What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?

andrea2387 · January 2011

One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to South America, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.) Our friendship felt just the same when she returned, but she now apparently refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf. This eliminates pretty much any cute dress. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her. I would certainly observe her religious preferencesat her cermony. Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:dc8e9b40-1482-40f2-8bef-00debd1b0b8e">What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to Brazil, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.) While our friendship fell into exactly the same pattern when she returned, she now apparently refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf. This eliminates pretty much any cute dress. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her. Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]
Yes, it would be a bridezilla move to boot her over her religion. You don't have to agree with it, but you do have to respect it and respect her and not ask her to do something that she considers immoral.<div>
</div><div>There are tons of "cute" dresses that are long. Tons. My BMs wore long dresses that were adorable. Your wedding doesn't stand or fall over dress length, so let that go. It's not a hill worth dying on. Sleeves may be harder to find, so let her wear a shawl or jacket over it. BMs don't have to be carbon copies of one another. Really, this is a very easy thing to work around and I'm kind of appalled that your first reaction was "she has to go!" That's toeing the bridezilla line.</div>

SSaltzman87 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:dc8e9b40-1482-40f2-8bef-00debd1b0b8e">What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to Brazil, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.) While our friendship fell into exactly the same pattern when she returned, she now apparently refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf. This eliminates pretty much any cute dress. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her. Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]

Your BMs don't have to all wear the same dress. BTW, Alfred Angelo makes plenty of cute dresses that have short sleeves. A Mormon friend of mine had an absolutely gorgeous dress that had short sleeves, so to say that sleeves rule out any 'cute' dress is a weak argument. Look around.

Yes, you're being a bridezilla. What you're insinuating is not only rude, but outright insulting to your friend. So what if her religious beliefs coincide with 'your vision'? Didn't you ask her because she's a friend you love and respect? That's all that matters.

AutumnFair · January 2011

If your open to it, I would just pick a designer, material, and color, then let the BMs themselves pick out whatever dress they like. This way you can respect her wishes and let the other BMs find something that suits them. I'm sure your friend and other BMs will really love that you care about their feelings and not choosing your "look" over them.

Another option is if you can find a wrap for her and compromise on the length so that it will cover whatever needs to be covered.

The last thing is to ask for her budget and try to find a dress that she could try to compromise on, if she doesn't think she can do it then she will take herself out. But I REALLY REALLY highly recommend trying to find something that will suit her because I know she will probably be really hurt if you couldn't respect her religion.

tldh · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:dc8e9b40-1482-40f2-8bef-00debd1b0b8e">What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to South America, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.) Our friendship felt just the same when she returned, but she now apparently <strong>refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf.</strong> This eliminates pretty much any cute dress. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but <strong>I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her.</strong> <strong>I would certainly observe her religious preferencesat her cermony.</strong> Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]

I'm Catholic though I rarely step inside of a church. Out of respect, when I am there, I won't wear anything that bares the shoulders or hits above my knee. For my brother and SIL's wedding, an aunt made a matching wrap for the girls to wear over our spaghetti strap dresses while in church.

Snufflyfluffy · January 2011

Ok you need to get a grip on reality bridezilla, 2 out of 3 of my bridesmaids are LDS and even though I'm not I made sure to have dresses for them that are comfortable for them to wear, since she is a missionary she wears garments which are clothes underneath their clothes that can't be shown, they cover part of the arms and almost down to the knees, so it isn't just her being modest, it really is part of the religion, so please be an actual friend and be considerate of your friends beliefs. And if she just got back from a mission she isn't "suddenly" religious, she has been religious, she would have to be to go on one.

andrea2387 · January 2011

I'm just pissed off that she called us all sinners for our 'misguided lifestyles' i.e. clothing choices. It's more for this zealous religious side of her that I've never experienced before that I wasn't sure I still wanted her in the wedding party.

