Wedding Party

Probably the dumbest TY note question ever

Ok, I know that this is an etiquette question, and NWPR at all, but I really trust the judgement calls of the regs on this board, so I'm asking here.

I'm going to preface this by stating that I'm completely mortified that I even have to ask this question. So when you all flame me and DH for being disorganized or ditzy or something, I'm well aware that we fully deserve it.
 
Very, very, very long story short: I discovered a stack of our Thank You notes from the wedding all addressed and sealed in a box last night, no stamps. I'm not entirely sure how they never made it to the post office (Obviously, I thought we mailed them all), but it looks like the stack is for about 1/3 of our guest list (And yes, I'm 100% sure the remaining 2/3 were sent out already). For those of you that don't remember, my wedding was in January.

I'm utterly embarrassed, and obviously, I plan to send them out ASAP, but before I do, I was just wondering if I should put them inside another envelope with a little note apologizing for the extreme delay? Or should I just send them as is like nothing happened and hope nobody thinks we're the worst people ever? If you received a really late TY note, would you need an explanation?

I just want to do the right thing here. Thoughts?

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Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever

  • I don't know what protocol is on this, but I personally would write on the back of the outer envelope with a little note saying something like 'OMG sorry these are late....Brian HID them! ;)" and leave it at that. You know, try to make a joke about it while still apologizing. At least you're getting them out, right?
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  • I don't think you need an explanation. I've gotten late thank you notes before and always thought it was better late than never. It was an accident. I would just send them out as is and be glad I discovered them now instead of later or never.
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  • tldhtldh member
    2500 Comments
    edited November 2010
    @Licia - YOU WERE THERE!!! Did you see the pics I posted for Aerin a couple of days ago?

    @Brooke EDIT: MEG - I've never needed an explanation for late TYs that I got.  If it were me though, I think I'd write something about them running away and hiding from you knowing how distracted you'd be with post wedding stuff/a recent move/renovation, etc.
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  • Hey I didn't respond to this thread!
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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  • I just seriously feel like such an ass. I know it's partially because in the past few months we've become incredibly disorganized. We actually have a housekeeping team coming in tomorrow to basically declutter and deep clean the whole house ... and we booked it before I discovered the box, so we know it's a problem.

    We don't like live in filth or anything like that, just lots and lots of clutter in a very small space.

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  • I would just be happy to get my thank you note from you.  I agree with better late than never.

    However, at the same time, I had kind of a similar situation.  I ran out of stamps when I was getting ready to send thank you notes from my shower.  I thought I separated the piles of stamped and not stamped, but apparently I did not.  I put all of them in the mail, even the ones without stamps.  I had no clue which ones had stamps and which ones didn't and the ones without stamps never got returned to me.  So I tried to thank people in person or on facebook that were at my shower.

     On our thank you notes from the wedding, for people who were at my shower, I included a little "P.S. note" that thanked them for the shower gift and explained that I had put some invites in the mail without stamps.

    So I totally get where you are coming from.  I like Stina's idea of just mentioning something on the back of the envelope, but I don't think it would be a big deal if you didn't say anything.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:0b3e9fe5-57ad-42c9-8c9e-9623cfb94063">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hey I didn't respond to this thread!
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Sorry dear.  For some reason I'm a bit light headed this morning.
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  • Tricia- I was there! And yes, I saw your pictures. We had a great time. We ended up in the second section, right behind the "VIP" section, to the left side of the stage. We got there at 7:30, and thank goodness we decided to do that. I couldn't believe how many people were there!

    And Meg, don't feel bad. Especially with all the home upgrades you've done lately, crazy clutter is totally forgivable.
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  • I feel really bad, because some of these people were at my great-grandmother's funeral a few weeks ago and I haven't seen them since the wedding. They were actually saying to us "Oh, your wedding was so wonderful, we're so glad we were able to be there ...", acting like nothing was weird, and the whole time they never got a note. I mean, at least I'm not in one of those families where people flat out say "B!tch, where's my TY note?" (Since, apparently, that happens), so that's nice ... I'm really not sure I can say "I feel like an ass" enough times to properly convey how I feel.


