Money tree...

evitiello · January 2010

Me and my fiance just got our first apartment together and at that time we bought and received EVERYTHING we needed. Is it wrong to register for our honeymoon Or if we do a money tree, PLUS Me and my fiancee live away from all our family and we drive a VERY small 2 seater car. Also can grandmothers throw showers

[Deleted User] · January 2010

What is a money tree?

Catwoman708 · January 2010

It is NOT ok to solicit cash in any way for any occasion, other than a non-profit fundraiser. Yes, it's often done, but it is a breach of etiquette.

No honeymoon registries, no money trees, and no dollar dances (unless it's a BIG custom in your family and guests are begging to have one).

Sorry, you'll have to figure out another way to pay for the honeymoon and new car.

crfische · January 2010

AAAANNNNDDDDD if you are a woman, marrying a man, it's fiance.

squirrly · January 2010

No, no, please don't do a money tree. A card box is acceptable. A money tree isn't. People's gifts should not be on display for others to judge!

Honeymoon registries get mixed opinions. I don't like the idea that the company you register with normally keeps a percentage of the gifts, so you don't really get everything your guests want to give you. Cash is much easier.

As for grandmothers and showers. . . It wouldn't be my first choice. But, it's better than your mom doing so. If it's really limited to family, I think it would be fine. But if it's non family in attendance too. . . maybe less cool.

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

I hate honeymoon registries and I know my mother, aunt and grandma do as well (my point is ages young-old). Money tree is a no go too.
Either don't register or register for that waffle maker you always wanted or to upgrade your hand mixer to a kitchen aid...

anna.oskar · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:8f5ec2be-d9bd-4a26-879d-8d5734c1d48d">Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]Me and my fiancee just got our first apartment together and at that time we bought and received EVERYTHING we needed. Is it wrong to register for our honeymoon Or if we do a money tree, PLUS Me and my fiancee live away from all our family and we drive a VERY small 2 seater car. Also can grandmothers throw showers
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

JIC

<ul><li>Please do not do a money tree. </li><li>If you need nothing physical, then it should not matter if grandmothers can throw showers. You should decline the shower if you don't want any gifts.</li></ul>

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:7744d758-e6a1-4247-b92c-8f84f591781d">Re: Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Money tree... : JIC Please do not do a money tree. If you need nothing physical, then it should not matter if grandmothers can throw showers. You should decline the shower if you don't want any gifts.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]
Anna- how did I not even think this.

Why do you need a shower if you don't need any physical gifts? You wanto have a shower for people to hand you cash? no, no, no.

evitiello · January 2010

I understand!! we will have to figure out something, I meant our car was too small to hold gifts. its a 2 seater sportscar...we dont need a new one lol. my family is very small and i live far away from most of my childhood friends so it would be an intimate shower.

anna.oskar · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:9e7cf81d-4774-4e9f-83f7-a0eb3f17531b">Re: Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]What is a money tree?
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

Cew: It's a wire frame of a tree that is a place for people to attach their monetary gifts to.

I find them disgusting

<a href="#" title="Click to view a larger photo" onclick="return gSiteLife.LoadForumPage('ForumImage', 'plckPhotoId', 'd2ff6dce-d5f4-4c35-ae93-226c6bfc06e7', 'plckRedirectUrl', gSiteLife.EscapeValue(window.location.href));"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/14/d2ff6dce-d5f4-4c35-ae93-226c6bfc06e7.medium.jpg" alt="" /></a>

anna.oskar · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:a8c9e65d-9e56-45fa-b734-70a9c567653e">Re: Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand!! we will have to figure out something, I meant our car was too small to hold gifts. its a 2 seater sportscar...we dont need a new one lol. my family is very small and i live far away from most of my childhood friends so it would be an intimate shower.
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

But you said you have everything you need.

[Deleted User] · January 2010

Sweet Jesus. Beyond just the tacky aspect of it, it's really ugly.

mocha beans · January 2010

I would skip the money tree because it comes off as greedy. Guests are bringing gifts already, if they want to give you more money they will put it in a card.

Honeymoon registries get mixed reviews. While they sound good in principle, the company that set them up usually gets a cut of the proceeds which bothers me. You better be planning on doing the honeymoon regardless of how much is given in the honeymoon registry, because otherwise the gift is wasted and not used as it was intended to. I'd just have your family and wedding party spread word that you'd prefer cash. Don't tell people yourself.

ohwhynot · January 2010

I think by declining any kind of shower and telling folks that you really have everything you need, word will get around that you really want $$ for your wedding.

tidetravel · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:8f5ec2be-d9bd-4a26-879d-8d5734c1d48d">Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]Me and my fiance just got our first apartment together and at that time we bought and received EVERYTHING we needed. Is it wrong to register for our honeymoon Or if we do a money tree, PLUS Me and my fiancee live away from all our family and we drive a VERY small 2 seater car. Also can grandmothers throw showers
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

There are mixed opinions on HM registries. Some people like them, and some people don't. The biggest argument against them is that a lot of the registries charge user fees to your guests. Also, people may register to buy you certain things or experiences, but with many of them, the guests aren't actually buying these things - the couple is simply cut a check at the end of the day. You would be better off simply spreading via word of mouth that you are trying to save money for your honeymoon and would prefer $. Make sure that you do a small physical registry, as some people simply do not like giving monetary gifts. This way you avoid random gifts.