Thanks for help AutumnFair! I've never been to a wedding where there were varied dresses in the same color, and that actually sounds pretty cool!

trix1223 · January 2011

I think if you really care about your friend, you'll find a way to make it work. It's really that simple.

bablingbrooke · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:e8e47979-c80e-42d5-bb81-4a43b82d638d">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm just pissed off that she called us all sinners for our 'misguided lifestyles' i.e. clothing choices.</strong> It's more for this zealous religious side of her that I've never experienced before that I wasn't sure I still wanted her in the wedding party. Thanks for help AutumnFair! I've never been to a wedding where there were varied dresses in the same color, and that actually sounds pretty cool!
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]
Well THAT is a horse of a different color and something you need to address as a friendship issue independently of the wedding.<div>
</div><div>FWIW I have a friend who's now an ex-Mormon but who did go to BYU and do a mission and he says that right after he came back from the mission he was very "into" his religion because it was literally all he'd talked about for two years. It took him some time to come back to his normal self after that, and eventually he left the church altogether. I suspect she'll tone it down after awhile. But like I said, this is something that's very easy to work around, so do that with regard to the wedding. Partition that from the larger friendship issue.</div>

tldh · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:dc8e9b40-1482-40f2-8bef-00debd1b0b8e">What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to South America, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.) <strong>Our friendship felt just the same when she returned, but she now apparently refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf. This eliminates pretty much any cute dress.</strong>I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her. I would certainly observe her religious preferencesat her cermony. Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]

Wow. Just noticed this. You must have a really narrow scope when it comes to fashion if you think that in order to be a cute dress it must hit above mid calf and show off the shoulders. Why not post on the Attire board and ask for recommendations if you seriously can't find one on your own?

tldh · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:e8e47979-c80e-42d5-bb81-4a43b82d638d">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm just pissed off that she called us all sinners for our 'misguided lifestyles' i.e. clothing choices. It's more for this zealous religious side of her that I've never experienced before that I wasn't sure I still wanted her in the wedding party. Thanks for help AutumnFair! I've never been to a wedding where there were varied dresses in the same color, and that actually sounds pretty cool!
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]

Ok. This isn't a BM issue. This is a friendship issue that needs to be worked out.

AutumnFair · January 2011

Oh yeah, know a couple of family friend's like this and it can be irratating.

I know a number of knotties have done different dress. Also google "Bridesmaids in different dresses" and you will find a TON of images. I personally LOVE different dresses on BMs it brings such a unique yet cohesive feel to the WP.

SSaltzman87 · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:e8e47979-c80e-42d5-bb81-4a43b82d638d">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I'm just pissed off that she called us all sinners for our 'misguided lifestyles' i.e. clothing choices</strong>. It's more for this zealous religious side of her that I've never experienced before that I wasn't sure I still wanted her in the wedding party. Thanks for help AutumnFair! I've never been to a wedding where there were varied dresses in the same color, and that actually sounds pretty cool!
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]

Now that's not okay for her to do. I'd be angry too. It doesn't warrant you having the thought to boot her because of her opinion on the BM dresses though.

I think an honest talk with her is necessary because it's obvious there are more issues than just BM dresses.

KatyRoseM · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:c6ea68ee-1367-4fb7-a388-afc4fd26514d">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE] Sleeves may be harder to find, so let her wear a shawl or jacket over it. BMs don't have to be carbon copies of one another. \Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

She probably won't do this either, it would show the temple garments. I'm not sure what to do about it, except find a dress that works for her, but that is difficult.

Snufflyfluffy · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:de9a85f7-a140-4ba6-817b-a91b68c51ce9">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out? : She probably won't do this either, it would show the temple garments. I'm not sure what to do about it, except find a dress that works for her, but that is difficult.
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

A jacket could work as long as it isn't a sheer one, something like satin could work

nannewmur · January 2011

What about telling her the type of material (satin, chiffon, etc), the color options and tell HER to find the options she think will work and then you can both look at and decide. It may be a different situation if she has to find the dress and that way she can't say she didn't have a choice in the the matter. I would let her come up with three options and let her do the leg work. You have enough to do!!

