Furious... Am I Justified???

calindi · July 2011

So FI was going out with a buddy last night in Beaufort to celebrate the end of their "summer fun" internship. So he told me that he'd be headed back to base around 10pm since they couldn't drink much anyway since they'd have to drive back on base. But then I saw this morning when I woke up (jetlag had me up at 6:30am... blah) that he texted me at 1am saying, "I just made a commitment i a getting a tat tomorrow" (verbatim, how he spelled it).

I AM FURIOUS! He has no tattoos right now, and I am not the biggest fan of the idea of him getting a tattoo but I respect that he wants to get a USMC tattoo. We've discussed it, and he's promised that we'd design it together, find a great tattoo artist, and go together. So now he was out drinking with his buddy, and they probably both said they'd go together. I am so furious, and the jerk is probably sleeping off his hangover right now so he's not answering his phone.

I'm seriously very, very angry. This is a very big deal to me, and he knows that - we've talked about it and discussed it repeatedly. But now because he had a few drinks, he's being this thoughtless. I'm pretty sure he'll wake up today and realize that this probably isn't the best idea and that it would hurt me, but at the same time, I'm pissed that when he drinks, my feelings are thrown out the window and he makes such selfish foolish promises. I am so angry I could spit bullets.

Grrr.... part of me feels like if he gets this tattoo, I'll always hate it because of how it was done. And I don't know that I could live with that kind of constant physical reminder that he was being an inconsiderate jerk.

Am I overreacting???

calindi · July 2011

Update: Just spoke to him, and he made an impulsive promise with all the 2nd Lts who were saying they'd go together. He's promised he'll wait until he gets home and go with me. I'm still angry, but at least I don't have to look at a tattoo I hate forever.

LetsHikeToday · July 2011

I was gonna guess that he would wake up and realize it wasn't the best choice. I say stupid things when I drink too. The ideas sound so great at the time. The next morning, they sound terrible. Are you guys going today?

SamiJoeB · July 2011

C!! Check your email... I

you.

calindi · July 2011

Thanks guys... no, he's not home until Tuesday, so we're not going today. Sami made the point in her email that he's probably feeling disconnected from the Corps since this is the first time he's really been AD since OCS, and now he's going back to a year without being in the USMC environment. We both want this year to pass quickly, but I can understand why he and his buddies would want to go get tattoos together. But I am relieved he said he'll wait to go with me. We originally agreed to wait another year before he got the tattoo (mostly so I could get used to the idea) but since he's so adament, and has been thinking about it for 2 years now, we're going to go next weekend. I think it's a good compromise - I get to be with him, but he gets his tattoo ASAP.

I am an artist, so I am so frightened he'll end up with something crappy permanently etched on his skin. I want to make sure he picks a good tattoo artist and that the design is good and doesn't look like a cruddy 'color by numbers' outline like I've seen (try googling "Eagle Globe and Anchor tattoos" or just "EGA Tattoos" and you'll see what I mean from some of them!).

LetsHikeToday · July 2011

I'm glad you guys got it figured out. H has a Navy tattoo and 90% of the time I completely forget about it. His tattoo artist sucked though so I'm glad you're able to go wroth him to get peace of mind.

ggirl2001 · July 2011

hahaha C I burst out laughing reading this, if only because I went through the same thing. FI got one while in Thailand with 2 other friends. I absolutely HATE HATE HATE HATE the tattoo he got. It's awful, ugly and stupid. But, by the time I found out, it was too late so being mad wouldn't do anything. So, be thankful that he just said it while drunk and didn't do it before he spoke to you.

OH, just to be clear, FI wasn't drunk when he got it. I probably wouldn't have cared if he had spoken to me first, even if I did hate it. Alas, not a whole lot I can do now

heather0711 · July 2011

I'm late on this and it seems to have been most of the way resolved, which is obviously good.

I, personally, don't have a problem with tattoos so long as they can be covered in regular clothes. FI has 7 or 8, could be more by now, I don't even remember what all of them are but I hate one of them, another is the grim reeper on my shoulder which is dumb but whatever - makes him happy so I just go with it. I call them his ink blots.

calindi · July 2011

I'm soooo not a tattoo girl - I don't have any, no one in my family has any (that I know of - it would cause a big fuss), and I've never really dated anyone who has had any.

