Is it rude to not give a gift...

tigerlily25 · June 2010

...when you are invited to a wedding? Just curious what you guys think.

SaraAndrew2010 · June 2010

Generally if you are invited to a wedding, you should send a gift. However, it is not required.

The only situation when I would not give a gift is if I got invited to some OOT distant relative or drifted apart friend and it seemed like they were only sending me a token invite to get a gift. Or if I got a really tacky invitation that flat out asked for money.

katieanne85 · June 2010

Its rude not to acknowledge the wedding with some kind of congratulations, even just a card is fine.

SaraAndrew2010 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_rude-not-give-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9dfb28c5-ea7b-47ef-8689-a7910a0afab4Post:dbfb20f4-def0-4730-b92e-59b4bfdd0779">Re: Is it rude to not give a gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]Its rude not to acknowledge the wedding with some kind of congratulations, even just a card is fine.
Posted by katieanne85[/QUOTE]

I agree that you should definitely send a card no matter what. And in most cases you should send a gift.

gottahavashorti · June 2010

I think that there should at least be a card with a nice note. We always include a gift in our budget for attending a wedding even if we can't afford something pricey.

Galaxy8227 · June 2010

We always give a gift when we are invited to a wedding. What you give as a gift oftne can depend on your budget or how close you are to the couple. But yes at least not giving a card or something small is rude.

quotequeen · June 2010

I don't think it's rude, but I think it is unkind, unless you don't believe you are close to the couple and think you were invited just for a gift.

MissLeahM · June 2010

I don't think its rude. But a card is always appreciated.

jessicarabbit501 · June 2010

i dont think it's rude at all. sometimes people just can't afford it. FI and I always give cash with a card, but that's just us. i do think that a card take little to no effort and that most everyone can at least do that but if they don't, it's not the end of the world. If no one gives gifts at our wedding, neither one of us will be offended in the least but we might be in the minority.

Goldlie11 · June 2010

I do think it rude.

miah_23_ncb · June 2010

I think it is rude if ppl dont give one & can afford it. If they cant i think it is ok. I personally would never go to a wedding w/o giving a gift. I am a baragin hunter and find lots of great deals

SolaraAsh24 · June 2010

I think the only acceptable circumstance to not give a gift would be if you knew 110% that you were only invited in order to get a gift. But I can tell you one thing, with the cost of weddings per person vs. the average wedding gift from someone's registry - the couple is still breaking even or losing money.

I say, if you don't want to give a gift, don't go to the wedding. But still send a card regardless. At least that way, you'd be classy about it.

phut_action · June 2010

yes its rude if you're attending a wedding and don't at least give some sort of gift. It doesn't have to be huge, but something. Remember they're dropping a lot of money on you.

If you dont plan on attending and you're not very close with the couple then I'd say a congratulatory card is sufficient.

Myroni03 · June 2010

Give a gift if you can afford it definitely!!

If you can't afford it, make a deal with yourself and remember that when you can afford it to send the couple a nice "just because" basket or take them out for a nice dinner.

olilirish1o · June 2010

If you can't afford a gift that's understandable and its not something mandatory. If I can't afford a gift I will give them a card or think of something creative but not to expensive. If its one of my friends and I can't afford a gift, I'll search through my pictures and go searching for a cute frame..in the end its the thought that counts not how much you spend on them.

alanna_redman · June 2010

I think it's so rude not to bring a gift! Even if you can't afford a huge donation or expensive gift, you should give something! With the costs of weddings these days it's silly to think anyone is inviting you "just to get a gift." If that's the way you feel, think it over...could the couple's parents be insiting you come? Did you invite them to your wedding then drift apart? People feel compelled to invite their guests for a myriad of reasons, gift-grabbing is rarely the case.

I also think it's important to send a gift if you didn't attend the wedding. These are the standards to which I hold myself, and in my Italian culture it's common practice. I recognise every culture has its own customs, but I think it's just common courtesy.

