Etiquette response to rude comments about age difference

Re: Etiquette response to rude comments about age difference

• mespence47 member

  

  May 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_etiquette-response-rude-comments-age-difference?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ba585e9b-3f37-4a8d-87af-17aeec3f22f5Post:2802d5be-9099-46cb-bef1-0236054522f1">Re: Etiquette response to rude comments about age difference</a>:
  [QUOTE]OP- <strong>my concern is less for the age difference and more for the fact that you are planning to marry someone after only 8 months at the age of 19.  I was 19 once, and in love, and wanted to marry my BF at the time after we only dated that long too....and let me tell you I'm sooooo glad I didn't because I'd be divorced right now if I had.</strong>  I'm not saying that this man isn't the right one for you, but if he is, he'll still be the right man in 2 more years.  What's your hurry?  Also, no one was rude to you and honestly, coming back complaining about it just makes you look more immature and really doesn't help your case.  As far as the comments, if you get actual rude comments (ie golddigger, craddle robber, etc) then you can just say "I'm sorry, I didn't think my age was any of your business." and then change the subject.  But as several PP's have mentioned, if people close to you are voicing their concern...maybe you should actually listen to them.
  Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>I AGREE! I am engaged to the same man I was dating when I was 19, now 22, but I was SURE back then that we should get married! RIGHT THEN. I was so much more immature then than I am now.  And not to say I was even making poor decisions then, but my fiance loves me so much that he wanted me to have my own life (He's 29, he had his time for all of that before he met me).  He didn't propose to me until my last semester of college because he knew that deep down, I wanted to finish school. I lived in the dorms for 2 more years and met some of the best friends ever. I can't imagine giving up that time.  And hey, we are still together, getting married and I think we will be much more successful because of it.</div><div>
  </div><div>I don't think anyone here is saying that your fiance is a bad guy or anything... I'm just concerned that he's not waiting a little longer for the sake of YOU. You deserve to have all of those things I mentioned above.  If we had rushed into marriage before I had had that time to myself (but with him at the same time), then I think that I would be unhappily married because I desired more for myself.  </div>

  Report0 Reply
• PinkGold&Roses

  

  May 2011 edited May 2011

  OP, I understand that you are happy right now, but these concerns that the PP's have are legitimate.  Are you and your FI doing any pre-marital counseling?
  
  If you are going to continue with your wedding, when people make comments I would suggest changing the subject, or saying "We are happy and that is all that matters"...or something like that.  BUT, how did your ages not come up until the 10th date??? Why did you not discuss this?? Ten dates is a lot of time to talk.

  Report0 Reply
• jdrose5

  

  May 2011

  My advice, if they are just being rude for being rude's sake then I would say nothing.  Two wrongs do not make a right and there is not nice way to respond to some rude comments.   If they seem to being pointing out how the relationship looks to others out of genuine concern you should reply. 
  
  I would say something about "Thank you for your concern. We know that their is a big age gap and that makes things harder on our marriage.  However all marriages are not without their hurdles to overcome.   We are confident with our love for each other and the love and support of our friends and family that we can make this work."  
  
  If you don't feel that you can say that then you need to revaluate your relationship. 
  
  I was married at 18.  I knew going in that we had things stacted against us because of our ages.  (He was 21 and I thought he was borderline to old for me.)   I was not wearing rose colored glasses.   I did not have a bad marriage.  I loved him and he loved me and we had 15 wonderful years together before I lost him to an illness.  There were times over the years that I didn't question our choice to get married but if we should have waited to make things easier.  Now that he is gone I am thankful that we didn't wait to get married because I had 15 mostly wonderul years for him.  So telling you that maybe you should slow down doesn't come from a place of having a bad marriage when I was young.  It comes from a place of I would give my daughter the exact same advice.  Being married young is TOUGH, marrying someone 15 years older than you is tough,.   You are doing both.  I would tell my daughter if she were doing either of those things to make sure she was certain she was making the right choice.

  Report0 Reply