And the one person I did date briefly who had a tattoo was a Marine who had an EGA tattoo on his arm (just like FI wants) and it turned out that asshat was married the whole time we were dating. So let's just say it all leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I am really nervous about him getting a tattoo, that it'll be awful and I hate it or that he'll later switch to private practice and it will somehow negatively impact how he is viewed. My parents are in that country club members, yacht owners echelon, where most everyone are doctors or lawyers or investment bankers, and no one in that upper economic bracket really has any tattoos, and they judge people who have them very harshly. I'm afraid that it will impact FI's ability to climb the corporate ladder when he gets out of the Marines because of that.

But he's promised that it will be his only tattoo, and that it'll be on his upper arm so it would be hidden to nearly everyone except when at the beach or when wearing a sleeveless shirt working out.

I know I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should over a silly tattoo. I am trying to find designs I like that I can suggest to him and researching tattoo artists here so we can find a good one.

kyrgyzstan · July 2011

I hate tattoos, BUT if FI wanted to get a motivator tattoo, I'd expect him to get it with a bunch of Marines, not with me. I would want to see it and approve it first too, but in the end, I think that would just be me being a leeeetle controlling.

I get why you were mad, but if he's going to get it, he should probably get it as a bonding thing. He'll regret it later when he realizes he looks like a PFC though...

Sammy0709 · July 2011

DH has over 20 separate sittings worth of tattoos to include a full sleeve and an almost complete sleeve. I joke and tell him he should go to the US constitution because he's era appropriate. Anyway, we call his Navy tattoo his boot stamp...well he called it that and I caught on.

SamiJoeB · July 2011

I have 2, I plan on getting another one. H only has 1 for now. He said he has to get at least 2 more because my tattoos are more "bad ass" than his. Not really.. I have a sparrow on the front of my left hip, and an anchor with nautical stars (It's a Navy thing.. the nautical stars are said to "help a sailor find and keep their way", although, I probably wouldn't have gone so far as to get the pig and rooster on my feet, but I know several people who have gotten that.) on my right side over my rib cage. H has "USMC" down the back of his right arm (on or around his tricep). I Love my Navy tat, but the one I got the day after I turned 18, is kind of lame.. I mean it kind of just goes to show how much you do change between 18 and 23!

You can't see any of mine, unless I'm wearing a swim suit, and the last time I wore a bikini I was like 16. I don't have a problem with tattoos at all (clearly).. As long as they are tasteful (No naked ladies.. or dudes for that matter), No one in my immediate family has them at all, except me, but I have some Aunts and Uncles who are covered!!

iluvmytxrgr · July 2011

I have 2 that form a really big tattoo on my back. I have at least 4 more planned.
There are some decent studios in the Beaufort /Bluffton/HHI area, but I wouldn't settle on decent. There is an amazing studio in Savannah called Annoymous Tattoo. It's on Bay Street above Bay Street Blues. I highly recomend them.
The artists who did my largest tatt jacked it up. He was recomended to me by a few friends. He was a complete ass and had been drinking before I got to the studio. Lesson learned: research artists and studios before you go. Seek out someone who speciallizes in the style you are looking for.
If I were him, I would get the tattoo at the begining of a long weekend. He's going to be sore. You don't want to get that on Saturday then have to do PT on Monday. Not fun!

calindi · July 2011

Thanks for the tips! I think we're going to go next Saturday, which means he has Sunday to rest and Monday he'll probably run but not do pull ups. Who knows, though, he's a beast and will probably power right through.

He doesn't have anything really set to do until August 13th, except we're going up to visit my family from August 3-8th. We're going to do engagement photos that weekend, so I think FI would love to have a few pics of his tattoo since he's doing it earlir!

calindi · July 2011

Stan - I get what you're saying about going with his buddies as a Moto thing. I think if he told me he preferred to go with his buddies (and didn't just spring these things on me when he's drunk and he knows it's a sensitive topic), I could participate from a distance in picking out the tattoo parlor (like the good one in Savannah that iluvmytxgr suggested instead of them just walking into any old shop and going to any old person with a tattoo gun) and in designing the tattoo and sending a picture. After that, I'd be fine if he would rather a fellow 2nd Lt hold his hand while he whines like a baby about the pain haha!

Do you know many officers with tattoos? It seems like most of the guys in the law depot had tattoos, and they were all officers, so I think that's why FI and the other new guys at the office really wanted them. It was also suggested that they get them before TBS.

