younger). We definitely weren't treated the same. In some ways, they were more strict with me - they let him start dating, driving, and going out at night (etc) at an earlier age than me. He got away with more because I'd ask for permission, whereas he'd just do something and then ask for forgiveness. On the other hand, they do think I'm more responsible and trust me more.
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  • I have a twin brother, but I'm technically older by two minutes. We were treated the same until college. I left and he stayed local and lived with the parents. He flunked out essentially. They pay for his EVERYTHING, wake him up because he cannot work an alarm apparently, they give him extra money and unlimited chances. He will be living with them until they die, I would bet money on it. It frustrates me endlessly that he has zero independence and zero desire to ever have any. I came back home after college until I get married (it was less than a year and because FI and I are moving after the wedding there was not time for me to get my own place, etc.) I am expected to pay for my own things except food. I get frustrated because he was not successful so they baby him. I don't want them to pay for my stuff, I want them to make him pay for his own. He needs tough love bad. Vent over.
  • I'm the eldest of 4, including a younger brother separated by 17 years.When I was younger, I was my mom's favorite and my younger sister my dad's.  My younger brother has a different relationship than all my other siblings because of his age and my parent's age.I think everything has been equalized now.
  • I have one brother, 3.5 years older.  I never really felt favoritism, but our situation was very different growing up since our Mom died when I was 9 and he was 12.  It was just the 3 of us, and although we spent most of our time watching motorsports or at my brother's motorcycle races, I did the activities I wanted to and didn't feel short changed.  We were both independent by age 18.  I adored my Dad, and I still adore my Brother.  My issues have been how to relate to women, and doubts about how to be a Mom since I don't have one.
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  • I have an older brother, we're 18 months apart. As a pre-teen and teen he was very rebellious (mild drugs, DUI, teenage boy rebellion). Because of this my parents have trouble trusting him even today, and their relationship is somewhat strainedI never rebelled and have a closer relationship with my parents. I sometimes think he believes they were easier on me growing up, but they never had to be as strict.I feel guilty about how different our lives are, but it's because of choices we both made.
  • I have 1 younger brother, who is 3 years younger. I used to think, as the baby, he was my parents' favorite. Now, I sort of think they just had different sets of expectations. I was the one with good grades, he was the one who struggled because of learning disabilities. We were both good kids, though. Most of the time. My mom claims I was kind of mean to him when I was little, but he likes me okay now. I feel bad in a way, because my parents paid for a lot of my college education (and also a trust set up my grandma, so they paid about 1/3 of it) meaning I graduated with very little debt. My parents divorced when my brother was 19 or so, and my dad thereafter decided he would refuse to pay for anything for his adult children because he realized he COULD refuse. So my mom tried to help my brother on her own and put him on her car insurance, but he's still graduating with about $30k in debt. That's also something he throws in my face. (Although I now have debt drom grad school.) I guess, other than my dad being a jerk about money now, my parents have helped out both their children in appropriate ways, when needed. I know I'll never be homeless because my parents will make sure my rent gets paid ir I have a place to live if I really, really need help, even if they have me pay it back later.
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  • Oh I forgot my actual story: I used to think my parents loved Matt more. One time he casually mentioned in conversation, "Well, mom and dad always liked you better, anyway." It was a huge eye-opener for me. I realized my parents really didn't play obvious favorite. My mom always told me "I love you both equally" which may or may not be BS, but if it is, she hid it well. Though my brother still claims dad likes me better becaue I screw up less.
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  • First and foremost, do you have siblings? Yep.  I have a brotherAre they older or younger? I'm 27, he's 28.  We're 17 months apartDo you feel like your parents treated you the same. No.  I was much more sheltered.  I think partially because I'm a girl, and partially because I'm deaf.  My brother was always labeled the troublemaker...but looking back now, I think he was just desperate for attention.  I got a lot more of it because of my "special needs". 
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  • I have 2 younger brothers, Z & W. They are 2 years younger (Z) and 7 years younger (W.)Hell NO. A lot was expected of me because I was the oldest. I was supposed to be the role model and set a good example for my brothers. If I got anything less than a B-, I got "the look" or the "we are disappointed in you," which was the WORST.Z got let off easy so many times growing up. He was also given more freedom than I was, even when he didn't deserve it. He brought home shiitty grades and barely passed high school. We think that the only reason he passed was because if he didn't, he wouldn't have been leaving for basic training that summer.W is the baby of the family and is given a lot more today than my other brother and I were given. I have my own opinions about how my parents parent my youngest brother, but I keep my mouth shut because they are the parents, not me.I think it was sort of a trial and error thing w/ my parents. They learned as they went along (as all parents should), but unfortunately I was the oldest and therefore the guinea pig.
