Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom

kikibaby · August 2010

Does how much you make affect whether you're going to be a SAHM or a working mom (if you are planning on kids)?

For instance, I'd really be ok with being a working mom, but we think it might be more cost effective for me to stay home. My income would almost all go to day care, which seems kinda silly.

louisvillebride21 · August 2010

If I were to get KTFU right now, I'd almost have to be a SAHM. I don't think we could afford day care. However, once I get established, I think we would clear day care by a lot, but then again, H is going to be making enough that we can afford for me to stay home. I plan on stopping work when I'm 7 months along. That's assuming everything goes according to plan.

amysmomma · August 2010

I would 100% be a SAHM if I could afford it. I had a maternity leave of one year and I loved every minute of it. I would return to work when my daughter is in school fulltime though.

Mrs.B6302007 · August 2010

We're caught in the middle. If I work then paying for daycare + keeping minimal cost insurance vs. staying home with less income and paying big bucks for insurance.

AdeleDazeem · August 2010

How much I make (or my husband makes) has nothing to do with whether I will stay home or not. My mom worked, my grandmother worked, and I will most certainly work when I have kids.

I'm allowed to be a person in my own right as well as a mother. Some people get a sense of self-worth from different things, including motherhood. If being a mother fulfills you, then by all means stay home. But, it wouldn't satisfy me.

I'd love to work out a part-time plan or different hours so my child isn't spending all day at a day care, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. But not working at all? I don't believe that will ever be an option for me, regardless of how much money is floating around my home.

mica178 · August 2010

In the perfect world, I'd love to be a SAHM at least while our (theoretical, future) kids are young. If we stay in the San Francisco area, that probably won't happen because of the super high cost of living, but I'd still probably go part-time. Also, I make way more working even part-time than a babysitter/nanny would cost.

My FI thinks he'd rather we take a hit in quality of life than have both of us working full time with kids. So, the current plan is for us to both work for a couple years before we have kids, sock away some money, and then let me go part time while we TTC, stop working or take a prolonged maternity leave/sabbatical when the kids (hopefully) arrive. We're also looking to move to a less expensive area so that living on one income is easier.

danieliza1127 · August 2010

My best friend is a SAHM based solely on principle. They can't really afford to be doing it but she refuses to get a job and doesn't want her son to be with anyone all day but her. So that's the choice they've made.

For me, it would depend on money. I like our lifestyle and if I could keep working and we made enough to handle daycare and still get to actually pay our bills and do stuff, I wouldn't have a problem working. I wouldn't do what my best friend is doing. Now of course, I don't have a kid, so these thoughts are all just speculation at this point.

mrsalbee · August 2010

I am currently a SAHM, but when he was about 8 months old I went back to my old job (childcare) for about 6 months. I hated it only because I was taking care of other people's children all day long, but didn't get to see my own son!

I went to school for expanded dental assisting, so I have that option if I choose to do so. Now, dental assistants get paid a decent hourly wage, but dental offices are not open 40 hours a week. Basically alot of my paycheck would be going to daycare. Around where I live it starts at about $180-200 a week for full time!

I never even thought I would ever have children and always vowed to be a working mother, but after having my son everything changed. I love staying at home with him and being there for his firsts for everything instead of a daycare provider telling me about it.

I think that whatever profession you choose, make sure that it will actually be doing you some good. Many family members suggested that I babysit other people's children for money, but that is just not me. Alot of women do it and get CPR certified and make decent money. It's all about what you can personally handle.

I am considering getting a part time job working like 12 hours a week at nights, just to ease the burden off of my FI. He works hard but doesn't complain, so speak with your guy before adding that extra burden.

Coming from my experience, if you stay at home, become as invovled as you can with play groups or anything to keep you socialized. I didnt do that and it wasn't pretty for a while. Sorry for such a long response...I am passionate about stay at home mothers!

kikibaby · August 2010

I'm just floored when I hear how much day care costs. My co-worker is pregnant, and she just called a place to see how much it would be for a 4 year old and an infant- they wanted $2200! But the average for 2 kids here is about $1500. That's nearly my monthy income.

jnic0319 · August 2010

Yes. I would rather work (I say that now as someone who can't even think of having a child at this point) but here daycare cost $1000/month/child. So at a certain point if we had a few little ones it would be more economical for one of us to stay home than to work.

SarahPLiz · August 2010

Once we pay down some debt (old CC debt from a previous relationship for me) we could be very comfortable with just his income. However, I like working. My boss is really supportive of family life, so I can work from home or have an infant at the office with me when needed. We already discussed it.

In the ideal world, I'd have my own consulting business and would just need a babysitter for when I have meetings with clients, but that's a ways off.

Stackeye210 · August 2010

I would prefer to be a SAHM, however, with it just being Jocelyn the extra amount I make over what her costs of daycare / preschool cost more then makes it beneficial for me to keep working for now. I'm sure if I popped out another 2 or so I could easily stay home and have it financially make sense.

