How long have you been with your BF/FI?

bakes218 · November 2010

FI and I were together for 6 1/2 years when we got engaged. When we get married it will be a little longer then that, we are having about a 4 month engagement. There is not much that FI and I have not been through together. I think it important to go through holidays together and just life challenges that happen. I am so glad we dated for as long as we did, it has made us stronger and a lot less willing to give up when things get hard!

Good luck!

[Deleted User] · November 2010

I think every couple's situation is different, just as every person is different. There shouldn't be a general "rule" of when to get married based on age or time you've known each other. The only 2 people that can make the decision if they're ready to get married is the people getting married, although I do think if it were my daughter or son saying they wanted to get married at 18 after knowing each other only 6 months, I would probably see if I could get them to wait, but in the end it's their decision.

I know a couple that got married about a month after they met - 60 years ago...8 children and numerous grand & great-grandchildren later, they are still happily married; I actually know lots of couples that have been happily married for 55+ years. I know a couple that got married when she was 16 and he was 20. Her parents weren't happy about it, but finally agreed to sign the paperwork, with the exception that she finished school - her husband had to sign permission slips for her in high school, they've had their good and bad times, but they've worked through the rough times and are better now than they've ever been - 30 years later. A very good friend of mine got married at 19 and will soon be celebrating her 18th anniversary - but her younger sister got married at 18 and divorced a year later. My cousin lived with her man for 7 years (engaged for 3 of those years) before they got married and they had known each other for several years before they started dating - they were divorced within 2 years of getting married. Again, each couple's situation is different.

Oh, my FI and I have have been together a little over a year now - we got engaged at 10 months and our engagement will last for just over 7 months. I'm the one most people don't "side-eye" on this board 'cause I'm the old lady of the board - I'm 36, FI is 42 (ok, technically he's still 41, he'll be 42 tomorrow

). The decision to get engaged when we did was right for us, but that time frame may not be right for someone else. We had a lot of people wonder why we didn't get engaged a lot sooner and were actually surprised that we "waited" so long.

mzm153 · November 2010

I met my SO through his cousin, who is friends with my HS friend and then became my friend. My and my BF have been together for one year. First we just saw each other for a month before becoming officially BF/GF. So far we have not discussed any concrete plans on marriage and I don't plan to bring up anything of that sort until we have been together for two years. For a few lucky ones one year is enough to know, but I still think it is crazy and don't wanna just run into something I don't know what I'm getting myself into. Not that many years of dating is a guaranteed result, but reduces the risk.
Our honeymoon phase lasted more than six months (the time it took to find each other's imperfections), which is why I think that six months is a no-no for thinking about getting married. After the honeymoon phase was over, that's when I started thinking of how to deal with his problems and how to address them and make sure they wouldn't get on the way of our relationship and vice-versa. I think that if you and your SO find yourselves unable to work things out, it is time to move on no matter how many years, decades of dating, marriage, etc.

jacquiroxx · November 2010

On December 4, Chris and I will have been dating for 5 years. We started dating in June technically, but weren't "official" until December. I'm pretty sure we'll be engaged before the new year, but only because he keeps telling me I'm getting a big Christmas gift this year and there might be some announcement-making to do at Christmas dinner. Uhhhh if that DOESN'T mean we're getting engaged before then/around then he's being pretty cruel haha. I told him I don't mind if Santa comes early this year

As for short relationships before engagement, I'm not gonna lie. They annoy me. I have a friend who just started dating this guy in August and they're already talking marriage. What's the rush? I don't understand. I know I will be with Chris for the rest of my life, so "putting in the time" before getting engaged wasn't a big deal. It doesn't matter if I'm with him as a "single lady," if I'm with him as an "engaged lady" or if I'm with him as a "married lady." We're still together. I don't see why it needs to be rushed EVEN if you're older, EVEN if you're "sure," EVEN if whatever other reason you think you have. There's not a rush on life. Slow down and it will happen.

bethsmiles · November 2010

BF and I have been dating for two years, with our timeline right now we will have been dating 4 years by the time we get married.

A lot of my friends that have been getting married meet, date, get engaged, and marry their guys all within a year. Do I think its the best idea? No. Do I think it can work? yes. It really depends on the two people, but I do think dating longer than a few months is always a good idea. The honeymoon phase of your relationship lasts awhile and you need to be out of that phase before getting engaged or married.

laurenann82 · November 2010

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than 3 years. We've lived together since July 2008. We're 28 and 30 and both had long term relationships before each other.

