Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum
Mother-in-law Money Problems
What could be worse than having an uncomfortable relationship with your future mother-in-law? The answer is: bringing money into the relationship. When I called my m-i-l to be to ask her if she would like to come with me to see a possible venue, her response was, "Well, I don't think I should be too involved with the wedding, seeing as how your parents will be hosting the event."
*Pause for dramatic jaw drop.*
So, clearly she thinks that we are doing things the traditional way, right?
Well my parents were a bit offended and informed me that if that were the case, then she and my fiancé's father would be responsible for the rehearsal dinner and the booze.
However, we have been engaged for almost 7 months and his parents haven't mentioned one thing about given us any financial assistance.
What should we do??
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Re: Mother-in-law Money Problems
Best not to dwell on it. Just tell your MIL that no one really follows those old rules anymore, and you'd love for her to come along and check out venues even if she isn't paying. If she still wants to be stuck in the past, it's on her.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
That being said, you might have your FI talk with her and tell her that you'd love it she helped you with the wedding planning, no money expected. If he can find a non-presumptious way of asking about the RD, all the better.
40/112
My FFIL made a similar comment to my FI when FI mentioned that we were saving for a wedding. He said "but her parents are paying for it right?" FI and I had always assumed we were paying for the whole thing ourselves, and he told his dad that. I think his dad was surprised, but whatever. In the end, my parents have surprised us and said they have money to give us so that is an unexpected gift.
I don't think your FMIL or my FFIL were saying the bride's parents SHOULD pay or trying to be offensive in any way. Some people just assume that things will be done the "traditional" way.
No one, but you and your fi are responsible for your wedding expenses. If your parents want to help you out, that's very nice of them. You should thank them for their generosity. But no one has the right to demand that your FIL's pay for anything. If they want to make such a gift, they will let you know. But don't ask for it.
[QUOTE]Yeah, it would be nice if they would pay, but it would also be nice if my landlord suddenly decided that I was too awesome to have to pay rent. Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
hehe. FMIL IS my landlady.
If your FI's parents are planning on paying for anything, they'll offer. Really, it sounds like she's trying to avoid getting in the way. Tell her that you really would like to to come with you. Or she still doesn't want to go, ask her to look at RD venues with you. If she's thinking about doing things the traditional way, maybe she'll offer to pay for it, but don't ask.
Planning Bio-Updated 3/11 with groomsmen attire
[QUOTE] What should we do??
Posted by Cstrauchman[/QUOTE]
Pay for the wedding yourselves (You and FI) or with the help of those who <strong>offer</strong> to help pay. If they don't offer, too bad. Most adults pay for their own weddings in today's day and age.
No one is entitled to help pay for your wedding.
If your parents aren't helping, then there is certainly no obligation required from your In-laws-to-be part as well!
"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~