What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???

jamiefour · June 2010

Wow I have never heard of that. And BTW why do you need a guest book attendant. I think most people know what to do.

Simply Fated · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:3fb43583-279c-4dac-8f61-31b230e1bc72">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow I have never heard of that. And BTW why do you need a guest book attendant. I think most people know what to do.
Posted by jamiefour[/QUOTE]
What if the pages stick together or the pen runs out of ink? It would be total chaos! The guests would panic and the wedding will be ruined.
Every wedding needs someone to nag the guests and drag them over to the guest book and force them to sign it. Your wedding will be total crap without one.

jamiefour · June 2010

Crap it is then....

futureautry · June 2010

I guess I need a different post...Y is 9 too many?

tortis · June 2010

Well. This clearly depends entirely on how you feel about wearing 10 BFF necklaces. Since you already have to wear 9, in my opinion, one more isn't really too much of a stretch. But then again, all 9 of your real and fake bridesmaids are girls you cannot live without, the real question is whether or not you can live without his cousin.

Can you? If no- get her a necklace. If you're unsure, you could always ask the girl you like the least to share her necklace with the new girl!

Simply Fated · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:eda07b2b-0e73-4c1f-91fe-53644053c4cd">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I need a different post...Y is 9 too many?
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]
9 is not too many <em>if</em> these are the people you want. It seems like you only asked a lot of them because you felt obligated.

ksmith67 · June 2010

I'm just curious how many guests there must be left if there are 9(10? 12? I lost count) bridesmaids! If everyone is standing at the alter or sitting in reserved seating what's the point in not making EVERYONE buy a dress/tux and putting all their names in the program too.
"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to unite these two people in marriage. First we will take a moment to recognize all 235 honorary bridesmaids, groomsmen, and other unrecognized positions."

nda_roxybabe · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:eda07b2b-0e73-4c1f-91fe-53644053c4cd">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]I guess I need a different post...Y is 9 too many?
Posted by futureautry[/QUOTE]
Yea....a different post will help. Uh huh, try that...

kayla7231 · June 2010

I just love the Knot boards so much. This whole post just made my night!!

acmj11 · June 2010

Please don't ask me to watch your guest book either. I'd much rather be dancing or eating or drinking...pretty much anything other than that. OP, would you want to be an honorary BM or a guest book attendant? Not trying to be mean, but try looking at it from the other perspective.

Moneypenny424 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:e2cea81f-c5c6-4f3b-a191-3fb356da4168">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]What the what? So does this person walk down the aisle? I am so confused.
Posted by jamiefour[/QUOTE]

God Jamie, why are you trying to make it sound so ridiculous? ;)

2dBride · June 2010

The only time I've heard of honorary bridesmaids is if someone really close to the bride has physical limitations that make her unable to stand at the front (e.g., if the bride's sister is 8.5 months pregnant at the time of the wedding). However, in all instances in which I have heard of it, the individual was offered the position of bridesmaid, but chose to be honorary instead. I have never heard of it being used to designate those who didn't quite make the cut to be bridesmaids.

In any event, back to the OP's question: The fact that your FMIL wants someone to be a bridesmaid is relevant only if your FMIL is paying for the wedding. However, the fact that your FI wants her to be a bridesmaid is always relevant. If you can't find ways to compromise with him, I would question whether marriage is a good idea.

And in this case, the solution has already been proposed by several people: have her be a groomswoman. That way, she is really included (instead of only included on an "honorary" basis). And with the collection of bridesmaids you have, the groom could undoubtedly stand to have a few more on his side.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · June 2010

I always love it when 2dB steps in with her wisdom! *smooches*

It sounds like your honoraries are more like hostesses.

9 is not too many if that is what you want. I think that that is more like a circus, but it's your show so go for it. Trying to get my 2 to agree on something was tiring enough. I could not imagine 7 more females to deal with.

B&B1221 · June 2010

What you are describing, is what I have always known as the "House Party". I've had my share of holding that title, and while I can't seem to say "no thank you" when asked, it kind of is annoying standing by a guest book, passing out programs or maps, having to sneak in the side of the church after the doors are already closed, and having to wait until everyone else leaves to load up cars with gifts and decorations etc. But, since you are having one, it really does sound like this is the best place for this cousin to be, if you decide to give her any type of recognition.

Also, I think that regardless of whether your FMIL is paying, who is or is not in your wedding party is up to you and your fiance. I'd probably just stand my ground and say that you've got your WP lined up, and you think the cousin would have a much more enjoyable time if she didn't have to tend to anything but being a guest. (Or, I would be too afraid of my FMIL and would ask the cousin AND FMIL to be bridesmaids... cuz I am BA like that.)

shoegal715 · June 2010

If one of my friends ever asked me to an honourary bridesmaid, I would probably tell them where to shove it. But then again... I'm not a teenager anyone.