I think it's better to be together for a while before getting married. My folks were together for 7 years before getting married. However, my boyfriends parents got married after just dating for a few months and they are still happy and in love. His brother also got married really young and has been with his wife for ten years already!

nottheonlydreamer44 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-bffi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:862b5411-9ed5-469e-8f7a-f6635a7a5c86Post:8ba3467a-352f-4486-a937-2df920374b9f">Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think every couple's situation is different, just as every person is different. There shouldn't be a general "rule" of when to get married based on age or time you've known each other. The only 2 people that can make the decision if they're ready to get married is the people getting married, although I do think if it were my daughter or son saying they wanted to get married at 18 after knowing each other only 6 months, I would probably see if I could get them to wait, but in the end it's their decision. I know a couple that got married about a month after they met - 60 years ago...8 children and numerous grand & great-grandchildren later, they are still happily married; I actually know lots of couples that have been happily married for 55+ years. I know a couple that got married when she was 16 and he was 20. Her parents weren't happy about it, but finally agreed to sign the paperwork, with the exception that she finished school - her husband had to sign permission slips for her in high school, they've had their good and bad times, but they've worked through the rough times and are better now than they've ever been - 30 years later. A very good friend of mine got married at 19 and will soon be celebrating her 18th anniversary - but her younger sister got married at 18 and divorced a year later. My cousin lived with her man for 7 years (engaged for 3 of those years) before they got married and they had known each other for several years before they started dating - they were divorced within 2 years of getting married. Again, each couple's situation is different. Oh, my FI and I have have been together a little over a year now - we got engaged at 10 months and our engagement will last for just over 7 months. I'm the one most people don't "side-eye" on this board 'cause I'm the old lady of the board - I'm 36, FI is 42 (ok, technically he's still 41, he'll be 42 tomorrow ). The decision to get engaged when we did was right for us, but that time frame may not be right for someone else. We had a lot of people wonder why we didn't get engaged a lot sooner and were actually surprised that we "waited" so long.
Posted by AngieD&JoeD[/QUOTE]

This is why I love my Ang. :) <3

Honestly, I think everyone has made good points, it's really based on the couple, their level of maturity, and what works in their case. I can say I'm not 100% for young marriages (and I don't personally know of any that have worked out). All of my HS friends are just now getting married and they're marrying one another. We graduated in a class of 500+ and I swear almost everyone I know is marrying someone else we went to school with (including myself).

We've all got anectodal stories of people that dated X of of weeks/months/years and they're happy or they're divorced. For me, I didn't even consider time or whatever anyone else thought (though the reaction was great). We felt like it was right for us and we knew we could make adult decisions based on how we had lived our lives previously.

I don't find a lot of people who have dated a short time and are getting married around here or IRL; at least not in my area. I'm kind of going against the grain here. Some may say what's the hurry? But I don't have a reason to wait. I've already had my <strong>prettyprettyprincess!!! i want my pony!!! </strong>day before. I'm in it for the marriage not the wedding. THAT is where people go way off course IMO.

nottheonlydreamer44 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-bffi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:862b5411-9ed5-469e-8f7a-f6635a7a5c86Post:421a6a25-97a7-44d0-abec-f3509a4f503e">Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]However, other things come into play, such as age and maturity. <25, I'm probably going to think it's a bad idea. />25, as long as the people present themselves as mature and start spouting off about how love will conquer all then I'm likely to not be nearly as concerned.
Posted by zipis1[/QUOTE]

Aww, zip, does this mean I don't get the side eye? I mean love <strong><em>does </em></strong>conquer everything but I mean so does money, so what's the diff? lol

I hope I come off at mature and realizing that I have made about 20 million giant mistakes - that's all part of adulthood. :)

coastiegrl25 · November 2010

Well, I never have been one to side-eye someone getting engaged under a year. Until my divorce that is. I was with my XH for 5 months when we got engaged. Married at 11 months. He started cheating on me within 4 months of our marriage and left me on our 6 month anniversary. So yea. This time I waited longer.

My SO and I have been together for a little over a year and will be married 9 days after our 2 year anniversary.

I've known a couple who were together 2 weeks before they got married and stayed married until he died 65 years later. I've known people who were together 7 years before they got married and it lasted 6 months. So each situation is different and has to do with the people involved.

Beads921 · November 2010

We have been together for 3 years, 1 month, and 2 weeks. We have lived together for 3 months and 6 days. Not that I'm counting haha. But we won't be getting engaged for a couple more years, and that's OK.

I don't think the time spent as a couple necessarily predicts the success of a marriage. There are so many more factors, and while love is one of them, it's not the only one. We have also experienced so much in 3 years, but I know there is so much more to come.

