Bridesmaid Problem...how do I handle this?

jma1983 · November 2009

30 lbs if you really want to know...and to the person who suggested it may be a medical problem...I thought about that too...

ffmaid · November 2009

Gained weight and needs to alter the dress and getting kicked and slapped in teh face are not the same thing by such a large margin. Do me a favor. Go to ebay and look up your bridesmaids dress. Chances are it is selling on ebay right now for about $30 maybe not her size but if she wants to look for the size up for the next few montsh it is doable. Honestly if she has really gained this much weight that hse has gone up multiple sizes in the last month ( 6-7 months order dress 5 months now) then your sister is likely having something emotional go on. Relax about your wedding and go help her with whatever issue is causing her this much stress that she has gained several sizes in the last month. Expect that unless she is your only BM that at least another BM will gain or lose weight enough to change a size. Oh fyi in the wedding where I got alterations in 12 hours so did 2 of the other BM all from the same. The groom slipped in the entranceway of the bed and breakfast the wedding was at spilling coffee all over the BM who was walking in. Coffee could not get out of the silk light pink dress. We went to a bridal store and they only had a size 6 sizes too large for that bm. I got that size got it altered down gave my dress to another BM who had it altered down and then she gave hers to the coffee spilled bm who had it altered down. I gave my gloves to the BM and as MOH skipped wearing long gloves. It all worked out lovely and in much less then a day

pinkpinot · November 2009

30lbs in 2 months is depressing for your sister and I can't blame her for not putting the dress on. Of course she is going to be mad if you bring it up, I think every girl on this board is sensitive about her weight, we all have body issues which is why you are being called out a bit.

jma1983 · November 2009

stackeye-thanks to you as well. sorry. And anyone else I may have missed that offered advice and helped to bring me back to reality rather than jumping to conclusions about my character and calling me nasty names.

pinkpinot · November 2009

jma - do you have a picture or link of the dress? I'm curious to see what it looks like.

BecW2be · November 2009

When my cortisol levels spiked about 4 years ago, I put on 25lbs. in two months, my hair fell out in chunks, and if one person had mentioned me fitting into a dress 5mos. out, I'd have punched her in the face. There are bigger problems than matching BM dresses.

Nebb · November 2009

Wow, 30lbs in 2 months is a LOT. If you do talk to her about her weight again in the future, pose your concern towards her health, not her size, and leave any mention of the dress out of it.

betrothed123 · November 2009

don't blame your sister at all for the way she reacted. 30 pounds in 2 months would depress the crap out of me too. Especially if my sister was all up in my business over it.

betrothed123 · November 2009

*I don't blame...

tidetravel · November 2009

Jma - I understand that some of what was said here may seem hurtful and offensive. The fact is that since we are all strangers here, we can give you honest, sometimes brutally honest, advice and opinions. I guarantee you, however, that if you were to say exactly what you said in your OP to anyone that you know IRL, they would smile to your face, and talk about you behind your back. Ask yourself if you would rather hear it from a bunch of strangers, or risk making a fool of yourself in front of people that you love. Like I said, my best friend was kicked out of her sister's wedding because she is pregnant, and the maternity dress "won't match." It caused a lot of hurt feelings, and I can tell you that pretty much everyone on that side of the family is talking about boycotting the wedding.

britne28 · November 2009

You need to seriously leave your sister alone. PPs are right there may be stress in her life which is why she is gaining weight so fast. And you pressuring her to try on the dress now just adds to that. I would think the stubborn one is you. You handle it by being gracious and letting your sister know that her happiness and health are more important that how your WP looks in the wedding. One way to help is ask if she wants to go walking with you so you guys can chat about other things. Re-connect. Being a bride does not give you carte blanche to dictate how people run their lives.

Calypso1977 · November 2009

but, I CAN'T be down 1 bridesmaid because of this. you cant get married if you lose a BM?

RachNRich · November 2009

Life always seems to get in the way of me seeing little gem posts like this on time.

jma1983 · November 2009

britne...the walking together idea is fantastic. Except we live 90 miles apart. So, the dress thing came up while I was at her house. She was talking about how much weight she gained and that she couldn't fit in her dress anymore. So, that's why I suggested she put it on to see if it's a lot too small or if it wasn't so bad. I wouldn't have said anything about the dress if she hadn't brought it up. Again, I know I came off sounding extremely over the edge in my OP. But, like I said, part of it was frustration and stress and venting. I can't thank those of you with awesome suggestions enough. And, you're absolutely right about being able to get honest opinions here, that's why I posted. I guess I just didn't expect people passing judgement on who I am as a person.

britne28 · November 2009

Look you are 5 months out. Be a sister to her now and listen to her. 30lbs is a lot of weight so something is definitely going on with her. Tell her you won't stress until a month before the wedding and that until then let her know you are there for her no matter what. She might open up to you if she knows you aren't going to come down on her about the wedding right now. Agree that a month before the wedding a plan will need to be made so everyone is comfortable and on the same page. And if you are 90 miles apart maybe you can be a support group with the whole wedding party and support each other in an exercise program.