    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:1c5b709f-6409-4f5f-86b9-52bfd6d79527">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]I just seriously feel like such an ass. I know it's partially because in the past few months we've become incredibly disorganized. We actually have a housekeeping team coming in tomorrow to basically declutter and deep clean the whole house ... and we booked it before I discovered the box, so we know it's a problem. We don't like live in filth or anything like that, just lots and lots of clutter in a very small space.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    I understand.  When I moved from the rathole section 8 apartment I lived in while in law school (all I could afford) to my beautiful Victorian apartment, I was throwing what I wasn't taking with me in the middle of the living room floor.  After a couple days, the pile took up the entire living room.  I just stared at it asking, "Where in hell did I fit all of this?!?!?"
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:2cd28590-6340-4c46-abff-1043bc38afaf">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever : I understand.  When I moved from the rathole section 8 apartment I lived in while in law school (all I could afford) to my beautiful Victorian apartment, I was throwing what I wasn't taking with me in the middle of the living room floor. <strong> After a couple days, the pile took up the entire living room.  I just stared at it asking, "Where in hell did I fit all of this?!?!?"
    </strong>Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    This is pretty much what's happened to us ... all I keep thinking is "Dear God, we can't end up like those people on 'Hoarders', we can't<strong> </strong>have this much stuff!". Truth is, it's not really terrible in terms of owning a ton of stuff we don't need. We need most of what we have, we just also need a way to store it all properly. At least we recognize that it's a problem and we are actively doing something to try fixing it, so I'm guessing that means I'm not getting recruited for a 'Hoarders' or 'Buried Alive' episode any time soon.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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  • While we are on the subject of TY notes, one thing that irks me is when you go to a bridal shower or baby shower, and they pass around envelopes and make everyone fill out an envelope with their name and address so when the person sends their TY notes, they don't have to address them.  I think it is totally lazy, and I don't like it. 

    If you really don't have enough time to write my address on my envelope, then just print out some labels.
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited November 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:7ab64360-0eab-499d-895e-1cb8037fb006">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever : This is pretty much what's happened to us ... all I keep thinking is "Dear God, we can't end up like those people on 'Hoarders', we can't have this much stuff!". Truth is, it's not really terrible in terms of owning a ton of stuff we don't need. We need most of what we have, we just also need a way to store it all properly. At least we recognize that it's a problem and we are actively doing something to try fixing it, so I'm guessing that means I'm not getting recruited for a 'Hoarders' or 'Buried Alive' episode any time soon.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    This is my fear! We just re-did our floors and our back room (the first one we did) is filled to the brim with just stuff. We need it all, we just need a better way to store it all. I'm going to have to set aside a weekend and go through that room and the garage and find some sort of storage system. I hate having boxes all over the place. Makes me feel like we just moved in.

    I think you're fine sending the cards now. like PPs have said, better late than never. If you really feel like you need to say something, go with Stina's idea and write it on the back of the card.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:9eb79908-9a8d-45fb-a6e8-5ac75a9374ac">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]While we are on the subject of TY notes, one thing that irks me is when you go to a bridal shower or baby shower, and they pass around envelopes and make everyone fill out an envelope with their name and address so when the person sends their TY notes, they don't have to address them.  I think it is totally lazy, and I don't like it.  If you really don't have enough time to write my address on my envelope, then just print out some labels.
    Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

    ...people do this?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:9eb79908-9a8d-45fb-a6e8-5ac75a9374ac">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]While we are on the subject of TY notes, one thing that irks me is when you go to a bridal shower or baby shower, and they pass around envelopes and make everyone fill out an envelope with their name and address so when the person sends their TY notes, they don't have to address them.  I think it is totally lazy, and I don't like it.  If you really don't have enough time to write my address on my envelope, then just print out some labels.
    Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

    Wow - I have never experienced that. Of course the last baby shower I went to was for my SIL and I don't think I ever got a thank you note from them.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:9eb79908-9a8d-45fb-a6e8-5ac75a9374ac">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]While we are on the subject of TY notes, one thing that irks me is when you go to a bridal shower or baby shower, and they pass around envelopes and make everyone fill out an envelope with their name and address so when the person sends their TY notes, they don't have to address them.  I think it is totally lazy, and I don't like it.  If you really don't have enough time to write my address on my envelope, then just print out some labels.
    Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

