Cliff's Notes Version for those that want to skim it first, more details (if desired below).
I'm upset bc I feel like I should've stood up for the girl I've been friends with the longest when she was being bullied by another BM. I didn't want to make the situation worse, so I didn't.
Now I have one rude friend who may or may not know that she was being a jerk. And another friend who feels as though I've betrayed her for not standing up for her.
On one hand, I want to tell the friend to grow up and fight her own battles. And on the other I want to apologize to her and yell at the other. And then again, I kinda just want to say whatever, do what you want.
Longer, detailed version:
Recently my bridesmaids and I went out of town for the weekend to go dress shopping. The idea was to have a fun girls weekend and get something accomplished as well.
Saturday morning, everything is fine until we find out that a car in the parking lot (though not any of our cars) was broken into and everything in it was stolen. While this is cause for concern for most, Amy has a 2010 Camaro with less than 2000 miles on it. She was more than concerned and was pretty much the only thing discussed for 20 minutes. It was annoying to everyone, but Nicole just kept saying :if they wanted your car or soemthing from it, they would've taken it. Move on and get over it." --Understandable, but seriously, it's a BRAND NEW CAR! Who wouldn't be overprotective. The solution, Amy took her car as well and I rode with her.
At the dress shops and lunch, it felt like anytime Amy would say something, Nicole would cut her off, give her a dirty look, ignore her, or say something argumentative. The tension kept growing and growing. The other girls noticed it too.
While headiing back to the hotel, Amy said to me that she wasn't sure if she could handle Nicole; that she's (nicole) always been rude to her since high school for reasons beyond her understanding; and she didn't think it would be fair to me if things continued to escalate. Naively, I thought she was referring to the weekend, not the wedding. I told her I completely understood and I would support whatever decision she made.
So when we all got back to the hotel, Amy packed her things and said a friend from the area was fighting with her spouse and she was going to head out. She and I talked on the way to her car and I thought we were on the same page. I wasn't going to address Nicole until later in the week after we returned home to avoid making it even worse. (The rest of us couldn't take off in our cars; we were stuck in a hotel and single vehicle with her. Why make a bad situation worse?)
I talked to Amy over the next 2 or 3 days and things seemed fine. But then, she stopped initiating any contact, replies to my texts were short responses, and phone calls were not answered.
I emailed her and said I felt like she was mad at me but I couldn't figure out why. Her response was... well, fairly intense.
She said she felt like she was a little kid on the playground being bullied and I wasn't there to defend her. She's upset that she had to put forth more everything (money, miles, time, etc) to spend the weekend with us, but I was willing to let her walk out without a fight. Because she spent the weekend out of town with us for me, she has to spend her bday alone due to scheduling issues with her and her spouse. And lastly, she will not be in the wedding bc that will be the easiest way to avoid conflict. However she will still attend the wedding and is excited for it.
Any thoughts or ideas about how to handle the situation?