Schrodinger · November 2010

My BF and I have been together for just under 2 years, living together for 1 year. We've been ring shopping together and have spent a lot of time talking about marriage, but I would be surprised if we're engaged before the end of the year.

I do give major side eye to people that get engaged before they've matured as individuals. I think that people should have some experiences like: living away from parents/paying their own bills, being single and not looking for a relationship, have a financial plan for their future that doesn't include other people, have an idea as to what they want to get out of a marriage, etc. Basically, I think people should be living as adults for a while before getting engaged. If that happens at 23 or 53, or after 1 year or 5, I don't get too worked up over it.

tafft1 · November 2010

My husband and I were only together 7 months in real life when he proposed - and we went ring shopping together as well. This wasn't something out of the blue - for us we just knew the first time we met we were not letting each other out of our lives. From the first visit in May 2009 - he told me he could see himself married and having a family with me - I felt the same way - still do and will I know years from now. We "met" on March 3rd 2009 online via a messageboard and a random message which soon turned into more and had me booking a flight to California to visit. May 20th 2009 was the first time we met in person , and after a week together we couldn't wait to be with one another again. In Sept. 2009 we moved into our apartment together - went ring shopping on Halloween 2009 - my late mother's birthday and found "the ring" - I still feel it was fate that we found the ring on that date and my mom had some influence I will never fully understand but appreciate

On November 18th 2009 he proposed - and surprised me as we had discussed getting engaged at length and marriage - but his only clue was it would be before the end of the year- and this August 21st 2010 we were married. Quite the fast timeline - and no I don't think it is for everyone nor should be - I would give myself the side eye if I wasn't living my life - but for us - we knew it was right and being in our early 30's did influence our choice - we know what we wanted - so we did not want to wait because we want a fmaily rather soon in the next 2 years ideally.

I don't think I am an exception to any rule - I just think we are two normal people who found what we wanted and had been waiting for and saw no need to hesitate - though our relationship is anything but "normal" and perhaps that influences things to a degree , I think you have to look at the whole picture because what is right for one couple could be the direct opposite what another needs.

jemmini6 · November 2010

FI and I's 2nd anniversary in 3 weeks from today actually. And we count our anniversary as the day we met (literally complete strangers before that day). We will actually be getting married 3 weeks shy of our 3rd anniversary. I knew I was going to marry him fairly early on. He took me to Hawaii for my college graduation last year (right at the 6 month mark) and even told the luau that it was our engagement party so that we could get better seats (LOL), which, although we waited almost another year and a half to actually get engaged, we were just as certain about it at 6 months as we are now. We also moved in together after only 7 months of dating, which just felt so natural, there was really no adjustment period of learning to live together. As I mentioned, we did still wait until this past September to get engaged though (back in Hawaii, it seemed fitting, lol). For us, it just felt right to give it more time. Although I was impatient at times (we both knew we were going to get married) I always figured that I was already with the man I was going to spend my life with, so regardless of if we got married after a year, or two, or three, that I still had what I wanted now.

artbyallie · November 2010

Our fifth anniversary is Thursday. It's also the last we will be celebrating before we start the count over at the wedding next June. He will be 26, I am 23. We've known we were headed for marriage for a year or two but he wanted to at least finish his master's first. He still plans to get a doctorate as well. I have my bachelor's and may someday pick up a master's.

PaigeMcC · November 2010

FBD and I have been together for 4.5 years. We'll be at almost 6 by the time we get married. I'm 24 and he's 28. When we get married he'll be (3 weeks short of) 29 and I'll be 25.

I don't think the length of dating denotes the success of your marriage HOWEVER if you're 18 and have been together 11 months or you're 28 and have been together 11 months I see a big difference there. The 18 year old has yet to form a solid identity, at 28 (generally) you know who you are, what you want, you're moving in your career direction (if not already established) and you're more likely to be looking for a long-term mate than an 18 year old would be.

AudgiePodge · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-bffi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:862b5411-9ed5-469e-8f7a-f6635a7a5c86Post:0794dd06-4971-4db0-9804-7fde4059883b">Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI?</a>:
[QUOTE] I don't think the length of dating denotes the success of your marriage HOWEVER if you're 18 and have been together 11 months or you're 28 and have been together 11 months I see a big difference there. The 18 year old has yet to form a solid identity, at 28 (generally) you know who you are, what you want, you're moving in your career direction (if not already established) and you're more likely to be looking for a long-term mate than an 18 year old would be.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

Oh man. It's like you know exactly how I feel!