    I hate this, too! BSC friend does this at all of her showers, and it just always annoyed me. I'm an incredibly lazy person at times, but jeez, I always addressed my own envelopes.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:9eb79908-9a8d-45fb-a6e8-5ac75a9374ac">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]While we are on the subject of TY notes, one thing that irks me is when you go to a bridal shower or baby shower, and they pass around envelopes and make everyone fill out an envelope with their name and address so when the person sends their TY notes, they don't have to address them.  I think it is totally lazy, and I don't like it.  If you really don't have enough time to write my address on my envelope, then just print out some labels.
    Posted by frogurt814[/QUOTE]

    What's even more ridiculous is when you have to fill out your own envelope and then never get a thank you note. That makes me give extra side-eye. I took the time to do part of your job for you, you're clearly aware that thank you notes need to be sent out and still you're choosing not to do it. So rude.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:71ad46d2-54a3-4859-9b5a-9c75018d2281">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever : ...people do this?
    Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]

    Yep.  It's usually prefaced with "Let's all help the bride/new mom/whatever out so she doesn't have to spend a lot of time looking up your address."
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:e92c328e-4099-42cc-b94a-cbe72e9916a7">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE] 'OMG sorry these are late....Brian HID them! ;)" [/QUOTE]

    I love this idea, really breaks up tension (if there is any) between you and people waiting for that TY
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:f2d9c5f1-a16c-4586-98be-a0a754e948c4">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever : Yep.  It's usually prefaced with "Let's all help the bride/new mom/whatever out so she doesn't have to spend a lot of time looking up your address."
    Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]

    I don't think it would occur to me ask people to address their own thank you note. That's just weird to me.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:ab60ec25-2873-4b15-976a-a891eedde7be">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever : I feel you.  This is our issue: things are relatively clean, especially in the kitchen, but there's just STUFF everywhere.  I would love to hire a housekeeper to get us back to square one, but DH won't admit that we need help, and we never have time to do any serious cleaning. Did you catch South Park a couple of weeks ago?  Sadly it's not available for streaming right now, but it was pretty awesome.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    DH and I both work full time, and honestly, when we do get a day together that we <strong>could</strong> spend cleaning the house or something, we find ourselves thinking "Well, we rarely have time together, we should at least <strong>enjoy</strong> the time when we have it". And we don't find "organizing the house" to be enjoyable-we don't have any pets or kids and it's not "filth", so we just let it go and put up with it.
     
    He didn't want to admit we needed the help, either, but eventually I convinced him by explaining that it was way less shameful to have somebody help us out than to have a house we didn't want to invite people over to because there was crap everywhere. Well, that ...  and I told him if he wasn't interested, then fine, I was just going to take the money out of my personal savings (We each have a savings account that up to a certain amount of money, the other has no say in how it's spent) and spend it on getting it done anyway, lol.

    And, yes, we saw the South Park you're talking about ... it came on like 2 or 3 days after we booked the cleaners. It made me feel much better about deciding to get this done, hahaha.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:bc703361-2db4-4a4c-9ace-5ef7d39f686a">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever : I don't think it would occur to me ask people to address their own thank you note. That's just weird to me.
    Posted by Manwaithiel[/QUOTE]
    Next thing you know, they will be asking for people to stamp the envelope too. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:9625986d-fd51-4ef9-a311-48c9e9496f56">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever : <strong> DH and I both work full time, and honestly, when we do get a day together that we could spend cleaning the house or something, we find ourselves thinking "Well, we rarely have time together, we should at least enjoy the time when we have it". And we don't find "organizing the house" to be enjoyable-we don't have any pets or kids and it's not "filth", so we just let it go and put up with it.   </strong>He didn't want to admit we needed the help, either, but eventually I convinced him by explaining that it was way less shameful to have somebody help us out than to have a house we didn't want to invite people over to because there was crap everywhere. Well, that ...  and I told him if he wasn't interested, then fine, I was just going to take the money out of my personal savings (We each have a savings account that up to a certain amount of money, the other has no say in how it's spent) and spend it on getting it done anyway, lol. And, yes, we saw the South Park you're talking about ... it came on like 2 or 3 days after we booked the cleaners. It made me feel much better about deciding to get this done, hahaha.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
    Yes!  Yes!  I swear you're in my head sometimes.  We can stay on top of dishes and laundry, but anything more than that and it just feels like we're working seven days a week.  No bueno.  We've taken to renting out the complex's rec room in order to host our monthly gaming sessions, because it's just too much work to get our place even passably presentable.