However, by the time I have another one the plan is for T to be making as much as he and I combined by himself. I wouldn't stop working if our household income was any less then that.

temerityjane · August 2010

There's a whole lot more than money issues in our situation that will go into choosing SAHM vs working. It would be nice to have more money than we do now, but we're not super concerned about it. If I was to get pregnant now, I'd likely continue to stay home. Whether I work outside the house will depend on where we're stationed, what's available, and how much childcare will cost. Once he's out of the military, it might be different. As always in this relationship, whether or not I choose to work (and when and how much, due to the nature of the kind of work I do), is totally up to me.

mandysmear · August 2010

I will not have children til I can stay home with them and not have to rely on day homes, day cares etc. I plan to work 3 days a week after about 3 months and two of those days will be H's days off work. So I will only need childcare for 1 day. Let's just hope that i have a close friend, neighbour or family member that can watch it. Call me paranoid, but I don't want a stranger watching my children.

I will need a life and some individuality, so going to work will be for me.

katiewhompus · August 2010

If Scott gets the promotion he's looking at it's very possible for me to stay at home. Right now my monthly check is actually less than daycare in our area for an infant. My mom has offered to babysit while I'm at work (right now not working isn't an option) but I would rather raise my own kid than have her do it.

Benefits do become an interesting thing though. I think for Scott to add myself + child to his benefits it would run about $400 a month, which is a huge chunk of money. Ideally I could remain at my current job, or transfer closer so I would have less commute time (right now between 60 and 70 minutes). He is also trying to get closer for the same reason (he's 45-60 minutes)

Both my mom and Scott's mom were stay at home mom's for most of our lives. Mom stayed home with me until I went to school, she then got jobs through the same school district so she still picked me up after school, could stay home if I was sick, etc. When I went to college she had to quit her massage business and was unable to find work again (at the age of 40). She was unemployed throughout my entire college time (which was a god send to me and dad) and now has her own massage business again.

andyandhillary · August 2010

Wow, I truly had no idea day care was so expensive. I thought working was the more economical choice. Apparently not.

We'll probably do whatever is more economical. I would enjoy being there for all of my children's "firsts" but at the same time I think I would be bored out of my gourd. My SIL has a similar personality to me and she was/is bored all day and it's just not fulfilling for her. If one of us has to/is able to stay home then we'll go with whoever makes less. So that will probably be me but H is fully up to it.

kikibaby · August 2010

Katie- the insurance is something we'd be worried about. It is a LOT more for B to add me (and a baby). I'm trying to get him to apply at companies that have better benefits, because his current company only pays a small portion of healthcare.

I think my parents would watch my kid, but I hate the idea of making them spend their retirement babysitting every day.

kellyjellybelly · August 2010

H and I both grew up with moms at home. I would love to do that for our child(ren) if we end up having them. I absolutely hate my job, and would love to be able to stay home and raise our children. Unfortunately, I make quite a bit more money than H, so as things are right now, he would probably be the more logical choice to stay home. I would say that our decision would most likely be based on financial reasons.

Otherwise, I've been telling my mom that once my brother and SIL have kids and if we have kids, she should retire and stay home and watch them. My deal would be to pay her half of what daycare would cost.

Stackeye210 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-money-sahm-vs-working-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6851628-5147-41a7-ad5a-1ecfe9f8a0e2Post:3d5013df-d842-4e81-ad2e-8aa014307c14">Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom</a>:
[QUOTE]I will not have children til I can stay home with them and not have to rely on day homes, day cares etc. I plan to work 3 days a week after about 3 months and two of those days will be H's days off work. So I will only need childcare for 1 day. Let's just hope that i have a close friend, neighbour or family member that can watch it. Call me paranoid, but I don't want a stranger watching my children. I will need a life and some individuality, so going to work will be for me.
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

This is an EXCELLENT point b/c if Trevor's mom didn't watch Jocelyn up until about 2 months ago then I would have found a way to stay at home a long time ago - even if it meant watching other kids in my home for some cash. T's sister is watching Jocelyn now and even though I trust her I would have been much more nervous leaving J with her before she could talk and tell me what goes on. I don't say that because I don't think she's safe, I just like to know that she's being paid attention to since T's sister has her own newborn in the house that she oogles over.

kellyjellybelly · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-money-sahm-vs-working-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6851628-5147-41a7-ad5a-1ecfe9f8a0e2Post:9b983706-79a5-436f-8d12-5ec425239a3d">Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom</a>:
[QUOTE]Katie- the insurance is something we'd be worried about. It is a LOT more for B to add me (and a baby). I'm trying to get him to apply at companies that have better benefits, because his current company only pays a small portion of healthcare. I think my parents would watch my kid, but I hate the idea of making them spend their retirement babysitting every day.
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]
It is WAY cheaper at my work for insurance for me, H and a child(ren) than it is for just me & H. Right now we still both have our separate insurance, it's cheaper that way.

Bubbalub · August 2010

We have talked a lot about this and the main concern for us is how our chidren are raised. We would love it if one of us could stay home at least until the kids are in pre-school. Right now the logical person would be me because FI's salary is 2x mine at the moment. It would be tight but we could do it.

We just hate the idea of someone else spending more time with our kids when they are babies than we are spending with them. I mean, my sister and I grew up in day care because my parents needed two incomes to make it, and we turned out fine. But I think if they had had a choice, one of them would have stayed home until we were in school.

