Help!!! Groom's Guest list..

natswish · June 2010

My fiance and his family's guest list is too big. I would like to have 250 people be the max number of people for budgeting reasons as well as I always wanted a little bit of a smaller wedding - I know, 250 people is not exactly small haha. Anyway, my fiance's guest list is at 210 which is after he and his family cut it down from close to 250. I think it would be fair if we split the guest list 50/50 between our families but I don't want to hurt his feelings or his family's feelings and make them cut out people they really want to be there. How do I approach this? Any suggestions would be wonderful!

psichick · June 2010

you tell them they need to cut it. i have a hard time believing that his family has 210 people that they HAVE to invite. if 250 is your budget, and you guys are paying for this yourself, you tell them that they have 125 guests and to make their list accordingly.

noodle_oo · June 2010

yeah, just tell them that is insane. If you guys can't afford a 500 person wedding, then they have to cut it. It might be eaiser if you draw lines at who you are inviting: like invite first cousins but not second cousins, or invite aunts and uncles but none of their children.

Are you families similarly sized? If so then yes, split the guest list 50/50. As long as your FI's parents aren't paying for it that is.

natswish · June 2010

Our families are similar sizes and my parents are paying for it and have decided that 250 is their max.

noodle_oo · June 2010

yeah, especially if your parents are paying for it and have capped it at 250, he has no choice but to get his list down to 120. He can't expect your parents to pay for his extra guests.

Now, does that leave you guys any space for your friends? I hope so! THey are more important for me to have at the wedding than relatives I barely know.

Only other question: if he insists on inviting all his guests and his parents offer to pay for it, is that okay with you? Just think about it in case the offer comes up.

Good luck!

Beachy730 · June 2010

It's definitely always an awkward situation IMO when it comes to money. From my understanding, unless they are paying for their guests, then it is only a wish list of who they would like invited. You can talk to FI about it too, but I would sit down face to face with them and explain the situation exactly as you have on here. I know you said you wanted a smaller wedding, but if they offer to pay for their guests I think you should honor that, as long as your venue holds that many. If I were you I would sit down with them or have FI do it and say that your parents are paying for a guest list of 250, and they have 130 on their list, so they either need to cut their list down to 120 or pay for the additional people (but say it nicer than that). As far as doing the list 50/50, that is nice but IMO if your parents are paying for it then they have first choice of guest list. But 130/120 is pretty close.

Are friends included in that count too? like a PP said its much more important to me to have our close friends there than a distant relative that either myself or FI hasn't seen in 15 years.

natswish · June 2010

That is fine if his parents want to help. I included my friends on my parent's list and he did the same with his.

Beachy730 · June 2010

Then if I were you I would definitely say that they can invite 120 people, and anyone that they want over that they will have to pay for. Any normal person would completely understand that they have a limit. And I think its especially fair since your parents count is almost exactly the same. If they refuse just tell them then that you are only inviting the first 120 people on their list.

loop0406 · June 2010

He's going to be your husband, open communication, there shouldn't be akwardness asking him to please cut down the list

aerinpegadrak · June 2010

It's not fair to expect your family to either cut their guest list severely or pay for over 100 extra people. You tell them to cut the guest list or pay for any guests over whatever their half of the list is. Those are pretty much the only options, unless you and your FI are willing to pay for the extra.

squirrly · June 2010

You need to resolve this with your FI, so that he clearly understands the limit. Hopefully, his family will be understanding when he discusses it with them.

Help!!! Groom's Guest list..

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