Simply Fated · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:dc8e9b40-1482-40f2-8bef-00debd1b0b8e">What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to South America, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.) Our friendship felt just the same when she returned, but <strong>she now apparently refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf. This eliminates pretty much any cute dress</strong>. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her. I would certainly observe her religious preferencesat her cermony. Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]

I was just reminded of those 12 year old girls who flip out because the school won't let them wear spaghetti strap tank tops to school.

Showing more skin does not equal cute.

What you have here is a friendship issue. And a fashion issue, but that's a whole different story. This is really about her putting you down for religious reasons and you putting her down for not wanting to show skin.

SSaltzman87 · January 2011

http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=d3b35280-a67a-43d3-9cbc-3014c66550ad&categoryID=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae&pg=1&colorId1=

This dress is listed as a MOB dress, but might be a nice choice for your friend :-)

aerinpegadrak · January 2011

My sister wore a long dress even though all the other girls were in short. It wasn't a modesty issue, it was just that I told them to pick anything black and she really liked the long dress she found. Another girl wore a dress with short sleeves. Again, not for modesty (she wears plenty of sleeveless dresses and wore a strapless gown to her own church wedding), but because it was cute and had a '50s vintage style that was very "her." Everyone looked great and comfortable, and it still looked very coordinated. I had my sister on the end at the altar to give a little balance to the pictures, and warned her in advance (at the same time we had the conversation about how she'd ended up with the only long dress) that it was nothing personal and not to get butthurt over it.

Honestly, I think that the identical dress look is dying out specifically because giving them a few basic guidelines and asking them to find their own entirely eliminates any sort of drama like this. Each girl can find something she personally likes and can afford, without the hassle of trying to make a bunch of very different people all reasonably happy. Just telling my girls to wear black was one of the best decisions I made for the wedding.

aerinpegadrak · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:fa42d9ea-85fe-46fe-bba0-3703dacbd2a6">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]<a href="http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=d3b35280-a67a-43d3-9cbc-3014c66550ad&categoryID=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae&pg=1&colorId1=" rel="nofollow">http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=d3b35280-a67a-43d3-9cbc-3014c66550ad&categoryID=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae&pg=1&colorId1=</a> This dress is listed as a MOB dress, but might be a nice choice for your friend :-)
Posted by SSaltzman87[/QUOTE]
I think Alfred Angelo has some of the hottest MOB dresses out there. This might not work for your friend, but I personally kind of covet the top of this one:

<a href="http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=ef4505da-6a52-47fa-a40f-e762a9df7d0b&categoryID=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae&pg=0&colorId1=" rel="nofollow">http://www.alfredangelo.com/Collections/ProductDisplay.aspx?productID=ef4505da-6a52-47fa-a40f-e762a9df7d0b&categoryID=01192db8-bf9e-425c-a67c-e0e9484157ae&pg=0&colorId1=</a>

vicki0508 · January 2011

You should talk to her as a friend and leave your wedding out of it. Don't kick her out of the WP unless you're ready to end the friendship.

Summer2011Bride · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:dc8e9b40-1482-40f2-8bef-00debd1b0b8e">What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. <strong>Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to South America, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.)</strong> Our friendship felt just the same when she returned, but she now apparently refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf. This eliminates pretty much any cute dress. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her. I would certainly observe her religious preferencesat her cermony. Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]

What do you mean by "unfortunately for your friendship?" I did read a follow-up post of yours where you said she was calling you all sinners....I agree that's a bit ridiculous. But what other problems has her religion caused? Or do you mean it's just an issue b/c she can't wear the dresses you want?

Like other PP's, there are dresses out there that fit the regulations of what she wants to wear. You don't just have to buy dresses labeled as BM dresses either; check department stores or other formalwear stores for perhaps more options.