KendallR10 · July 2011

I would be PISSED. I had a "best friend" do that. We made a pact to go together. We had this for 2 years. Then like 3 days before her birthday she went and did it. Do you know how I found out? On freaking facebook! Its one of the reasons we are no longer friends

Beachy730 · July 2011

I'm glad it's figured out, but TBH I think you were overreacting a little. I totally get upset about being drunk and just forgetting your feelings and promises you've made to each other. As Stan said though if it was something he wanted to do with his friends I would get it. Also, I totally get that it's something that you'll have to look at and see so you want to like it, but I think it's a bit of a stretch to say that you want to be the one to pick it out. But if that's the agreement you guys have and you're both oaky with it then that's totally fine.

I have one tattoo that I got when I was 17, and my parents didn't even know about it until I was 23. H doesn't have any, but he talks about getting the pig and rooster on his feet like Sami said. It wouldn't be my first choice for him to get, but whatever, I get the meaning behind them if he does. I don't know if he is serious about getting them though because he just says he wants it, but never talks about anything more concrete than that.

As for the feelings of it holding him back in the corporate world, it's defeinitely a bogus argument. Unless he is getting a tattoo across his forehead or somewhere visible while wearing a suit or a long sleeve shirt, it's a completely irrelelvent argument. Most people will probably never even know that he has one, unless he would plan on walking around the office in muscle shirts.

I'm not trying to discredit your feelings, because I would be a little upset if H stayed out several hours later than he said, got hammered (especially if they were driving), and then told me he was basically breaking a promise to me. But I think about the tattoo in general you're over reacting a bit.

kara811 · July 2011

I've gone through the same exact thing with H, only that he went and got it and didn't tell me about it until a few days later because he knew I would be upset that we didn't go together. He's always wanted a Navy tattoo(bald eagled wrapped in an anchor) and I've wanted one so we talked about getting them together but he went with the guys to the artist they all go to, and him and the artist ended up with a custom design. I got over it though, we weren't even engaged at the time yet. At first I wanted to hate the tattoo, but I actually really love it. It's very unique.

I have 1 tattoo on my foot, very cute. I got it in Japan with H, we went to the same guy he had used for his. So at least this time around we were together. H has been thinking about getting another Navy tattoo, well 2, they're supposed to be a pair of swallows/sparrows with the nautical stars, just like Sami's. And this time around when he does get them, I will be there with him.

KatyRoseM · July 2011

In Response to Re: Furious... Am I Justified???:
[QUOTEAs for the feelings of it holding him back in the corporate world, it's defeinitely a bogus argument. Unless he is getting a tattoo across his forehead or somewhere visible while wearing a suit or a long sleeve shirt, it's a completely irrelelvent argument. Most people will probably never even know that he has one, unless he would plan on walking around the office in muscle shirts.Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

I really disagree with this. Getting ahead in the corporate (or any) world is not just about what you do in the office, its also about going to the company 4th of July pool party, going out on the boss's boat and so on. Tattoos and your personal life absolutely can impact your career. That being said I don't think a military tattoo will do much to harm it. My family is also very judgmental about tattoos and generally military ones are the exception.

calindi · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_furious-am-justified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:3a75ddba-1478-4262-9bf5-b8f09ac39f12Post:a0352fbb-d69a-41a5-b215-77403cb1a88d">Re: Furious... Am I Justified???</a>:
[QUOTE] I really disagree with this. Getting ahead in the corporate (or any) world is not just about what you do in the office, its also about going to the company 4th of July pool party, going out on the boss's boat and so on. Tattoos and your personal life absolutely can impact your career. That being said I don't think a military tattoo will do much to harm it. My family is also very judgmental about tattoos and generally military ones are the exception.
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

I think this was more my concern - soft networking and perceptions. If we join a club and he is playing tennis with a potential networking contact, and they go in the shower to clean up and the guy see the tattoo and judges him as a meathead or something ridiculous like Katelyn and her judgemental bullshit, I'd hate to see it negatively impact him. And it definitely does - I grew up in that world, I've seen it. It's not fair, but it's true.

Anyway, yeah I definitely was a little upset! Like I said before, if he had said to me reasonably that he wanted to go get a tattoo with the guys, then I'd be fine with it. But to wake up to a drunken text saying he was breaking our agreement - after he graduated law school and going together - was really upsetting. Plus I don't trust that if he did it on his own that it would be any good. He's the kind of guy to not think through the details - would go into any shop that said "Tattoo" on its door, just say, "Give me an EGA on my shoulder" and just see what they did. I want to make sure the ink that I have to look at for years is something that is done well.

divinemsbee · July 2011

I'm late to this party, but I think that my concerns are kinda the same as yours Cal, in terms of FI being judged once he's out. Although, I think tatoos can be really hot and have dated several guys with really well done tats, they are also generally expensive to have done well. An ex of mine had to do 6 sittings for one tat (it was pretty intricate and all the way across his back).