Also...sorry, but "just sending a card" doesn't cut it.

superheroprincess · June 2010

I get invited to a lot of weddings every year. I always give a gift of at least $100 when attending a wedding but don't usually send a gift if I can't attend.
I know you're supposed too but I just can't afford it.

sarvleff · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_rude-not-give-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9dfb28c5-ea7b-47ef-8689-a7910a0afab4Post:262d4a38-4d09-40ed-a5d2-30bf0d66dfbe">Re: Is it rude to not give a gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's so rude not to bring a gift! Even if you can't afford a huge donation or expensive gift, you should give something! With the costs of weddings these days it's silly to think anyone is inviting you "just to get a gift." If that's the way you feel, think it over...could the couple's parents be insiting you come? Did you invite them to your wedding then drift apart? People feel compelled to invite their guests for a myriad of reasons, gift-grabbing is rarely the case. I also think it's important to send a gift if you didn't attend the wedding. These are the standards to which I hold myself, and in my Italian culture it's common practice. I recognise every culture has its own customs, but I think it's just common courtesy. Also...sorry, but "just sending a card" doesn't cut it.
Posted by alanna_redman[/QUOTE]

Well said and I agree. People just don't invite others "just to get a gift". And if you really felt that way about an invite you got, you probably wouldn't go to the wedding and reception anyhow...unless you were going "just for the open bar". I think even if it is something small, you definitely need to give something no matter what.

prncsz · June 2010

I have gone to weddings and not given a gift but only because it was spur of the moment. One example is that a co-worker of mine told me a year before it happened of her daughters wedding. She gave out a group invite for the wedding and I was no longer in the department so I never saw it and never heard back from her on it.. I literally found out like 30 minutes before the wedding was to start that it was actually happening that day, so I ran home changed clothes and headed to the church.

JennaV26 · June 2010

When I come from if you get invited to a wedding you give a gift. DItto with shower invitations.

Jane_Birkin · June 2010

this varies by region, but in the NY area it is definitely rude not to give a gift if you attend a wedding. even just bring a cute candle holder or something if you don't have a big budget. these days weddings are so expensive that there's no way you can expect people to "cover their head" but a show of appreciation for the party is appropriate.

it is also proper ettiquette in my area to send a gift for a wedding that you don't attend, though that can be something relatively inexpensive from the registry rather than cash.

MissDuke2012 · June 2010

We typically give a gift of some sort for all the weddings we go to.

This past wedding my FI was in, we didn't. We had originally bought the couple the gas grill they wanted off their registery (we were really close with them). But ended up returning it after they stopped talking to us because FI was out of town the night of the batchelor party. He had already paid for a trip to Las Vegas, they knew this when they planned the party. So we ended up giving them like $20 and no longer talk to them.

jennylove810 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_rude-not-give-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:9dfb28c5-ea7b-47ef-8689-a7910a0afab4Post:c97821c0-a799-4f62-a6cc-c9d0b65f96ff">Re: Is it rude to not give a gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]When I come from if you get invited to a wedding you give a gift. DItto with shower invitations.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

I don't always give a shower gift if I can't attend the shower, but I always always give a wedding gift and I do my best to abide by the 'cover your plate' mentality. I know not everyone does that, and that's fine, but I would decline a wedding invitation before I showed up without a legitimate gift or a card with a fat check. No way on earth am I going to someone's wedding, eating, drinking, and dancing on their dime, with nothing but a card and a note.

sabatron · June 2010

One of my best friends who lives in Alaska will be taking two days off of work and flying out to New Jersey for my wedding. I don't expect a THING from her. Her presence is more than enough. When people go to great lengths to be present, I wouldn't expect anything. BUT in most cases, I would be offended if a gift wasn't given at my wedding.

Goldlie11 · June 2010

I hate to sound like a witch, but I don't buy the whole "I can't afford it thing" How many of us waste money on little things? You have at least 6 weeks before the wedding to save money. If you put aside $10 a week, that's $60. That amount (or even less) should allow you to buy something off of the registry, something you think the couple might like, or give it in cash.