She has no bridesmaid duties except showing up on your wedding day in a dress (in this case, one that fits in with her religious beliefs). I don't see how her religion would prevent her from doing these two things, as she doesn't have any other duties. It would be incredibly rude to kick her out b/c of this and would ruin the friendship. Unless that's what you want, I wouldn't do it. Work with her on finding a dress you both like and if there ARE other issues in your friendship because of how she's been acting or what not, that shouldn't be brought into discussions on the wedding; work on the friendship first and foremost.

tldh · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:f2b88f1f-08d6-4c53-b699-ca66178c792b">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]What about telling her the type of material (satin, chiffon, etc), the color options and tell HER to find the options she think will work and then you can both look at and decide. It may be a different situation if she has to find the dress and that way she can't say she didn't have a choice in the the matter. I would let her come up with three options and let her do the leg work. You have enough to do!!
Posted by nannewmur[/QUOTE]

This is exactly what I was going to say. Let her do the work but you get final approval - within reason. At the end of the day, be sure to ask yourself if it is more important that she be there with you or that a dress you like is there.

golden1215 · January 2011

My only question for OP is this: you say "now" she refuses to wear xyz type dress- did you already find dresses for the girls before her trip that she is now changing her mind on?

If so, I would be upset and put it back on her to find something that matches (color/material etc) with what you had previously picked that she can wear. If you are just starting out, then just go with material and color and she can pick from there.

I was in a wedding and we all just had to get a certain color dress from LuLuKate- they can match any top w/ any bottom, e.g. 3/4 length sleeves w/ full floor skirt.

This is a goofy pic but it shows all of us BM in different styles dresses but I think we still looked pretty cute.

marleylikeair · January 2011

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Hammered-Shimmer-Tiered-Jacket-Dress-070480_Bridal-Party-Mothers-Special-Guests-All-Dresses

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Fit-and-Flare-Iridescent-Taffeta-Dress-with-Jacket-F23888_Bridal-Party-Mothers-Special-Guests-All-Dresses

Would either of these work?

graysquirrel · January 2011

I am really offended on behalf of your BM. Showing more concern over short dresses than for the comfort of your friend really is a zilla move. Someone's faith is at the core of his or her being, something that is way more important to her than "looking cute" in a skimpy dress. A kind friend would work to come up with a compromise, not kick someone out because of a clash if ideals. Allow her to wear a bolero or shawl and have a longer hem. No one will care and your BM wont have to feel like she is compromising what is possibly the most important thing in her life: her faith.

squeakyduck · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:dc8e9b40-1482-40f2-8bef-00debd1b0b8e">What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my very best friends, whom I've been close to since I was 11, was one of the first people I asked to be in my wedding party. Unfortunately for our friendship, upon her recent return from her mission to South America, she's become much stricter with her faith (LDS.) Our friendship felt just the same when she returned, but she now apparently refuses to wear anything that bares her shoulders or hits above mid-calf. This eliminates pretty much any cute dress. I don't want to hurt our friendship, but I feel like if she can't fulfill her bridesmaid duties she should step down rather than make me change my wedding to suit her.<strong> I would certainly observe her religious preferences at her cermony.</strong> Am I being a bridezilla? What do you all think I should do?
Posted by andrea2387[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>They are not "preferences". They are beliefs. </div><div>And you are asking her to ignore her religious beliefs. You can't do this. </div><div>
</div><div>Also if a dress is more important to you that a friend, you have some screwed up priorities. In twenty-five years, you will not remember what the dresses look like. You will remember the people up there with you. </div><div>
</div><div>I had a "friend" ask me to step down when I told her that I couldn't afford the dresses she had picked. I was really hurt and when I tried to explain that I was hurt, she told me that I was being selfish for ruining her vision. And we don't speak anymore. </div><div>
</div><div>Is that what you want? Because this is a bigger deal than finances. If you ask her to step down, or if you ignore her (reasonable) request to not sacrifice her religious beliefs for your party, and she backs out, you will most likely lose a friend. </div><div>My bridesmaids are all wearing different dresses. This is getting to be a very popular. I personally think it looks better this way. All of the girls will be comfortable and they might even re-wear them as they are picking them out themselves.

</div>

NOLAbridealmost · January 2011

I think everyone's being just a bit harsh towards the OP.

It seems that the key word in the title was that her BM is "suddenly" religious. I read that as implying that at the original time that OP asked BM to be in the wedding they were sort of on the same page as far as religion goes.