How old are you OP?

futureautry · June 2010

She is not my friend first of all and when my fiance and fmil suggested Jennifer be in the wedding I had to ask who is that?

thesuninherhead · June 2010

I can't believe all you biitches have your knickers in a knot over honourary bridesmaids. At my wedding, I divided up our friends and family according to who was closest to us. The people who were closest got to be our MOH/Best man. The next closest people got to be our GMs and BMs. The next closest were our honourary MOH and BM. And then our honourary bridesmaids and groomsmen. For that one friend of H's that I didn't like, I made her an honourary honourary BM; that way she knew where she stood. Aside from that, we also had our family, and then our honourary family was everyone else. Everyone who we didn't invite was an honourary guest.

I'm pretty sure they all appreciated that we went to such effort to include them!!! You can see why putting together programs was just too much effort for me.

lisalou402 · June 2010

I was once the guest book attendant.

I flew from NYC to Salt Lake City, and not only did I watch the guest book, but I had to take a polaroid of each guest...GLUE IT IN THE BOOK, and then have the people sign. And guess what, I was also asked where the bar was, where the restrooms where, and if I could get someone's car.

When I went to the bride and told her how beautiful she looked, she said "HOW IS THE BOOK"...

Worst. Job. Ever.

Miranda was right.

Labrnr · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:bdf14c1a-37cf-436a-afef-dec66adf5a79">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm just curious how many guests there must be left if there are 9(10? 12?</strong> I lost count) bridesmaids! If everyone is standing at the alter or sitting in reserved seating what's the point in not making EVERYONE buy a dress/tux and putting all their names in the program too. "Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to unite these two people in marriage. First we will take a moment to recognize all 235 honorary bridesmaids, groomsmen, and other unrecognized positions."
Posted by ksmith67[/QUOTE]

My question too.

Everyone attending our wedding we consider a close family member or friend, that is why we invited them.
I have a feeling your wedding isn't going to be special or unique at all, just another cookie cutter wedding that costs too much.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · June 2010

Nope, 9 isn't too many. If you have 600 guests. If you have 50 guests, that's just ridiculous.

If your FI has 9 people on his side, that' 18 gifts you need to buy and 36 people you need to invite to the RD. Good luck with that!

I'm with MissCourtney. I can't even get 9 people to agree on where to go for drinks.

Sing2phins · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:f0f707ed-47ca-4dd3-abeb-9c6c85bd34e4">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids??? : WTF??? Really? I didn't know a wedding was the place to publicly rank how close you are to people - or to use it as a time to let people know "where they stood" in your relationship. Yes, this bitch does have her knickers in a bunch because your description makes the practice sound horrible! And rude!! and immature. I would be very offended if someone made me an honorary honorary so I "knew where I stood" because the bride didn't like me. Why even point that out??? Who do you think you are? Is it meant to offend people??
Posted by M&R7111[/QUOTE]

Someone's sarcasm detector is broken, I think. You should really get that looked at.

M&R7111 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mother-law-wants-pick-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ea1ba81a-54a2-4c57-8b61-8dc835c90d6bPost:e9d142fe-ec19-4e03-86bf-54f757ed7b06">Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids??? : Someone's sarcasm detector is broken, I think. You should really get that looked at.
Posted by Sing2phins[/QUOTE]

Oh man, really??? Oops....well, THANK GOD FOR THAT. I don't know, I've read some crazy sh*t on here that this story doesn't seem so far-fetched.

I pick up sarcasm much better when it's spoken <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />
Oh, and I didn't read the rest of the post - NOW I can see the sarcasm. ohhhhhh.

thesuninherhead · June 2010

Oh dear God.

I don't know what's worse. That the OP is serious, or that someone truly believed that anyone would have 'honourary guests' and 'honourary family'.

It's the dry Australian tongue-in-cheek humour. I should have known to reserve it for culturally appropriate usage, my apologies.

pooh8402 · June 2010

no really sun, it was great and totes appropriate for the thread. her sarcasm meter was just broken. I literally laughed out loud when I read your post.

M&R7111 · June 2010

Yep, meter was broken, but I've got an apt. to fix it 8am tomorrow. I think it's still under warranty.

Sun - I posted before I read the entire post and didn't get to the "honorary family" part - that would have done it.

What to do when the Mother in Law wants to pick your bridesmaids???

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