PaigeMcC · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-bffi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:862b5411-9ed5-469e-8f7a-f6635a7a5c86Post:8d193f90-ef33-421e-8151-86b3f9fb38b4">Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI? : Oh man. It's like you know exactly how I feel!
Posted by AudgiePodge[/QUOTE]

Eye to eye.

HeartOverMind · November 2010

BF and I have been together for a year and a half. I don't think we are ready for marriage right now. I have school to finish up and he has debt to pay off and I'm happy with the way things are going.

He's the one I want to be with and I want to marry him one day. But I want to wait a little bit longer. I turn 21 in 10 days!!! I still want to do a few things.

We've talked about marriage and we've looked at rings together...but I think we won't be heading down the marriage road for a few more years. I really don't like talking about it unless he brings it up, because I feel that women are a lot more eager and comfortable with discussing things like that than men are. We talk about it every couple of weeks or so (he brings it up) but it's still in the future.

MeganAngela · November 2010

I just wanted to jump back in and say thank you for all of your stories! It's nice to see all the different ways that relationships have evolved! Keep them coming!

I'm also glad to see that there is less judgment based on length of relationships solely and that it is more based on all of the other factors surrounding an engagement. I agree that my situation isn't ideal for everyone. For each couple things are going to progress differently and the most we can ask of people is to be mature about it and be certain that they want to be together for the right reasons. If I were younger or less independent I wouldn't even be entertaining the thought no matter how long (or short) we'd been together. But, for me, I'm in my mid-twenties, I'm done with school, I know what I want to do with my life, I'm on my own, I've experienced the bulk of the things I wanted to do on my own and the same could be said for my FI. We've always been the more mature, grown type and that has been more pronounced since leaving college almost two years ago. We're low in debt, on our own two feet (four feet?) and mentally, emotionally and financially ready to move on in life if we so choose (and we do).

Also, reading all these stories has made me realize that even if statistics say that waiting for x or y makes for a more successful marriage, each couple is really unique in their own way and you just never really know. Nothing is a clear cut recipe for success and even if you do everything right by some sort of pre-determined standard it still doesn't guarantee you anything. All we can do is work hard, love deeply, not take things for granted and be optimistic. I'm choosing optimism.

Again, thank you for all of your stories and I'd love to keep hearing them!

rxjen · November 2010

LOL @manthing....Hello Forever!

Fi and I have been together for 2 1/2 years.He proposed on July 1st and we plan to marry October 2012. He wants to marry Oct 2011 but I want to get rid of my school loans( I am a Pharmacist, so I have hefty loans) before we marry . By the time we marry we would be together 4 years and a few months.I roght now by no means am planning a wedding and do not plan to look at anything or make any decisions till we are about 10 months out.....That is why I love this board

Hardly any brats and its 100% real!

MLekathLEEN · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-bffi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:862b5411-9ed5-469e-8f7a-f6635a7a5c86Post:0794dd06-4971-4db0-9804-7fde4059883b">Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]FBD and I have been together for 4.5 years. We'll be at almost 6 by the time we get married. I'm 24 and he's 28. When we get married he'll be (3 weeks short of) 29 and I'll be 25. I don't think the length of dating denotes the success of your marriage HOWEVER if you're 18 and have been together 11 months or you're 28 and have been together 11 months I see a big difference there. The 18 year old has yet to form a solid identity, at 28 (generally) you know who you are, what you want, you're moving in your career direction (if not already established) and you're more likely to be looking for a long-term mate than an 18 year old would be.
Posted by PaigeMcC[/QUOTE]

THIS

FWIW- FI and I have been together 6 years and 5 months to the day. He proposed on our 6th anniversary. We started dating at 17/16 and will probably be getting married at about 25/24.

calindi · November 2010

We've been together 2 years and counting. In that time, we've been through a lot: I got a job, we worked together, then I got a new job, then he joined the Marines, then he moved to Florida for law school, then I got fired from that job, then I moved to Florida, then we moved in together, then I found a new job. We knew at about 6 months that we really wanted to marry each other someday, but that wasn't a reason to get engaged then.

As it stands now, we'll be engaged probably sometime around our 3 year anniversary, maybe a little before. And we plan to get married in Sept 2012, possibly the same day we met, which means we will have known each other exactly 4 years when we get married. I think for us it's perfect!

ETA: I'm currently 24 and he's 27. When we get married, we'll most likely be 26 and 29 if all goes as planned.

