Hey , I'm so sorry you r going thru this. Not seeing you on mother's day bc mother in law more important. Nonsense . Sounds like the gf is a chip off old block of mom. Sounds like sons gf is a well....brat. idk best advice other than talk to your soon about how you'd like to be with him more , or make plans to take walks, lunches , etc things that don't break the bank. Invite son and gf or if gf doesn't come just son. Start to do all you can to make effort to be with son away from this so he can make sure it's what he wants . You are his mother , you deserve to be held high
July 12
Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons
I was MOH in a wedding three years ago. The night before the wedding, one of the BMs came up to me and said, "Tomorrow, don't ask for the wedding license to sign. They're already married." I was floored. The bride and groom had apparently been secretly married for over a year, and had told nobody -- including her parents, who had told her many times that if she tried something "cute" like eloping and having a big wedding later, they weren't paying for her big elaborate wedding. She lied to them so that she could still have the whole big affair.
I was hurt that she didn't tell me (I was her MOH, for crying out loud) and it really ruined the entire experience of the wedding for me. The whole thing felt so fake and contrived. Because it was. We don't speak anymore, because this was one of many decptions and thoughtless moves she pulled, but I have never forgotten it. Every time someone brings up "secretly marrying" on these boards, I cringe. Please don't do it. Even if nobody says so at the time, they're thinking it.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
My sister is getting married in Italy to her fiance, who is an Italin citizen. No one in my family can afford to go so it will be her, her daughter, him, and his family. They're doing it for citizenship reasons I don't fully understand. Anyway, when he comes to the States, about 3 months following the legal union (he's finishing college), they're going to have something, a small ceremony/reception, State-side so my family can celebrate with them. I don't see anything wrong with this. They aren't going to have a huge party over in Italy or here but they want to make sure that they can celebrate with their loved ones. They are telling the truth about it, though. I think my parents would be hurt if she just went and got married without telling them.
There are other boards on here that talk about it. The military brides board is a big one to go to and read if you are curious.
Like some pp's said, lying is very immature and it WILL ALWAYS hurt someone, whether you meant it to or not.
Jesi
Started TTC July 2010 ~ Diagnosed with Hypothyroidism April 2011 ~ BFP 5.10.11 EDD 1.16.12
If you get married before hand just forget the ceremony and have a reception. There's really no reason for the front!! If you do decide to "lie" I really don't think anybody would care though......except maybe your parents. But who says you ever have to tell anyone?? Just keep it between the two of you!!
Why can't you buy COBRA?
When I was working at my last company, FI was on my insurance through a similar clause. We didn't have to lie to our wedding guests to get it for him. Unfortunately, I changed jobs and now work at a place that does not have a policy for DPs, but we're 6mos away and just going to tough it out.
Chrissy & David -- 10/10/10
This is my "OMG-Don't-Drop-Me" face
Planning Bio
If you cover up what you're doing, you have to expect people to be upset that they were deceived...because you DID deceive them.
If it's "not a big deal" then be honest.
[QUOTE]i always love the let's get married in secret for health insurance reason. you don't need to be marrried to be on his health insurance. i have been on FI's health insurance for about a year and a half now. we are not married. we are officialy domestic partners. we have not hidden that from anyone, and no one is thinking twice about our wedding because we aren't married. yes it's a loop hole but it works.
Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]
Yes, she already said that she could be on his insurance.
Good for you that his company offers that. My H's doesn't, so it wouldn't have been an option for me and I'm sure it's the same for many other people.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
2011 Reading Challenge
[QUOTE]I've told this story before on other boards, but it bears repeating, even if you're just talking about it in a joking manner. I was MOH in a wedding three years ago. The night before the wedding, one of the BMs came up to me and said, "Tomorrow, don't ask for the wedding license to sign. They're already married." I was floored . The bride and groom had apparently been secretly married for over a year, and had told nobody -- including her parents, who had told her many times that if she tried something "cute" like eloping and having a big wedding later, they weren't paying for her big elaborate wedding. She lied to them so that she could still have the whole big affair. I was hurt that she didn't tell me (I was her MOH, for crying out loud) and it really ruined the entire experience of the wedding for me. The whole thing felt so fake and contrived. Because it was . We don't speak anymore, because this was one of many decptions and thoughtless moves she pulled, but I have never forgotten it. Every time someone brings up "secretly marrying" on these boards, I cringe. Please don't do it. Even if nobody says so at the time, they're thinking it.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]
That's awful, baystate. This is the perfect anecdote for why lying about this is wrong and hurtful. I can't imagine anyone in your position being told the bride was already married and them thinking, "OMG that's so great!!!"
Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?
"cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
[QUOTE]I don't think doing that is a big deal at all. If you're worried about being rude or hurting someone's feelings, just don't tell anyone! You ladies who think it's rude are being very silly.
Posted by sophistryliz[/QUOTE]
I think you're silly (and foolish) for having your first and last names in your sig.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons : I think you're silly (and foolish) for having your first and last names in your sig.
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
Haha! I guess she favors secrecy for marriages but not for internet safety?
ETA: Just checked out the site. Full names, dates, addresses, personal info, the works. Yikes. Password protection is your friend.
Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?
"cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
They told the family what was going on but they didn't consider themselves married until they were married in the church. They didn't wear their rings, she didn't change her name, and they still referred to each other as "fiance" rather than husband/wife. They only celebrate the day they were married in the church not the day they were married at the JOP. It didn't take away from the day at all and I actually thought it was a very smart idea and would have done the same thing in their situation.
I don't know why any guests would feel deceived. You're still at the reception and giving a gift to celebrate the marriage. Who cares if the legal union was a few months/days earlier. They still got married and deserve a big celebration if that is what they choose.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons : Haha! I guess she favors secrecy for marriages but not for internet safety? ETA: Just checked out the site. Full names, dates, addresses, personal info, the works. Yikes. Password protection is your friend.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]
Road trip? We can either crash the wedding or break in to their house. Not to steal stuff, but we'll just move the furniture around and mess with stuff, okay?
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons : Road trip? We can either crash the wedding or break in to their house. Not to steal stuff, but we'll just move the furniture around and mess with stuff, okay?
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
Sounds like a blast! I vote for crashing the wedding. The cocktail hour is poolside though, so bring your swimsuit!
Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?
"cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons : Sounds like a blast! I vote for crashing the wedding. The cocktail hour is poolside though, so bring your swimsuit!
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]
Sweet! When is it? I'll need to get rid of the baby weight before then. At least it'll give me a goal!
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons : Sweet! When is it? I'll need to get rid of the baby weight before then. At least it'll give me a goal!
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]
Spoken like a true bitchy, hormone-nutty pregnant woman!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting Married in Secret for Practical Reasons : Spoken like a true bitchy, hormone-nutty pregnant woman!
Posted by BecW2be[/QUOTE]
You forgot ignorant.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
I have a cousin who was married in court about 2 years ago and is having his big wedding this year. The reason he got married is because he was going to be deployed to Iraq and he wanted his now wife to also be covered under his benefits in case anything happened to him.
At first I thought it was kind of dumb to be having a wedding after being married 2 years with a kid. But now I am kind of indifferent cause it really doesn't affect me. I'm going to his wedding and I'm still getting him a gift. He wanted to celebrate with his entire family and have a church wedding which is fine if he wants it.
But to go as far as saying that I'm being cheated because he's having a church wedding after his court wedding, yeah not really. BFD.
Bio u.d. 9/25
[QUOTE]sucrets4 - my FBIL only told immediate family but not any guests or extended family so it was a secret to them. people on here were saying that the guests would get mad about it and feel deceived because they didn't know about it. <strong>None of the guests cared when they found out.</strong>
Posted by jeb113[/QUOTE]
How do you know this? Did they all say, "hey congratulations!" Because that's what people say at weddings to be polite. Who knows how they really felt or what they really said about it behind your FBIL's back?
People are missing the bigger picture here. For every "the guests (maybe) didn't care" anecdote, there is also a story where a family member or friend really was hurt and angered by this selfish act of LYING about being married, and then making everyone come to your fake wedding. Why is the possibility of hurting someone worth the risk of doing this? You can't predict how people are going to feel about it. If it's even a little bit potentially damaging to your loved ones, why must you do it? Wouldn't it be much easier NOT to lie about it? FFS already.
Taco cat: Always a palindrome. ALWAYS, okay J&K?
"cool......insult my size 2 body or my natural brown hair...or the fact that my parents own a country club, I have no budget for a wedding, and I have horses. I really dont care. Its better then having roots." ~ futurepivko
See baystate's post on page 2 before you assume that everyone was a-okay with it.
BFP(4) DD2 born 2.14.13 @ 35w5d due to pPROM
Getting health insurance is not as easy as many of you seem to think it is, although w/ the reform bill it's hopefully getting better. I have a "pre-existing condition" that I was born with, I cannot get health insurance on my own. Period. No one will insure me if they have any little loophole to get around it. On my parent's plan I still pay $1,000/mo for coverage (that's just the additional to cover me, not the total policy cost), and once we get married I'll pay about $400/mo for significantly less coverage but on my FI's insurance he gets through work.