The current plan is for me to stay home and once the kid(s) is a little older, socialize them with day care a couple days a week and maybe I can get a part-time gig. Another option is for me to do freelance work at home and there is plenty of that available for digital artists. I can also make stuff (I love to knit) and work on my paintings and see if I can earn extra money that way as well.

Really, though, we just don't know how it will all work out until we get to that place.

danieliza1127 · August 2010

I think the debate of strangers/day-care vs someone you know watching the kid is so interesting. Back when we were kids, everyone used hired babysitters whether they were pre-teens or teenagers or adults, or day-care. It seems like now-a-days everyone I know in my generation with kids is pretty adamant about only using family for babysitters. I wonder what changed?

*BeachBride0410* · August 2010

DH will be moving on to a promotion in the next 2-3 yrs so I will most def. be a SAHM. Day care would cost what I make, and I have always wanted to be a SAHM....I don't have a career, its just a job to me. I do think I will be able to stay PT to keep my foot in the door, then once the kid/kids get older and in school, I can go back to FT.

FutureMrsTR · August 2010

FI and I would both love for me to be able to stay home at least until our child was 4-5ish (preschool/kindergarten age). It would definitely depend on what my salary was compared to day care. I lose my mind thinking about that stuff now since he's unemployed and I'm at a job I don't plan on staying at and we want to move to a totally new city so I have no idea what our finances will be like soon. It makes me crazy so I'm mostly ignoring it until we get home from the honeymoon and can actually do something about it.

mrsalbee · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-money-sahm-vs-working-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6851628-5147-41a7-ad5a-1ecfe9f8a0e2Post:b86ea968-022f-4f57-bdf4-5d8a7b6ebfda">Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the debate of strangers/day-care vs someone you know watching the kid is so interesting. Back when we were kids, everyone used hired babysitters whether they were pre-teens or teenagers or adults, or day-care. It seems like now-a-days everyone I know in my generation with kids is pretty adamant about only using family for babysitters. I wonder what changed?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I think my fear is more of my child being abused. Whether it be physically, verbally, or sexually. I know that this can happen with family members as well, but the only people I let watch my son is my MIL, my parents and sister.

danieliza1127 · August 2010

bubblub - around here, day-care places don't let you do just a couple days a week. You pay for the entire week whether you bring the child every day or not.

andyandhillary · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-money-sahm-vs-working-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6851628-5147-41a7-ad5a-1ecfe9f8a0e2Post:b86ea968-022f-4f57-bdf4-5d8a7b6ebfda">Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom</a>:
[QUOTE]I think the debate of strangers/day-care vs someone you know watching the kid is so interesting. Back when we were kids, everyone used hired babysitters whether they were pre-teens or teenagers or adults, or day-care. It seems like now-a-days everyone I know in my generation with kids is pretty adamant about only using family for babysitters. I wonder what changed?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

I've always wondered that too. Growing up, we lived far away from any family so it wasn't a choice. My mom stayed home because my brother was sick until we were both in school. Then she worked and we went to an in-home day care for a few hours after school.

kikibaby · August 2010

In another note, I've been lurking on TB lately, and there's a controversy over there re: working moms. Apparently someone said that working moms are choosing material things/money over their children. What do you think about that?

andyandhillary · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-money-sahm-vs-working-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6851628-5147-41a7-ad5a-1ecfe9f8a0e2Post:3f8a0bc4-2a9f-4c8c-be76-6d61d1a6fc8e">Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom</a>:
[QUOTE]bubblub - around here, day-care places don't let you do just a couple days a week. You pay for the entire week whether you bring the child every day or not.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

WHAT?!?! That is beyond ridiculous. What is the reasoning?

danieliza1127 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-money-sahm-vs-working-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6851628-5147-41a7-ad5a-1ecfe9f8a0e2Post:7328c699-80a7-4c82-b445-1e41505b0fe2">Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom : I think my fear is more of my child being abused. Whether it be physically, verbally, or sexually. I know that this can happen with family members as well, but the only people I let watch my son is my MIL, my parents and sister.
Posted by mrsalbee[/QUOTE]

See that's interesting to me too. It's basically a proven fact that kids are abused and molested more often by family members or trusted family friends than strangers, so the logic that a lot of parents use is probably quite flawed.

andyandhillary · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_another-money-sahm-vs-working-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a6851628-5147-41a7-ad5a-1ecfe9f8a0e2Post:c675478a-02f9-4d61-af4b-795e753826dd">Re: Another money s/o- SAHM vs. Working mom</a>:
[QUOTE]In another note, I've been lurking on TB lately, and there's a controversy over there re: working moms. Apparently someone said that working moms are choosing material things/money over their children. What do you think about that?
Posted by kikibaby[/QUOTE]

I think it's rubbish. Some moms are fulfilled by being mothers, some moms love motherhood but need something else too. I think every person should be able to find fullfillment for themselves without being lectured. A happy, fulfilled working mom will be better for her children, IMO, than a miserable SAHM who is unfulfilled.

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