In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:d39d3756-5cdb-4406-9ccf-d40b8a31a9e7">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]Well thats a WHOLE different story ladies. Very big oops on our part and yes totally ironic, BUT that doesnt mean we throw religious beliefs out the window. I know this is confusing because I didnt ask about FI or DD, just Mom, so you all are trying to get in the know but its just creating more questions. Time for me to stop replying but thanks again to those who wanted to help! Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:d39d3756-5cdb-4406-9ccf-d40b8a31a9e7">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]Well thats a WHOLE different story ladies. Very big oops on our part and yes totally ironic, BUT that doesnt mean we throw religious beliefs out the window. I know this is confusing because I didnt ask about FI or DD, just Mom, so you all are trying to get in the know but its just creating more questions. Time for me to stop replying but thanks again to those who wanted to help! Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE] It's good that you aren't throwing your beliefs out the window because of a slight judgment error. But you can still get married in the Catholic church and have a reception. Either do a very small reception at a local restaurant in the early afternoon, or do a cake and punch reception in the church fellowship hall. There is nothing wrong with either of these options and both are very affordable. Plus, there won't be as much added stress of planning and maybe your FI could quit one of his jobs so he could spend more time with your and your DD.
If you do this, you could take the money you've been saving for a larger wedding and use it as a security deposit and get away from your mother. Problem solved.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:d39d3756-5cdb-4406-9ccf-d40b8a31a9e7">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]Well thats a WHOLE different story ladies. Very big oops on our part and yes totally ironic, BUT that doesnt mean we throw religious beliefs out the window. I know this is confusing because I didnt ask about FI or DD, just Mom, so you all are trying to get in the know but its just creating more questions. Time for me to stop replying but thanks again to those who wanted to help! Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
But see, if you hadn't mentioned your FI or your daughter, none of us would know about those issues.
I understand the mom bullshit. Really, I do. I love my mom, but we have a hell of a lot better of a relationship ever since I moved out several years ago. It still sucks sometimes - she told me while I was engaged, I'd look prettier in my wedding dress if I lost weight. So yeah. I understand the frustration.
The thing is, if your mom is a witch, there isn't going to be much you can do to change her attitudes. She's not going to magically change her mind about things if you flip a switch. You need to establish proper boundaries and you guys need to move the eff out of that house, end of story. It's entirely possible to have a small, church wedding and still be able to afford an apartment without having to rely on a dollar dance ( trust me, if you're paying for a reception, the dollar dance will not even begin to cover the cost of the party, let alone any down payment for anything not having to do with the wedding - sorry, but you need to be effing realistic).
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:3fff16ed-8700-4355-8436-62b6735fd3a0">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Your child should be your top priority - above your wedding, and above your issues with your mother. Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
I couldn't agree with this more. Thank you AATB for saying that.
OP, I missed most of this because I was at work, but now that I'm caught up, the only other thing I can say is that you have some hard thinking to do. It seems your priorities are very, very skewed. Your family (daughter) need to be your top priority. Throwing $$ you don't have into a wedding will only make your home life worse.
I will reiterate: JOP it, save your money to move out, then plan for a convalidation of marriage ceremony through the Catholic church at a later date. There is no reason you absolutely <em>must</em> get married likerightnow.