ThePinkSuperhero · November 2009

true, but it was glaring enough that it had to be mentioned. babies are a LOT more expensive than a piddly $150. Yes, but babies are important and worth spending money on, whereas spending another $150 on dresses for sister's wedding... not so important. I'd do the same thing- just because I have cash doesn't mean I'll spend it on anything.

[Deleted User] · November 2009

babies are NOT important.

honeybee724 · November 2009

Pink, I gained 15-20 pounds in 2 months. Without any explanation. So it is possible that the OP's sister might not fit into her dress.

pinkpinot · November 2009

Pink, I gained 15-20 pounds in 2 months. Without any explanation. So it is possible that the OP's sister might not fit into her dress.I don't doubt her dress doesn't fit. I've been there before myself too. I only asked because I was truly curious.

jma1983 · November 2009

I can agree that babies are important...but, they can't afford the one they have now, much less another one. So, it's not a matter of picking and choosing where they spend their money. And for those of you that are going to jump up and down and tell me not to judge their financial situation...I'm not judging it...it's a fact. Either way...we can't do anything one way or another about the dress until it's time for alterations anyway...so I guess I really can't be stressing about that now. As several of you have said, it'll work itself out one way or another.

Moneypenny424 · November 2009

That is a lot of weight in a couple of months. Who knows what's going on with her, she may be depressed already or have another medical condition. Having matching dresses is not worth you making your sister feel worse than she probably already does. Alterations, a corset back or heck, a different dress altogether are not the end of the world. When all else fails, I go for the cocaine and cigarettes diet. The pounds melt away like magic.

Kristin789 · November 2009

> I'm really stressing out about this! The bride isn't the coordinator of the bridesmaids.Turn your concerns over to your MOH, who IS the coordinator of the bridesmaids - and who, hopefully, can censor your wildly fluctuating opinions ("I think I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant" to "it'd be great to have another niece or nephew") when she communicates to the bridesmaids.And you can talk to the hosts of the event about the people who will be in featured positions at the event - so have your mom encourage your sister to seek out some medical testing - 30 pounds in 60 days is too hard on the heart, and if she next gets pg without solving the problems which caused the weight gain and which were caused by the weight gain, she will be in serious health trouble.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

As a girl with a few extra pounds myself, I can say that someone bugging me to lose weight by a certain time and fit into a certain dress does NOT inspire me to work out. It's more likely to inspire me to stuff my face with cheese fries.

Calypso1977 · November 2009

You're all telling me that details don't matter in your weddings? the only details that matter are that you have an officiant, a bride and a groom. everythign else is so trivial.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · November 2009

The problem with getting another dress for her in a bigger size....it's $150 and she borrowed the money for the first one. That was hasn't been paid back, so I know she doesn't have the money for a 2nd one.I don't understand why you didn't offer to pay for her dress the first time, let alone NOW. If I had a sister and wanted her in my wedding, I would find a way to make it happen. Many people pay for their BM's dresses. Compared with whatever else you're spending on the wedding, it's probably a drop in the bucket.

a.phoenix · November 2009

My sister recently got pregnant and is due 2 days before my wedding. Her husband is my officiant as well. Am I worrying because she won't fit in the dress we picked out (or because he may not be able to officiate)? Nope. I told her from the beginning that she can wear a different dress, we'd put a chair close if she needed to sit down, and if she goes into labor I will be happy for her just the same. Stop thinking so much about yourself and "your day" and be considerate of your sister and the joyous occasion she is looking forward to as well.

AlexiaANDRobert · November 2009

> I'm really stressing out about this! The bride isn't the coordinator of the bridesmaids.Turn your concerns over to your MOH, who IS the coordinator of the bridesmaids - and who, hopefully, can censor your wildly fluctuating opinions ("I think I have her talked into holding off til at least the 1st of the year to try getting pregnant" to "it'd be great to have another niece or nephew") when she communicates to the bridesmaids.And you can talk to the hosts of the event about the people who will be in featured positions at the event - so have your mom encourage your sister to seek out some medical testing - 30 pounds in 60 days is too hard on the heart, and if she next gets pg without solving the problems which caused the weight gain and which were caused by the weight gain, she will be in serious health trouble. Kristin, sometimes your posts are so irrelevant to the situation it amazes me.This isn't a "bridesmaid matter". The OP's sister has gained 30 lbs in 2 months, is TTC and doesnt fit into the dress she bought for the wedding. You really think the MOH should be involved?!?!?!?The only part of Kristin's comment that mades any sense is having your sister seek medical help. But you can't force her. Just talk to her and don't mention ANYTHING about the wedding.

Kati0105 · November 2009

Seriously, Kristen, you think OP should have the MOH tell the sister she needs to lose weight? I'll say it again, seriously?

lyndausvi · November 2009

Oh yes, there is nothing like a random irrelevent Kristen reply.Really, the MOH should coordinate the BM? Let's hope the sister is the MOH so she can coordinate herself

Bridesmaid Problem...how do I handle this?

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