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Wedding Etiquette Forum

MOG dress issue

I just found out last night that my future mother-in-law changed the dress that she is going to wear for the wedding.  As she was showing me the picture she admitted that when she got home she realized it was the same style as my dress.  Both have are gathered at the waste, have a side drape and strapless.  She said she has a little jacket for hers and mine is a little more puffy, has beading on the bodice and through out the gown and has a train.  Other then those difference they are the exact same style dress.  I was taken so off guard by this that I didn't really say anything one way or another to her and she never ask me if it was okay.  After leaving I told my fiance about how upset I was and that if it were my mother I would ask her what the h..l she was doing however I did not feel comfortable even telling his mother that I was upset.  He did ask me if I thought she did it on purpose, I told him I would hope not, but that makes me feel like he thinks she may have.  How should I handle this situation and am I making too much out of this.  PLEASE HELP my wedding is in 3 months!
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Re: MOG dress issue

  • Unfortunately, you really can't say something about it to her.  She's an adult and she's allowed to wear what she wants.  Try to let it roll off.  If it looks that similar, she'll look ridiculous, not you. 
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  • I would probably be a bit upset too, but I wouldn't worry about it. No one is going to confuse her for the bride, and with a jacket it will look different. Just go with it. She's an adult. If she had asked you for your opinion/if it was ok, that would be different, but she didn't. Just let it go. It will be ok.
  • Habs2HartHabs2Hart member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited May 2011
    I think you have every right to be a bit upset about it, but you can't say anything to her.  Like other PP have said, she'll be the one who looks ridiculous if it's that similar to yours. 

    Nobody is going to mistake you for the bride.  I think this is one thing you can just let go and try not to stress about.

    Did any of you see the SYTTD where the mom and daughter got their fittings and the mom's dress was almost identical to the daughters? 

    The seemstress said something and the dad said "her mom was beautiful, 20 years ago".  hahahaha. 
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  • I guarantee you, everyone will know that you are the bride. And like Bay said, if it is that similar, she will look silly, not you.
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  • I don't think it's that big a deal.  No one is going to confuse the two of you. 

    Honestly, I'm sure there were people wearing empire-wasited dresses and the wedding I just went to, but I didn't notice them.  I noticed the bride's dress.
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  • My BMs wore a dress very similar to mine.   It was a different color and shorter, but it complimented my dress very nicely.

    I get being disappointed, but as long as the dress is not white-ish, the dress will compliment your dress not take away from it.    I know the MOG is a VIP, but in the end she is only one person out of many who will be at your wedding.   Except for walking down the aisle and being in a few pictures, her dress is just going to blend in with the rest of the crowd.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Unless it's white or ivory...I wouldn't have a problem.
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  • Unless it is also white, I don't think it is a big deal.  Just don't think about it.  No one will mistake her for the bride and if anything, people will probably think she looks silly trying to copy the bride.
  • agreed with PPs.  Unless it's white / ivory, it's not a big deal.
  • I am confused...is the dress ivory or white?

    Side drape, gathering and strapless sounds like every dress I tried on and like every other bridesmaid dress I looked at. It is a very popular style now and very flattering. I am actively looking for that style dress for my mom because it is so flattering.  I in no way think people might say, "GASP! They are wearing the same dress!"

    Unless the dress is white/ivory/cream and has a train I think you need to relax.
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  • The thing with BMs wearing a similar dress, is you picked them out.  This was not her choice.  I would ask yourself if you're upset, is this really the reason why, or is there tension between you for another reason?  Personally I think she should have asked your approval before purchasing anything at all.  More than likely, she'll look like a chump and no one will really think anything less of your dress.  If you're going to say something, make it sound like you're trying to do her a favor, not that you're upset.
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  • Can you post pics? 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a550ab-83b8-4293-b1de-309687eda206Post:aaf09a49-b466-4770-b83b-fb9e164fbd00">Re: MOG dress issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]The thing with BMs wearing a similar dress, is you picked them out.  This was not her choice.  I would ask yourself if you're upset, is this really the reason why, or is there tension between you for another reason?  Personally I think she should have asked your approval before purchasing anything at all.  More than likely, she'll look like a chump and no one will really think anything less of your dress.  If you're going to say something, make it sound like you're trying to do her a favor, not that you're upset.
    Posted by jazzybacc[/QUOTE]

    <div>I do not understand why MOG have to ask for approval on a dress when the other 100 or so people can just pick out their own.</div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>It's just weird to me.  </div><div>
    </div><div>eta - I do actually know the difference between there and their.  My finger however forgets from time to time.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a550ab-83b8-4293-b1de-309687eda206Post:aaf09a49-b466-4770-b83b-fb9e164fbd00">Re: MOG dress issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]The thing with BMs wearing a similar dress, is you picked them out.  This was not her choice.  I would ask yourself if you're upset, is this really the reason why, or is there tension between you for another reason?  <strong>Personally I think she should have asked your approval before purchasing anything at all.</strong>  More than likely, she'll look like a chump and no one will really think anything less of your dress.  If you're going to say something, make it sound like you're trying to do her a favor, not that you're upset.
    Posted by jazzybacc[/QUOTE]