25 in 2012 Reading Progress: 11/25 (44% toward goal)
my currently-reading shelf:
"Are you one of those vegetarian zombies that only eats grrrrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnnsssss?" -- raynes
**FOR SALE NOW**
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:c1c8c319-da46-41e9-b828-a4376f86a73a">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]WOW. Nice.....I never said I was having an expensive wedding. I never said i planned on using the dollar dance money to buy a house, just a simple security down.<strong> And we can afford the down, just dont want to do it now because we dont have enough saved to pay for apartment rent, wedding, baby, and misc for several months.</strong> I dont appriciate ppl commenting on my parenting. Im not offended by anyone because I know things get pretty slow here and when someone posts something just a little bit scandel worthy, everyone is ready to bear arms. I really appriciate the constructive criticism posted by some of you ladies. I will take it with stride. I love my FI even though his faults. This may be a hard time for us, but marriage is hard and you deal with it. We are dealing with it. I just wanted to know how to handle my mom in this post but it turned into something else. Thank you to those who really tried to help :) Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
Uh, that's called budgeting. Sit down. Look at the money coming in. Look at the money going out. Put aside money for savings/retirement/DD. I encourage you to post on the Money Matters board on the Nest with your budget. If you can't afford basic living expenses, something's gotta give. You can't save up enough money while living with your parents to support you forever.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:cc97f180-c3cf-4dca-8456-ea5c540fed20">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Oh baby is the reason why it would be super hard. And i didnt include DD in the post because im trying to refrain from bringing her in the convo. Not appropriate to be talking about her on here. Thats why I didnt meantion her in anything. Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
It's not appropraite to talk about DD here, but you can post about having a princess party for her?
She is 1 year old. She doesn't know it is her birthday. Maybe you should reprioritize here as well instead of relyig opn a dollar dance to finance your security deosit.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:151cd2b8-6c92-4606-9397-0465397f08ff">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : It's good that you aren't throwing your beliefs out the window because of a slight judgment error. But you can still get married in the Catholic church and have a reception. Either do a very small reception at a local restaurant in the early afternoon, or do a cake and punch reception in the church fellowship hall. There is nothing wrong with either of these options and both are very affordable. Plus, there won't be as much added stress of planning and maybe your FI could quit one of his jobs so he could spend more time with your and your DD. If you do this, you could take the money you've been saving for a larger wedding and use it as a security deposit and get away from your mother. Problem solved. Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]
Yeah, but that would make sense. OP doesn't seem like a "make sense" kind of person.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:694944be-27a3-4e68-accf-bb94ad5e1db3">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]Ok Clarification. Is needed, sorry. 1. We were having a private discussion but my Fi ran out of the room and started to leave. I wanted to catch him and bring him back before he left. She caught me running after him and obvoiusly knew something was wrong. (yes he was being super childish and I was too for chasing after him, but <strong>it was an important fight</strong>) Or If i do something she doesnt like she'll say "well im not buying you christmas presents this year then" ...Uh ok..Im pretty sure that only works with 12 year olds. 3. I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place. Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
All three of these parts make me question a whole helluva lot about maturity. Age, yeah probably but maturity moreso. You don't have "important fights," you have important discussions.
Oh God. And now I see there's a baby involved.
Back to my fiction novel, where things make sense.
Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:2e725a1b-c007-462f-af4d-f3b007cb3acf">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : It's not appropraite to talk about DD here, but you can post about having a princess party for her? <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-need-ideas-1year-olds-princess-party-birthday" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-need-ideas-1year-olds-princess-party-birthday</a> She is 1 year old. She doesn't know it is her birthday. Maybe you should reprioritize here as well instead of relyig opn a dollar dance to finance your security deosit. Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]
<div>Ok now any remaining pity I had for you IS GONE. If you are so hard up for cash that you are stuck living with a parent that you feel is hard on you and all you want is to move out- REPRIORITIZE!</div><div> </div><div> </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:59219216-0626-422e-b85b-db1317fa9492">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Ok now any remaining pity I had for you IS GONE. If you are so hard up for cash that you are stuck living with a parent that you feel is hard on you and all you want is to move out- REPRIORITIZE! Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]
Well, I'm sure they had a dollar dance to pay for the party.
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:68046625-9ca5-400b-a37d-23b183db632e">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Well, I'm sure they had a dollar dance to pay for the party. Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
<div> </div><div>every time "dollar dance" has been mentioned in this thread I have hard "bow chicka wow wow" in my head. </div>
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:ec38ff59-ae7b-43c0-aeb5-a211048b1402">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]Im 23 and hes 25. Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_mother-driving-nutts-vent-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:2c04c24d-9089-42c7-abb5-675546b31966Post:7d4c3ea3-8f4a-4639-8784-9a5b9a2f1309">Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question</a>: [QUOTE]I feel like posters like this really give my age group a bad rep. Posted by rhonwynv[/QUOTE]
They don't. She's obviously a tween trapped in a 23-year-old's body.
Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question
[QUOTE]Well thats a WHOLE different story ladies. Very big oops on our part and yes totally ironic, BUT that doesnt mean we throw religious beliefs out the window. I know this is confusing because I didnt ask about FI or DD, just Mom, so you all are trying to get in the know but its just creating more questions. Time for me to stop replying but thanks again to those who wanted to help!
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
<div>::head desk::face palm::head desk::face palm::head desk::face palm::</div>
Now With Pro Pics           Our Wedding Highlights!          
my book shelf:
[QUOTE]Well thats a WHOLE different story ladies. Very big oops on our part and yes totally ironic, BUT that doesnt mean we throw religious beliefs out the window. I know this is confusing because I didnt ask about FI or DD, just Mom, so you all are trying to get in the know but its just creating more questions. Time for me to stop replying but thanks again to those who wanted to help!
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
It's good that you aren't throwing your beliefs out the window because of a slight judgment error. But you can still get married in the Catholic church and have a reception. Either do a very small reception at a local restaurant in the early afternoon, or do a cake and punch reception in the church fellowship hall. There is nothing wrong with either of these options and both are very affordable. Plus, there won't be as much added stress of planning and maybe your FI could quit one of his jobs so he could spend more time with your and your DD.
If you do this, you could take the money you've been saving for a larger wedding and use it as a security deposit and get away from your mother. Problem solved.
[QUOTE]Well thats a WHOLE different story ladies. Very big oops on our part and yes totally ironic, BUT that doesnt mean we throw religious beliefs out the window. I know this is confusing because I didnt ask about FI or DD, just Mom, so you all are trying to get in the know but its just creating more questions. Time for me to stop replying but thanks again to those who wanted to help!
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
But see, if you hadn't mentioned your FI or your daughter, none of us would know about those issues.
I understand the mom bullshit. Really, I do. I love my mom, but we have a hell of a lot better of a relationship ever since I moved out several years ago. It still sucks sometimes - she told me while I was engaged, I'd look prettier in my wedding dress if I lost weight. So yeah. I understand the frustration.
The thing is, if your mom is a witch, there isn't going to be much you can do to change her attitudes. She's not going to magically change her mind about things if you flip a switch. You need to establish proper boundaries and you guys need to move the eff out of that house, end of story. It's entirely possible to have a small, church wedding and still be able to afford an apartment without having to rely on a dollar dance ( trust me, if you're paying for a reception, the dollar dance will not even begin to cover the cost of the party, let alone any down payment for anything not having to do with the wedding - sorry, but you need to be effing realistic).
Now With Pro Pics           Our Wedding Highlights!          
my book shelf:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Your child should be your top priority - above your wedding, and above your issues with your mother.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
I couldn't agree with this more. Thank you AATB for saying that.
OP, I missed most of this because I was at work, but now that I'm caught up, the only other thing I can say is that you have some hard thinking to do. It seems your priorities are very, very skewed. Your family (daughter) need to be your top priority. Throwing $$ you don't have into a wedding will only make your home life worse.
I will reiterate: JOP it, save your money to move out, then plan for a convalidation of marriage ceremony through the Catholic church at a later date. There is no reason you absolutely <em>must</em> get married likerightnow.
my currently-reading shelf:
"Are you one of those vegetarian zombies that only eats grrrrrraaaaaaiiiinnnnnsssss?" -- raynes
**FOR SALE NOW**
40/112
[QUOTE]WOW. Nice.....I never said I was having an expensive wedding. I never said i planned on using the dollar dance money to buy a house, just a simple security down.<strong> And we can afford the down, just dont want to do it now because we dont have enough saved to pay for apartment rent, wedding, baby, and misc for several months.</strong> I dont appriciate ppl commenting on my parenting. Im not offended by anyone because I know things get pretty slow here and when someone posts something just a little bit scandel worthy, everyone is ready to bear arms. I really appriciate the constructive criticism posted by some of you ladies. I will take it with stride. I love my FI even though his faults. This may be a hard time for us, but marriage is hard and you deal with it. We are dealing with it. I just wanted to know how to handle my mom in this post but it turned into something else. Thank you to those who really tried to help :)
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
Uh, that's called budgeting. Sit down. Look at the money coming in. Look at the money going out. Put aside money for savings/retirement/DD. I encourage you to post on the Money Matters board on the Nest with your budget. If you can't afford basic living expenses, something's gotta give. You can't save up enough money while living with your parents to support you forever.