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  • I have one sister, and as far as I'm aware, we got treated the same.
  • 2 older brothers, one is a loser and I haven't seen him in years.  He wasn't invited to the wedding.  I don't even know what state he lives in.However, for me and my other brother, my parents have ALWAYS made sure that we were/are treated exactly the same.In fact, they took the amount that they spent on my brothers wedding and roughly figured in inflation and generously offered us that amount. 
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • Yes.  An older brother and sister.  (29 and 34)We were all treated the same by both my parents..  And my brother isn't even my dad's kid. 

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  • Actually, I lied a little bit.  My parents used to make my brother eat liver and stuff because they thought it was healthy (this was the 70s).  By the time I was born, they knew better.  Phew!
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • Wow sucrets! That's interesting.
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  • Oh, and I should add this:  they always made sure things evened out.  Yes, my brother bought a car when he was in HS, but it wasn't good enough for him to take to school.  So my parents let him use their new car for the 5 years he was in school.I didn't work in HS, but got really good grades and lots of scholarships.  My parents gave me (the same, 6 year old) car to use at college.  And I was only in school for 4 years.My brother likes to think that my parents favor me, but I disagree. 
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • 2 older brothers, one is a loser and I haven't seen him in years. He wasn't invited to the wedding. I don't even know what state he lives in. I had no idea you had 2 brothers. I only knew of the 1!
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  • My folks didn't let noah and me work in high school or college. They said our job was to be good students and athletes.They did, however, let Ian work. And he's working through college now, too, which they never wanted us to do. But, Ian is different and owes people a lot of money for a lot trouble he got into. He's all good now, but working is good for him and it keeps him busy.
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  • 3 older brothers. 2 from my dad's first marriage who are almost the same age as my mom and 1 from my mom's first marriage who is 7 years old. We definitely aren't treated the same. The boys got to do a lot more stuff than I was allowed to do (my curfew was still like 10:30 even the summer after I graduated high school) and got away with a ton of crap. In some ways, I was spoiled more but I think that's mostly because my parents had more money at the time than when the boys were growing up. And the monetary stuff has never made up for all the baggage I have because of them. Also, since the boys have been such screw ups, all of my parents expectations for a perfect child have fallen on me. Being perfect really isn't fun and my perfection was all my dad talked about in his toast. I wanted to vomit. And, my alcoholic brother screws up all.the.freakin.time and my father still acts like he's a God or something. I have a lot of family issues (obviously).
  • I have an older sister. They never treated us the same--my sister was the smarty pants that could do no wrong, and I was the devil spawn they wished they never had. They told me on many accounts that I would never amount to anything because I didn't try hard in school and was always getting in trouble. Fast forward to now--I've been on my own since I was 18, I got my undergrad, master's and am working on my PhD. My sister finished her undergrad and moved back home. After 6 months, my mom had to start paying back my sisters loans and my dad had to pay $10,000 off on her new car that she had to have. She still lives with my either my mom or my dad (depending on who she likes most at the time), they pay all her bills. I think because they told me I'd make nothing out of myself that I decided to prove them wrong.
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  • Yep, gg.  My dad was married REALLY young and had a kid.  It ended and he got custody of my brother...in the 60s.  She was a nut, and unfortunately my brother inherited some of her craziness.  My dad never talks about it.My brother only used to come around when he wanted something.  He moved to the Carolinas maybe 5 or 6 years ago with his baby mama.  She was waiting on inheriting some $ from an accident that left her partially brain damage.  I'm sure that's why he stuck around.  He also used to try to convince me that my parents used to make him scrub the floor with a toothbrush and that they did drugs.  Um, no.  Oh, and one xmas when I was in 7th grade, he seriously tried to convince me to trade my brand new, awesome walkman for his broken one.  Hi, am I a moron?
    BFP(1) DD1 born 4.17.10 @ 33w5d due to pPROM
    BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM

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  • Yes, two brothers and two sisters. boy on each  end, three girls in the middleFor the most part, yes but my grandmother said my dad always favored me.  I know he favored M of all his grandchildren.I think my youngest brother was my dad's favorite because he pretty much raised him all alone after our mom was killed.They never SHOWED favoritism though so I'm guessingp.s. whit, I would kill a kid over the age of 7 who couldnt' be responsible for getting up on time.
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