I also find military tatoos particularly hot (FI doesn't have one, yet) in theory (and on the delicious Elliot Stabler mmmmm) but I definitely would not react well to "Surprise! Tattoo!" I personally would never get one, firstly, they terrify me and secondly I have really nice pale skin that FI really likes and he hates the idea of one, so it's pretty win-win. If he got one eventually, I'd probably be ok, but as you said, if he just hopped into a parlor and got what he was given, I might think it was hideous.

heather0711 · July 2011

One of the tats that FI has in on the inside of her arm/bicep area and he got it right before he went to 29 Palms for pre-deployment back a few years before Iraq. Well, I had no idea that he had gotten it. He sent me a picture, not of the tattoo, but was positioned just the right way in the photo with his buddy goofing off that I could faintly make out that there was something there. So my next text was "did you get another tattoo?????"....after a long pause, I got a "uh, yeah. i was going to tell you when I got back." I was more annoyed than anything. At that pont he had already had 3, I think, so what was one more...ore 4 more now.

Anyways, I get why some people are really against it. And if you are, that's fine, it's a personal opinion. My parents are 110% against tattoos and always told my sisters and I that if got a tattoo, our "funds would be cut off." None of us ever had the balls to test the threat. They always want to see FIs when he gets new ones though.

After all FIs, only 2 mean anything. So that's the one thing I'd advise is to make sure it's something that means something, which obviously it does if it's going to USMC related.

calindi · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_furious-am-justified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:3a75ddba-1478-4262-9bf5-b8f09ac39f12Post:25d4fabb-4104-4460-bc89-4c5381d066fd">Re: Furious... Am I Justified???</a>:
[QUOTE]One of the tats that FI has in on the inside of her arm/bicep area and he got it right before he went to 29 Palms for pre-deployment back a few years before Iraq. Well, I had no idea that he had gotten it. He sent me a picture, not of the tattoo, but was positioned just the right way in the photo with his buddy goofing off that I could faintly make out that there was something there. So my next text was "did you get another tattoo?????"....after a long pause, I got a "uh, yeah. i was going to tell you when I got back." I was more annoyed than anything. At that pont he had already had 3, I think, so what was one more...ore 4 more now. Anyways, I get why some people are really against it. And if you are, that's fine, it's a personal opinion. My parents are 110% against tattoos and always told my sisters and I that if got a tattoo, our "funds would be cut off." None of us ever had the balls to test the threat. They always want to see FIs when he gets new ones though. After all FIs, only 2 mean anything. So that's the one thing I'd advise is to make sure it's something that means something, which obviously it does if it's going to USMC related.
Posted by heather0711[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I don't judge people with tattoos - some of my closest friends have them, and I have helped design a few (my college roommate has cherry blossom branches up her torso, and a high school pal wanted a dragon that looked like a Chinese symbol with his initials (complex, yes?) so I doodled him a few ideas to take to the tattoo parlor. So I'm not anti-tattoo, just afraid of people who are and how they might impact FI's career. I just got an earload from my Dad about how FI is never going to get far in a private law firm if they see it, blah blah blah. I was told as a kid that I was allowed to get tattoos, but the first one had to be across my forehead and would say, "I'm paying my own college tuition."

I do think they can be super sexy, though, and now that we've figured out what he wants and I've made an appointment for him at a highly regarded tattoo parlor with an artist who is really good, I'm actually pretty excited!

Here's the tattoo he liked best, so I think he's going to get basically the same thing - size, placement, style:

<a href="http://www.checkoutmyink.com/tattoos/mastertattoo/standard-usmc-e-g-a">http://www.checkoutmyink.com/tattoos/mastertattoo/standard-usmc-e-g-a</a>

KendallR10 · July 2011

I can't wait to get my first, second, third and forth . I'm paying for them. Its my body. they aren't stupid. Why should anyone else care other than my FI? You will only see them if my hair is up really high, I'm naked or I have open top shoes (like flip flops) on.