40/112
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Oh baby is the reason why it would be super hard. And i didnt include DD in the post because im trying to refrain from bringing her in the convo. Not appropriate to be talking about her on here. Thats why I didnt meantion her in anything.
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
It's not appropraite to talk about DD here, but you can post about having a princess party for her?
<a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-need-ideas-1year-olds-princess-party-birthday" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-need-ideas-1year-olds-princess-party-birthday</a>
She is 1 year old. She doesn't know it is her birthday. Maybe you should reprioritize here as well instead of relyig opn a dollar dance to finance your security deosit.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : It's good that you aren't throwing your beliefs out the window because of a slight judgment error. But you can still get married in the Catholic church and have a reception. Either do a very small reception at a local restaurant in the early afternoon, or do a cake and punch reception in the church fellowship hall. There is nothing wrong with either of these options and both are very affordable. Plus, there won't be as much added stress of planning and maybe your FI could quit one of his jobs so he could spend more time with your and your DD. If you do this, you could take the money you've been saving for a larger wedding and use it as a security deposit and get away from your mother. Problem solved.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]
Yeah, but that would make sense. OP doesn't seem like a "make sense" kind of person.
[QUOTE]Ok Clarification. Is needed, sorry. 1. We were having a private discussion but my Fi ran out of the room and started to leave. I wanted to catch him and bring him back before he left. She caught me running after him and obvoiusly knew something was wrong. (yes he was being super childish and I was too for chasing after him, but <strong>it was an important fight</strong>)
Or If i do something she doesnt like she'll say "well im not buying you christmas presents this year then" ...Uh ok..Im pretty sure that only works with 12 year olds.
3. I am moving out but we cant right now because we are saving up for the wedding first and then using the dollar dance money to put a down payment on a place.
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
All three of these parts make me question a whole helluva lot about maturity. Age, yeah probably but maturity moreso.
You don't have "important fights," you have important discussions.
Oh God. And now I see there's a baby involved.
Back to my fiction novel, where things make sense.
Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : It's not appropraite to talk about DD here, but you can post about having a princess party for her? <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-need-ideas-1year-olds-princess-party-birthday" rel='nofollow'>http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_nwr-need-ideas-1year-olds-princess-party-birthday</a> She is 1 year old. She doesn't know it is her birthday. Maybe you should reprioritize here as well instead of relyig opn a dollar dance to finance your security deosit.
Posted by allisong23[/QUOTE]
<div>Ok now any remaining pity I had for you IS GONE. If you are so hard up for cash that you are stuck living with a parent that you feel is hard on you and all you want is to move out- REPRIORITIZE!</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>
Now With Pro Pics           Our Wedding Highlights!          
my book shelf:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Ok now any remaining pity I had for you IS GONE. If you are so hard up for cash that you are stuck living with a parent that you feel is hard on you and all you want is to move out- REPRIORITIZE!
Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]
Well, I'm sure they had a dollar dance to pay for the party.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: My Mother is driving me Nutts!!! Vent and Question : Well, I'm sure they had a dollar dance to pay for the party.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
<div>
</div><div>every time "dollar dance" has been mentioned in this thread I have hard "bow chicka wow wow" in my head. </div>
Now With Pro Pics           Our Wedding Highlights!          
my book shelf:
[QUOTE]Im 23 and hes 25.
Posted by misscyndikalene[/QUOTE]
<div>Echoing Mara:</div><div>
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</div>
[QUOTE]I feel like posters like this really give my age group a bad rep.
Posted by rhonwynv[/QUOTE]
They don't. She's obviously a tween trapped in a 23-year-old's body.