I kind of posted and ran, but i would not show up to a wedding without a gift

abelch2 · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_rude-not-give-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9dfb28c5-ea7b-47ef-8689-a7910a0afab4Post:88c3505c-a9bb-4e0a-8ef4-93aec4477845">Re: Is it rude to not give a gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to sound like a witch, but I don't buy the whole "I can't afford it thing" How many of us waste money on little things? You have at least 6 weeks before the wedding to save money. If you put aside $10 a week, that's $60. That amount (or even less) should allow you to buy something off of the registry, something you think the couple might like, or give it in cash. I kind of posted and ran, but i would not show up to a wedding without a gift
Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]

WELL SAID!!!

I would NEVER EVER show up to a wedding without a gift, nor would I ever decline a shower or wedding invitation without sending a gift soon after. Even if you aren't very close to the couple and sending a gift seems like a waste, they obviously felt close enough to you to invite you to their wedding. So send a gift, you'll feel much better after you do!

noodle_oo · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_rude-not-give-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:9dfb28c5-ea7b-47ef-8689-a7910a0afab4Post:ec2c7c7a-5786-4076-94f9-332c0dcf8a73">Re: Is it rude to not give a gift...</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is rude if ppl dont give one & can afford it. If they cant i think it is ok. I personally would never go to a wedding w/o giving a gift. I am a baragin hunter and find lots of great deals
Posted by miah_23_ncb[/QUOTE]

How could you possibly know if someone can really afford it or not? Most people who can't afford it make every effort to make sure their friends/family do not know they can't afford it.

myscgolfer · June 2010

It is rude to not give a gift but moreso not to even acknowledge the invitation and your presence at the wedding with a card. We just got married 2 weeks ago and there are people who came whom we're very close to and we've received nothing from them. We've dismissed those who came to the shower considering their gift at the shower as the wedding gift but still there are "missing gifts/cards" from people we can't even believe wouldn't bring/send a gift. It's making us crazy suspicious that someone got a hand in the gift box- of course we can't ask because THAT is rude. In short- at least give a card- the couple knows who was invited and who showed up and danced and drank on their dime all night.

Goldlie11 · June 2010

If you acknowledge the event a little later, that is fine. If you are spending a lot (which $800 is) to attend a destination wedding, that is different. But I do think going to someone's wedding and not acknowledging it with a gift is rude. I wouldn't do it. Sorry if that upsets you.

I know that many of FIs family attended a shower without giving a gift. So, they arrived ate and drank for free. They bought the mother nothing (it was a baby shower nothing). Meanwhile, about a week before the shower, one family member who claimed to have no money bought a brand new flat screen TV. Wrong in my opinion.

TuckerDeosdade · June 2010

I hate to sound rude to either side of the argument, but two things:

TECHNICALLY, it's rude of the couple getting married to presume people will buy them a gift. TECHNICALLY, announcing your registry is a faux pas, because a gift is exactly that: a gift. It's a desicion made by the giver and is supposed to be an act of love and support. Whether a gift is from the registry or not shouldn't matter.

Personally, I don't think it's rude to not give a gift to someone getting married. I don't even know if I'd remember if someone was invited (or even came) to my wedding and did not give a gift. My fiance and I are inviting a bunch of our parents' friends. We don't even know them, but the parents want them invited. I would not feel insulted if they didn't send us a gift, not even a card. We are inviting (most) of our guests becuase we love them and want them to know and celebrate with us.

Financial situations are financial situations, and I'm not going to get into that because everyone IS different.

Ambie3.0 · June 2010

I think it is rude to be invited to wedding of people you barely know.... and expect to send a gift or card.
If I could not make it to a friends wedding for a really good reason I would still send a card and gift. If I don't attend the wedding clearly it wasn't someone I felt close to and do not feel obligated to give a gift.

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