    Um, no.  The MOG does not need the brides permission to buy her dress.  She's not a bridesmaid, the bride doesn't get to tell her what to wear.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a550ab-83b8-4293-b1de-309687eda206Post:1fa63c79-d67d-47fd-b869-ad3a00d048b3">Re: MOG dress issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: MOG dress issue : I do not understand why MOG have to ask for approval on a dress when the other 100 or so people can just pick out there own.  It's just weird to me.  
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    Agreed. My FMIL asked that I send a picture of my mom's dress after she gets it because she doesn't want to look the same. That request was purely out of her own vanity and I was not going to tell her how to dress.
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  • I would just like to say thank you to everyone that has posted so far it has helped me.  I do want to say it never crossed my mind that people would mistake her for the bride.  As far as their being other issues there is not I have always gotten along really well with her.  I didn't expect her to ask my permission on her dress however I guess I wish their had been more thought put into how I would feel about it.  I have posted links to the two dresses below and yes obviously mine has more detail to it and they are different dress, but the same style.  Like people said maybe it is not as big of a deal as I had initially thought and this is part of the reason I posted it on here to get other bride's opinions on the situation.    

    Her dress, not 100% sure on the color it was a red or pink tone. 

    http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Satin-Gown-with-Side-Drape-Brooch-8567_Bridal-Party-Bridesmaids-All-Bridesmaid-Dresses

    my dress, which is white.

    http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?keywordText=Michelle&keywordType=any&page=0&pageSize=15&style=A557
  • mica178mica178 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary 5 Love Its
    While I think the dress looks too young for a MOG, I think it's of a popular enough cut that it'll just look like any other dress, not the red/pink version of yours.  This is your FMIL, pick your battles wisely.  Unless she asked for your opinion, smile and let her pick her own outfit, no matter how silly she looks.
  • similar style yes.  but i think it will probably just look complimentary to yours.  is it possible she was trying to honor/compliment you?
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  • I think it's fine, it's a pretty common style of dress. Vent, yell, and then move on, it's not something worth stressing over :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mog-dress-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:e7a550ab-83b8-4293-b1de-309687eda206Post:2c1740db-9d6d-4b11-9c9c-43415399fe10">Re: MOG dress issue</a>:
    [QUOTE]similar style yes.  but i think it will probably just look complimentary to yours.  is it possible she was trying to honor/compliment you?
    Posted by slwager[/QUOTE]

    <div>I do not think there is much to worry about.  Similar, I guess.  But her looks like most strapless style dresses out there.</div>






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Were I a guest at your wedding, I might question why the MOG decided to dress like a 25 year old bridesmaid.  My query would end there, however.  I think she's going to look silly in that regardless of any similarity in styles, but I'm judgmental and don't like people, so there's that. 

    I wouldn't worry too much about it looking like your dress...your dress is lovely, and people aren't going to be looking all that closely at the MOG.  If they do, they might notice her dress is strapless, or that it gathers at the side, but the similarity really ends there. 

  • I think people are more likely to side eye the MOG for wearing a dress made for a mid 20's girl, not a MOG.  I'm all for MOG/MOB not dressing all matronly, but I don't get the BM dress thing. 

    I think you'll be fine.  You will look gorgeous and she will likely look foolish.
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  • I get some people thinks this dress looks too young, but I think it's because the model is young.  

    The style of this dress is simple and ageless, throw on a jacket and it changes the look also.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • i really dontt hink they look that similar.

    the gown she picked is EXTREMELY popular.  my sister selected it for my wedding and then my SIL selected it for her BMS.
  • noodle_oonoodle_oo member
    1000 Comments
    edited May 2011
    Ha, I've worn that BM dress from DB (the MOG dress).  it is a very pretty dress, and I think will be very flattering for your FI's mother with a jacket over it.  I'm not sure I would have expected strapless for a MOG, but if she's happy and comfortable with it, just let her be happy.  It is a very common style.  You honestly won't even notice on the day of your wedding and being upset over it accomplishes nothing.  Just let it go.

    ETA:  Your dress is beautiful too!  I had a Maggie Sotterro and loved it!  The corset back is *awesome*!
  • bltatabltata member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    Your dress is lovely and more detailed than hers.  It is a similar shape but not so close to yours that I would consider it a faux pas.

    I ditto the SYTTD episode with the MOB who had the exact same dress as her daughter but in a different color.  If your FMIL is comfortable with it, that's her call and you'll be the glowing bride so nobody will think twice about it.  She won't be upstaging you at all and if she gets any side-eyes, that's her choice.
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  • Thanks again everyone for the feedback, to be honest as I was posting the links I did re-evaluate that the dresses really were not as similar as I initially thought and do see now that it will not be a big issue.  I honestly think if she had not even said to me "I realized it was like your dress" I might not even have noticed as her dress is much more simpler them mine.  (It is like when you receive an email at work that upsets you and you want to fly off the handle at the person however the rational part of your brain steps in and tells you to take a step back sit on it until you have time to process it before you respond and say something you will regret.) 
  • Looks like you're handling this well, then.

    I admit I got a chuckle out of everyone thinking it looked "young". My MIL wore that dress to my wedding, and it, plus the bolero jacket she paired with it, actually aged her quite a bit.
  • I think it's just the strapless that looks young.  The whole style of the dress is not young, just the strapless part of it... and maybe in pink. 

    I think jackets and bolero's do tend to age people in general. 
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  • heh heh... 2 of my bridesmaids are wearing your MOG's dress =D

    i think it'll just look like she got her dress to complement yours, which a lot of brides seem to want anyway.

    your dress is gorgeous, btw!!!!
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