Don't ask. Don't tell.

Lisa50 · July 2012

We're all grown ups here.

Honestly, I scratch my head sometimes when I read posts, on this board and others, in which brides ask for others' opinions but then get snippy (sometimes flagrantly, sometimes very subtly) when the reply isn't exactly what they want. Why bother? Why ask if you don't want to receive honest feedback?

Here's my unsolicited $0.02. Don't ask if you don't want honest feedback. We won't give it. Unless, of course, the post begins with ... "I need you to tell me what I want to hear, I'm not in the mood for honest feedback. Just tell me what I want to hear." I promise, if you start your post that way, I will mirror your opinion, 100%.

That is all.

daffydillie · July 2012

To say a bride is subtly getting snotty is no worse than your passive aggressive post.

You made an assumption about me based off of one post. I merely corrected you. You did not ask me why I had waited to change my last name or why I just was eligible, you simply told me why I did not do it yet and informed me I did not understand the laws in my state. There was nothing subtle about my response. I corrected you and moved on. Did not feel the need to dwell on a post that was based off of assumptions and misinformation.

annie912 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_dont-ask-dont-tell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:bc8d3373-205d-4cf5-a0a5-64a0c1a29037Post:1407ba2a-b305-4c8f-8139-a73964896e7e">Don't ask. Don't tell.</a>:
[QUOTE]We're all grown ups here. Honestly, I scratch my head sometimes when I read posts, on this board and others, in which brides ask for others' opinions but then get snippy (sometimes flagrantly, sometimes very subtly) when the reply isn't exactly what they want. Why bother? Why ask if you don't want to receive honest feedback? Here's my unsolicited $0.02. Don't ask if you don't want honest feedback . We won't give it. Unless, of course, the post begins with ... "I need you to tell me what I want to hear, I'm not in the mood for honest feedback. Just tell me what I want to hear." I promise, if you start your post that way, I will mirror your opinion, 100%. That is all.
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

Can we make this a sticky on every board? I never understood this either. If you don't want to hear the answer don't ask the question. And if your case is "different" then provide all the necessary information. People respond based on the information you provide. None of us are mind readers.

awayagain · July 2012

Did not feel the need to dwell on a post that was based off of assumptions and misinformation.
Misinformation that you provided, btw.
I scratch my head as well, Lisa.

MikesAngie · July 2012

Wow - someone has a large ego to think this post was about her... just sayin'. There have been a lot of married women looking for a PPD who post here as well as 2nd time brides who really don't want honest opinions to their questions...and all of them have posted snarky comebacks to those who thought they were seeking an honest opinion.

I seriously doubt daffydillie that this post was soley about you. Lisa would have PM'd you if she had something to say directly to you.

Annie you took Lisa's comments as I believe they were meant - which is how I took it as well.

right1thistime · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_dont-ask-dont-tell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:bc8d3373-205d-4cf5-a0a5-64a0c1a29037Post:59de4e6b-ad3d-4e2d-ad1c-48344d66d568">Re: Don't ask. Don't tell.</a>:
[QUOTE]To say a bride is subtly getting snotty is no worse than your passive aggressive post. You made an assumption about me based off of one post. I merely corrected you. You did not ask me why I had waited to change my last name or why I just was eligible, you simply told me why I did not do it yet and informed me I did not understand the laws in my state. There was nothing subtle about my response. I corrected you and moved on. Did not feel the need to dwell on a post that was based off of assumptions and misinformation.
Posted by daffydillie[/QUOTE]

Do you always think every post is about you?

handfast4me · July 2012

I came on to post this same thing right1 said. My first thought was WOW!!! Good to know that everything in the world is about you, daffydilley, or whatever your sn is. Dang. You need to gain some perspective, or maybe go to the boards that have the women with the beebees.

Avion22 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_dont-ask-dont-tell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:bc8d3373-205d-4cf5-a0a5-64a0c1a29037Post:1407ba2a-b305-4c8f-8139-a73964896e7e">Don't ask. Don't tell.</a>:
[QUOTE]We're all grown ups here. Honestly, I scratch my head sometimes when I read posts, on this board and others, in which brides ask for others' opinions but then get snippy (sometimes flagrantly, sometimes very subtly) when the reply isn't exactly what they want. Why bother? Why ask if you don't want to receive honest feedback? Here's my unsolicited $0.02. Don't ask if you don't want honest feedback . <strong>We won't give it. Unless, of course, the post begins with ... "I need you to tell me what I want to hear, I'm not in the mood for honest feedback. Just tell me what I want to hear." I promise, if you start your post that way, I will mirror your opinion, 100%. That is all. </strong>
Posted by Lisa50[/QUOTE]

<div>I wouldn't. I would tell someone who wrote this that they can't tell me how to post, and I'll respond how I d*mn well want to:-) </div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

icefog34 · July 2012

I'm not involved in what this thread seems to be dwelling on but it brings up something along those lines that I've seen occur on morecthan one occasion. When a bride asks for advice for something she may truly be clueless about and other brides make a point of responding in a very condescending way. Almost to the point where the girl who asked the question is embarrassed and humiliated. We're all on the knot for the same reason. We're getting married! We should be supporting each other not knocking each other down. Anyway, I guess that's MY 2 cents....

ksmakal · July 2012

There's a difference between asking for advice and giving it and down right telling someone how they should live their life. Also, if you don't have anything nice to say, why say it?

Lisa50 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_dont-ask-dont-tell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:bc8d3373-205d-4cf5-a0a5-64a0c1a29037Post:1c77fedd-e717-4dd5-8ad4-356572bd9758">Re: Don't ask. Don't tell.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Don't ask. Don't tell. : I wouldn't. I would tell someone who wrote this that they can't tell me how to post, and I'll respond how I d*mn well want to:-)
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

*snort, snort* You crack me up! Where <em>have</em> you been?

handfast4me · August 2012

So, ksmakal, what would you have responded to the woman who was on this board several years ago, who said her gay son needed to be "cured" of his gayness? No, my dear, one must stand up to injustice, and correct those who are misguided and educate the ignorant. There was certainly nothing nice that I said in response to her post except that she needed to accept her son as is, or he would continue to try to kill himself, as he had before, until he had completed suicide. This post, of course, was not nearly on that level, but if you extrapolate your advice, yeah, uh, no.

ksmakal · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_dont-ask-dont-tell?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:bc8d3373-205d-4cf5-a0a5-64a0c1a29037Post:e25d918b-83b4-4b3e-9f27-4fcc3aeb1ccc">Re: Don't ask. Don't tell.</a>:
[QUOTE]So, ksmakal, what would you have responded to the woman who was on this board several years ago, who said her gay son needed to be "cured" of his gayness? No, my dear, one must stand up to injustice, and correct those who are misguided and educate the ignorant. There was certainly nothing nice that I said in response to her post except that she needed to accept her son as is, or he would continue to try to kill himself, as he had before, until he had completed suicide. This post, of course, was not nearly on that level, but if you extrapolate your advice, yeah, uh, no.
Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]

That last check this was a wedding board and this is not an appropriate venue for such discussions. Such conflict charged family situations can almost never be solved on a message board and that family therapy might be more appropriate.

handfast4me · August 2012

So many clueless people who visit a board a couple of times and believe they know everything about the board. My stars.

Don't ask. Don't tell.

Re: Don't ask. Don't tell.

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