    I may just have to go over his head and hire someone anyway.  I have no idea how to go about finding a trustworthy housekeeper, though; we own an embarassingly large amount of rather expensive electronics and kitchen gadgets, and I want some recourse to make sure that none of them wander off or get broken.
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  • We have quite the electronics collection as well (Must keep up with our gaming needs, haha) ... we just checked out a few places and picked one based on what had the best reviews. DH actually is going to be home most of the day while they're there tomorrow (His days got changed last minute, and now he's off) ... he feels weird about them cleaning while he just sits around, but at least now he can keep an eye on things ... as long as it goes well, we'll hire them again if we need to.

    I'm seriously hoping, though, that once it gets straightened up (And it's not this huge task of organizing "absolutely everything we own") that it will just be a matter of maintaining order.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:fd3b9d03-79fc-45d3-af5d-d1b0029bf716">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have quite the electronics collection as well (Must keep up with our gaming needs, haha) ... we just checked out a few places and picked one based on what had the best reviews. DH actually is going to be home most of the day while they're there tomorrow (His days got changed last minute, and now he's off) ... he feels weird about them cleaning while he just sits around, but at least now he can keep an eye on things ... as long as it goes well, we'll hire them again if we need to. I'm seriously hoping, though, that once it gets straightened up (And it's not this huge task of organizing "absolutely everything we own") that it will just be a matter of maintaining order.
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    It's probably a good idea to have someone there. I'm not saying these people are going to steal your stuff or anything, but just in case they have questions about where to put things and such.
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  • Hey Meg.  I'm coming in late to this, but I probably would just add an amusing little disclaimer on the back of the envelope.  I think it would make people smile and realize that you weren't just being lazy or ungrateful to guests.

    As for the addressing your own envelopes:  I am so uncomfortable with that as well.  I have friends who think it's just the greatest idea, and I'm baffled by that.  Fortunately, my DD felt that it was awful, and her FSIL tried to have that done at her shower.   DD was adamant that the addresses were all on her SIL's initial invitation mailing list and that she'd simply use that.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • And yet another reminder that I am late on sending two more thank you notes for wedding gifts that we received just last month because they were custom pieces... oops.  I was so good about sending out TY notes in a timely manner after the wedding, too.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_probably-dumbest-ty-question-ever?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f86d46ec-3ebc-4948-ba7c-bd66a87a0309Post:75f0129d-2af8-4bd6-9442-fecb59626f09">Re: Probably the dumbest TY note question ever</a>:
    [QUOTE]And yet another reminder that I am late on sending two more thank you notes for wedding gifts that we received just last month because they were custom pieces... oops.  I was so good about sending out TY notes in a timely manner after the wedding, too.
    Posted by gottahavashorti[/QUOTE]

    Gotta, please. My FSIL has yet to send FI and I a thank you note. This is after we provided music for her ceremony, paid for the pianist to play with us, and bought her some stuff off her registry. Her wedding was a year ago this Sunday.
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  • Well, the gifts are from my aunt who is used to my late, lame thank you notes and a sweet elderly farm couple who are like my extra grandparents and the wife was super worried about the serving dishes making it to me in one piece and really should be getting a note saying that we received them (one piece did break, but it is being fixed on the down low).
  • Meg and Aerin, a cleaning person is a great investment for us for the same reason you two are mentioning. It's also a lot cheaper here in Chile and is really normal to have someone come in once a week or more. We found our lady through a recommendation from a friend - she'd been working with the family for years, and we liked knowing that they trusted her. H has a flexible schedule, so he was around the first couple times she came, but we now just leave her the keys and even have her supervise things like the cable guy coming. She's there right now, going home tonight is going to be lovely :)
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