If you do not register, though, you should decline a shower. Those are meant to "shower" the bride with gifts. If you're asking for cash, there isn't a point to having a shower - opening a bunch of cards with money in front of a bunch of people is tacky and rude. This goes double if you're talking about displaying there money out in the open (money tree)

evitiello · January 2010

My family as well as his is determined to have one and will not let me decline. It is a family thing and they see it important. They want to do the disney honeymoon registry (currently used by over 300,000 couples) but it seems to be hard to operate for many less computer savy people

anna.oskar · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:faac0715-f478-46b4-8df2-666fcd878111">Re: Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]My family as well as his is determined to have one and will not let me decline. It is a family thing and they see it important. They want to do the disney honeymoon registry (currently used by over 300,000 couples) but it seems to be hard to operate for many less computer savy people
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

Not to be a bitch, but this is your wedding isn't it? Not your family's?

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

The fact that over 300,000 people do it doesn't make it any less tacky in some peoples opinions. I would seriously decline the shower. What exactly do you expect people to give you at the shower?

banana468 · January 2010

Just because over 300,000 couples use a honeymoon registry does not mean that your guests will find a honeymoon registry to be in good taste. Plenty of things are popular but aren't appropriate.

If they MUST throw you a shower, register for some real tangible items and see if you can enlist the help of some family members to get the gifts back to your home.

Beyond that - NO MONEY TREE. NO.

[Deleted User] · January 2010

I'm not understanding. Your families are demanding that you have a shower and insisting that you do a Disney HM registry?

mocha beans · January 2010

My best advice now is to learn "No thank you" well. It sounds like family wants to do what they want, not what you want.

If you really don't want any physical gifts, then decline the shower. Or you could accept the shower and register for nicer versions of what you do have.

And since when do the guests get to determine where and for what the couple registers for?

anna.oskar · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:f0f72ee4-1c00-4a29-a796-486bd2957d66">Re: Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually to all the showers i have ever been to, its a plant or tree given to the couple by the host and evelopes and a pen is laid close to the tree, the guests put their gift in the envelope as well a note or any wedding wishes for the newly weds and their name on it and tire it to the tree for the bride.
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

That doesn't make it sound any better.

tidetravel · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_money-tree?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:c6862830-1606-4594-92e3-27a1531f8d21Post:f0f72ee4-1c00-4a29-a796-486bd2957d66">Re: Money tree...</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually to all the showers i have ever been to, its a plant or tree given to the couple by the host and evelopes and a pen is laid close to the tree, the guests put their gift in the envelope as well a note or any wedding wishes for the newly weds and their name on it and tire it to the tree for the bride.
Posted by evitiello[/QUOTE]

If these things are commonly done in your circles, then they probably wouldn't offend your guests. However, it's still not something that is looked favorably on etiquette wise.

And if your family (and you) want to do a HM registry, then go ahead and do one. Just make sure that you do a physical registry as well, so your guests have options.

mocha beans · January 2010

Well, if you really want to do a money tree and a honeymoon registry, then that's your perogative. Just know that etiquette-wise, those things are generally frowned upon. But if your guests/family demands it and you don't mind giving in to their demands, knock yourself out.

evitiello · January 2010

True, but my family is paying for most of the wedding and i am not throwing the shower myself they are, i am just suppose to tell them where i am registered

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

I don't understand why you cant turn down a shower though?
Also, why even ask what we think if your mind has already been made up?

bel138 · January 2010

You either really want a shower with cash only and don't want to admit it to us, or you're completely spineless.

JessAndTrav · January 2010

Money tree = Grabbbbbbbbbbbbbbby.

We did our HM at WDW, and they really push you to do the registry. We didn't. The choice on that is yours. You'll find very mixed opinions about that here.

You should decline the showers that are being offered if you have everything you need. You're not required to register for anything, you know.

banana468 · January 2010

Even if they're paying for the wedding, if you already have too much "stuff" you can say, "Oh thank you for such a generous offer but it wouldn't be fair to accept that since we're not registered for stuff."

And if they DO insist upon a shower and they're tying you down kicking and screaming, I recommend a trip to BB&B. Years after my wedding, I can find items I would like in there so I don't know how you can find nothing to reigster for.

evitiello · January 2010

My fiance is getting deployed after our wedding within a few months of us getting home. They are wanting us to have a great honeymoon before he is deployed and we are apart for a year. We chose disney world. Disney offers a honeymoon registry which is what my mother wanted me to use, i find it hard to belive that most of my family would use it. My alternative was a money tree or box however that is the same concept. it is more practical for us in this situation as he is going to be delpoyed and i may relocate. I am only exploring my options

nda_roxybabe · January 2010

Ok then, so your family will most likely give you money since they know this...for everyone else I'd do a regular (read:bbb, target, etc) registry.

Money tree...

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