Sammy0709 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_furious-am-justified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:3a75ddba-1478-4262-9bf5-b8f09ac39f12Post:529a0016-72da-459f-800d-05fbb35a5245">Re: Furious... Am I Justified???</a>:
[QUOTE]I can't wait to get my first, second, third and forth . I'm paying for them. Its my body. they aren't stupid. Why should anyone else care other than my FI? You will only see them if my hair is up really high, I'm naked or I have open top shoes (like flip flops) on.
Posted by KendallR10[/QUOTE]

I could be wrong but I get the idea you want a tattoo on your neck? If that's true I caution against it as it is out of regs. Granted I overlook DH's tattoos on his forearms and so does the Navy but he has a waiver because he had them prior to service. I'm not saying go hurry and get it before you enlist either. Like I said I could be wrong about where you want it.

KendallR10 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_furious-am-justified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:3a75ddba-1478-4262-9bf5-b8f09ac39f12Post:0c892d2d-678b-49ac-8740-ce234d73b416">Re: Furious... Am I Justified???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Furious... Am I Justified??? : I could be wrong but I get the idea you want a tattoo on your neck? If that's true I caution against it as it is out of regs. Granted I overlook DH's tattoos on his forearms and so does the Navy but he has a waiver because he had them prior to service. I'm not saying go hurry and get it before you enlist either. Like I said I could be wrong about where you want it.
Posted by Sammy0709[/QUOTE]
Yup I do but its going up high on the back of my neck. its going to be pretty small. I'm not getting it until my second or third. One of the ones on my foot will be first. It will be the most important.
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calindi · July 2011

Kendall, that is technically against regs because you'll have to have your hair up in uniform. Perhaps wait until you're out of the service?

Sammy0709 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_furious-am-justified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:3a75ddba-1478-4262-9bf5-b8f09ac39f12Post:23781aae-cc2e-4ded-a073-86d43600f1e9">Re: Furious... Am I Justified???</a>:
[QUOTE]Kendall, that is technically against regs because you'll have to have your hair up in uniform. Perhaps wait until you're out of the service?
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

This. There will be no covering that with your hair in uniform.

KendallR10 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_furious-am-justified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:3a75ddba-1478-4262-9bf5-b8f09ac39f12Post:23781aae-cc2e-4ded-a073-86d43600f1e9">Re: Furious... Am I Justified???</a>:
[QUOTE]Kendall, that is technically against regs because you'll have to have your hair up in uniform. Perhaps wait until you're out of the service?
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
I plan on doing 20 years. and this tat is the second most important to me. There is a guy I know in my FIs unit who has his last name on the side of his neck. As long as he isn't out in public he can have it showing. but if he's at an event he has to have it covered. I don't plan on having my hair so high up that it can be seen. <div>
</div><div>I also know a female that has on and no one has ever said anything to her about it. because her hair and or collar covers it. </div><div>
</div><div>I will be taking FI with me when I get it done so he can tell me if its up high enough.</div>

calindi · July 2011

Kendall, you do know that just because others do something doesn't necessarily make it right.

I pulled up Army policy on uniform regulations - here's the excerpt:

Tattoo policy

(1) Tattoos or brands anywhere on the head, face, and neck above the class A uniform collar are prohibited.
(The whole document can be found here: http://www.apd.army.mil/pdffiles/r670_1.pdf)

That's not ambiguous at all - your tattoo would be above the neck of the class A uniform. Perhaps put it on your back below the collar? But the rule doesn't say anything about "if your hair can cover it". Whether or not others have it, what you're suggesting is against the rules.

KendallR10 · July 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_furious-am-justified?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:3a75ddba-1478-4262-9bf5-b8f09ac39f12Post:4e2c9890-7e56-477a-878a-9e17515cc65a">Re: Furious... Am I Justified???</a>:
[QUOTE]Kendall, you do know that just because others do something doesn't necessarily make it right. I pulled up Army policy on uniform regulations - here's the excerpt: Tattoo policy (1) Tattoos or brands anywhere on the head, face, and neck above the class A uniform collar are prohibited. (The whole document can be found here: <a href="http://www.apd.army.mil/pdffiles/r670_1.pdf)" rel='nofollow'>http://www.apd.army.mil/pdffiles/r670_1.pdf)</a> That's not ambiguous at all - your tattoo would be above the neck of the class A uniform. Perhaps put it on your back below the collar? But the rule doesn't say anything about "if your hair can cover it". Whether or not others have it, what you're suggesting is against the rules.
Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]
I'll think about it but I know where I want it to go. I just went and put on FI's Class A jacket and it comes to higher than my neck hair line.

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