I mean there is nothing wrong with dressing in accordance with your beliefs but I think it's fair for the OP to be surprised by the sudden change. I mean what if you asked a friend who was not particularly religious to be in your wedding and then halfway through the wedding process she converted to a conservative sect of Islam and wanted to wear a hijab to the wedding?

Lots of people would just chillax and go with it, but I can see where it might be shocking for a bride who wasn't expecting it.

Not to impugn anyone's religious beliefs or garb, but I can just understand how OP must be feeling.

AutumnFair · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:94f9f903-4c23-474e-847f-bd34128173ae">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think everyone's being just a bit harsh towards the OP. It seems that the key word in the title was that her BM is "suddenly" religious. I read that as implying that at the original time that OP asked BM to be in the wedding they were sort of on the same page as far as religion goes. I mean there is nothing wrong with dressing in accordance with your beliefs but I think it's fair for the OP to be surprised by the sudden change<strong>. I mean what if you asked a friend who was not particularly religious to be in your wedding and then halfway through the wedding process she converted to a conservative sect of Islam and wanted to wear a hijab to the wedding?</strong> Lots of people would just chillax and go with it, but I can see where it might be shocking for a bride who wasn't expecting it. Not to impugn anyone's religious beliefs or garb, but I can just understand how OP must be feeling.
Posted by NOLAbridealmost[/QUOTE]

I would probably be shocked too if a close friend became extremely religious since the last time I met them, but if they came up and requested that I could stay within guidelines for her dress or she could add a hijab I would in a heartbeat because I respect and care about my friend. Now if she would say "ALL the BMs need to accommodate to this religious guidelines for the dress" then the BM would be out of line.

Enami · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:86bef786-bd31-4653-820d-3753c5d0703d">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out? : What do you mean by "unfortunately for your friendship?" I did read a follow-up post of yours where you said she was calling you all sinners....I agree that's a bit ridiculous.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

Am I the only one that thinks this is an acceptable thing to end a friendship over? I mean, for people who don't know you to call you a sinner in their ignorance and zealotry is one thing; but for a friend, who knows and has known, of your religious stance for awhile to start disrespecting you is another. I would sit down with her and say "Hey, I know you a very into your faith, and I know you need to witness (or whatever Mormons call it) to others, but your harping on me and my choices does not make me more inclined to come to your church and does nothing for our friendship. I realize you view my choices as sinful, but please refrain from repeatedly telling me so.". I come from a very religious family, all of whom are strong in their faiths, and no one has ever felt the need to tell me my choices are sinful, even though I know they think they are. I guess I'm just not one to put up with over-zealous proselytizers.

aerinpegadrak · January 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_suddenly-religious-bridesmaid-rejecting-dresses-ive-picked-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:72105c66-03a3-4440-9c21-1f9198dc5903Post:842b32f6-ae22-4b83-a2b5-f4d89f7d0622">Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out? : Am I the only one that thinks this is an acceptable thing to end a friendship over? I mean, for people who don't know you to call you a sinner in their ignorance and zealotry is one thing; but for a friend, who knows and has known, of your religious stance for awhile to start disrespecting you is another. I would sit down with her and say "Hey, I know you a very into your faith, and I know you need to witness (or whatever Mormons call it) to others, but your harping on me and my choices does not make me more inclined to come to your church and does nothing for our friendship. I realize you view my choices as sinful, but please refrain from repeatedly telling me so.". I come from a very religious family, all of whom are strong in their faiths, and no one has ever felt the need to tell me my choices are sinful, even though I know they think they are. I guess I'm just not one to put up with over-zealous proselytizers.
Posted by Enami[/QUOTE]
I certainly wouldn't be overeager to return the phone calls of someone who kept calling me a sinner, and if this isn't just post-mission madness like someone suggested I probably would let the friendship drift after the wedding, but I don't really think it merits the explosive friendship end of being kicked out of the WP. Though if it persists, I definitely think it merits a "Dude, not cool" conversation.

What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?

Re: What to do about my suddenly religious bridesmaid rejecting the dresses I've picked out?

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