StarGazingHiker · November 2010

Come December we'll have been together for 6 1/2 years. We started dating at 19/20 (I was like 2 weeks shy of 20) and since then, we've both moved in together; graduated college; returned to school; got full time jobs... which required me moving 3 hours away from him, so after living together for about 1 1/2 years, I had to move away for 9 months for a job; moved back in together and now we have a house and a dog. We've also been though traumatic life events ie. deaths in the families and natural disasters and the joys of grad school. We're planning on getting engaged in a year or so and married in 2012..... so we'll have been together at least 7 years before getting engaged and probably a bit over 8 years when we get married.

k.mac0707 · November 2010

my bf and I have been together for two years and three months. Even though we are not quite engaged yet, we have a date picked out because it will be our four year anniversary. We're both really young, I'm 18 and he's 19, but we've had a different relationship. We lived with my family after dating for nine months (due to family issues in his household..) and right after I graduated we moved into our own place. He's graduating from a 2yr college in the next year and already has a steady job

I never was the one to get married early because like previous posts, my parents got married young (I was born even before the marriage...) but they had a nasty divorce after my brother and sister were born.

But a year and two months ago my brother passed away at the age of fourteen. my brother loved my bf like a brother, and vice versa. How we helped each other through our grieving has strengthened our relationship. We lost all of our friends, but we've gained new, older (and better..) friends and I realized that it wasn't because of the young age my parents got married for the reason of their divorce, they loved each other but were way too different and grew apart.

ravenray · November 2010

I want to agree with most everyone on here and add a few ideas of my own.
I am 19 been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, we aren't living or sleeping together and we aren't engaged. We are talking abut marriage but we are waiting for the right time in God's eyes along with financial stability. I never thought I would be a fan of a young marriage, I am scared stiff of a divorce and don't want to make the wrong choice in a man. Yet somehow my man makes that fear melt. I know that every time we fight we will work it out, forgive each other, move on and forget about it. It seems to me that relationships and marriage is about that, forgiveness and the ability to move on. Everyone says why rush and I say why wait? (in some cases!) It is all situational.

MeganAngela · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_long-bffi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:862b5411-9ed5-469e-8f7a-f6635a7a5c86Post:e5f78895-3f68-46d9-b28c-e1d33ba2e7c2">Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI?</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to agree with most everyone on here and add a few ideas of my own. I am 19 been dating my boyfriend for 2 years, we aren't living or sleeping together and we aren't engaged. We are talking abut marriage but we are waiting for the right time in God's eyes along with financial stability. I never thought I would be a fan of a young marriage, I am scared stiff of a divorce and don't want to make the wrong choice in a man. Yet somehow my man makes that fear melt. I know that every time we fight we will work it out, forgive each other, move on and forget about it. It seems to me that relationships and marriage is about that, forgiveness and the ability to move on. Everyone says why rush and I say why wait? (in some cases!) It is all situational.
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]<div>I'm definitely afraid of divorce. I mean, look at all the statistics. Who wouldn't be afraid. But, I'm feeling very confident about my FI. It is an indescribable feeling, really. I don't have any fears (and I am the ultimate worry wart!). But if I could give anyone some comfort, I've heard that the divorce rates, while still high, have been steadily dropping since the 1970's. Sure, maybe not dropping at a fast pace, but still are trending downward. So, that may offer some comfort.</div><div>
</div><div>And as for your last point, a lot of people say why rush, but I also say why wait? (in some cases!). Also, for me, it isn't as easy as waiting. My father has cancer and his prognosis gives him about two years. Maybe a little more. And that was the prognosis from back near the beginning of the year. So, really he only may have another year and a half. I'm hoping for more. We're talking to other doctors, but we'll just have to see. Anyway, sure, my FI and I could wait a few more years and see how things are, but my father can't wait. Granted, a lot of people will probably say that my father having cancer isn't a reason to go ahead and get married, but it is important to me. I want him to be there and he has said he wants to be there. There is already a high chance that he will miss the weddings of my three younger siblings. I don't want to take his only chance away from him. Besides, I'm completely and totally sure that I want to marry my FI. If I'm an adult who is totally sure and who has all her ducks in a row, why should I wait? Especially when my father is more than likely going to die soon. But that is just MY situation. For some couples, waiting is probably better. For others, like myself, going ahead is the better option. :)

</div>

skyler1108 · November 2010

FI and I were celebrating our 2 year anniversary when he proposed. We have currently been together for 3 years and will be married on our 4 year anniversary. He is 24 and I am 23 so he will be 25 when we get married and I will turn 24 5 days after the wedding.

How long have you been with your BF/FI?

Re: How long have you been with your BF/FI?

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